The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  Both girls are exceptionally beautiful. The one with the red hair narrows her eyes, and stares at me, almost like she’s assessing me for a threat. She gets elbowed in her arm by the girl with dark hair who gives me a reassuring smile that eases my nerves. Looking at them is like night and day, one looks closed off and stiff while the other looks bubbly and happy.

  “If anyone see’s Aliza struggling with anything at all be sure to give her a hand and show her the ropes.” Those blue eyes land on mine briefly and I’m instantly stuck on stupid. “I’ll be leaving early today, so if anyone has any problems or any questions take them up with Alex.”

  With that, his eyes leave mine and he’s gone.

  I puff out a breath, looking around uncomfortably not sure where to begin, while taking in my surroundings.

  “Hi, I’m Natalia.” The voice startles me out of my uncomfortable thoughts. Turning to the source I’m accosted with the sweetest smile.

  Natalia is by far one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen. Her beauty is captivating, mainly because she looks so different than everyone else. She has one of those rare faces that can’t be recreated. She’s...exotic, if you will. Her olive complexion and dark hair emphasize her high cheekbones and full lips. She has lashes to die for set around a pair of brown eyes with specks of gold that make them look like swirls of caramel.

  “Aliza,” I say as my form of greeting; feeling a bit awkward and inferior if I’m being honest. I haven’t had to have a conversation with anyone in a long time, besides Aunt Jenny and Mr. Walker, so this will take some getting used to.

  Natalia gestures toward the tables near the stage that’s empty as of right now.

  “So, this is my section. Since you’re only shadowing today just hang back a little to get a feel of everything. This job isn’t hard by any means so don’t stress yourself out. Just remember the customer is always right, and most importantly–” She pauses and I continue to stare at her intently taking in her every word. “Smile.”

  She winks then smiles brightly showing off her perfect teeth and pats my back reassuringly.

  “Since my shift ends at 4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we’ll switch with Sam and you’ll shadow her for the rest of those evenings,” she says with a graceful pep in her step as I trail behind her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I follow Natalia around till it hits 4:30, getting a feel of the bar and grille and how it runs. Natalia’s company is refreshing and surprisingly welcome. I learned she attends San Diego State University on a scholarship, and spends most of her time studying or with her best friend and roommate Samantha, who also works here. Natalia filled me in on the employees that work here—who to befriend, and who to stay away from.

  “So that girl over there, with the auburn hair and green eyes is my best friend Sam. I say auburn because she hates when people say her hair is red. Whatever you do, don’t say it.” She warns and I nod my head.

  “Sam prefers working at the bar, because she’s not really a people person. She’s a spitfire—energetic, fiery and outspoken. She’s also a complete man-eater.” I watch from afar as Sam hangs behind the bar chatting away with a few of the other employees. She seems friendly enough.

  “I know she may not seem like the type, but believe me, Sam has a hard time warming up to most people.”

  I follow Natalia around as she takes orders and points out other employees to me.

  “See the girl over there in the red tank? That’s Sarah, stay away from her if you want to avoid any and all altercations. My first day she tried to fight me after work.”

  My eyes widen in shock, and then squint in confusion. Before I’m able to ask any questions I’m quickly cut off.

  “Her boyfriend comes in everyday for lunch and I just happened to be his waitress,” she says with an eye roll. “I didn’t even flirt with him or anything; I was just doing my job!” She defends getting worked up again. It makes me smile.

  “Regardless of my countless apologies to her she still tried to smash my face in after work. She still probably wants to, actually,” she says with an uncomfortable expression. I try not to laugh at Natalia because she seems so sweet, I have a hard time believing anyone would want to hurt her.

  “Marcus and Joey are the bus boys, a little crude with their humor, but they mean well,” Natalia says gesturing to the two guys that look like they’re up to no good.

  “And that over there is Alex; he pretty much co-owns the place with CJ. They’re like brothers. Word of advice, steer clear of Alex. He’s a major flirt, but that’ll only result in Sam hating your guts, so I’d advise you not to go there. They’re a complicated duo.” I nod my head in understanding.

  Definite no go zone, got it.

  Natalia’s so much different than my old friends back home. She doesn’t expect anything of me. She doesn’t pry, and most of all, she’s warm and friendly; that’s what I really need right now. She departs with a friendly hug goodbye and I’m left with shadowing Sam for the rest of the night.

  “Is that your real hair color?” Sam asks as she mixes drinks behind the counter of the bar. She’s so effortless, her movements are swift and she makes this whole thing look easy.

  And let me tell you something, I’ve been watching and it isn’t easy by any means. I’m just grateful bartending isn’t a part of my job. I stand off to the side of the bar following her movements trying to figure out how the hell she moves so fast.

  “Uh, yeah. Is yours?” I ask distractedly while watching her work. After what Natalia told me about her best friend Sam, I wasn’t sure how she would take to me, but she’s been surprisingly friendly so far.

  Sam lets out a relieved laugh. “Thank fuck for that. At least you’re real. Most of the girls around here are as fake as their blonde bottles of dye and Juvederm injections.” She rolls her emerald eyes and I sputter out a surprised laugh.

  “But yes, this is my natural hair, and no it is not red. I refuse to believe my mother’s ginger roots were passed on to me.”

  I toss my hands up in surrender deciding not to comment on that one, because frankly…her hair does look red.

  Sam and Natalia are probably a killer duo here at the bar and grille because they’re both beyond gorgeous. In their own way, of course. Sam’s ‘auburn’ hair hangs loosely around her shoulders, and her emerald green eyes stand out against her pale skin. I really enjoyed shadowing Natalia earlier in the day, she was sweet and attentive, but Sam is a whole other story. She’s the life of the party. Just five minutes in her presence and I’m already laughing. I could get used to hanging around these two.

  “Back in Pennsylvania I was one of the very few who still had their natural hair color,” I say as we continue talking about the new fad with women these days. Looking fake. Injections of all sorts, you name it. Sam moves around the bar, taking orders and grabbing liquor bottles all while holding a conversation with me. It’s impressive.

  “Pennsylvania?” Her brows pull together. “That’s pretty far and about one of the lamest places to live in if we’re being honest. I think the Pittsburgh Steelers is the height of my knowledge of Pennsylvania,” she says matter of factly. My lips tip up at the corners into a small smile.

  “I know it’s boring and lame to most people because not much is ever said about Pennsylvania. Like who really wants to go there for a vacation or anything exciting, am I right?” I admit. “But there’s good people there,” I say defending the state I grew up in.

  “I’ll take your word for it, Ohio, but it doesn’t mean I’ll ever visit,” Sam says with a wicked grin. “I’ve decided that’s what my new nickname for you will be.” She waggles her brows “I know you said you’re from Pennsylvania, but that shit is way too long.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “Ohio suits you better. Plus, giving and having nicknames just makes this job so much easier,” she says seriously like I should consider it.

  “How long have you worked here?” I find myself asking out of the blue halfway into our shift.
<
br />   “A while. I’ve known the owner for a long time so that helps. I used to dance at this one place, but the men were disgusting, fucking pigs, not long after I switched my profession to Bartending.”

  “You used to be a dancer? Wow. That’s impressive,” I say in awe. I’m beat deaf—I have not one ounce of rhythm in my body so whenever I come across someone who can dance, I admire them. Sam’s sudden laughter startles me. It’s loud—like a real, toss your head back and clutch your belly laugh.

  “Not that kind of dancing, Ohio.”

  It takes a moment for her words to sink in. When they do, my eyes widen and I open my mouth, gaping at her.

  “Does your...I mean, did your mother worry?”

  Sam laughs dryly. “The only thing Margaret ever worried about was how to get her next fix, and who she was blowing to make that happen. All she worried about was getting high.” Contempt laces her voice and a frown pulls across my face as I stare at Sam. I can’t imagine what her life could’ve been like with a parent like that. Thankfully, the bar fills up, and all traces of that conversation are washed out by the loud chatter.

  The rest of the night goes by quickly. I think watching Sam’s ‘I don’t give a shit attitude’ in full effect was the highlight of my day.

  Chapter Fifteen

  My first official week working at the bar and grille goes smoothly. Much to my chagrin, I don’t see a lot Chase the entire week. When I took the job, I thought for sure I’d constantly be running into him throughout the day, but that has yet to happen. As juvenile as it sounds, sometimes I catch myself searching for him while I’m working. Not sure if that’s good or bad yet.

  Who am I kidding? That’s a bad, bad, bad thing. Horrible even.

  And when I do see him, he looks at me like I’m scum stuck to the bottom of his shoe. His indifference toward me bothers me way more than it should. I thought after he saved my life, we’d share this bond together, but it’s quite the opposite. It’s like he goes out of his way to avoid me.

  I’ve spent almost all my lunches and breaks accompanied by Natalia and Sam. And let’s just say I really, really, got to know them. Natalia and Sam are such polar-opposites I honestly don’t even know how they’re best friends. When they aren’t bickering or play fighting they’re laughing or sharing the same thoughts with knowing looks. Just from spending a few days with them, I can see the bond they share and the love they have for each other. I’ve never realized how much I’ve wanted a close relationship with a friend—much like Sam and Natalia.

  I’ve had friends that I thought were ‘best friends’ but it turned out, they didn’t care enough about me or my problems to be a ‘best friend’. Not like Sam and Natalia; they’re friendship is one you can’t help but envy, and wish to be part of. Every time we’re together I can’t stop laughing or smiling—which is new for me. By the end of each day, my cheeks ache from all the smiling and laughing I did throughout the day.

  The first few days of lunch spent with them were filled with awkward silence, but Sam sure knows how to get a conversation going. If I’m being totally honest, I’d say I actually like it here so far. Going home alone every night trapped with my torturous thoughts still hurts like a vicious blow to the gut, but hey, at least I have something to keep me occupied during the days. If I don’t intentionally focus on something else, my mind wanders to the worst of places.

  ***

  I’m on my final break of the night, only two and a half hours until midnight—closing time. I offered to work doubles to keep myself busy, it’s not like I had anything else to do.

  The bar and grille has been packed all day, so I decide to sit on the outside deck away from the chaos. The deck is surprisingly empty tonight, the boisterous laughter and thumping music from inside drifts in the air around me. I plop down in one of the chairs at an empty table and stare out blankly at the dark waves. The glimmer of the stars and the moon are reflected against the body of water. The smell of the ocean wafts around me, and the salty breeze whips my hair to a tangle, sending a chill through my body. I close my eyes inhaling a deep breath and wrap my hand tightly around my locket. I don’t know why I go there, that place that always seems to force me back into my spiraling emotions. But I do it anyway. I picture my parents loving smiles. I can hear my little brother and sister’s cheerful voices. And that giggle, God, I miss her giggle so much. I picture golden blonde, bobbing curls and Rosie’s chubby little cheeks.

  I bite my bottom lip, holding in the sob that’s dying to break free from my chest.

  Not now, Aliza, not now.

  Pressing my locket into my chest, I fight back the sorrow by setting my jaw and gasping for deep breaths. I don’t even notice the tears trailing down my face until they glide under my chin, tickling me, and plop onto my chest. The tears continue to flow down my face endlessly. I don’t know how long I sit there motionless, staring out at the dark expanse of ocean—waiting for the pain in my sternum to subside. From here on the deck, the water looks black.

  Nearly as black as I feel inside.

  A noise behind me catches my attention. Sniffling I hastily wipe away my tears before turning to the source of the noise. I’m mildly shocked when I see Chase, frozen with his hand in his hair, looking equally surprised to see me.

  “Aliza.” He says my name in way of greeting. He squints slightly, no doubt noticing my puffy red eyes and blotchy face. His eyes quickly scan me up and down then around the deck, almost like he’s looking for a threat, the cause of my tears.

  “Everything alright?” He asks cautiously and his whole body tenses waiting for my response.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine,” I reassure him in an even voice hoping to disguise the emotion clogging my throat. The tension releases from his body, but he still looks at me worriedly.

  “Look, if the work is too much too soon you can take a few extra shadow days until you’re comfortable with the job. Natalia made it seem like you had everything figured out.”

  I shake my head. “No, the job is great. I’m good. Everything’s good,” I assure him.

  “There you are!” Sam’s shrill voice rings out. “You’re late; I’ve been looking for you!” She scolds with narrowed eyes.

  “It’s fine Samantha, we were having a word. She’ll be there in a bit,” Chase says dismissively not taking his gaze off me. He stands leaning against the deck railing with his arms crossed over his chest. It’s then Sam notices Chase, she does a double take between the two of us before walking back inside without another word; a strange expression on her face. I apologize to Chase profusely for being late and promise it won’t happen again.

  “Don’t worry about it. The boss is a pretty cool guy, so I don’t think he’ll mind too much.”

  A slow smile spreads across my face. It’s a small smile, but still a smile nonetheless.

  “Oh really?” I raise my eyebrows playfully in question.

  His lip twitches suppressing a smile. “Definitely.”

  His blue eyes glow beneath the light of the moon, and I suddenly find myself unable to look away. He stares at me unabashedly; his gaze piercing through me, leaving me breathless with a bundle of nerves in my stomach. His face visibly shutters and his playful expression dissipates.

  “Let’s not make it a habit.” The jesting side is gone and in place is his cold front. He strides away feigning indifference. I swallow thickly, wondering what the hell just happened.

  I force myself to head inside and ignore the strange feelings Chase’s presence elicits from me whenever he’s near.

  How can he pretend to care one second, and then turn so cold?

  He’s your boss, and he’s a professional, unlike you, my subconscious retorts. The rest of my shift goes by quickly without incident. Every so often I’d catch Sam staring at me suspiciously before getting back to work. Her intent gazes left me uneasy and self-conscious.

  Later that night in bed, I cry myself to the cusp of sleep. One thing, and one thing only, keeps me from falling asleep. Cha
se Roland.

  He invades my senses and most importantly, my dreams. I toss and turn the rest of the night unable to expel blue eyes from my mind. As strange as it may be, it’s a welcome reprieve from my normal nightmares.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I’m dragging at work the next morning. Natalia continues covering my mistakes all while asking if I’m okay—no doubt chalking it up to newbie mistakes. My answer is always the same. “I’m fine, just tired”.

  But it’s more than that. So much more. I spent the entire night dissecting Chase’s shift in attitude toward me. He’s acting like I ran over his dog, or shit in his cheerios. I just don’t get it.

  Did I do something wrong? Or maybe he just thinks I’m crazy? Could go either way.

  By lunchtime I’m beyond thankful for the short break and the chance to get off my tired feet.

  “You look like actual shit. I’m talking like a pile of cow manure. All-nighter?” Sam asks as she slides into the seat across from Natalia and me. I bite my bottom lip to keep from laughing. Natalia reaches across the table punching Sam in the arm.

  “Behave!” She hisses, narrowing her eyes in warning. Sam crudely dips her middle finger in ketchup and makes a show of sucking it off. Natalia frowns apologetically and rolls her eyes on behalf of Sam, ignoring her completely.

  “Everything alright? You seem really out of it today.”

  That’s because I am.

  I spent the whole entire night thinking about a guy I shouldn’t. And I have no idea why. I don’t say that though. Instead, I say: “Yeah, just had a rough time falling asleep last night. New place, new neighbors. It’s all so...different.” Which is all true. It’s been a struggle getting used to living here in a different city. Especially on my own. It’s something I’m reminded of every day when I walk into an empty condo, and lay in an empty bed. The real problem I’m having is with my boss. The fact that I can’t get him out of my head is exasperating. When I close my eyes all I see are his blue ones, and when I open my eyes all I see are his rugged good looks.