Unable to Resist

by Cassie Graham

  “That was some kiss, Red,” he whispers.

  I bring my forehead to his and nod, licking my lips. “I’d say. Thank you for understanding me.”

  He’s opened the floodgates. I don’t think he has any idea how much he’s already helped heal me.

  “I’ll never get used to kissing you,” he admits, nipping at my neck.

  His hand travels from the bottom of my back up to my neck and he guides my face back toward his. When he catches my mouth with his, he sucks on my bottom lip.

  I haven’t been truly kissed since Kyle. To say I’m a bit out of practice would be an understatement.

  I wonder if he can tell.

  Maybe he felt a sudden tension in my body, because he pushes me back so that my head is at the foot of the bed, and he lies on top of me. His strong arms quiver a bit as he holds himself up, trying not to crush me. While I appreciate the gesture, I want to feel him. Bringing my hands above my head, I intertwine our fingers, and bring them together.

  We make out like a bunch of teenagers and it’s exactly what I need. Each kiss brings me closer to Duane. Each kiss makes me realize I can do this with him and that I can be his and still love Kyle, too.

  The front door downstairs slams shut. I groan.

  Jason has shitty timing.

  Duane’s head snaps up, and a smile breaks out on his face. “I hope this wasn’t inappropriate considering all that just happened today, but I’m so glad we talked.”

  I rub his arms. “You’re glad we talked, huh? Or, are you glad we kissed?”

  Duane gets a funny look on his face. He scrunches his lips and looks off to the side, playing with the now-tousled comforter. “Both.” He deeply kisses me again, putting all of his intentions into this sole kiss. “Definitely, both.”

  I run my hands up and down his back, and feel the muscles flex as I massage my way down.

  “Mmm, that feels good.”

  My hands instantly stop, and I giggle. “Oh, I better stop, then.”

  Duane snorts and rises up. “My feisty girl. Come on, let’s get up.”

  He pulls me upright, and I turn to look at the fluffy mess of blankets. “We didn’t get to take our nap,” I pout.

  Duane turns to look at the bed. “It is extra comfortable. Want to try again later?”

  My face lights up, breaking into a huge smile and I throw myself into his arms. “God, yes.”

  He brings his arms around my waist and holds me close. “We have forever, Ann. Remember that.”

  He kisses my cheek and leads me to the living room downstairs. There’s a very good chance I floated down the stairs and that my feet didn’t even touch the ground.

  Jason is on his phone when we walk hand-in-hand down the staircase. His eyes widen, and he smiles at us.

  “Hey, I gotta go. I’ll call you back later,” he says while gesturing for us to come toward him. He breaks his stare to turn off his phone. “You two look awfully cozy,” he states with a hint of sarcasm.

  Duane grips my hand and plays along. “Yep,” he kisses me, “you missed a lot.”

  Jason claps his hands together once and smiles. “I’m glad to hear it.” He pauses and heads toward the kitchen counter. “Since I’m home early, let’s make dinner and you two can catch me up.”

  “Thank God.” I really didn’t want to grill those steaks outside in the heat. I’ve officially become a pansy. Summers in Arizona are too harsh for my blood anymore.

  We join Jason in the kitchen to help. The men prepare the meat while I make the sides. Jason and Duane laugh and mess around while I chop and dice veggies. Every once in a while, Duane walks by and brings his hands to my hips, giving them a squeeze. Playing with him, I pop a veggie or two in his mouth, acting nonchalant.

  He quietly moans in my ear, making my cheeks flush.

  “I love that blush, Red. It suits you,” he whispers.

  I smirk, without looking up, and continue making dinner.

  The boys head outside leaving me alone in the house when my phone starts ringing. I smile at the name I see.

  “Hi, best friend. I miss you,” I answer.

  “I miss you, too,” Liv says. “How is everything? I haven’t heard from you and thought I’d check in. I know you only left yesterday, but it seems like forever since I’ve seen you.”

  She doesn’t know the half of it.

  “I know. So much has happened since we got here,” I reply.

  “First things first,” she says. “How’s Mr. Delicious Lawyer Man?”

  I can only imagine what’s going through her mind. “Well, we kind of, maybe, kissed a little…” I trail off, waiting for her reaction.

  Liv gasps and I hear shuffling like she just lunged from her seat.

  “Holy shit!” She exclaims. “How did that even happen?”

  “I told you a lot has happened since we got here. Duane wants to try.”

  “Try?” Liv encourages.

  “He says he wants to be with me,” I start. “I don’t even know how to explain the feelings he brings out in me, Liv. It feels so right in his arms. I don’t think I ever want to leave.” In hopes of making her understand, my thoughts come out rushed and breathy, but knowing her, she’ll understand.

  “He does have something about him that makes you kind of fall in love with him, huh? I can’t explain it,” she stops to think, “but I saw the way he looked at you. Is it alright you’re together? He is your lawyer.”

  Stating the obvious.

  “I think so. We’ll make it work. We both can’t hide our feelings,” I gather more courage in my voice, “and more importantly, we don’t want to. He is supposed to change my life, Liv. I can feel it.”

  “You’ve always had that sense,” she answers justly.

  “So how’s the shop?” I ask, changing the subject. I don’t how much time I have before the boys come barreling inside with dinner.

  “It’s great. We sold out again today! Chet and Alfred came in late and hit on a couple of women. It was hilarious,” she says through, what I am sure is a wide-eyed grin.

  I laugh out loud. Those two men are trouble. “I would have paid to see that.”

  “Yeah, it was priceless. I’m going to let you go; there is baking to do. We love you and miss you. Come home soon.”

  My eyes begin to tear and I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “I love and miss you guys, too. I’ll call you soon.”

  I end the call, and take a moment.

  Strong arms wrap around my waist, and I turn my body into Duane’s welcoming embrace. I hadn’t even heard the door open; I wonder how long he’s been there.

  “What’s wrong?” He asks.

  “I just miss home.” My nose lets out a sniffle.

  He soothes my back with loving rubs and kisses my head. “We’ll go home as soon as possible. Let’s just get through tomorrow.”

  My stomach drops at the mention of tomorrow. I really don’t want to go to that house and face the bad memories I’ve been running from for years.

  I hide my anxiety as best I can, and give Duane a smile. “Okay. I’m ready for dinner when you guys are.”

  The sliding glass door opens and Jason comes in with a heap of sizzling steaks. “Dinner is served.”

  We dig in.

  Having dinner with Duane and Jason seems to make things better. We joke through mouthfuls of food and they put a smile back on my face. The lightness of the night pushes the consuming thoughts out of my head, and life doesn’t seem so overwhelming.

  “I’m going to bed, kids. Play nice,” Jason jokes as he heads to his side of the house.

  Duane takes my hand, making a show for Jason. “Oh, you know we will.”

  Jason laughs all the way to his room.

  “I’m tired, too,” I chime in, a big yawn escaping as I speak.

  Duane offers me his hand, and we make our way up to my room.

  “I’m going to get changed, I’ll be right back,” I say.

  Duane nods his head, and sits at the e
nd of the bed to remove his shoes.

  I grab the cutest thing in my drawer and go to the bathroom. Slipping on my white tank top and sleep shorts, I look at myself in the mirror.

  I look different. My eyes don’t seem as sad.

  I would get asked constantly if I was tired.

  “Oh honey, are you getting enough sleep?” My customers would inquire. I think, even though I thought I looked fine on the outside, the sadness still seeped through—blatantly making its presence known.

  I could never hide from Liv and Mia’s worry, either. I just always brushed it off, but now I understand what they saw. I never saw it in myself because I thought I was okay—as okay as I’d ever be anyway. Deep down, I was unhappy—miserable even. I missed Kyle. I could never let him go, so every day when I woke up, I was facing another day without him. I’d try to block the pain and shut off my brain. I kept him to myself, never giving him a life beyond death, and it took its toll on my body. Now that I think about it, it took its toll on my entire life.

  That’s going to change. I refuse to live like that anymore. I see the new me in the mirror, and I finally like what I see. My eyes are brighter, my smile is bigger and the weight of my secrets is off of my shoulders. I want it to stay like this, forever.

  “I have extra toothbrushes if you want to brush your teeth,” I offer when I open the door.

  Duane stands and takes off his white button-up shirt. “Sounds good.”

  He takes off his fitted jeans, folds them, and places them neatly on my dresser. My mouth waters at the sight of his naked chest and bare muscular legs as he glides toward me. Just a tiny pair of boxer briefs keep me from seeing his goods, so I quickly turn around and dig into a cabinet to find the toothbrush. I need something to keep my mind off of his—things. I know it’s the right decision to keep my hands and girl parts to myself, but now that Duane is here, in my room, I feel my clock ticking. Tick freaking tock, it’s time to get the cock. Stop waiting around, and get some.

  I practically trash the cabinets looking for what turns out to be a tiny, pink toothbrush. I hand it to Duane, who studies it with an entertained glare.

  He shrugs his shoulders and looks at me. “Seems appropriate.”

  Unwrapping the toothbrush, he waits for me to finish using the toothpaste and takes it from my hand. I begin to brush my teeth when I look up into the mirror to find him staring at me.

  A sense of calmness settles in my stomach. It’s so easy to see myself doing this every night, and being completely at peace.

  He winks at me and finishes brushing his teeth.

  Walking to my bed, we don’t talk about whose side is whose, we just pick a side and climb in. Honestly, I don’t give a crap which side he sleeps on, as long as he’s next to me.

  Feeling a little brave, I scoot next to him, and wrap my legs around his. Satisfied, I grab my glasses, and take my eReader out. I hadn’t noticed, but Duane snatched a book off the bedside table and is reading, too. His face is framed with a pair of black-rimmed glasses on his face I hadn’t seen him wear before.

  “I didn’t know you wore glasses,” I say.

  He sets the thick book down, and turns to me. “They’re just reading glasses, I see without them fine, but reading small print is difficult.”

  “Oh yeah?” I lift an eyebrow up at him. “You weren’t wearing glasses at my house the other day.” Sarcasm evident in my tone.

  His face flushes. “Well, I didn’t want to look like a dork.”

  My mouth flattens. “You could never look like a dork,” I say, firmly. “Plus, how did you know I’d be your client?”

  He looks away. “I didn’t, that’s true, but I guess the moment I saw you I made a conscious decision not to wear my glasses.”

  “That’s just silly, Cowboy.”

  I grab his face in my hands and get a good look. He looks incredibly handsome. Think sexy teacher, with a hint of badass. Whoa, who would have thought glasses could be such a turn on?

  “You look great in glasses. They definitely suit your lawyer look.” I grin, still holding his cheeks.

  Duane quirks the side of his mouth, pleased. “My lawyer look?”

  I shrug. “You have a few looks I’ve seen so far.”

  Duane sits up higher in the bed. “And what looks are those?” He asks.

  I shut my eReader down and think for a moment.

  “You were dressed like a cowboy the night I met you. Wranglers, a body-hugging flannel, boots and a hat—I love that look. The next day, you came to my house dressed in a full suit. That was also very delicious. Then, you also wear casual outfits like jeans and converse. You’re an anomaly, Duane. I like it.”

  He scratches his head and takes his glasses off. “I guess I can’t decide who I want to be.” He gets a serious look on his face, leveling his eyes to mine. “I’ve always been pulled in different directions.” He pauses to give me a look of adventure. “I’ve been thinking about doing something big—something different.” He looks slightly guilty at his admission.

  I quickly sit up and trace a cross over my heart with my finger. “Your secrets are safe with me.”

  He sighs and brings my hands up to his lips. “You are the only one who really matters when it comes to this. I know it’s fast, but it feels right to include you in my decision.”

  I can’t help but feel a little worried. What the hell is he going to tell me?

  “Okay.” I gulp and nod, preparing myself for something awful.

  “I don’t think I want to be a lawyer anymore,” he says, looking to me with apprehension. “I’ve been doing it, and it just doesn’t fulfill me. We were just talking about what makes you happy, and it got me thinking.” He pauses to swallow, and gauge my reaction a bit. “I have been thinking about giving it up, but I never really had a reason to quit. Then, you happened.” He pats my hand that’s resting next to his thigh on the mattress.

  “I don’t understand. How did I manage to change your mind?” I ask, staring into his eyes.

  He already seems more at ease, just saying the words out loud.

  “I want to be a better man for you. Being a backstabbing, conniving lawyer isn’t who I want to be. I’ve done things I’m not proud of.”

  I understand where he’s coming from. There are so many things I’d like to take back in the past years.

  “So, what do you want to do?” I take my hand and remove it from under his grasp and place it strongly on his forearm, a sure sign of my encouragement.

  He takes his other hand and grazes the top of my hand with his fingers, tracing a circular pattern while he thinks. “I’d really like to work full time on the ranch. Maybe get cows and expand the business. I don’t know, but I need to get away from that negative environment. It’s not a place for a person like me. My heart isn’t in it anymore. I need more from life.”

  I can see myself living that life with him. It’s simple. It’s what I want. The rest doesn’t matter.

  “I think you should listen to your heart, Duane. I want you to be happy,” I reassure.

  He pulls my hand to his chest, just above his heart, and I feel the strong, steady beat. “My heart only knows one thing for sure.”

  I look at our hands, a smile playing on my lips. “And, what’s that?”

  He puts a finger under my chin and brings my face up to meet his eyes. “That I want you to be mine. I don’t want to share, Red.”

  He looks intently at my face for a moment without wavering, confirming the intensity in the room. “I need to hear you say it,” he breathes out, finally.

  I suddenly feel incredibly wanted and my confidence level boosts to an all-time high.

  “I,” my lips kiss his chest, “am,” I lightly lick his neck, “yours.”

  Duane let’s out an animalistic growl and flips me onto my back, thoroughly ending our conversation with hungry kisses.

  Sometime later, I’m lying on my side with Duane’s arm wrapped around my middle. He starts talking in his sleep, making me giggle a
nd listen intently. Most of it is inaudible, but what words I do catch make me smile—he sounds tough even in his sleep. I doze off knowing if I have a torturous nightmare, Duane will chase the monsters away.

  Thank heavens for a restful sleep. I don’t know if Duane or I could take a nightmare. I’d probably scare the shit out of him with my screaming.

  The Arizona sunlight is screaming through the window, and I cover my eyes with a groan.

  Images of the make out session I shared with my new boyfriend, my Cowboy, bounce into my mind. I reach for him, but his side of the bed is cold. I make the effort to uncover my eyes. He isn’t there, but I do find a note.

  I open the little piece of purple paper, and see Duane’s masculine writing.

  Lightheaded, I fold the paper, and lay it on my bedside table. I look at my phone to check the time; it’s only six o’clock, still early. In Arizona, the sun comes up early in September, so I lift myself out of bed and close the curtains. The room darkens and I happily crawl back in bed. Pulling the covers over my head, I drift off easily.

  “Dad?” I ask as I enter the doorway to his house. The keys clang on the door when I pull them out of the lock, so I shush them, and drop them into my purse.

  The living room’s empty, but a bottle of beer sits on the coffee table, its condensation pooling on the expensive wood. I grumble and put a coaster under it. Dad spent way too much money on it to let it be ruined by water rings.

  “Dad,” I call out again.

  Still no answer.

  My feet guide me to the kitchen, but he isn’t there either. I walk back through the living room, and head for the back of the house. I check all of the bedrooms, but he’s nowhere to be found.

  “Weird,” I mutter to myself.

  I walk to the central part of the house. His car is still in the garage, and I can smell dinner cooking in the oven. He has to be here somewhere.

  I turn to walk back toward the bedrooms, concluding he might be taking a shower, when the basement door creaks, catching my attention. I prepare myself for that scary movie moment, when the murderer hides out in the basement, only to jump out to attack you.