Spin My Love

by Chantal Fernando

  “Fuck Giselle, thank God you’re alright,” Gage mutters, leaning over me and kissing my brow. “If I lost you too …” He pauses. “I’ll be back. Parker is in the waiting room with Bianca.”

  A nurse walks in, wanting to check me over.

  Gage walks out and I’m left feeling empty. Destroyed. Like someone who just lost her best friend.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Giselle

  I’m kept in the hospital overnight. I’m fine, just a little bruised up. I had a concussion, so the doctors want to keep an eye on me. Parker and Gage spend the day with me, then go home at around six pm.

  When Tane walks in an hour later, I’m surprised to see him. He rushes over to my bed, a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. He puts them on the table and turns to me, his eyes filled with worry and pain.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispers, threading his fingers with mine. “God, I’m so sorry.”

  I stare into his eyes. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

  He swallows and lowers his gaze. “I know.”

  “I shouldn’t have run out on you; I should have stayed. Then Levi would still be alive.”

  “You can’t think like that,” he admonishes me gently.

  “I know.” But I can’t seem to stop myself. There are so many what ifs that are going to drive me crazy. So many factors that if they changed, could have made Levi still be alive right now.

  And it kills me.

  “How are you?” he asks, gently touching the scrape on my cheek.

  “I’m okay.” Physically, at least. “I can go home tomorrow.”

  I look at his rumpled clothes. “Did you come here straight from the airport?”

  “Yes,” he replies softly. “I went back and picked up my suitcase then had to wait for the next flight. Gage called me just as I was boarding the plane.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say. Levi was his friend, too, not just mine.

  He sighs sadly and cradles my face with his palms. “If anything had happened to you …”

  “I’m okay. I’m alive …”

  Which is more than I can say for Levi. Soon I’m crying again, this time in Tane’s arms.

  “Why do bad things happen to good people?” I sob into his chest.

  “Shhh,” he soothes, rubbing my back, kissing the top of my head.

  He makes me feel like it’s going to be okay, even though it isn’t. Nothing can bring Levi back; nothing. How am I ever going to learn to live with that? To live without him?

  *****

  Two weeks later

  I’m in bed watching Friends reruns when Tane walks in. He has a stubborn look on his face that I’ve seen before. He’s been tiptoeing around me for the last two weeks, cooking for me, helping with everything that needs to be done. He’s been amazing. Letting me sew myself together bit by bit, giving me time to heal.

  Not pushing me.

  But by the determined look on his face, that time is now over.

  “I think it’s time we spoke about what happened that night in the hotel room,” he says.

  Right, the huge elephant in the room. We still haven’t spoken about what happened. After I left the hospital we had Levi’s funeral to plan. Since his funeral, I pretty much haven’t left my bed.

  Tane’s been taking Parker to and from kindy and doing everything for him. He’s been keeping it all together, while I’ve been falling apart.

  “I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen,” he says when I stay quiet.

  I open my mouth, then close it. I’m surprised by his tone. He’s never spoken to me like that.

  Hard.

  Unmoving.

  He holds all my attention.

  “I haven’t taken any drugs,” he starts. “I told you I ran into an old friend. He was Keiran’s best friend.” He pauses, making sure he has my attention. “He wanted to catch up, said he needed someone to talk to about Keiran. He misses him. So do I. We grabbed some food at the pub and chatted for a while, and it was good. I told him all about you and Parker, and how I’d been clean for more than a year now.”

  He looks at me with an intensity that makes me gulp. “Keep going,” I say.

  “Afterwards he walked me back to my room. I guess he was just lonely. He asked to use my bathroom and of course I let him. He must have left it there either accidentally or maybe as an attempt to tempt me.”

  “And were you tempted?” I ask. My stomach is clenching, I’m so nervous about his answer.

  “I didn’t even know it was there until you showed it to me. Do I ever get tempted? Of course. Those feelings won’t just go away, Giselle. But all I think about are you and Parker, and I know that absolutely nothing is worth losing my family.” He tentatively edges closer and takes me by the hands, kissing each one in turn. “I know it looks bad, but it’s the truth. If I had messed up, I’d deserve your wrath, but that isn’t the case at all,” he says, staring straight ahead as he speaks.

  “Why would your so-called friend do this to you?” I ask.

  He sighs. “He was in even deeper than Keiran and me. I guess he wanted me back in that lifestyle with him. He must have been lonely and wanted a running partner. I don’t know, I can only guess.”

  “Tane, look at me,” I say.

  He does. I search his familiar eyes and see no deceit. “You promise you’re telling the truth?”

  He holds my stare. “I promise.”

  “Okay,” I say. “I believe you. I should have listened to you that night. I handled everything horribly, and I’m sorry.”

  He slowly nods. “When you said I needed to want to stay clean for me, not you and Parker, you were right. I deserve to be happy with the two of you. And I won’t do anything to ruin that. I love you, Giselle, I always have.”

  I smile at that. “I know. You’ve always been mine.”

  He laughs. “Yes, I have.”

  “You can talk to me, you know, about anything. I want to be there for you, and I’m sorry that I haven’t been.”

  He nods and smiles at me. “Okay. Now stop being stubborn and give me a kiss.”

  I do just that.

  “We lost Levi,” he says, “but you need to get up and out of this bed. Our son needs you. Justin needs you.”

  “I know,” I tell him, tears filling my eyes. “It’s just not fair.”

  “No, it’s not,” he agrees, voice breaking slightly.

  He gives me his hand for me to stand up. I take it, squeezing his larger hand in mine.

  I believe his words. I just hope that I’m right to trust my instincts on this one.

  Trust.

  Honesty.

  Commitment.

  I value these things, and I know Tane does too.

  I trust him. And I will until he gives me a reason not to.

  *****

  Giselle

  I answer the door wearing nothing but my ratty robe. When I see Bianca standing there, I do a double-take. “Ummm, hello.”

  “Hello Giselle,” she says, smiling sweetly. “I brought you some cake, and I thought we could have a talk?”

  I do like cake.

  I open the door and let her in. I’m home alone and wasn’t really expecting any company, but not much I can do about it now.

  “I’m sorry about Levi,” she starts, exhaling deeply as she sits down at my dining table. I nod and look down at the mention of him. “Gage isn’t taking it so well. I’m trying to be there for him as much as I can. I’m just happy he hasn’t completely shut me out.”

  “I’m glad my brother has you to be there for him,” I manage to say.

  “Well that’s the thing. I was kind of hoping you would let me be there for you as well,” she says.

  I lift my head. “What do you mean?”

  “I love your brother,” she says. “And you’re a big part of his life. I was hoping we could get to know each other. Be friends.”

  I smile. “That sounds great, Bianca.”

  “Maybe we could go out for dinner a
nd drinks sometime next week?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I could do that.”

  “Great,” she replies, looking relieved.

  “Now can I have some of that cake?”

  She laughs. “So Gage was right then; bringing the cake was a good idea?”

  I should have known my brother was behind this.

  “Would you like some coffee?” I offer.

  “I’d love some,” she replies.

  I get up and make her some, and we spend the rest of the morning chatting. Turns out Gage’s taste in women isn’t so bad after all.

  *****

  Gage and I sit side by side in the sand, letting the small waves wash over our feet.

  “How are you?” I ask him, squinting against the sunlight.

  “As can be expected. He was my brother, you know?”

  “I do know,” I whisper. It’s been a month. It doesn’t feel like it’s getting easier, but we’re trying to move forward.

  “Do you know why Levi never entered any surfing comps? Why he didn’t want to go pro?”

  “No,” I reply. I didn’t know why. Levi had always told me he wasn’t interested, that he loved surfing more than anything and he didn’t need to go pro to do it. He told me he was happy with how things were.

  “He didn’t want to leave you and Parker,” he says quietly. “He said he was happy staying here, in Perth.”

  I swallow hard, the pain in my chest tripling.

  “Bianca has been amazing,” he says so quietly I almost don’t hear him.

  “I know she has. You’re lucky to have her,” I say.

  “Thank fuck you like her.” He sighs.

  I laugh. “I like anyone who makes you happy, Gage.”

  He turns to me, sunglasses covering his eyes. “Thanks, Giselle.”

  “You know, if you two have a kid I owe you a shitload of babysitting.”

  He laughs. “Fuck yeah you do.”

  “Thanks for always being there for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother,” I tell him, playing with the sand with my fingers.

  He clears his throat. “You know I love you, baby sister.”

  “I do.”

  His actions always tell me so; he doesn’t need to say the words.

  “I’m going to surf for a bit,” he says, going deeper into the water with Levi’s board in his hand.

  I watch him surf and imagine Levi is right there next to him.

  *****

  Tane

  “Hello, Leanne Davies speaking,” a female voice answers. I take a deep breath. This won’t be easy.

  “Hey Leanne, it’s me, Tane.” I don’t have to wait long for the onslaught.

  “Tane! What the hell is going on? You’re supposed to be in New York in ten hours.” She’s pissed, and she has a right to be. Unfortunately, she’s going to have to deal.

  “Yeah, about that …” I begin. “I’m not going.”

  “You’re not …” she says in confusion. “What the hell do you mean you’re not going?”

  “I don’t want to do any more shows, Leanne.”

  “That’s not my problem, Tane,” she says. Her frustration is near palpable. “You entered into contracts. You’re legally obligated to be at these shows unless you have a damn good reason not to be.”

  “Call the promoters and tell them I’ll return the money, with interest. Tell them it’s a family emergency.”

  “Is it?” she asks. I swear she sounds concerned.

  “Kind of,” I say ambiguously. “I can’t be away from my son and fiancée right now.”

  “So what do you want me to do?” she asks.

  “Cancel the rest of the gigs I signed up for. I’m not going to perform any time soon, but I will still be producing, so keep the label updated.”

  “You owe me,” is all she says as she hangs up. I breathe a sigh of relief. That woman scares me sometimes.

  Now I can be with my family.

  Epilogue

  Tane

  One year later

  “And you may now kiss the bride,” the pastor says.

  I don’t need to be told twice. I lift the veil off her beautiful face and lean down for a taste of her plump lips, sealing our fate. I lift her in the air, smiling against her lips at the cheers and catcalls.

  Giselle Miller is now my wife.

  And I couldn’t be happier, or more in love.

  I put her down, kissing her one last time before stepping away. I take her hand in mine, and face the crowd. Parker runs to our side. Dressed in a suit, he looks like the miniature version of me.

  My little family.

  I’m so proud of them, so happy to be with them every day. There is nowhere else in the world I would want to be.

  I look at the woman standing beside me. I flash back to her at three, poking her tongue out at me. Then her at eight, chasing after us as Gage and I were playing. I see her at eleven, beating us at video games. Her at fourteen, trying to kiss me, and me refusing because she was too young—no matter how much I just wanted a taste. Her at sixteen, her face full of grief just before I left her. Me finally kissing her. Mouthing to her that I love her.

  Now here she is, smiling widely, happy to be my wife. She’s always been in my life, and she always will be.

  We walk on the sand through the middle of the crowd, thanking everyone for their wishes and attendance today.

  “Are you ready, husband?” she asks as a few people start to head to the reception.

  “I’ve always been ready,” I reply, unable to stop myself from one last kiss. I then lift Parker up on my shoulders.

  We walk together. I wish my mother were here; I know she’d be so happy. She always loved Giselle.

  I put Parker down and look at the sky for a second, thinking of her. Wrapping my arm around my wife, I kiss the top of her strawberry-scented hair.

  “I love you,” I tell her. “More than words can express.”

  “I love you too,” she breathes back.

  I can’t wait to see what she’s wearing underneath her dress.

  She raises an eyebrow. “Let’s get this reception over with.”

  I grin down at her. “Let’s.”

  *****

  Giselle

  I plop down next to Levi’s headstone and place the flowers.

  “You didn’t even like flowers,” I mumble. “But I don’t like your headstone looking bare.”

  I sigh and put my hand on the letters of his name engraved into the marble. “I miss you. Every damn day, Levi. I still see Justin every week, and I made sure that all your money will go to him when he turns eighteen. He will want for nothing.”

  Without Levi there to help her, Keira has put aside everything and lets us see Justin.

  I retract my hand and pull out the crumbled photo of Levi, Parker, Justin and me. “Parker misses you. We go surfing in your spot and think of you. Well, they surf, and I swim,” I correct. “We talk about you all the time.”

  I stand up and place the photo down next to the flowers. “I’ll never forget you, Levi. I’ll see you same time next week.”

  I turn around and walk to my car. I see Gage’s car pull into the cemetery car park, and I wave at him.

  He slides out with Bianca, who is now his wife. I love her almost as much as Gage does.

  I watch as the two of them place down their own flowers, tears flowing when Gage gets down on his knees and rests his head on the headstone.

  You were loved, Levi; you were loved.

  The End

  About the Author

  New York Times & USA Today Bestselling Author Chantal Fernando is twenty six years old and lives in Western Australia.

  When not reading, writing or daydreaming she can be found enjoying life with her three sons and family.

  Chantal loves to hear from readers and can be found on her FB author page or her website.

 
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