Spin My Love

by Chantal Fernando

  Tane

  Another gig comes to an end. I’m walking out of the club when I see a familiar face, but not a welcomed one. Maybe he didn’t see me?

  “Tane?”

  Well, fuck.

  I turn and muster a smile for Eddie, Keiran’s best friend. He’s the one who Keiran first started doing drugs with, long before I ever entered the scene.

  “How have you been, bro?” he asks, looking me up and down.

  “I’ve been okay,” I reply in a careful tone, neither friendly nor rude “And yourself?”

  He shrugs, and rubs his red eyes. “I miss him, you know?”

  Of course I know.

  “Yeah,” I mumble, looking down. “I miss him too.”

  Every day.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask. Last I heard he was in Eastern Europe doing God-knows-what.

  “Just coming to see some mates,” he says, itching his nose agitatedly. “Do you want to hang out for a bit? Reminisce a little? I hate it that I don’t have anyone to talk about him with anymore.”

  I look around us.

  “I have thirty minutes before I have to be somewhere,” I lie.

  He nods. “Cool, that’s better than nothing. I know a place, a pub just across the road.”

  I swallow hard and follow him. Thirty minutes. That’s it. I can do that.

  *****

  Giselle

  Bag on my shoulder, I walk through the hotel and onto the seventh floor. Tane told me he was staying in room seven hundred and two, so that’s what room I search for. I knock twice, then take a step back and wait for him to open the door. A couple of seconds pass before I see his face. Green eyes widen and his mouth drops open. I jump into his arms before his surprise can wear off.

  “Giselle.” He smiles down at me, eyes roaming over me greedily. “You just made my night.”

  My lips find his, showing him just how badly I’d missed him.

  “I missed you,” I say against his mouth. “I thought I’d surprise you. It was actually Levi’s idea.”

  He raises his eyebrows. “Remind me to thank him.”

  He puts me down and locks the door. I throw my bag down in the corner and sit down on the bed, smiling widely. “How was your set?”

  “Good. I saw an old friend afterwards, had a chat, then came back to the room,” he says, not taking his eyes away from me.

  He has that look in his eyes; the one that says he wants me badly.

  “Do you want something?” I ask him, playing coy.

  He kneels between my legs and kisses me gently. “You. Always you.”

  “Right answer,” I whisper, smiling as he pulls my t-shirt off and throws it onto the floor.

  “I can’t believe you flew all the way here,” he says, shaking his head as his eyes roam over my lace bra.

  I shrug. “It’s not like it’s on the other side of the world.”

  “Parker …?”

  “Is fine.”

  “So you can stay for the next two nights?” he asks, unclasping my white lace bra, pushing it down my arms and letting it fall.

  “Yes,” I pant as he sucks my left nipple into his mouth. He pulls my jeans off with my panties so that I’m sitting before him completely naked, while he’s fully clothed.

  “Oh yes,” I moan, as he switches between my nipples, latching on and sucking hard. I wrap my legs around him and arch backwards, rubbing myself against him. His hand goes between my legs and he lets out a groan when he feels how wet I am. Soaking.

  He pulls back, making me whimper, but when he pulls off his shirt my arguing stops. He stands up in front of me and drops his pants, stepping out of them. Looking up at him, I take his length into my hands, only to slide him into my mouth.

  “Fuck,” he moans, his hands knotting in my hair. “Fuck, yes!” I start pumping him in and out of my mouth and I can feel him getting closer. Suddenly he pulls away.

  “Not yet.” He pulls me up so I’m standing in front of him and kisses me deeply. Just as suddenly, he turns me around and gently guides me down onto the bed. Lying on my stomach, I anticipate what comes next.

  He lies on top of my back, and I welcome his weight. He moves my hair to the side and kisses my neck as he guides his shaft inside me. I moan, pushing my ass back into him, wanting him to go faster. He grabs my hands and pulls them up towards the headboard, pinning me there.

  “Patience,” he tells me, and I can hear the smile in his voice. Slowly he rocks into me. He grips my hip with one of his hands and starts to speed up.

  “Faster, Tane,” I beg. He chuckles into my ear before he stops teasing and thrusts into me completely. I yell out, loving the feel of him deep inside me.

  When his hand slips around my hip and rubs my clit, I explode. My moans turn to screams as I come hard. Tane follows me, and I feel him shudder against my body as he shoots inside me.

  After gently sliding out he rolls over, no doubt not wanting to collapse on top of me. I turn towards him and kiss his shoulder.

  “God I’ve missed you,” he says, his eyes warm with love.

  “I’ve missed you too, Tane,” I say. I lean forward and kiss him, savouring his taste.

  *****

  Giselle

  I walk into the bathroom to have a quick shower after our second round of lovemaking. I turn on the water and step in, letting it cascade over my body. When I’m done, I turn it off and jump out, grabbing two white fluffy towels from the shelf. I wrap one around my body, and one around my wet hair. Wiping the steam from the mirror, I’m about to start towel-drying my hair when I see something sitting next to the sink. I pick up the little bag, filled with a powdery white substance as dread fills me.

  He wouldn’t. Would he?

  Why else would it be here?

  My mind races.

  My throat burns.

  My heart breaks.

  I open the door and walk out, staring at Tane lying there on the bed, a sated look on his handsome face.

  “What is this?” I ask in a croaky voice.

  He lifts his head up, looking at me, and then at the little bag in my hands.

  His eyes widen and colour rises in his cheeks. “What the fuck …?”

  My thoughts exactly.

  “How could you do this, Tane?” I yell at him, my hands shaking. I grab my bag and walk back into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I empty the drugs into the toilet and flush it, then throw the little bag in the trash. Then I get dressed and dry my hair as he knocks on the door, calling out my name, begging me to listen to him.

  I block him out. How else could the drugs get here, in his room? There is only a little in the bag; did he use some? Or maybe he was going to?

  Fuck.

  I pack all my things up, and walk out of the bathroom. Tane is sitting on the bed, his head in his hands. “Giselle, please listen.”

  I look at him, not saying anything.

  “I haven’t … I wouldn’t …”

  I don’t know what to say. I’ve heard that people on drugs lie. They lie to cover their tracks and they lie to get what they want. Would Tane lie?

  Is this my Tane?

  How much things have changed in the last hour. I went from being the happiest woman on the face of the earth to feeling so damn disappointed that I don’t even know what to do with myself.

  I have to get the hell out of here.

  “I don’t know what to think right now,” I manage to get out.

  Why, Tane?

  “I wouldn’t do this to you,” he says. “I wouldn’t.”

  Then why was it in your bathroom? I want to ask but I don’t.

  “I don’t know where it came from,” he says, cringing a little.

  See? Even he knows it sounds bad. But he hasn’t given me any indication that I’d have to worry about him.

  “I don’t know what to say to you right now,” I admit to him. I don’t know how to handle this. I have Parker to think about. If Tane is back on drugs, he will have to go back to rehab.
Parker will be devastated.

  Everything is so fucked up right now. My emotions are scattered, so I do the only thing I can think of. I walk away. “I need time to think, Tane. Can we talk about it when you get home?”

  He looks down, but nods.

  I leave, hearing a loud crash as I close the door. The sound makes me flinch, but I keep on walking. I need to think.

  But I leave half of my heart with him.

  *****

  Tane

  When she leaves, I don’t stop her. Instead, I punch the wall. It leaves a dent in the plaster, and I don’t give a shit.

  How did this happen? How could I have been so stupid? When Eddie walked me back to my room, then asked if he could quickly use the bathroom, I didn’t think anything of it. Clearly, I should have. Why did I trust him? He clearly hasn’t changed and I should have followed my gut instinct and walked away from him. Yes, he did want to talk about old times with my cousin, and it was nice. I like hearing stories about Keiran. But the thing about Eddie is I guess he wants me to fail, to be like him. He’s lonely and looking for a partner-in-crime. What else could it be?

  I try and give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe it slipped out of his pocket or something. Why else would he have left that cocaine in the bathroom? In my fucking room, when he knew I was clean.

  I told him I was clean.

  Fucking bastard.

  I pace the hotel room. Why didn’t she believe me? Of course it looked bad, but why didn’t she give me a chance to explain myself? Did she expect me to fuck up? I walk into the bathroom and see the almost empty bag in the bin. I pick it up and examine it. I dip my finger into it and collect the small amount of remaining powder on my finger.

  She thinks I did it. What difference would it make if I actually did? And such a small amount too.

  It wouldn’t even do anything. It would just be a tiny taste.

  I flush the bag down the toilet. I turn on the tap and wash my hands. I’m better than this; I know I am.

  Stronger.

  I stare at myself in the mirror. My son needs me. My fiancée needs me. They’re both counting on me. But more than that—I deserve better than this. I am better than this.

  Nothing controls me anymore. I control my own actions.

  I fought to be here, and I’ll fight to stay. I won’t let this selfish disease take control of me again. I deserve Giselle and Parker. Yes, I made some mistakes, but they are in the past, and there is no point looking back. I pack my suitcase.

  Time for me to find Giselle and explain the truth. Make her listen.

  Fuck work. I’d rather be at home with my family anyway.

  I walk out of the room, more determined than I’ve ever been.

  My soon-to-be wife better be ready to listen to what I have to say.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Giselle

  It takes me a while to hail a cab but when I do I jump in quickly, asking the driver to take me to the airport. A few silent tears drip down my cheeks, but I make no movement to dry them. Staring out the window, I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up in his room. Would I ever have found out? I exhale heavily and cross my arms over my chest.

  The drive goes quicker than I’d wished. I walk up to the service counter and book the next flight out, which happens to be departing in forty minutes, and boarding right now. Finally, some luck.

  I think of making a call to Levi and Gage, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. That would make it real.

  I’m definitely not ready for that.

  I will call someone when I land.

  The lady hands me back my credit card and I accept the boarding pass and walk through security. When I hear my name being called, I think I’m imagining it, but then I turn my head and see an angry looking Tane trying to walk towards me, but he’s being held back by the airline security.

  He’s angry?

  Why the hell is he angry?

  He talks to the man, but the man shakes his head no.

  They won’t let him come after me.

  When he calls out my name, my heart breaks further.

  I turn and walk away and board the plane. Only when I sit down in my seat do I allow more tears to fall.

  *****

  I call my brother and tell him that I’m back in Perth. I tell him I’ll catch a taxi to his house, but he says no, he or Levi will come now and get me, so I plop down in a chair in the Perth airport and wait for one of them to arrive. I put my phone on but ignore the countless number of missed calls and text messages from Tane. He and I need to have a talk. Me running away wasn’t the best course of action, I know that, but I couldn’t handle it. Maybe he didn’t touch the drugs? Maybe he was only considering it? Maybe there is still a chance? He could talk to his sponsor. He told me about him one night, a man named Timothy.

  Maybe I’m just so in love with him that I’m looking for excuses.

  Great, I’ve become one of those women.

  Fifteen minutes pass, then Levi walks up to me, a worried look on his face.

  “What the hell happened?” he asks, scowling.

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now so please don’t make me,” I grumble as he carries my bag for me.

  “Now I feel like shit. It was my idea that you went there.”

  “This was not your fault, Levi. You were being amazing, as usual,” I tell him. “Thank you for coming to get me. I told Gage I was happy to jump in a taxi.”

  “Well, when you rang we were both worried, and Bianca was over, so I said I’d come and get you,” he tells me, opening the car door for me.

  “You’re so good to me.” I sigh, closing the door and putting my seat belt on.

  Soft music plays on the radio as we drive home.

  “You’re going to have to tell us what happened,” Levi says after some time.

  “I will,” I tell him, but don’t say anything else. I’m almost embarrassed to admit what happened. How do I say, I went into his bathroom and found drugs? Just throw it out there?

  “Are you trying to protect him?” Levi asks.

  Is that what I was doing?

  “I guess I just don’t know what to do,” I admit. If he did have to go back to rehab, would I stick by him, wait for him to come out and try again?

  Yes, I would wait for him. I’d do anything for him. I’d want to be there for him and help him in any way I could.

  Be his rock.

  “I think I’ve messed up,” I admit.

  “Everyone makes mistakes, Giselle. Tane is a good man, and I know for a fact he’s crazy about you. I’m happy for the two of you. Everyone knew you were meant to be together.”

  I shouldn’t have left him. Why did I leave? I should have stayed there so we could talk it out. I should have trusted him. He hasn’t given me a reason not to. I acted irrationally.

  I ran.

  Why did I run?

  Tane needed me right then, and I bailed when I should have been there by his side, offering help.

  What if he needs help?

  I won’t give up on him.

  “You’re right,” I tell Levi. He’s always right. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do, and the feeling is mutual. Now talk to me, Giselle,” Levi says in a low tone.

  I open my mouth to tell him everything, but suddenly the car jerks on the gravelly road.

  “Shit,” Levi says. The car swerves out of control and Levi pulls on the steering wheel, trying to correct its path. All it does it make the car go skidding the other way, so when he pulls on the wheel one more time, the car goes flying.

  It happens so fast. I’m not sure how many times we rolled. It could be once. It could be five times. My head hits the roof and the window, causing sharp stabs of pain that turns into a relentless throbbing. The car finally stops moving and we’re tilted on the side, my side down.

  When my vision clears, I turn to look at Levi. His face is covered in bloo
d but I can’t identify the source. It’s splattering onto me and my panic increases.

  “Levi?” I croak. He doesn’t respond. “LEVI!”

  He doesn’t even move.

  I hear someone calling out to us but my vision goes blurry. A concerned man’s face appears in my window and it’s the last thing I see before everything goes black.

  *****

  I wake to my whole body hurting. I feel stiff. My eyes flutter open in confusion. Where was I?

  “Gage?” I rasp when I see my brother flopped down in a chair near my bed. He lifts his head, eyes red and swollen. He looks like shit.

  “How are you feeling?” he asks, standing and holding my hand.

  His is ice-cold.

  “What happened?” I ask him.

  “You were in a car crash,” he says hoarsely.

  “Parker?”

  “He’s safe, don’t worry. Do you remember what happened?” he asks in a careful tone.

  Memories flash. The car rolling. Levi.

  “Levi,” I say, tears pooling in my eyes. “Where is he?”

  I remember the last time I saw his face covered in blood.

  Gage shakes his head and starts to cry. My brother. I’ve never seen him cry since we were children.

  Instantly, I know. Nothing else would bring Gage to look this devastated.

  “No,” I say shaking my head, the brace around my neck restricting my movement. “No. No. No.”

  Gage covers his face with his hands. “He didn’t make it, Giselle.”

  He didn’t make it.

  Four words.

  He didn’t make it.

  Levi.

  I shatter. My world crumbles. No, he can’t be gone?

  “No!” I wail, breaking down in hysterical sobs.

  We cry together. We cry for all that we’ve lost.

  We cry for Levi.

  This is all my fault. He shouldn’t have had to get up to pick me up from the airport. I should have taken in a taxi.

  Why didn’t I get in a taxi?

  Gage scrubs his hand down his face. “This is all my fault.”

  Wait, what?

  “I asked him to get you because I was with Bianca. It should have been me.”

  Guess I wasn’t the only one blaming myself.

  “It wasn’t.” It’s all I manage to say. “Why did this happen?”