The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  Stay mad, Aliza!

  “Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?” He says gruffly through narrowed eyes. “I kissed you because I couldn’t stop myself, and I pulled away because you are my employee, Aliza, or did you forget that? I don’t have relations with my staff. Ever.” He puts more emphasis on the ever. “I also wasn’t the one who basically ran from the club and tried to avoid you, now was I?” I shrink further into my chair slowly feeling more and more like a dumbass for opening my big mouth.

  “And you’re right, I do talk and treat you differently than I do everyone else, but that’s because you are different, Aliza. From that first day I laid eyes on you I haven’t been able to get you out of my head,” he grinds out. My heart is beating rapidly in my chest with each admission he makes.

  Does he feel this too?

  “I spotted you from nearly a mile away and it shocked me that I wanted to get closer to you. Then I saw you jump in and I took off. You came up for air once, and I knew you wouldn’t be coming up again if someone didn’t get to you.” The torment swims in his eyes as he remembers the events from that day.

  “After that day, I couldn’t get you out of my head, I didn’t know if it was because I saved you or if it was something more—something stronger.” My heart is racing a million miles a minute and those steel drums are banging inside my stomach.

  “When you came here asking for I job, I knew I should’ve said no, but I couldn’t, and that was my mistake. You got under my skin more and more every day. And you know what? You are right. Most women do consider me a player or a whore. It’s who I am, it’s what I do. Women don’t come to me for dating or relationships, Aliza, and I wasn’t going to do that to you. I can’t make any promises I have no intention of keeping.” He leans out of my personal space and stands to his full height.

  “Why even kiss me then?” I ask determined to get to the bottom of his agenda. Chase sighs and scrubs a defeated hand down his face roughly.

  “I don’t know…because I needed to, I couldn’t stop myself.” He shrugs. “Don’t think I don’t feel this,” he says, gesturing between us. “It’s there and I’ve tried everything possible to make it go away, believe me. But you and me,” He gestures between us, “this can’t happen, Aliza.”

  I slump back in the chair and frown.

  “Why not?” I ask quietly looking up at him through my lashes. His eyes bore into mine for a few seconds before he responds.

  “Because you deserve better.”

  I furrow my brows in confusion. It’s not enough.

  “I deserve better?”

  He shifts his gaze focusing on something behind me. “You know nothing about me, Aliza. You only see what’s on the outside, and let me tell you something, all the fucked-up shit inside, outweighs anything you like on the outside. The sooner you realize that the better.”

  “Is that what you think of me? You think I’m that shallow, that I can’t see past your looks?” I ask incredulously, hurt lacing my tone. “Well you couldn’t be more wrong, Chase. I see you. You may not think I do, but believe me when I say, you’re not as good at hiding all the fucked-up shit inside you as you think you are.”

  His gaze shifts to mine, so many emotions flicker across his face, I can’t pin it down to one. He sighs running a hand through his blonde hair.

  “It doesn’t matter what you see or don’t see. You started here as that frail girl I pulled out of the water – barely breathing, but now; you’re more than alive and breathing. What kind of asshole would I be to fuck up your progress with my own baggage? Huh? Because I have a shit ton of baggage babe, and I can assure you this, you aren’t ready to deal with it. So, that’s why this can’t happen.” He rubs the back of his neck and looks everywhere but at me. My heart is still racing at his words but I know deep down he’s right, although, his baggage can’t be as bad as mine. Nevertheless, I’m still not ready to share my own baggage with someone else. Let alone carry theirs as well. Will I ever be ready? One day, when I find someone worth the effort.

  I gather myself up from my seat and push to my feet walking toward door. I pause over the threshold and turn back staring into Chase’s stormy blue eyes.

  “Everyone has baggage, Chase, it’s all about finding the right person to share that baggage with,” I say quietly with a sad smile before leaving. I’ll never say this out loud but I really want to be that person for him.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It’s been three days. Three whole days since I’ve last seen or talked to Chase; and I’ve hated every second of it. I feel anxious and hurt all at the same time. There has been no sign of him at work, from what I can tell, and I’m too chicken shit to march up to his office in search of him. I feel like a complete and total idiot for feeling this way. He made it painstakingly clear nothing would ever happen between us. But has that stopped my mind from concocting all these scenarios in my head? Hell no.

  Halfway into my shift, I run into Alex, who looks all too happy to see me.

  “Well, look who it is, if it isn’t my favorite person.” He smiles cheekily at me, and slings his arm over my shoulder pulling me into his side.

  “Uh, I am?” I ask warily.

  He nudges me in my side. “Of course you are, Sunshine.”

  “Since when?”

  Alex chuckles, giving me a knowing look. “Aliza, I knew you were nothing but trouble the first day you showed up here asking CJ for a job, and I couldn’t be more fucking happy, so that, right there, is why you’re my favorite person.”

  I furrow my brows in confusion still not understanding what the hell is going on.

  “Don’t worry, you won’t have to endure me hanging all over you for too long, I’m just really trying to piss someone off.”

  I swing my gaze up to him, giving him a stricken look. “You do realize you’re liable for my death if Sam kills me, right?”

  Alex laughs throatily, and I frown at him in confusion. What the hell is so funny?

  “You think I’m trying to make Sam jealous?” He asks.

  “Well, yeah. I mean, who else would you be doing it for?”

  Alex grins deviously and pointedly looks across the room. I follow his gaze to Chase who looks like he’s bristling with anger.

  What the..?

  Alex kisses the side of my head and I swing my gaze to his in surprise.

  “See you around, Sunshine.” He grins broadly and strides away. “You can thank me later.” He tosses over his shoulder with a grin like the Cheshire cat.

  Thank him for what? I shake my head, trying to clear my mind after that strange encounter. I shift my eyes back to the last place I’d seen Chase, but he’s no longer there. My body deflates with disappointment, and I force myself to get back to work for the rest of my shift.

  ***

  Blowing out a defeated sigh, I climb down the stairs to the employee room, gathering my stuff so I can leave. It’s been a long and hectic day here at the bar and grille, so needless to say, I’m glad this day is over with. Since Natalia had school tonight and Sam still isn’t talking to me, it looks like I won’t be getting a lift. I dial the cab company and lean back against the wall; lightly banging my head to keep myself awake. The line connects and I give my information to the driver. When I open my eyes, Chase is standing a few feet away from me leaning against the opposite hall with his arms crossed over his broad chest and his leg braced against the wall behind him. My brain short-circuits for a second, and my heart thuds heavily in my chest.

  “I can take you home if you want me to.” He offers with blue eyes gleaming under the dim lights of the hall. I find myself wanting to say no, but somehow that’s not what comes out of my mouth.

  “Okay,” I squeak past the thickness in my throat. He pushes away from the wall and I follow in step walking to his car. Suddenly, Alex’s strange behavior from earlier at work starts to make sense. I guess this is what I’m supposed to be thanking him for?

  I think back to all the stuff I said to him in his o
ffice days ago, and I feel the need to apologize.

  “Look I just wanted to apologize for the way I talked to you in your office.” I wring my hands together feeling guilt-ridden. “I was having a bad day, and I took it out on you, I shouldn’t have said some of the stuff I did. I promise you I’m usually never that rude and I can assure you it won’t happen again. I’m sorry.” I look up at him remorsefully as we continue walking to his car. He chuckles lightly and shakes his head soothing my frayed nerves.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He smiles crookedly. “I was quite impressed with your sass. I’d hate to be on your shit list,” he jokes. I laugh because lord knows I have a temper.

  “Yeah.” I wince. “I’ve kinda always had a really bad temper.” I shrug. “I guess you didn’t deserve the wrath of Aliza quite yet.”

  Chase smirks. “The wrath of Aliza?” He query’s as he opens the car door for me. I climb inside and fasten my seatbelt. I look at him and shrug it off with a timid smile. “It can get pretty bad.”

  “I can handle bad,” he whispers before closing the door.

  See, there he goes again with the flirting. I frown and watch him walk around the car as my stomach starts doing summersaults.

  When Chase gets in the car his unique scent infiltrates my senses and blurs my ability think. As soon as he starts the engine his phone rings from the Bluetooth speaker. He sighs before he taps the dash screen and the speakers come to life. “What’s up, Scott?”

  I breathe a sigh of relief that it’s a man calling instead of a girl. That would be beyond awkward.

  “Nothing much man, I just need the stock information and the budgets for the club. I’m here at your house now, are you nearly wrapped up at the bar and grille?” Scott asks from the other line. Chase looks at me out of the corner of his eye, unsure of what to do.

  “It’s time sensitive, CJ. I wouldn’t bother if it wasn’t.”

  I don’t want to put Chase out on my behalf, and I might be a little curious as to what his house looks like. I reach over the center console and place my hand over his forearm lightly. His gaze snaps to mine and I quickly remove my hand like I’ve been burned.

  “It’s fine.” I mouth.

  He searches my eyes a moment, as if looking for weariness. “Alright Scott, give me twenty.”

  The line clicks off and the car is filled with silence as we drive.

  “You sure you’re okay with this?” He inquires.

  I wave him off with an eye roll. “Of course. It’s not like I had anything planned for the night anyway. Plus, you’re the one doing me a favor by giving me a ride.” I remind him.

  Chase nods his head, and then takes off toward his house. The closer we get, the more and more anxious I become. Chase must sense my apprehension because he tries to get me out of my head by talking.

  “So, you’ve gotten really close with Sam and Natalia.”

  I nod my head, and blow out a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess I have. But I’m sure that won’t last long.”

  He shifts his eyes off the road for a brief second, giving me a questioning look.

  “Sam hates me.” I admit with a frown. His expression shifts, looking puzzled.

  “I said something without thinking and now she hates my guts. I feel horrible.” I exhale and throw my head against the headrest.

  “I have a hard time believing she’s that angry with you. Just give her some time.” He offers. I turn my head slightly to look at him. His right hand is resting on the center console as his left hand holds the wheel loosely. He looks so casual and in control when he’s driving. My eyes roam over his side profile as he watches the road.

  “You don’t understand,” I complain. “I basically said she didn’t have standards and was a cheap screw.”

  Chase turns to me with wide eyes and I nod my head guiltily.

  He blows out a long breath, “Well, now I can see why she would be angry. You’re shit out of luck on that one.”

  I choke on a laugh and stare at him incredulously. “Seriously?”

  He just smiles and shrugs. I roll my eyes and nudge him in the arm for being a jerk. My little nudge makes him laugh.

  “I’m kidding, Aliza,” he says through his laughter. “Just give her some time, and then explain what you really meant.” He offers like it’s that simple.

  I roll my eyes at him and groan. “Ugh. You’re such a man.”

  When Chase pulls into his driveway I have to pick my jaw up off the floor. His home is beautiful. Most guys his age don’t even own a home, let alone one that looks like this. The house isn’t super showy or over done by any means. It’s perfect. It’s a two-story building with a tropical vibe that seems to be the recurring theme here in San Diego. The driveway is long and stone paved, leading to a two-car garage. The front of the house has two stone pillars and Palm trees placed throughout the yard. I nearly break my neck as I try to get a full glimpse of the house.

  “Let me get Scott everything he needs then I’ll give you a tour if you want,” Chase says as he puts his SUV in park. I nod my head slowly, hopping out to ogle this beauty upon closer inspection.

  My legs take me around his car and toward the front entrance. I gasp aloud at the beauty of his home. The stone pillars lead you to the front doors and beside the front door is a large window that shows off his dining room. The windows on the second floor match with each peak. Above the garage there’s a small balcony with three tiers. I feel Chase beside me before I see him.

  “It’s so beautiful. This is literally every person’s dream home,” I blurt in a daze. Chase’s silence urges me to look over at him. He’s staring at me the way he always does, with so much intensity. His eyes are blazing and I can see the wheels turning in his head. I quickly turn back to stare at the house when I feel the butterflies take flight.

  “It’s a Spanish Mediterranean build.”

  I shift my gaze back to him, and smile completely enchanted by the home before me. “It’s a beautiful home, Chase.”

  “It’s missing a few things,” he says quietly, staring into my eyes. I can’t get a read on him or his mood. I wish I knew what was behind the solid build of this man. My feelings for him go so deep I don’t even know where they start anymore.

  I’m in trouble.

  “C’mon, I’ll show you around in a bit.” He places his hand at my lower back and my body responds immediately. Every bone in my body liquefies with just that one touch.

  The inside is just as breathtaking as the outside. He leads me into the small foyer that leads into the living room. I turn around slowly taking everything in. Cherry wood lines the floor and up the staircase. His home is sparsely decorated. It looks like one of those showcase homes they use when they’re trying to sell property. I look around and can’t find anything that reminds me of Chase.

  “How can you even afford something like this?” I blurt. It takes me a second to realize what I’ve just asked and I cringe as I turn to look at him. “Sorry.”

  Chase’s laugh is mixed with the sound of someone else’s laughter. Chase and I both turn toward the gray-haired man at the door. Scott, I’m presuming. He’s dressed in a suit and looks to be late forties or early fifties, with fair skin and brown eyes set in soft features.

  “Scott, this is Aliza.” Chase stands beside me. “Aliza, this is Scott.” He gestures to the gray-haired man.

  Scott gives a small smile and waves.

  “We do business together. He manages most of my business accounts as well as my money.”

  “And believe me Aliza, when I say Chase here has more money than he knows what to do with half the time,” Scott jokes. I look at Chase with an inquisitive brow. This is news.

  Chase bends low near my ear, his voice causes a shiver to run down my spine.

  “You can explore a little, while I get everything Scott needs, Aliza.”

  All I’m able to do is nod my head like one of those bobble head toys. Chase and Scott take off down the hall and I’m left in the foyer unsure of wh
ere to go. I don’t want to go somewhere that’s off limits so I decide to start with my left–the living room. That seems safe enough. There’s a large screen TV, a coffee table, and a sectional brown leather sofa. It’s all very impersonal.

  Beyond the living room is a long hall with a few doors open. The pictures that line the hall are heartwarming. Finally, a piece of Chase I can actually see. The photos are all old. I can point him out right away in every photo. Blonde shaggy hair with big, bright blue eyes; completely adorable.

  Most of the pictures are family photos with his mom, dad, himself, and a little boy. His mom seems so happy in every photo, her beauty is truly captivating. Looking at Chase’s parents in each photo gives me an inkling as to why he’s so damn hot. My eyes focus on the little boy next to Chase in every photo. Chase had to be a good ten years older than him. In every photo, you can see just how much the little boy worships Chase.

  My heart thuds sadly in my chest. What I would do to have one day with my family. I move along to the other photos that line the hallway. The dynamic goes from family photos to single photos. Chase is either with his father and brother or his mother and brother. They all look older in these, and definitely not as happy. Movement out of the corner of my eye causes me to whirl around with my hand over my racing heart. Chase is leaning against the wall a few feet away.

  “You have a beautiful family.” My smile is unsure. Chase just stares at me silently, not saying a thing. He’s so hard to read when he’s like this– closed off.

  “You hungry?” There’s no emotion in his voice and I’m starting to worry if choosing to explore this side of the house first was a mistake. Just then my stomach decides to growl loudly. I turn beet red and scratch the back of neck not knowing what else to do. His lip twitches and he nods his head to the side.

  “C’mon, I’ll make you something.” He reaches his hand out for me to take, and I timidly place my small hand in his. Just beyond the hallway is his to die for kitchen. I mean seriously, it’s to die for. I’m no chef or anything but I’m not blind either. If my mom were alive and saw this kitchen she would have a field day. She was an awesome cook. She could make a five-star meal out of three items she’d find in our fridge. Truly amazing.