Just an Illusion - EP

by D. Kelly

  Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and all day today I’ve been kicking myself for keeping him at a distance. After putting Nate to sleep, I finally work up the nerve to apologize to him, but what I see when he opens his door takes my breath away.

  “Hey, Mel, what do you need?” he asks as he puts on his watch. Sawyer is dressed to kill and my plan to talk to him crashes and burns.

  “Never mind, it can wait. Are you going out?”

  His eyes rake me over and I feel like a slob. I’m in jeans and a t-shirt, but fuck, he could be heading to the Grammy’s with how mouthwatering he looks right now.

  “Yeah, I have a date.”

  “You what? I mean … good for you.” I’m stammering over my words as my heart breaks into a million pieces but it’s my fault this time. Maybe I wasn’t wrong after all.

  “I’ve got a few minutes if you want to talk … about anything.” He’s giving me an opening, and I want desperately to take it, but I can’t.

  “Who’s the lucky girl?” Like I even want to know.

  “Dawn,” he says, like I’m supposed to know who that is. Then it comes to me in a flash.

  “The hostess from the club?” I shriek.

  The corner of his mouth kicks up in a grin. “The one and only.”

  “So I guess you’re going to sleep with her.” Fuck, Mel, use your filter!

  “Any reason why I shouldn’t?” he asks with a malicious grin.

  Yes, because you’re fucking mine.

  “Uh, no, I guess not. Have a nice night, Sawyer.”

  Twenty minutes after he leaves, I text Anna.

  Sawyer went out on a date with a tramp from that sex club.

  Anna: Seriously?

  That’s what he said.

  Anna: I’m sure you don’t have anything to worry about, he’s just letting off some steam. I guess you didn’t talk to him?

  No. Once I saw how good he looked I didn’t want to get in his way.

  Anna: Text him!

  I can’t. Maybe this is for the best.

  Anna: That’s bullshit and you know it. You need to tell him you love him. Don’t risk losing him to save face. Not now when you’ve both come so far.

  I send Sawyer the link for “Girl Crush” by Little Big Town and wait to see if he sends anything back.

  Anna: Did you text him?

  A song, I haven’t heard back yet.

  Anna: Can the two of you ever grow the fuck up and use your words?

  It’s our thing.

  Anna: I know and if you weren’t fighting it would be adorable, but you are.

  *sigh* I know, but let me see if he texts back.

  A few minutes later, I get a link for “Over It” by Katharine McPhee. If I weren’t so sad at his song choice, it would make me laugh.

  Quickly, I fire off the link for “Between the Lines” by Sara Bareilles, and when I don’t hear anything back from him or Anna for a bit, I decide to text Wyatt.

  I know it’s late, but are you busy? I think I’m ready for that favor.

  Wyatt: I’ll be there in twenty minutes. You better have your heart open for this, Mel.

  I do.

  Wyatt: See you soon.

  Then I shoot off an apology text to Anna.

  Sorry, I hope you two weren’t in the middle of anything.

  Anna: Nope, gives me the perfect chance to wrap his Valentine’s Day gift. Besides, you need to hear what he has to say. It’s time all these secrets come out of their fucking closets once and for all.

  I shoot another song to Sawyer, this time “Run Run Run” by Kelly Clarkson and John Legend. I get the tequila out and take a shot of courage before Wyatt gets here and then leave the bottle out in case he wants one, too. As Wyatt enters the kitchen, my phone goes off again.

  “Hang on a sec, it’s Sawyer,” I tell him as I pull up the link. It’s for “Don’t Let Me Let You Go” by Jamie Lawson and my heart floods with hope.

  Fuck it. I send him the one song that reminds me of both him and Noah, hoping he interprets the meaning right. After sending him the link for “Breathe Again” by Sara Bareilles, I turn my attention to Wyatt.

  “Do you want a drink?”

  “Maybe just some water, thanks.” After handing him a bottle of water, we sit down on the couch.

  “The two of you are a mess, you know that, right?” he asks.

  “For sure. I’ve never met anyone who drives me as crazy as he does, but he also makes me feel so incredibly loved in spite of all my flaws.”

  “You’re both flawed, it’s why you work. Alright, Mel, after our talk you can consider us even. No favors owed. Noah was my best friend and there are some things I think I should keep to myself, but you and Sawyer are here and it’s more important to me that you both are happy.”

  “Why do I feel like this is going to sting?”

  He pats my hand. “Because it will, for a few reasons.”

  “Okay, hit me.”

  “I’m not sure the best place to start so I’ll go with my video. That was a motherfucker to watch, but I’m glad I have it. Noah asked me to look out for Sawyer. He wasn’t sure how Sawyer would take his video and losing his twin and thought maybe he would self-destruct.

  “Anyway, he wanted me to encourage Sawyer to be with you. I’m sorry, Mel, because I didn’t do what he asked of me. Truth is, I’m not sure how I feel about you and Sawyer. There are days I’m still struggling with not having Noah around. We’re all family, but to encourage you or Sawyer didn’t sit right with me. So I didn’t really do anything. If you love him, if he loves you, that’s something I think you should figure out yourselves and not because Noah or anyone else thought it was right or meant to be.”

  His words fill my heart with joy. “Thank you, Wyatt. Sounds like you understand why I took Noah’s video to him the way I did.”

  “For sure, but don’t thank me yet because I’m not completely innocent in this. The night of the accident, Noah begged me to tell Sawyer it was okay.”

  That’s what Darren said to Sawyer outside of my room that day. “What was okay, Wyatt?”

  “For him to love you. For the two of you to be together. It’s the first and only secret I ever kept from Anna. I didn’t tell anyone for about six months. It was something I needed to work out in my head and not be influenced by anything except my conscience and Noah’s wishes. It wasn’t until after Sawyer watched Noah’s video that I told him. In the beginning, I thought about telling him but we weren’t all in the best place, and then we were all trying to keep one foot in front of the other, you know?”

  I pull my feet up under me on the couch and lean back. “I completely understand. You shouldn’t feel bad. You did what Noah asked in the end, you passed along his message.”

  Wyatt shakes his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. I passed on his message to Sawyer, but I didn’t pass on his message to you. Part of me still doesn’t want to but I owe it to all of you. But first, I need to tell you what happened the day you were sick when we were in New York.”

  “That started off as a bad day.” I reply, and he nods.

  “We were at breakfast and Warren was pissed that Sawyer and Darren were late. Noah and I volunteered to go get them and, par for the course, fans were staking out the elevator so we ducked into the stairwell. When we reached the second-floor landing, we heard a man crying.

  “Noah held me back, recognizing it was Sawyer before I did. That’s when Sawyer confessed to Darren he was in love with you.”

  “No …” Gasping, I cover my mouth.

  “I’m afraid so. Noah already knew, but Sawyer was good at playing it off. I wanted to let them know we were there before things got bad, but Noah held me in my place. The more Sawyer cried, the more Noah’s body trembled. He was feeling every bit of Sawyer’s pain as he confessed to Darren how much your rejection hurt him.”

  “Oh my God.”

  Poor Noah.

  Poor Sawyer.

/>   “Sawyer and Darren were hashing out Sawyer’s feelings. He was gutted by your kiss and rejection and was trying to find a way to balance his pain and his happiness for you and Noah. He wanted to tell Noah about the kiss, he didn’t want either of you carrying that burden around. Then Sawyer mentioned why you wanted to keep it secret, how you were protecting their relationship and family at the risk of your own, and Noah’s eyes lit up.”

  “Why?”

  Wyatt chuckles. “Patience, young Padawan, I’m getting to that. Sawyer started being self-deprecating, comparing all of Noah’s good to his bad. It was fucking brutal to listen to and even worse to see how much pain Noah was in listening and not being able to reassure his twin. At the end of it all, Sawyer pledged to do good things and never fuck up his relationship with Noah again.”

  “That’s it?”

  “No, but that’s all we stayed for. I thought Noah was going to lose it but instead he pulled me into an empty conference room and we texted Darren and Sawyer to get their asses to breakfast. Finally, I asked Noah what he was going to do. I thought it was going to be a Marilyn-level fuck up but as usual, Noah surprised the fuck out of me.

  “He begged me to never repeat what we’d overheard and confessed how awful he felt that he couldn’t help Sawyer through this no matter how much he wanted to. When I asked if he was pissed, do you have any idea what he said?”

  “That he hated me? I can’t imagine him not being upset with me.” This conversation is painful as fuck.

  “Nope, he said his main takeaway was that he’d officially broken down all of your walls. He kept saying, ‘She loves me, Wyatt, and she’s going to marry me. Maybe one day she’ll even have my babies.’ He was relieved, Mel. Instead of being angry he was blown away that you were protecting his family because of your love for him.”

  “I was dumbfounded. Noah found what he considered the biggest silver lining in what should have been the biggest betrayal. I understood why you were protecting Sawyer, I would have done the same thing, but Noah was forever surprising me and this moment was no different.

  “When you announced your pregnancy that night, I was so relieved. The timing couldn’t have been better. I knew it would be what finally got Sawyer to let you go. The genuine happiness Sawyer had for both of you was the icing on the cake. There were a few times after that when Noah said he sort of led you into a conversation where you could have told him what happened but you didn’t.”

  “Oh no. He had to have been so angry with me,” I sob, wiping away my tears as I struggle to wrap my head around the fact Noah knew.

  Wyatt laughs. “Noah was a saint, Mel. Any normal person would have been mad. He was so fucking proud of you for fighting to keep your family together. For not rolling over and throwing Sawyer under the bus. At some point, I started wondering if we should get him checked for some sort of chemical imbalance. No normal person could be as inherently good as Noah was.”

  “He was the best person I’d ever met, and I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone again with a heart like his.”

  “I think you’re wrong about that. I’m pretty sure you’re raising him already.”

  His words make me smile. My little Nathaniel is Noah to a T.

  “Wyatt, why are you telling me all this? Why now?”

  He leans back and exhales. “Because you watched Sawyer’s video and I’ve seen how destructive it’s been. Noah didn’t plant that seed. Mel. He didn’t convince Sawyer to fall for you and make a family with you. Sawyer has been on that road almost as long as Noah was. Right or wrong, first choice or second, Sawyer loves you. I wouldn’t be a true friend to you, Sawyer, or Noah if I didn’t let you know the backstory.”

  As his words sink in, my phone buzzes. “You going to check that?”

  “It can wait a minute. Tell me the rest. What have you been keeping from me, Wyatt?”

  The pained expression on his face is heartbreaking. “Nobody knows this, except for Anna, but she was sworn to secrecy. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me but I had to tell someone. When we were in the helicopter on the way to the hospital, Noah was so content, almost euphoric. He was in this weird state of bliss out of nowhere, the medic even checked his med log to see if someone had given him something he wasn’t aware of.

  “He turned to me with a classic Noah smile and said, ‘Wyatt, at Mel and Sawyer’s wedding, tell them not to worry, it’s in the bag.’

  “I remember laughing and thinking he must have gotten some really good drugs and they just forgot to mark it down. I mean, you guys had just been married and you were having his baby. Then, he said, ‘Tell Mel she’s still going to cash in those fifty years as Mrs. Weston, Mrs. Sawyer Weston.’”

  I’m stunned and still crying.

  “I’m sure that’s how my face looked, too. I was in shock and then he dozed off. Like no big deal, whatever. When he woke up again, it was like nothing had ever happened. He was anxious and demanding to get to you and his baby. When he died, you were destroyed, rightfully so. There was no time for me to squeeze in a conversation about what he said. I felt torn. I didn’t want to say something and have it lead you to a path you would have never taken, and I didn’t want to keep something so important from you once you were on that path. So yeah, I understood exactly how you felt about his video because it’s how I felt about the secret I was keeping.”

  I’ve wiped away my tears and am trying to catch my breath. “So why tell me now? After all this time?”

  “Have you seen yourself lately? You’re a mess, Mel. It’s obvious to everyone but you how head-over-heels you are with Sawyer. And if you haven’t noticed, he’s a fucking disaster himself. Secrets have a way of coming out, and now they’re all on the table. I’m officially declaring my support for the both of you, not like you need it.”

  I throw my arms around him and hug him hard. “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad I know everything now.”

  “Well, there’s one more secret I can’t tell you. It’s Sawyer’s to tell, and he’s promised me he’ll tell you before tomorrow.”

  “Great,” I grumble.

  He chuckles as he stands. “I’m pretty sure this secret will make you happy. Have some faith, Mel, I think it’s about time we all did. I’ll see you later.”

  “Thank you, Wyatt. For everything. We’re totally even now. In fact, at this point, I probably owe you another favor.”

  “I might take you up on that in babysitting hours. I think Jake needs a brother or sister.”

  With a laugh, I pat him on the shoulder. “When you get Anna on board with that one, you let me know.”

  After Wyatt leaves, I put away the tequila and open a bottle of wine. Turning on the music, I play the song I sent Sawyer earlier. I’ve listened to this song a lot lately. It describes my love for Sawyer and Noah perfectly. How my love for Noah still holds me back, but all I want is to breathe Sawyer in.

  Earlier this evening, I took off my necklace with my wedding rings and put it away with Noah’s ring. It was an especially bittersweet moment—one I never thought I’d be faced with when Noah slid those rings on my fingers. I know it’s the right call; I can’t hang on to the past, not when Sawyer is my future. I was hoping he’d notice the subtle change but he was so focused on his date, he didn’t.

  It’s after midnight and I should probably go lie down, but I know I won’t sleep. If he comes home smelling like her, I don’t know what I’ll do. God, what if he doesn’t come home at all? What if his head is between her legs right now?

  “You must be in a reflective mood.” His voice startles me and I jump out of my seat, nearly spilling my wine.

  “You just scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here? And why would you say that?”

  He’s got flowers in his hands—a big bouquet of red and white roses filled with baby’s breath. He’d better not be bringing her back here or we’re going to have words.

  “I’m sorry I scared you, that wasn’t my intention. I’
m here because I live here and this is our home. And I say that because you shoot tequila when you want to forget or have fun, and you drink wine when you want to think or relax.”

  “You think you know me so well.”

  Sawyer moves closer and my breath catches. He really does look sexy tonight. He pulls his lip into his mouth and tugs on his lip ring. That move gets me wet every time and he knows it.

  “I’d like to think I know you intimately.”

  I move back into the living room, trying to put some distance between us. “Where’s your date?”

  “She’s right here.”

  “In our house?” My panicked tone brings his cocky smirk front and center.

  “Did you read your texts, Mel?”

  Shit, my phone. I reach down and grab it off the coffee table.

  Sawyer: I’m on my way home. We need to talk.

  P.S. I lied, I never had a date.

  “You never had plans with her?”

  “Nope, I threw away her card in the room at the club. Why would I need it when I have you?”

  My frustration with him takes over. “Why would you do that to me?”

  He stalks toward me and places the flowers on the table before pulling me to him. I haven’t been this close to him in weeks but my body instinctively curves to his.

  “Because, Princess, it’s Valentine’s Day and I want to do something. But in order to do it, you needed to talk to me. I figured if you thought I had a date it would at least get you mad enough to open up.”

  “I was ready to open up before you left, but … Fuck, Sawyer. You hurt me! I thought you were off fucking Busty Barbie.”

  He’s laughing. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but I didn’t know any other way to break through to you. You hurt me, too, Mel. I don’t know how many ways I can say it. I was in love with you before the accident and I’m going to love you for the rest of my life. Why would I downgrade to Busty Barbie when I’ve got a real live Princess right here?”

  He brings his lips to mine and kisses me tenderly. Resting our heads together, his eyes meet mine. “Are we good now?”