The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  “Smells good,” I offer.

  “I didn’t have much around so I just threw together some steaks and a salad. Good with that?” His deep timbre vibrates against my cheek and my stomach growls happily with what he’s making.

  “Perfect.” I reach onto my tippy toes placing a chaste kiss below his ear. His abs clench beneath my hands and I smile victoriously to myself. Chase turns around, encasing me in his strong arms. His blue eyes are bright, as usual, but they also look drained. I know the drama today couldn’t have been any easier on him than it was on me. He eyes me up and down with his intense gaze.

  “Are you sure you’re alright?” He inquires, searching my expression for any lingering effects of the confrontation earlier. His calloused hand cups my face and my eyes flutter closed at the safe feeling he always brings me.

  “It wasn’t easy to hear but…I’ll be fine Chase,” I whisper as I lose myself to the feel of his warm body against mine, his gentle hand cupping my face, and his potent scent that my dreams are now made of. His thumb caresses my cheek lovingly and the butterflies in my stomach take off and swarm all at once. He places a soft kiss on my forehead.

  “Okay. Sit down and I’ll finish up here so we can eat.” I blink open my eyes and nearly lose my breath when I come face to face with his gorgeous blues. Blowing out a breath, I smile and plop down at the counter to watch as he plates our food. We eat in silence, only briefly though. Sometimes, I really don’t know when to shut my mouth.

  “Can I ask you something?” I blurt between bites of food. Chase freezes, chewing for a millisecond before he recovers and finishes what’s in his mouth.

  “What is it?” He blows out a breath, no doubt preparing himself for whatever I’m going to ask. I wring my hands beneath the table nervously as I fumble inside my head for the right words. This has been bothering me all day, so I just need to come right out and ask it.

  “Earlier…you said you weren’t a good guy. Why?” My voice is wobbly with nerves–partly because I’m afraid of his reaction to the question – but I’m also afraid of his answer.

  His whole body stills at my question and his jaw clenches working back and forth. Exasperation radiates off him in waves. He closes his eyes briefly to gain his composure; a rough hand scrubs down his face and through his hair, making it look like an effortless mess. Chase opens his eyes and meets my stare head on. His eyes burn holes through me, causing cool sweat to seep out of my pores as I sit still, and wait for him to say something—anything at this point. Chase leans back slowly resting his back against the chair.

  “Because I’m not,” he grinds out between clenched teeth.

  “Why?” I push. “Why do you feel like you’re such a horrible guy, Chase? Don’t you think I have a right to know?” I prod feeling myself get flustered over his uncalled-for anger. His chest rises and falls hard as his eyes spit fire at me.

  “You wouldn’t want to know. You know why, Aliza?” he asks in his cold emotionless tone. “Because it’s too fucking much to handle. When you decide to divulge whatever it is your hiding from me I might consider doing the same.” With that he scoots away from the table stiffly and walks out of the kitchen without sparing me a second glance.

  I know I should go after him and apologize, but instead I sit here at the table stuck. My heart is nothing but a dull throb in my chest at this point.

  Why won’t he just tell me? I ask myself over and over.

  And why can’t I just tell him?

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I sit there for who knows how long, stewing in my regret and apprehension, before I force myself up to clear our dishes. Feelings of being unwanted wash over my skin, as I start to second guess myself while I finish rinsing the dishes.

  Am I even wanted or welcome here anymore?

  I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath as I try to control my emotions before I burst into tears. A yawn tears through my chest and I give in to it feeling the effects of this day taking their toll. I’m exhausted. I look at the digital clock on the stove that reads 11:15 p.m. I haven’t heard any noise from anywhere in the house, indicating that Chase is here.

  I force my wobbly legs to take me to his bedroom in search for him. I rap on the door lightly but there’s no response, my heart falls a little more. I push the door open a few inches only to reveal his empty room; the bathroom light is off as well so I know for certain he isn’t here. I search nearly every room of his house in hopes to find him. I reach the final room of the house– the master bedroom and know he has to be in here. I turn the knob slowly and push the door open timidly. The large open space of the room greets me, I walk further inside and immediately feel the breeze from the balcony doors. They’re both ajar and the curtains billow wildly as the ocean wind whips them around.

  My footsteps echo in the open space as I walk toward the balcony, I can now make out Chases form as he leans against the ledge of the balcony, his forearms resting on the railing. He’s just staring out at the ocean, in a trance like state; not even blinking it seems like. His back stiffens the moment he feels my presence. I close my eyes and scold myself for making him feel this way. I did this.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him in a quiet voice. It comes out meek and tired. Chase dips his head down for a few moments before turning around to face me. His expression is hard and cold at first, but his face softens almost immediately as he stares at me.

  “Come here.” He sighs raggedly. I close the distance and fall into his arms without hesitation; I let him hold me, hoping that we’re still okay. His warm body engulfs mine as his unique scent wraps around me like a blanket. I inhale deeply and close my eyes on the exhale, his body slowly relaxes into mine, and his hand gently plays with the strands of my blonde hair.

  “I’m sorry for everything today,” he says gruffly as he places his lips to my hair. I pick my head up from his chest and lean back so I can look at him. His blue eyes look conflicted and pained, I give him a sad smile.

  “Me too,” I say sincerely. “I hate that you think I’m keeping secrets from you. It’s just…it’s painful. Everything about my past is so painful to talk about.”

  With a sigh, Chase squeezes his arms around me reassuringly. “I know,” he whispers, his tone tinged with sadness. I arch my body into his as I lean up for a kiss, anything to take away the pain in his voice. He meets me halfway by bending down to accommodate my size as he places his lips gently over mine.

  The kiss is slow, and calm, everything it needs to be at this moment. My hands roam his muscular body and I moan into his mouth in appreciation. Chase hauls me into his arms and I wrap my legs around his waist as he deepens the kiss. I feel his hardness prod at my center and I whimper. Tingles blossom through my stomach and down to the sensitive area between my legs. Unable to help myself I tighten my arms around his neck to give me the leverage I need as I grind myself over his erection. The friction against my sensitive nub is almost as delicious as his tortured groan.

  I don’t know if it’s the ups and downs of this day all together, but the reckless side of me wants—no, needs to make an appearance. Feeling completely wanton, I slide my tongue into his mouth and proceeded to grind myself against him.

  “I want you Chase,” I whisper heatedly through our kisses. His groan is one of approval; he kisses me fervently as his mouth glides across the skin of my neck and down to my chest. Pushing me up against the balcony doors Chase proceeds to make love to me not only with his mouth, but every part of him that matters. His talented tongue and hands don’t miss an inch of my skin in the process, effectively ridding my mind of everything. Forgotten were thoughts of Erin, or if Chase was really the bad guy he so desperately wants me to believe he is. The only thing I knew for certain was – I loved Chase, and as long as I was in his arms; nothing else mattered.

  The next morning, I woke up deliciously sore in all the right places. Sex with Chase is the things wet dreams are made of, seriously. Most women would die if they had a chance with him in bed.
Believe me I know, half the girls at work talk about him all day long; while other women come to eat at the bar and grille just to get a glimpse of him. At that thought, a smile spreads across my sleepy face. Not only is Chase mine, but he chose me, out of all the women he could have; he’s still choosing me. With that happy thought, I opt for a quick shower to clean up before Chase gets back. He woke me early this morning to tell me he was going for a run but he’d be back with food for us. I know he wanted me to sleep in and get my rest after last night, but I just couldn’t sleep any longer. The need to see him is just too strong. After my shower, I dig through my purse to find my phone. No missed calls but I do have a few group texts from Natalia and Sam.

  I laughed at Sam’s opening message. “Let me know by midnight if u need me 2 stab the bitch and bag her up for u. Got it, Ohio?”

  “Normally I wouldn’t agree with psycho over here,” Natalia joined in, “but she’s right. Whatever you need Aliza.”

  “Fine, Ohio,” Sam messaged again when I hadn’t replied. “You missed your one kill free card.”

  I laugh at the messages and roll my eyes, just as I’m about to toss my phone back in my purse it vibrates in my hand illuminating Sam’s name and a goofy picture of her.

  “Well, well, well. Someone’s up early today aren’t they?” Sam jeers playfully on the other end of the line. I roll my eyes when I hear Natalia’s cackle in the background.

  “What can I do for you, Samantha?” The smile in my voice is evident as I wait for her to lose her shit. She hates when people use her full name.

  “Watch it, Ohio,” she warns seriously. “I will throw your skinny ass into a garbage dumpster where no one will ever find you.”

  “Ignore her, Aliza. She’s been watching a lot of Snapped and Cold Case Files so she thinks she knows how to get away with murder now,” Natalia taunts. She sounds a little far away so they must have me on speaker. I prop myself against the headboard of Chase’s bed and get comfortable.

  “Hey, so are you home? We were thinking about stopping by,” Natalia suggests. My heartbeat speeds up and my face flushes.

  “Uh no, I’m not home. Sorry guys.”

  “Ha! We know you aren’t home already you little sex freak!” Sam accuses with cackle.

  “What do you mean?”

  “We stopped by earlier to check on you, just to make sure you were okay,” Natalia says and I can practically visualize her smile through the phone.

  “I’m sure Chase made sure she was well taken care of, if you know what I mean.” Sam ridicules, making raunchy sex noises on the line. I roll my eyes as I barely contain my own laughter.

  “Bye, shitheads.” I laugh before hanging up.

  “Shitheads, huh?”

  I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of Chase’s voice. He’s leaning casually against the frame of the doorway. His expression is amused as he watches me eye fuck him. His chest is glistening with sweat, the beads of perspiration glistened on his six-pack making my mouth water. His workout shorts hang low on his narrow hips causing me to clench my thighs together to create some friction for the throbbing that has begun.

  “See something you like?” He asks playfully with an arrogant smirk. I bite my bottom lip and nod my head as I feel the flush of heat across my chest and neck. Releasing my bottom lip, I lick my lips hungrily at the sight of him.

  “Do you always run or go places without a shirt?” I ask absently as I stare at his defined body. I watch in awe as his shorts start to tent in the front to accommodate his hard on. He takes a step into the room and the atmosphere changes so that I’m no longer able to control my breathing with him this close.

  “Not always.” His heated gaze travels across my skin, warming me everywhere.

  “Shower with me.” It’s not a question, it’s a command, and my pussy throbs at the realization.

  “I already took a shower,” I reply breathlessly. My damp hair and shirt–one I’d borrowed from Chase after showering–are proof.

  Chase stalks toward me slowly licking his lips as he crawls over me, lowering his warm body over mine. My breathing is shallow and my nipples harden against his sweaty chest. Chase places each of his hands beside me, effectively caging me in. His golden skin glistens with the sheen of his sweat. Chase caresses my lips with his tongue. The sensation is feather light, and sends tingles throughout my entire body.

  When his lips claim my own, I can’t help the whimper that escapes. His hand slides up my leg to the apex of my thigh, on a mission. He gently pulls my underwear to the side and swirls his thumb through my slick folds. The only sounds are my shallow breaths and his thumb swirling through my wetness; it’s beyond erotic and I can’t contain my moan.

  “You’re so wet already, Aliza,” he says in awe as he spreads my arousal over my hardened nub. He firmly rubs a circle over my clit and I lose myself on a long groan tossing my head back.

  “So beautiful,” he whispers.

  He releases the pressure before retracting his hand, and placing my underwear back to their original position. I watch in a pleasured haze as he sucks his thumb into his mouth and cleans off my remaining arousal. Chase smirks at me before standing up and walking into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

  That smug, sexy, son of a bitch.

  ***

  After Chase fucked me completely senseless in the shower, we finally managed to get out of his room to eat the now cold food he had brought home. And that’s how most of our days were usually spent. If we weren’t touching or kissing, we were talking or laughing. No one’s company has ever been as enjoyable as his. There’s never a dull or boring moment. Each minute I spend with Chase I fall more and more in love with him, and there’s no possible way I can stop it.

  I just hope he’ll be ready to catch me when I fall.

  Chapter Thirty

  After an early dinner together, we lounged on the couch and watched a movie. I snuggle against his shoulder basking in his warmth and the fresh woodsy scent emanating off him. Things have been going great these last couple of weeks since the whole Erin situation happened. She hasn’t shown her face at the bar and grille again which is a miracle. Chase thankfully hasn’t brought up the fact that he thinks he’s a bad guy for me, so I’m relieved.

  Halfway into the film his ringtone cuts through the room gaining our attention. Looking at his screen, Chase frowns before looking at me. His frown deepens and his blue eyes turn distant. He sighs.

  “I have to take this babe, hold on.”

  I unravel myself from his body and he gets up, walking into the hall before he answers. I try to stay focused on the movie but I can’t. A million thoughts are swirling through my constantly overactive mind.

  Why didn’t he answer in front of me? Is it a woman? Maybe it’s Erin? I chew nervously on my nails as my gut churns while I sit and wait.

  Being the nosey person that I am, I quietly get off the bed and tiptoe to the door quietly. I can vaguely hear his heated discussion, but I can’t make out anything with the door in the way and the movie in the background. I timidly place my ear against the wall and try in vain to control my erratic heartbeat.

  “Don’t you think I fucking know that?” His voice is muffled but I can tell he’s angry.

  “Don’t start with that shit,” he grits out.

  Who the hell is he talking to? A loud bang shakes against the wall I’m leaning my ear against and I jump back on a squeak. Holy shit.

  Did he just punch the wall?

  My heart is beating in my ears, it’s so loud, and the steel drums play wildly in my stomach. I inhale deep breaths as I reach for the bedroom door and open it.

  My heart skips a beat as I take in Chase’s slumped form. He’s facing the wall and his forearms are propped outside of his head for support. His head is leaning against the wall as he just stares blankly at the floor beneath him. I shift my eyes away briefly noticing the gaping hole in the wall a few inches away from his head. I try to say something, but my shallow breathing won’t a
llow a word to come out. A lump forms in my throat making it impossible to speak.

  What am I supposed to say in a moment like this? I can’t comfort him because I don’t even know what’s happened.

  I take a few tentative steps toward him feeling like an intruder, and watch as his chest heaves like a wounded animal. My already fractured heart cracks further. Whatever it is he’s been through I can tell he’s hurting – just like I am.

  “Chase.” I somehow summon the courage to say in a clear voice. It takes everything in me to keep my voice steady for his sake. His shoulders tense visibly before he turns his head toward me slightly. His blue eyes glisten painfully, and all I want to do is wrap him in my arms.

  “I need a minute, Aliza,” he rasps.

  I stand there, stuck, as I wait for him to move or say something else. I can’t get my feet to move, it’s almost as if they’re glued to the floor.

  Move your feet, Aliza, just move, I tell myself.

  “I said I need a minute,” he grinds out. I flinch at his tone and I finally back away into the room on autopilot against my better judgement. I sit on his bed silently as I wait for him to walk through the door. My nerves are shot and my legs feel restless. Every few seconds I look up at the door hoping he’ll walk through. I start pacing his room as I wait for him to come inside, but he never does. I watch the credits on the screen scroll up as the movie ends, but I don’t really see them.

  All I can think about is Chase. Knowing it’s been over an hour, and he still hasn’t come in, leaves me feeling restless. I opt to look for him in the one place I know he’ll be – the balcony. I don’t bother checking any of the other rooms as I climb the stairs. I clench my hand over my stomach in hopes to stop the steel drums still banging away in there.