Just an Illusion - EP

by D. Kelly

  “I think so.”

  “Mel, I noticed it earlier and didn’t want to read into it, but …” His eyes drop to my chest, the hopeful lilt in his voice trailing off like he’s scared to even speak the words in case it’s not true.

  “I’m taking another step, Sawyer. I don’t need the protection of those rings anymore. Not when I’ve got you to keep me safe.”

  He closes his eyes briefly and they’re shining with love when he opens them. “Are we still taking things slow?”

  “If slow involves sex then yes, we’re taking things slow.”

  “Good,” he answers, leading me to his bedroom. “Slow is exactly how I want to take you tonight. I want to make love to you, Mel. Do you think we can manage that?”

  My heart flutters like crazy and I pull his hand to my chest. “Can you feel that?”

  A sinful smile spreads across his mouth “That’s from me?”

  “That’s all you, baby. Make love to me.”

  As I pull my shirt over my head, he works the button on my jeans. While kicking off his shoes, he manages to slide my pants and panties down. Lifting my legs out one by one, he slides his hands up the backs of my legs, pausing at the apex of my thighs and inhaling deeply.

  “Fuck, I’ve missed the way you smell.”

  He pulls my legs apart and his tongue dives in and flicks my clit. I fully expect him to work me to orgasm with his mouth but he surprises me and pulls back, continuing his journey up my body. Pausing long enough to unclasp my bra, I let it fall off my arms as he stands back, perusing my body from head to toe.

  “You’re wearing far too many clothes, Sawyer. If I’m going to be your eye candy, you need to be mine.” I walk toward him as he slowly and methodically takes his time with each and every button on his shirt.

  My hands move to his pants and unbutton them. As his slacks slide down his legs, I run my hand over his exquisite package. The wetness from his cock seeps through the cotton of his boxer briefs and I drop to my knees so I can pull them down and give him a proper hello.

  Using both hands, I stroke him until he throws back his head and hisses his frustration. Then I drop my mouth over him and suck him in. My tongue swirls around the tip of his cock while my hand works his length. I’m enjoying the taste of his pre-cum too much to give him the blowjob he deserves.

  “Stop being a cock tease, Princess, and lie down.” He pops out of my mouth when I laugh, but he’s laughing, too, as he guides me to the bed.

  Standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes rake over my body. As he lowers himself to the mattress, he reaches for my foot. He massages one, then the next, and it’s heavenly. I can’t hold back my cries of pleasure as he continues his massage all the way up my legs.

  Sliding his fingers through my wetness, he teases me but doesn’t linger long. As if he can’t resist, he brings his finger to his mouth and sucks the wetness from it and his eyes roll back in his head.

  Paving a blazing trail of kisses from my abdomen to my breasts, he takes his time licking and sucking me thoroughly, until his mouth finally catches mine in a slow, delectable kiss. When he pulls away, he moves his mouth to my neck, his lips caressing me in just the spot to make me buck beneath him. “Flip over, Princess,” he murmurs against my skin.

  When I turn onto my belly, he reaches for something on the table. I can’t see it but I feel wetness trickle down my back. He pushes my hair off to the side and works the oil into my skin. I’m so relaxed I could almost fall asleep. After rubbing it in, he begins to suck and lick it off. Leaning over my shoulder, he captures my lips with his. He tastes like vanilla and I deepen the kiss, wanting more of everything he’s giving me.

  His erection presses against my backside and he groans against my skin. “Someday, Princess, I want you here, too.”

  “Anything you want, as long as you’re careful.”

  Groaning, he slides off of me and rolls us over, then reaches for a condom. When he’s fully sheathed, he settles himself between my legs and lowers his mouth to my breasts.

  Paying equal attention to each one, he slides inside of me.

  “Sawyer …” His name falls from my lips as I relish the sensation of him entering me after so long. I’ve missed this connection with him so much.

  He laces his fingers through mine, and our bodies sync with each other. His thrusts are slow and deliberate, and so incredibly deep. Every time he pushes into me, I feel myself drowning in his love. He lowers his mouth to mine and steals my breath with his kiss. My orgasm builds but I don’t want to come yet. He pushes deeper and deeper, sensing my hesitation.

  “Come with me, Amelia,” he says, and it’s not his words but the sound of my name on his lips that sets me off. It’s rare when he uses it and when he does, it’s everything. Clenching his hands tighter in mine, I let myself crash into him with everything I am. I’m never holding back from him again.

  “I love you, Sawyer.” My words are whispered against his lips and with them he finds his own release. His body trembles and shakes against mine, as if he’s feeling it in every cell of his body.

  “I love you, too, Amelia. For now, and for always.”

  A little while later, we’re cleaned up and curled up together. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks but being in his arms feels like home.

  Just as I’m beginning to fall asleep, he brushes his finger over my cheek. “Hey, Mel?”

  “Hm?”

  “Will you move in here with me? I want you in my bed each night, I want your things mixed in with mine, I want you to make my bathroom messy, even though it will drive me fucking crazy.”

  His words are passionate, but there’s an underlying hesitancy and I wonder how long he’s wanted this. “I’d love to drive you crazy, Sawyer. Name the time and place.”

  “Tomorrow morning, your stuff to my room, I’ll even help you pack.”

  “As long as you bring the coffee and Pop-Tarts, I’m in. I want to be wherever you are.”

  Sawyer kisses me sweetly and we fall asleep, bodies entwined, and I know I want this with him for the rest of my life.

  Unfinished Business

  Cadence turned two this week and I can’t believe so much time has passed. I have loved watching every second of her growth and consider myself beyond blessed to be here for it when Belle can’t be. Last month, Noah would have been thirty-one—another milestone he wasn’t here for. It was a hard pill for all of us to swallow. We did our best to make it through and make it special for Sawyer. I’m not sure he’ll ever get to a place where his birthdays are actually happy again, but I hope he can.

  We have a foundation meeting next week so I can announce my final choice of causes to launch with. It’s been hard trying to narrow them down; I feel like something important is missing but I can’t put my finger on it.

  Noah’s EP releases in June and the hype around it is staggering. Sawyer and I have a ton of interviews lined up over the next few months. Neither of us wanted to do them, to subject ourselves to the spotlight that way, but we’re doing this for Noah and we agreed to do it together.

  I’ve also made a decision and I need to act on it today before I chicken out. It’s something Noah was supposed to help me with, which makes it a bit more difficult. Even so, I’ve made the calls and things are set up and waiting for me, I just need Sawyer to hold my hand. I’m hoping if I can get through this, I can get closer to being able to pack up Noah’s things. To get some final closure so I can stop holding back any piece of myself from Sawyer. Ever since Valentine’s Day, we’ve been closer than ever and I don’t want to lose any of the momentum we’ve gained. I’m tired of getting close to him only to have to take three steps back.

  His arms wrap around me from behind and I fall into them with ease. “You’re up even earlier than normal.”

  I spin around in his arms and hug him fiercely. “I need to do something today. Will you help me?”

  “Of course, what is it?”

&
nbsp; “I’d rather show you. Mama is keeping the kids until tomorrow, so now is the perfect time.”

  “It must be important, you didn’t even wait for me to shower with you.”

  “It is. Besides, last time we showered together we almost forgot to use a condom. We have to be more careful.”

  His expression softens. “Would it be so bad if we forgot? Or stopped using them altogether?”

  Whoa, where did this come from?

  “Sawyer, this is a big conversation to try to have first thing in the morning before coffee. Can we table this for now and come back to it later?”

  “I’ll agree because you have something on your mind. But I do want to come back to it soon, Mel. We need to start thinking long-term and it would be nice to give Nate some siblings that would be close in age.”

  After he hops in the shower, I find my anxiety medication and take one. I’m not taking them so much anymore, but talking about certain topics really flares me up for some reason. Living in the now with Sawyer is all I want but whenever we begin to discuss anything future-related, I freak out. I wonder if it’s because I’m not over Noah yet and I haven’t fully accepted the loss of our future together.

  That’s silly, though, right? Sawyer makes me just as happy as Noah did, some days it seems even more so. But I chalk that up to the short amount of time Noah and I had together. Whatever it is, it’s all the more reason why today is so important.

  Once Sawyer is dressed, Mac picks us up. I’ve already given him the address and he stopped for coffee and pastries on the way over.

  Sawyer looks inside the pastry bag and pulls out a butterfly donut. “You must be buttering me up,” he says before taking a huge bite.

  “Maybe a little bit, but I also know what makes you happy and cinnamon tucked into the center of some dough seems to be your favorite.”

  “You’re my favorite, but this is a close second.” While he groans his appreciation and continues eating, I sip my coffee and think about the day ahead of us.

  We ride in silence, Sawyer giving me much-needed space. That might be one of my favorite things about him; he’s an excellent judge of my moods and adjusts accordingly. He can also be a bit moody himself and I pride myself on being able to pick up on them and give him what he needs as well.

  When Mac pulls up to the gates of the estate, he punches in the code I gave him earlier and Sawyer lets out a low whistle. “Is this what I think it is?” he asks, looking out the window.

  “If you think it’s my parent’s house, then yes.” Outside the front door is a pallet full of cardboard boxes, rolls and rolls of bubble wrap, and there should be quite a few tape guns and markers out there somewhere.

  “What’s going on, Princess? It looks like a packing party.”

  The car comes to a stop and we all get out. “Mac, you’re welcome to take a tour, hang out by the pool, make yourself at home inside, or we can call you when we’re done.”

  “I’ve got my shorts and I’m ready for a dip. Thanks for the heads up, Mel. Let me know if you need help. I’ll come do the heavy lifting.”

  “Hey! You trying to say I can’t do some heavy lifting?” Sawyer asks. Mac laughs while I try to hold back my own laughter.

  “I think what Mac meant is we’ve got a lot to do and all hands on deck would be nice.”

  “Or that I’ve got a hundred and fifty pounds on you, give or take, and it’s all muscle.” Mac’s still laughing.

  “Yeah, yeah, Popeye. Go to the pool and eat your spinach.”

  Mac heads off to explore, and I pull Sawyer down to my lips for a kiss. “Your body is hot, Sawyer, and your muscles are nothing to laugh at. But you pay Mac to be as big as he is for a reason. He keeps you safe, so you can keep coming home to me.”

  “You always know just what to say, Princess. Now, tell me why we’re here. What’s really going on?”

  Lacing my fingers through his, I look up at him. “I’m not good with closure, obviously. My dad has been gone for over fifteen years and this house is the same as it was when my mom died. I’m pretty sure I got my avoidance from him.”

  “You’re babbling, Mel.”

  “I know, but this is hard. Don’t get mad. The other day, I was sitting in Noah’s closet again.”

  Sawyer exhales softly and squeezes my fingers tighter. “Why do you keep doing that to yourself?”

  “Because I don’t know how to let him go, not completely. And I know it’s holding us back. Last night, I realized if I can’t even let my parents go and pack up their things, there’s no way I’ll ever be able to pack up Noah’s. This is me trying, Sawyer. The only way out is through, right? That’s what your mom tells me all the time.”

  “I’m on board, Mel, with whatever you need from me, but I just wish …” He pauses, his eyes reflecting his pain.

  “What do you wish, Sawyer?”

  “It’s selfish, and I know things worked out this way for a reason and I wouldn’t change them for so many reasons, but I wish I wasn’t second best … that I would have been your first choice all along.”

  His words make me gasp for air. “Sawyer, please don’t think that. I don’t know how to explain it. Honestly, the fact you feel that way makes me extremely sad. There is nothing second best about you. I don’t want to diminish the way you feel because if you are feeling this way this is something we have to rectify. Can we talk about this later? When we have all the time in the world to focus on how I can get you to understand there is nothing second place about you in my heart?”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry I brought it up. Today is going to be a good day. Come on, show me Joey Triton’s house.”

  Sawyer’s words have really affected me. He must be rationalizing those thoughts in his head because he’s seen how difficult it’s been for me to try to move on from Noah. But I have to make this right somehow. Sawyer is too incredible of a person to ever consider himself second best of anything.

  “Wow, this place is amazing.” The awe in his tone makes me smile. I think Sawyer is fangirling a bit right now.

  “Come here, let me show you something I know you’ll love.” I lead him down the main hall into my dad’s office, which is really two adjoining rooms filled with awards, guitars, and a desk.

  “Holy shit, Mel!” Sawyer releases my hand and walks around the room slowly. He takes everything in as if it were a museum.

  “Fuck, Princess, you can’t get rid of this stuff. Name your price, I’ll buy the house and everything in it, as is. We’ll turn it into a smaller version of Graceland or something.”

  “If I thought you were serious, I’d give it to you,” I say with a smile.

  “You’d just give me a multi-million-dollar estate? No questions asked?”

  “Of course I would. Are you serious?”

  “It’s tempting, but no. All I want is for you to get whatever closure you need. And maybe that Martin over there, that’s a fucking classic.”

  He’s looking at that guitar like he looks at me when he’s about to devour my body. “It’s yours. Whatever you want, you can have. I’m thinking we can auction some of the leftovers off to raise money for the foundation.”

  “You’re not keeping anything?”

  “As we go through it all, I’ll figure out what is actually sentimental and put it aside. I’ve lived without anything in this house for most of my life, and I never spent much time here anyway.”

  He spins around the room and shakes his head. “Okay, here’s what I think. We call Darren, Wyatt, Warren, and Ryan, and get them over here. Take an hour or so and walk down memory lane. Then pick a room and start there. After you’ve cleared a room of what you want, we can go through behind you and decide what any of us want or what to auction off. Anything left gets donated. They’ll get a kick out of being here and you get a clear conscience.”

  “You’re sexy when you take charge,” I tell him, hopping up on the desk.

  With a groan, he stalks toward me. “And yo
u’d make my every fantasy come true if I could spread you out and fuck you over Joey’s desk. But since he’s your dad, and that has to be crossing some sort of invisible creepy line, we’ll forget I ever said anything.”

  Taking his hand in mine, I lead him down the hall to my childhood bedroom and close the door. “Not over his desk, but how about in my childhood bedroom? That has to be all sorts of wrong on some level.”

  He pushes me against the wall and holds my hands above my head. “So wrong, but so fucking right.”

  Three hours and three orgasms later, we’ve all found our groove. The guys have all busted a nut over the Triton legacy. It hasn’t been nearly as hard as I thought it would be to do this, either. Maybe after losing Belle and Noah, dealing with the loss of my parents seems further away and less painful.

  “How are you doing, Amelia?” Warren asks as he enters my parents’ bedroom.

  “I’m doing better than I thought I would be. I think I built this up in my head to be harder than it actually is.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he says, looking at a photo of my mom and dad hanging on the wall, “I think this would have been very difficult for the woman who sat down in my office almost three years ago. But for the Amelia standing in front of me, who has ridden the flames of hell and managed to extinguish them, it’s a piece of cake.”

  “I haven’t extinguished anything. Noah’s closet taunts me daily, as does his office.”

  His expression softens. “Give yourself time, it hasn’t been all that long.”

  “Mama packed up Belle’s apartment in less than a month.”

  “That was a different situation and you know it. She didn’t have the luxury of letting it sit. And from what I understand, you haven’t gone through any of those boxes she has waiting for you, either.”

  “Well, maybe if I can do this, I can face those.”

  Warren gives me a sad smile. “Even if it takes you another ten years, the world won’t stop turning. There’s no rush.”

  “There is, though. I need to stop hurting Sawyer.”

  “Is that what you think? That you’re hurting him by not erasing all traces of Noah? Come on, Mel, please tell me you don’t really believe that?” The astonished look he shoots my way slays me.