The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  “I believe her exact words were, ‘If you hurt her in any way I’ll cut your balls off and feed them to you at your own restaurant.’” I choke on a laugh as I stare at him incredulously. Chase shrugs his shoulders and smirks.

  “I told her that it wouldn’t ever need to come to that because I don’t ever plan on hurting you.” His words send a rush of warmth through me, and I grip the hand he’s placed on the gear shifter. He turns his attention to me; his expression is serious and I know without a shadow of a doubt that being with Chase, is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Hurt or not, I’ll never regret being with this man.

  “I’m all in with you. Wherever this takes us…I’m in this for as long as you want me,” I tell him with conviction to make sure we’re on the same page. His crooked smile appears on his handsome face easing some of my apprehension.

  Chase turns the wheel of his SUV and guides the car to the side of the road and puts it in park. I eye him quizzically wondering what the hell he’s doing. Before I’m able to ask, Chase grips my face between his hands and kisses me fiercely. The kiss takes my breath away and my body reacts to his in no time at all – soon I’m a panting mess that’s gripping any part of him I can get my hands on. His mouth is so skillful, sending jolts of electricity through my body and to my core with each kiss. We simultaneously pull away and stare at each other breathlessly–blue to blue.

  “I’ve been all in with you, Aliza. From the first day I met you, I’ve been all in.” His eyes that are filled with nothing but warmth rake over my features causing heat to pool between my thighs.

  I clench my thighs together to create some sort of friction.

  “I need you,” I tell him breathlessly, barely able to contain my pent-up hormones. Within seconds Chase is pulling back onto the road and driving at an illegal speed to get us home. I squirm in my seat the entire way as the anticipation sets in. He takes the winding road up the hills toward his house, and when it comes into clear view I’m once again breathless by its sheer beauty.

  His house will never cease to amaze me. His home is beyond beautiful. I just hope one day I can have a home that’s half as nice as his is. I’m so lost in my own mesmerized gaze at his home I don’t notice Chases hand beside the passenger door until I hear him chuckle. I whip my head to the side of my now open door and see him standing with his hand out for me to take. I was so focused on the house I didn’t even hear him get out or open my door. I place my hand in his and revel at the size difference, his large hand engulfs my small one. I can’t help the goofy smile that spreads across my face as he leads me into his house holding onto my hand firmly.

  This will never get old; I can’t help but think to myself.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  After Chase led me into the house, he coerced me into getting cleaned up with him before work. What was meant to be an innocent shower, quickly turned into an orgasm fest—but I’m not complaining. We dressed in a hurry, and ate before heading off to work. About five minutes away from work Chase pulls over to the side of the road by a homeless man with a sign asking for change to buy some food. My heart aches whenever I see people like them on the road. It doesn’t matter what their story is. They’re struggling and in need of help.

  “Give me a minute,” Chase says distractedly to me as he hops out of the car. I watch in awe as he pulls out his wallet and hands two twenty-dollar bills over to the homeless man. The older man’s face immediately lights up and it looks like he’s close to tears. My eyes fill with moisture too as I watch Chase walk back to the car casually as if nothing happened. My eyes focus on the side of his face as he pulls back onto the road and heads toward the bar and grille.

  “How did I end up with such a good guy like you?” I ask aloud in wonder. His shoulders tense at my words and I frown in confusion. What did I say now? Chase laughs without humor and shakes his head to himself.

  “I’m not a good guy, Aliza. Don’t think small acts of kindness make me one.”

  My brows shoot up and I sit back flabbergasted. When we pull into the parking lot of the bar and grille I’m still quietly sitting in my seat wondering what the fuck just happened.

  Why does he think he’s such a bad guy?

  Chase gets out of the driver side and walks around the car to open my door. His face is tense and he’s silent as he watches me get out.

  “Chase, I...” My voice trails off trying to think of something to say. He shakes his head and laces his fingers through mine; he pecks me gently on the lips and turns around leading us inside without another word.

  Everyone stares at us as we walk inside and I frown, wondering why they’re staring. A few of the female employees glare daggers at me, then it hits me – we walked inside holding hands. I look down at our entwined hands then back up to the stares of all the employees.

  I blow out a deep breath and glance up at Chase who’s walking normally and seems unfazed by all this attention we’re receiving. Chase slightly squeezes my hand and I relax a little bit at his gesture. I immediately spot Natalia and Sam near the bar. It’s not hard to miss. They’re both beaming at us like maniacs. Chase and I part ways with a soft, lingering kiss and I nearly melt on the spot. That kiss almost made me forget about how he acted in the car.

  Almost.

  “How are you still standing?’ Natalia jokes. “I would be in a puddle at that man’s feet.” She sighs with longing. Sam on the other hand scoffs and rolls her eyes at Natalia.

  “Please Ms. Virgin, the only person you’re melting for is a quarterback and we all know it.”

  “For the love of God, Samantha! He doesn’t like me, we’re just friends. Drop. It,” Natalia hisses through narrowed slits.

  “Alright guys,” I say raising my voice and hands to shut them down before they start their daily bickering. Natalia huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “How about we talk about my love life? It’s finally up for discussion.” I point out gleefully watching both their eyes light up.

  “Thank God!” Sam groans. “I’ve been waiting three months for this shit, so spill.” Sam impatiently waves her hands in a gimme gesture. I can’t help but laugh at her.

  “Well, for starters I’ve had five orgasms today,” I admit sheepishly through my lashes. Natalia squeals and Sam cackles with laughter. I proceed to tell them the PG-13 version of my love life.

  “God, I hate you. Is that okay to hate you? Because I do. You are one lucky bitch,” Sam says as she slaps her hand on the bar top for effect. I laugh and shrug with a knowing smirk.

  “Seriously, me too. I’m so jealous of you right now, Aliza, but I’m also really happy for you. I have never seen you smile this much.” Natalia points out, making heat rise to my cheeks and my heart swell in my chest. She’s right; I haven’t smiled this much in over three years. Once I met Chase that all changed. He’s slowly brought color back into my dark world. What was once black and white is now filled with a kaleidoscope of colors.

  “This conversation is so continuing at our break,” Natalia says pointing a finger in my direction. “Now let’s get to work before Alex starts bitching at us.” She claps her hands together and pivots toward the tables that are now filling with people.

  The rest of the workday goes by quickly and smoothly. I see Chase every now and again, and it makes my heart stutter in my chest. He’s so handsome it’s almost impossible not to stare at him. He catches my ogling stare every time, and teases me with his sexy smirk and a wink.

  God, I love him.

  Wait what?

  Oh no.

  No, no, no, no! I don’t love him, do I?

  I can’t. It’s impossible. I’m not even capable of loving anyone anymore.

  I quickly busy myself with cleaning tables and taking orders to keep my mind off the major slip up I just had in my head. By eight o’clock the bar and grille is packed for last minute happy hour. The girls and I are busting our asses as we take and retrieve orders. I’m finally comfortable enough working her
e, that everything has become second nature to me. I can easily remember multiple orders, and juggle many things at once. Everything is running smoothly, until I see her. And by her, I mean the devil.

  Or Erin. Same difference.

  She’s alone today, no minions to back her up, thankfully. Her presence is unsettling for me. Why would she be here alone? Does she want to see Chase? Are they still seeing each other? Before I’m able to give myself an anxiety attack with my thoughts I feel a soft arm wrap around my shoulder.

  “If you need me to stab her, I won’t hesitate,” Natalia whispers in my ear. My uneasiness settles briefly as I blow out a light laugh.

  “I can help with the body?” I say contemplatively with a cock of my head. We bust up laughing and watch like hawks as she makes her way to the bar which is Sam’s area. Wrong move, honey.

  “This should be fun to watch,” Natalia says smugly, crossing her arms over her chest as she gestures to Sam who’s already glaring at Erin.

  “Can you grab CJ for me, sweetie? I’m supposed to be meeting him. He knows my usual anyway.” Erin leans over the bar with her usual sour smile. My blood boils instantly.

  Who the hell does this girl think she is?

  Sam throws her head back with an obnoxious laugh.

  “I can assure you, sweetie, CJ doesn’t want to see you. I don’t think his girlfriend would appreciate that too much either. So why don’t you just run along to your usual corner on the street and start your shift,” Sam bites back, effectively dismissing her. I watch in joy as Erin shrinks on the bar stool, her brows pull down in confusion and she looks completely shocked. Much to my enjoyment.

  “Girlfriend?” Erin scoffs as she stiffens back up her spine. “CJ doesn’t do girlfriends. He’s the king of casual, everyone knows that.”

  “Well, sweet cheeks, that’s where you and those huge lips of yours are wrong.” Sam playfully points her finger at Erin’s lips. “My good friend, Aliza, who’s standing right over there,” She bows in my direction and waves her hand my way like I’m royalty, “is CJ’s future wife, but we can just call her his girlfriend for now.” I have to bite my bottom lip to control my laughter. She sighs dramatically and cups Erin’s face in her hand.

  “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Spare yourself some embarrassment honey.” She sneers to a red-faced Erin. I’ve never seen anyone look so angry before. If it wasn’t so funny, it might have been a little frightening. Erin snatches her face out of Sam’s hand and hops off the bar stool outraged.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? You?” She shouts at the top of her lungs and points to me. My breathing halts and I freeze. Everyone is now focused on us, and I’m no longer smiling. Shit.

  Erin takes menacing strides toward me and Natalia quickly stands in front of me as a shield which is comical because I’m taller than her.

  “He chose you? What a fucking joke!” Erin laughs sourly. “You’re a fucking anorexic looking charity case. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t really want you, he never will.” She spits at my feet. She literally spits out her saliva at my feet and I. See. Red. I pounce at her ready to fight, completely forgetting Natalia’s standing in front of me. She grips me by the arms and holds on tightly.

  “She’s not worth it,” Natalia insists as the voice of reason. My chest is heaving as I stop myself from trying to murder the maniac before me. Just as I’m finally able to catch my breath she guts me with a knife. Metaphorically speaking that is.

  “Do you let him fuck you the way I do? Huh?” She taunts with a wicked smile. “Do you let him spank you and pull your hair while he comes, Aliza, do you? Because I did, and that’s why he always comes back to me.” She sneers. “I can handle every form of that man, not just the sweet and gentle lover you think you know so well. You’ll never be what he needs, and I’ll always be the one he comes back to little girl. Remember that.”

  The metaphoric knife twists with each word, effectively rendering me speechless. I can’t get the images she’s painted of them together out of my mind. I feel like my heart has fallen inside my stomach and the ache in my chest is enough to make me want to cry. I can picture him fucking her, clear as day and it feels like a fist is squeezing around my heart mercilessly. It’s hard to breathe. I keep seeing it over and over, my eyes burn and my chest tightens. I hate that he’s shared himself with anyone else but me. It’s unreasonable, I know, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less when the guy I love has his past shoved in my face.

  Natalia pulls my stiff body into her embrace as Sam whispers something in my ear that I’m unable to comprehend at the moment. As I stare at Erin’s hateful smile, I realize I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate her.

  “Get the fuck out right now Erin or so help me God,” Chase says coldly from somewhere beside me causing me to flinch.

  “What’s the matter CJ?” Erin sneers through slit eyes. “You don’t want me to hurt your little whore’s feelings with details of our sex life?” She grits. “But it’s okay to hurt mine, right? I told you I loved you and what the fuck did I get? Not a damn thing!”

  I wince, and pinch my eyes closed to block out everything she’s saying.

  “That’s enough!” Chase shouts angrily. “You will never speak about her like that again. Do you hear me? And you will never step foot inside here again, Erin. If you do, I will personally throw you out.” He seethes. Erin winces and glares at me no doubt blaming me for this scene she just caused.

  “Fuck you, bitch,” she says right to me. It’s hateful, and I flinch again. Not because I care she called me a bitch but because I can feel the hatred she has harbored toward me. Her stare burns holes through my skull before she turns around and marches out of the bar and grille. Everyone is still staring at us with wide eyes.

  “Mind your business assholes, shows over!” Sam shouts behind me as she heads back to the bar. I flick my gaze up to Chase whose jaw is clenched and his body is rigid. His blue eyes find mine and I immediately feel at ease with one look from him. He determinedly makes his way to me and gently cups my face in his hands. His thumbs stroke my face and I close my eyes at the soothing feel of it.

  “You okay?” His voice is deep and thick, still filled with anger. I blow out a breath before I attempt to open my eyes. His blues pierce mine and all I’m able to do is nod my head slightly.

  “Let’s get some air, beautiful girl,” he whispers as he kisses the top of my hair. Chase leads me outside onto the now empty deck. I lean back against the railing and look up at the man I love, who is staring at me like I’m the only girl in the world. The moon shines off his blonde hair, making it look gold, his blue eyes twinkle under the stars of night and I sigh at his sheer beauty.

  “I’m sorry, Aliza. I promise I won’t ever let her do anything like that again. Fuck.” He grits his teeth. “I’m so fucking pissed right now.” I tentatively place my arm on his bicep and feel his tensed muscle. I give him a small squeeze and shake my head.

  “It’s okay; it’s not your fault,” I say quietly. The muscle in his jaw clenches tighter. I take a deep breath before asking the question I need to know the answer to.

  “Am I enough, Chase?” My heart pounds as I wait for his answer. That was the one thing she said that truly bothered me. What if I’m not enough for a man like him?

  My hands turn clammy and I watch as his features go from angry to confused then his expression softens. He closes the distance between us and grips my face into his hand while his other hand sweeps my hair out of my face.

  His eyes caress every one of my features.

  “Aliza, you’re more than I deserve,” he admits through grief stricken eyes. “You make me want things I never knew I wanted. You’ve changed everything for me.” He grips my face in his hands as he searches my eyes. “When I’m with you…it doesn’t hurt as much,” he admits quietly. “So yes, you’re enough, Aliza. You’re more than enough. You. Are. Everything,” he emphasizes and my heart flutters sending warmth through my body.

  I can’t stop the moisture from fa
lling out of the corners of my eyes. His words hit me right where I needed them too. I grip his hands holding my face as he wipes my tears away.

  “You do the same for me,” I whisper through my tears. “You give me a reason to be happy again,” I admit before reaching up on my tip toes and placing my mouth over his softly. I should’ve told him right then and there that I loved him but it just wouldn’t come out, so I pour all my love into this kiss. Our lips move slowly, and gently. His kiss is firm yet feather light all at once, it’s enough to make me whimper into his mouth and yearn for more. We pull away to rest our foreheads against each other’s.

  “Let’s get you home,” Chase says before placing a kiss on top of my hair. I nod and smile. We exit through the back to get to his car in order to avoid all the nosey stares of the patrons and the employees. Like the gentleman he is, Chase helps me into the Range Rover before walking around to the driver side. I watch intently as he turns the key in the ignition and puts the car into drive. I reach across and place my hand over his.

  “I’d like to go home with you.” I pronounce and wait eagerly for his reaction. He cocks his head thoughtfully to the side as he searches my eyes. He runs his hand through his tousled hair and nods his head.

  “If that’s what you want, beautiful.” He checks for traffic before taking off to his house.

  The ride is silent as my mind starts to replay everything that happened at the bar and grille tonight. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still upset by what I heard. I hate having the image of them together in my mind. I stew over everything she said the whole way home. By the time we get inside Chase offers to make dinner and suggests a shower to me. I nod silently and hope the hot water can wash away all the horrid images.

  I feel marginally better after my shower, the images haven’t completely erased but I’ve pushed them to the back of my mind for now. I walk down the hall and get hit with a delicious aroma. My stomach growls at the smell of food and I quicken my stride to see what he’s making. I watch from the threshold of the kitchen as Chase cooks something at the stove. His back is to me, and I watch in appreciation as his back muscles flex with each movement. I discretely waltz up behind him and wrap my arms around his middle. I hug him from behind and place my cheek against his back and splay my hands across his firm abdomen. I let out a contented sigh at how comfortable he feels to me.