Ashes of Life

by Erica Lucke Dean

  “Hey, Alex.” Her voice was more cheerful than I’d ever heard it. At least one of us was happy.

  “Where are you? Why didn’t you come home after they let out school?”

  “You said I could babysit?” She spoke slowly, as if addressing a small child.

  I shook my head to clear it. I had no idea what was wrong with me. “Oh, that’s right. Well, tell them I’ll be right over to get you.”

  “Uh…” She cleared her throat, and I could hear her shifting the phone. “You don’t have to get me. I have a ride home.”

  I held my breath for a long moment before letting it out. “Where are you exactly?”

  “I told you. Babysitting at a friend’s house. He’ll bring me home later.”

  “He? He who?” My earlier lifelessness evaporated as irritation rushed in to replace it. “I want a name, Madison.”

  The phone line crackled while I waited for her reply.

  “Grey.” Maddie sighed, and I could practically hear her eyes rolling in their sockets. “I’m with Grey.”

  Of all the sneaky teenage behavior! “So you lied? What happened to babysitting?”

  “I am babysitting. At his house. He has a little brother.”

  “Semantics, Maddie. You knew you weren’t supposed be with him.” I held my temper at bay, but it hung by a thread. “The address?”

  I heard her whispering before she came back on the line. “One-Three-Two Elm, but I’m perfectly safe. His dad said—”

  “Stay right where you are. I’m coming to get you.”

  “Alex, wait—”

  I disconnected the call and ran to get my coat.

  “Goddamn it!” I slammed my fists against the steering wheel.

  My all-terrain Porsche Cayenne was stuck in a ditch on the outskirts of town, and Triple-A said it would be over two hours before someone could rescue me. And just my luck, my phone’s low-battery light flashed up at me.

  I hit the autodial for Natalie and fidgeted with my coat zipper while I waited for her to pick up.

  “Miss me already?” Natalie chuckled.

  “I need help.”

  “Didn’t I say that this morning? Lucky for you, I don’t think you’re beyond helping, but it’s—”

  A gust of wind whipped around the car, and even though I was safe and warm inside, a deep shiver cut through me. “No joking, Natalie. I’m stuck in a ditch.”

  “What!” She screeched into the phone. “Where? What are you doing out in this weather?”

  “Maddie went to that boy’s house. I was trying to pick her up before she got stranded.”

  “Condom boy? Or liquor boy?”

  “Liquor boy.” I fumed, thinking about Maddie’s shitty taste in boys.

  “Geez, you can’t catch a break, can you?”

  “No. I can’t. And my phone’s dying, but if I keep the motor running to charge it, I’m likely to run out of gas.”

  “I told you not to let your tank get so low. You’re lucky you haven’t run out of gas several times since I’ve known you. Jesus, that’s so dangerous.” Neither one of us said it, but it was clear from Natalie’s tone that she knew as well as I did it would get cold—and fast—without the engine running.

  “Hey, no ‘I told you so’s. I need help, not a scolding.”

  “Okay, okay. I know someone with a truck. I’ll send him to get you out of the ditch.”

  “Thank you! I’ll owe you, big time.”

  “Nah, trust me. You won’t owe me a thing.”

  Chapter 27

  Maddie

  Grey threw his Xbox controller on the floor and grumbled under his breath.

  “It’s just a game, Grey. Start it over, and we’ll figure it out.”

  He sighed. “Did you hear from Alex yet? It’s been awhile since she said she was coming to get you.”

  “No, I tried calling her when you checked on Chase, but it went straight to voicemail. You’re not really worried about her, are you?” My heart rate picked up a little at the anxiety in his voice. I didn’t want to think about what could happen to Alex on a night like that.

  “No, it’s not that.” He lowered his head to his knees.

  “Um, okay. What is it then?”

  “You.”

  “Me?”

  Before I had a chance to react, Grey had rolled to his knees in front of me and put his hands on my thighs. My heart slammed so hard against my ribcage I was sure it would leave bruises. But I couldn’t think about that. Instead, I focused all my attention on how good Grey smelled and how safe I felt with him around, and how much I wanted to…

  He brought his lips to mine, gently at first then more firmly as I leaned forward to wrap my arms around his neck. But even with our chests pressed together, he still wasn’t close enough. I eased my legs apart and scooted to the edge of the couch while he knelt on the floor. His arms circled my waist, and I held him so tight I thought I might be choking him, but he didn’t complain. Instead, his mouth opened just enough for my tongue to slip inside, and he let out a surprised breath. He kissed me a moment longer before pulling back and resting his forehead against mine.

  “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” he said between raspy breaths.

  “No.” I smiled. “Tell me.”

  “Too long.” Then he kissed me again, this time leaning me back onto the couch.

  I tugged at his shirt, my fingers just barely grazing his skin before he jumped away from me. I pushed myself upright and ran my hand through my wild tangle of hair. Then I stared at him, wondering what I’d done wrong.

  As if he could read my mind he said, “Oh, crap. Maddie, it’s not you.” He knelt down in front of me again and took my hands. “I’m just, well, I’m… ticklish.”

  “Oh… kay…”

  “I mean I’m super, crazy ticklish.”

  I studied his expression, and then an idea struck me.

  “Uh-oh,” he said, just before I attacked him.

  I tackled him to the floor and started tickling him, everywhere—his stomach, his ribs, his legs. He laughed so hard he couldn’t fight back, so I kept going until I was laughing just as hard. Before I realized it, his arms were around me, and we were kissing again. I’m not sure how long we stayed like that when we heard the garage door open.

  We scrambled onto the couch, and he turned the TV to some random channel while I straightened my hair again and tried to keep myself from blushing. Staying calm proved to be nearly impossible with Grey staring at me and not the TV. He leaned over and kissed me once more, just seconds before his dad appeared in the doorway.

  “Did you two eat yet?” Mr. Daniels asked.

  “We made a frozen pizza,” Grey said. “Chase went down about an hour ago. How are the roads?”

  “It’s stopped snowing, so they’re clearing up. Why don’t you take my truck to get Maddie home?” He tossed Grey the keys.

  Grey caught them with one hand then stood up. “Um, okay.”

  He had to have been thinking the same thing I was… Alex. I could only hope she’d bailed on the mission when she realized how bad the roads were. I sent her a quick text, praying she wouldn’t show up at Grey’s house spitting fire and brimstone when I wasn’t there.

  “Did my boys behave themselves today?” Mr. Daniels looked at me.

  I glanced at Grey fiddling with the keys. “They were both perfect gentlemen.”

  “As they should be.” He smiled. “Have a good night, Maddie. And Grey, be safe on those roads.”

  “I will,” Grey said just before his dad left the room. “Perfect gentlemen?” His lips curved up at the corners.

  I shrugged to hide the shiver running through me. Did he have any clue he owned me when he stared at me that way? “Your paren
ts were nice enough to let me stay without adult supervision. I didn’t want to disappoint him. Besides, you were.”

  “Yes.” He pulled his lip between his teeth. “But rolling around on the floor tickling me wasn’t exactly very ladylike.”

  I jumped up from the couch and grinned at him. “Don’t tell me you’d prefer me in a corset and chastity belt.”

  “Maybe the corset.” He tugged me toward him and kissed me again.

  We were quiet for the first few minutes of the ride, but then Grey slid his hand into mine. “Thanks for coming over today.”

  “I had a good time. Even if we couldn’t get past that one part of the game—Mystic whatever.”

  “Mystic Realms Three?” He smiled and squeezed my fingers. “Yeah, well, that’ll have to be the highlight of some other evening.”

  “Oh, and what exactly was the highlight of this one?”

  He laughed. “I think you can guess.”

  “Sure, but I want to hear you say it.” I didn’t know why, but I needed to hear it.

  He rolled his eyes.

  “Please.”

  He glanced at me then smirked. “Watching you change Chase’s diaper.”

  “What?” I let go of his hand and glared at him.

  He laughed again then grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “Don’t start pushing me away now. Not now that I finally have you.” He kissed my fingers again then rested our joined hands in my lap.

  I worked very hard to stay calm when he said he ‘had me’ because I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant.

  “Maddie?”

  “Yes?”

  “I feel really weird asking this, but since I never actually defined it with Kelsey, and that didn’t work out so great for me, I guess I just need to be clear about, I mean about what we’re… you know.”

  I loved it when he was flustered. His normally confident expression completely disappeared, and he had an innocence to him. “If you’re asking me to be your girlfriend, then the answer is yes. If you’re talking about something else, I have no idea.”

  “No, no. The girlfriend thing. That’s it. So yes, yes you’re my girlfriend.” His face lit up the whole truck.

  We turned down my road, and Grey let go of my hand to park his dad’s truck. There were a few lights on in the house, and the garage door was open, but Alex’s car wasn’t in it. Shit. I told myself she’d gone to see her friend, but my stomach twisted at the idea of her showing up at Grey’s house, pissed that I’d sent her on a wild goose chase.

  I pushed all those worries to the back of my mind as Grey turned in his seat to face me and leaned closer, licking his perfect lips. “Can we revisit the highlight of my night before you go?”

  I put my hand out to stop him. “I am not changing a diaper right now.”

  “You know that wasn’t it.”

  “Do I? You never actually said.”

  “Fine. The best part of my night was finally kissing you. Now will you please—?”

  I smashed my lips to his. Unfortunately, that was as close as we could get with the console between us. So I pulled away after not even close to enough time kissing him.

  “I’ll see you later.” I jumped out before either one of us could stop me.

  Chapter 28

  Alex

  Another shiver ran through me. It had been almost an hour since Natalie had promised to send help, and so far, the cavalry had failed to show up. My phone had long since died, and even with my conservation attempts, my gas tank was beyond the red zone. And it had gotten darker, and colder, as if that was even possible.

  I was just about to get out of the car and walk home when a wash of headlights blinded me. Part of me was excited by the roar of an approaching truck, but another part conjured up the image of some axe-wielding stranger out to dismember stranded women on the side of the road. I wasn’t sure whether I should jump out and embrace my savior or lock the doors and climb under the seats.

  A gloved hand rapped against the driver’s side window, and I jumped.

  “Alex?” Ben brushed the snow away to stare at me through the foggy glass. “Are you okay? How long have you been out here?” He pulled on the handle, but the doors were still locked.

  “I’ve lost track.” Another shiver wracked my body. “I think my brain cells are half frozen.”

  He tugged on the handle again with no luck. “Is the door locked or is it stuck?”

  “Oh!” I blinked at him a few times while the realization hit me. Natalie had sent Ben to rescue me. “Yeah, it’s locked.” I hit the button, and he yanked open the door.

  I leaned against his body as he helped me out of the driver’s seat.

  “Jesus, you’re a damn Popsicle.” Ben’s large hands rubbed up and down my arms. “You know you can freeze to death in your car. Why didn’t you have the heat on?”

  “I ran out of gas.” My teeth chattered. “I conserved what I h-had… just turning it on every f-fifteen minutes or so. B-but that only lasted so long.”

  He shook his head, but thankfully, he didn’t comment on my lack of survival skills. “Come on, grab what you need. I have the heat on in my truck.”

  “Th-thank you.” I forced a smile, but in my frozen state, I imagined it looked more like a grimace.

  He led me around to the passenger side and helped me into his truck, then vanished into the blowing snow until he reappeared on the driver’s side. “You know”—he climbed in and shut the door—“when Natalie said I needed to rescue you, I was pretty sure she was pulling some sort of matchmaker crap again. I had no idea you were actually freezing to death out here, or I would have hurried. What the hell were you doing, anyway?”

  “On my way to pick up Maddie.” I rubbed my hands furiously in front of the vents. “I’m really sorry to drag you out in this. Natalie didn’t tell me she was calling you.”

  “I would have come if you’d called me yourself, you know.”

  I felt his eyes burning a hole in the top of my head, so I kept mine riveted on my bluish fingers. “I know.”

  “Alex.” The pain in his voice was evident.

  I lifted my face to his and swallowed a sob. It hurt to look at him. Memories of his body moving above mine flooded my thoughts faster than I could push them back. I craved his touch and hated myself for it.

  “You haven’t returned my calls. You haven’t been at the coffee shop, not even hiding in the damn closet. You wouldn’t even come to the door when I knocked. Did you think I didn’t know you were home? Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing, now?”

  I pulled my eyes from his to focus on the swirls of snow in front of us. “Ben, I can’t… I just can’t do this.”

  “You can’t do what?” He growled like a wounded animal. “Remember to put gas in your car before going out in a blizzard? That’s obvious. What else can’t you do?”

  I struggled to put my thoughts together in a way he would understand. “I can’t start a relationship with you.”

  “We’re already in a relationship. I’m in love with you, Alex.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “You can’t be in love with me. I can’t let you.”

  He laughed, deep and throaty. “You can’t let me? You don’t exactly get to choose. I’m sorry to say, sweetheart, it’s too late. I’m there. Head over heels, stupid in love. Emphasis on the stupid, it would seem. And whether you want to admit it or not, you’re in love with me, too.”

  “No.” I was unable to form complete sentences. How did he not understand? I was David’s wife. I wasn’t allowed to love anyone else.

  “Yes. You are.” He reached out and took my hand, squeezing my still-frozen fingers in his. “I see it when you look at me. I feel it when you kiss me. You’re just as much in love with me as I am with you.”

 
“Stop.” I pulled my hand away. “Stop saying that. Take it back. Take it back, right now. I am not in love with you. And you can’t be in love with me. This was just supposed to be sex. That’s it. S.E.X.”

  Ben put his fingers under my chin and lifted my face until our eyes locked. “No, Alex. It was never just sex. Not for me. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. And I won’t take it back. I’m in love with you.”

  I shook my face out of his grasp. “But I can’t love you. I’m supposed to love David.”

  “Damn it, Alex.” He slammed his fist against the steering wheel. “David’s gone. I’m sorry, but he’s not coming back.”

  Hot tears streaked over my cheeks. “Don’t… don’t say that. I know he’s gone, but it doesn’t change how I feel.” The minute the words were out of my mouth, I shattered. Sob after sob wrenched out of me as I sat, staring ahead into the driving snow.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’m here.” Ben pulled me into his arms, hugging me against his solid frame. “I knew this was too fast. I knew I should have stayed away until you were ready. I didn’t give you enough time to grieve.” He rocked me back and forth, muttering to himself.

  “Why… why are you here? Why do you keep coming back?”

  He chuckled. “Because I keep thinking you’ll wake up one morning and realize we belong together. God knows the timing sucks. But it’s not like we can choose when to fall in love. Sometimes, life just shoves someone in your path.”

  I pressed my face against his chest. “You should just give up on me.”

  “Sorry, can’t do that.”

  I looked up at him—at the strong lines of his jaw and his mesmerizing eyes—and I wanted to kiss him, to thank him, for not letting me self-destruct on a dark piece of road in a blizzard. “Kiss me.”