Eyes Turned Skyward

by Rebecca Yarros

  “Didn’t think I’d see you here.” Carter stood next to me. “This isn’t exactly your scene.”

  I bit back the assholish retort that immediately came to mind. “Paisley asked.” I walked the very thin line we’d drawn with each other.

  General Donovan waited at the top of the stairs as the ladies walked up. The entry hall was now overcrowded—those who couldn’t fit watched from the living room. Mrs. Donovan wound her arm around her husband, and he held out his other for Paisley, lightly kissing her forehead. She hugged him, a look of relief on her face.

  Huh. I’d thought he was a raging asshole, but it looked like he was the one Paisley gravitated toward.

  “She might want you, but I still think you’re nowhere good enough for her,” Carter said.

  “That makes two of us.”

  “Welcome!” General Donovan silenced the crowd. “I’m old army, raised by a father who was even older army. On New Year’s Day, tradition stated that every officer called upon the general’s house to bid him happy New Year. All day that damned doorbell would ring, and being the oldest son, well, I had to answer it every time.” The crowd murmured a laugh. “We’ve lost a lot of traditions as our army has modernized, if you will, but accepting callers on New Year’s Day has always been one tradition that my wife and I like to keep alive. Instead of asking you all to ring our doorbell all day long tomorrow, we figured we’d just get it out of the way by hosting you tonight.

  “We’re honored you’re bringing in this new year with us at our home. Tonight we say good-bye to the old and welcome in the possibilities of the new.”

  I looked at Paisley, and my heart jumped. She was already smiling at me.

  She was so poised, but her smile was genuine, unlike her mother’s, and that smile was all mine. She had faith in me. She wanted me, and not just for a piece of my body, or the money the girls in high school had known about. She knew who I was in my soul and didn’t try to fix my flaws or glaze over them. She simply understood, forgave, and moved forward.

  I needed her. At some point in the last few weeks, she’d become like gravity, anchoring me. I found her nickel in my pocket and rubbed my thumb across the shiny metal. She hadn’t just given me a gift, she was my gift, for as long as I could keep her. And I would keep her. I’d be worthy of her, not because she asked me to—she’d never ask me to change—but because she deserved the best man to hold her, understand her, love her.

  I stopped breathing, my chest on fire, burning, wanting to catch this one moment and hold it, just in case I fucked this all up. I needed to remember this exact second with clarity for the next fifty years of my life—the moment I looked at the girl who was literally way above me and saw the rest of my life. The moment I realized I had fallen in love with Paisley Donovan.

  The audience started clapping, and General Donovan kissed Paisley’s cheek before turning to his wife. Apparently I’d missed the rest of his speech. My chest hurt, reminding me that I needed to breathe. I didn’t just suck air into my lungs, but purpose, silently vowing that I would do anything it took to stand here, to be in her world.

  Her father’s eyes scanned the crowd, smiling, especially at Will. His expression clouded for a moment when he saw me, and he whispered in Paisley’s ear. Her eyes locked onto mine, and her smile faded as she nodded.

  “Holy shit, do I wish I could witness what’s about to happen.” Carter laughed. “Good luck. Hopefully I see you on the flight line. If not, it’s been an experience flying with you.” He slapped my shoulder and disappeared into the crowd as the Donovans descended. I’d been raised around much more powerful people, so the sweat clamming up my hands was completely unjustified, right?

  They beelined for me, not stopping to shake hands or mingle. My brain started a countdown, like one of those apocalyptic movies where the nuclear weapon has some bored, feminine voice counting down destruction. Ten. Nine. Eight.

  “Now, Lee,” was all I heard as General Donovan walked right past me, opening the French doors to what looked like an office. Seven.

  “Deep breath,” Paisley said, clasping my hand and leading me in. Six.

  “We’re not to be disturbed,” General Donovan ordered Major Beard as he and his wife took a position near his desk. Five.

  “Yes, sir.” He closed the doors behind us with an ominous click. Four.

  The wall on one side was lined with bookcases, all filed alphabetically. The guy had a serious stick up his ass when it came to organization. Awards and guidons hung on the other surfaces, reminding me that I was most definitely out of my league. He was a two-star general, and I was a butter-bar lieutenant.

  Three. Two. One. “Lee, why don’t you introduce us to your new friend.” Mrs. Donovan crossed her arms in front of her cocktail dress.

  Paisley stepped in front of me, like her tiny frame could protect me. I reached around her waist and pulled her to my side. There was zero chance I was hiding behind her like we’d done something wrong.

  “She doesn’t need to. I already know who he is, and this isn’t the first time he’s been to our house, just the first time he’s been inside.” Boom. Detonation.

  “Mama, Daddy, this is Jagger Bateman.” Her voice was sweet and clear, totally at odds with the slight tremors that shook her hands.

  Mrs. Donovan ignored the introduction. “What do you mean, he’s been here before?”

  “Jagger’s the young man who saved my life in Florida.”

  “He’s the one who decided our front lawn needed a visit from the polar bear.” General Donovan kept his tone level.

  “What?” her mother yelled.

  Paisley just kept on rolling. “He’s also here for flight school—”

  “Lee! You know we have rules about dating students!” her mother snapped, her cheeks turning as red as her dress.

  “You didn’t mind when it was Will,” she answered.

  For a few seconds, we all stared at one another, the only sound coming from the party just outside the doors.

  “I’m sorry we had to meet like this,” I said, taking advantage of the only quiet minute I might get. “But yes, I’m Jagger. I met Paisley in Florida, a little unconventionally. I had no idea who she was.” I looked down into her eyes and sighed. “Honestly, I don’t think knowing would have stopped me.”

  “This is ridiculous!” her mother seethed.

  “We met again at the library and became friends,” Paisley explained, her eyes still locked onto mine. “Then, more.”

  “Lieutenant Bateman,” General Donovan growled.

  I fully faced them. “Sir, I’m sorry to upset you, but I’m not sorry about Paisley. I’m crazy about her.”

  She sucked in her breath, and I wondered if I’d ever said that to her, or just thought it in my head. I looked down at her. “I am, you know.”

  Her eyes sheened. “I am, too.”

  “Oh, stop acting like a pair of besotted fools.” Looked like I wasn’t winning her mother over any time soon. “This is completely unacceptable, Lee.”

  “What is?” she asked. “Me being happy? Moving on from Will?”

  “Will Carter is perfect for you,” her father argued. “We completely respect your decision to take a break from that relationship. But this boy?” He pinched the bridge of his nose, and I saw the ring. “Will is a fantastic young man that you’ve known for years. He’s strong, reliable, and a trusted part of this family.”

  Fucking great. I was compared to Carter all day long on the flight line and now with Paisley’s parents. I couldn’t get away from the ring knocker. “Let’s not forget a West Point graduate,” I added, and then damn near bit my tongue off.

  General Donovan tried to cut me down with a look. I didn’t shrink, hell, no. I straightened my shoulders.

  “And where did you go to school, Lieutenant?”

  “University of Colorado,” I answered with no shame. I’d gotten into that school on my own with a GED and a damn good essay. After all, I’d walked out on my entire past, so it
wasn’t going to tag along anywhere.

  He quirked one eyebrow. “Well, not every man can get into West Point.”

  “Sir, not every man who gets in chooses to go.” His eyes narrowed. Fuck. Six years, and I’d never made a slip like that. “Theoretically speaking.” Right. Good cover. Not.

  He kept his eyes trained on me like he was picturing a little red laser dot on my forehead. “I don’t approve of this.”

  Paisley’s chin lifted. “I’m not asking you to.”

  “You would do this without our approval?” Her mother didn’t try to hide her shock. “I didn’t raise you to be so disrespectful, young lady.”

  Paisley swallowed. In Florida, she’d been more concerned with their disapproval than her own health. I gave her waist a squeeze, trying to convey everything I couldn’t say aloud. I support you, no matter what. If this is too much for you, tell me.

  She covered my hand with hers. “You don’t seem to approve of much in my life right now, Mama. I love you, but I’m going to have to respectfully ask you to accept my choice.”

  “You’re making absolutely asinine decisions! If your sister only knew what you were doing. You’re supposed to be more rational than this. You’re supposed to make the choices that are good for you, and not just the ones that might feel good that very second. Stop being such a child, Lee.”

  I took a deep breath. Down, Hulk, down. “Please don’t talk to her like that.”

  “Paisley,” she said softly.

  “I’m sorry?” her mother shot at both of us.

  “Say it. Paisley.” Suddenly, this fight wasn’t about me anymore. Paisley had opened the barn door on something I knew nothing about.

  “Lee, what on earth are you talking about?”

  “This is not the time, Paisley,” her dad said. His eyes cut to his wife, and his mouth flattened. The concern etched on his features made him seem more like a worried dad and less like the commanding general.

  “I need her to say it, Daddy. Even if it’s just this once.” Her mom’s mouth opened and shut a few times, and Paisley’s shoulders dropped. “You can’t do it, can you? That’s why Will calls me Lee, too.”

  “Pa—” Her mom choked back something that sounded like a sob, and her dad put his arm around her.

  “You don’t say it, because you’re afraid you’ll say Peyton’s name instead, and you’ll be reminded that she’s gone and you’re stuck with me. I’m the one who didn’t play sports, didn’t excel at anything but reading. I’m the one who didn’t shine, didn’t bring you recognition, didn’t make you proud. If I didn’t love her so much, I’d hate her for what she’s done to me.”

  “Lee—” Her mom shook her head. “This is not the time. For heaven’s sake, girl, we have guests.”

  “You lost your daughter, and I’m so sorry, Mama. But I lost my sister, my best friend, my absolute idol. Then I lost my name.” She stared somewhere on the floor. “Then I lost me.”

  “Paisley, stop,” her father pleaded. I couldn’t look away from her, from the sad strength I knew came from a place of such grief that you had no choice but to rebuild using the very ashes you’d been burned into. I wanted to stop the flow of pain coming from her mouth, but I’d never been prouder of her for setting it free.

  “You need to calm down, Lee. This isn’t good for you,” her mother snapped.

  “Oh, please, Mama. Like I’m going to drop dead of a heart attack for being honest. I’ve stood in her place. I’ve been with the man who loved her. I have come to every family breakfast, worked on base, and only taken classes on main campus once a week, just to keep you content. I ignore everything I want, because it’s what you need. But please, Mama.” Her voice broke, but she stood straighter than ever. “Please understand. Jagger is the only person in my life who knows me as just Paisley, and not Lee. I choose him. I choose him over living in Peyton’s shadow. I choose him over Will because I finally understand what it is to want someone so badly that you’re willing to risk what we’re going through this very minute. I choose him because he makes me feel alive, and amazing, and me. He makes me remember who I am. And I choose him over you because he can say my name without making me remember that you’d rather I’d died instead of Peyton.”

  She choked out the last word through tears, pushing me away from her and bolting from the room like it was on fire.

  Holy shit. Her words hung in the air like floating land mines, daring the first person to cross the field. In one breath she’d breathed life into my heart and destroyed her parents’.

  “She’s…” Her mother swallowed, her public face on. “She’s prone to melodrama.”

  “Unbelievable.” It was the only word I could spit out before I chased after her, weaving through the crowd in the entry. The music was loud enough to assure we hadn’t been overheard.

  Paisley raced up the stairs. I’d crossed the foyer and hit the first step before his hand caught my elbow. “What the hell did you do?” Carter fired at me.

  “Me? This isn’t about me. It’s more about you, and using her for a stand-in for her sister for the last year. Fuck, Carter. She’s amazing, and you couldn’t look past her dead sister long enough to love her for who she is.” I pried his fingers off my arm with deliberate motions, careful not to snap on him in a house full of officers. Bar brawls were one thing. Destroying another lieutenant in the home of the commanding general was a career ender.

  He paled. “You don’t know anything about it, Bateman. Nothing. Don’t act like dating her for a week gives you half of the shit you need to know.”

  “I know she deserves better than she’s gotten!” I yelled over my shoulder as I took the stairs two at a time. Her skirt disappeared into the second room on the left, but she closed the door before I could get to her. “Paisley?” I tried the door handle, but it was locked. “Let me in.”

  “I just need a minute.”

  A minute. I could give her that. She’d just unloaded two years’ worth of anger in one conversation. I could give her a minute.

  “Lee, you open this door now,” her mother shouted, appearing next to me. “Don’t you run off from me like this conversation is finished!”

  I took another deep breath, hoping to flush the anger, to find my happy place before I did some verbal damage to her mother. Paisley was my future, which meant I couldn’t burn the bridge in front of me, even if it was currently covered in freaking locusts.

  “No,” Paisley replied.

  “Stop acting like a petulant toddler and open this door!” Her voice escalated, and I looked over the railing to see if she’d been heard. I didn’t care, but Paisley would. Will stood at the bottom of the stairs, glaring at me.

  “This is all your fault,” Mrs. Donovan yelled at me.

  “I love how everyone assumes this is about me. Look at how you’re treating her.” I kept my voice soft.

  She shook her head and narrowed her eyes at me. “I knew the first time I heard your name out of Will’s mouth that I wanted you gone, away from our family.”

  “Will?” I laughed, envisioning Carter whining to her mother that I’d made a move on Paisley. Hell, yes, I’d made a move. “Carter may be a god in your eyes, but he didn’t love her like she needs.”

  “Will Carter is a man of honor who had the guts to come forward when you put that monstrosity of a bear on my front lawn!”

  Everything in me went still. Deadly. Every ounce of anger I’d felt today on Paisley’s behalf, at her father for immediately hating me, her mother for treating her like shit, focused into one thought. “He told.”

  “I’ve never been more proud of him.” Her chin rose.

  I was moving before another rational thought entered my brain. “Jagger! Don’t!” Paisley’s voice registered like an echo under the water. Everything in my brain fogged except the one person at the end of the stairs. Will-fucking-Carter.

  I launched at him from a few steps up, pulling some aerial WWE shit. We landed in the entry hall, people scattering as we slid acr
oss the tile floor. My fist slammed into his face, and his head bounced off the floor. I stood slowly as he wiped the blood off his lip. “You think I want a traitorous asswipe like you as my stick buddy?”

  “Traitorous?” he asked, gaining his feet. “You stole my girlfriend!”

  “You turned us in for the class prank. The class you lead! Who the hell wants a leader they can’t trust? Sure as hell not me!”

  “Stop!” Paisley shouted, coming down the stairs, her mother hot on her heels. “Jagger, don’t hurt him!”

  I grinned like a homicidal maniac. “See, even she knows I’ll kick your ass.”

  Carter yelled and rushed me. I let him, wanting to have another excuse to fucking demolish him. We took out the catering table in the middle of the foyer. The trays scattered to the floor, the noise nothing compared to the roaring in my head. He got in one punch to my cheek, but I swung hard with my right, catching him in the temple so hard he fell off me.

  “No!” Paisley screamed, but I was too far gone for it to register. I didn’t wait for him to react, delivering another hit to the other side of his face. Symmetry was a beautiful thing.

  Carter grabbed a tray, moving so quickly I didn’t recognize it until the pain wailed through the side of my head.

  I got in two more punches, blood dripping from my face onto his.

  “Enough!” Arms pulled me up and locked my own behind me. I struggled against them, ready to finish what he’d fucking started. “Calm down. You’re about to kiss your helicopter and your girl good-bye, Jag.” Josh’s voice came through the haze, quiet enough that only I heard him.

  Carter yelled out a war cry and charged, throwing his shoulder into my stomach. Josh and I both skidded to our asses, landing beside the front door, my arms wedged behind my back. Carter swung once, twice, and pain erupted through my face.

  “Jesus Christ!” I heard Major Davidson before I saw him pull Carter off. “That’s quite enough!” He hauled Carter across the foyer, then unceremoniously shoved him into a chair.

  Josh and I managed to stand, my arms still held captive. He knew me too well.

  My chest heaved. Slowly the haze cleared, and I surveyed the damage. Carter held his head, but glared at me like he was ready to go another round.