Fault Line

by Christa Desir

  “Seriously,” I said, grabbing her backpack and throwing it over my shoulder, “the painting’s amazing. But I’m kinda simple about this stuff. What’s it supposed to mean?”

  She wiped her hands on her jeans and pulled her backpack from my shoulder, slinging it over her arm.

  “Well, you were actually sort of right. It is my mom, chained down by a world in which single moms barely make ends meet while deadbeat dads can go off on their merry way and ignore any responsibility.”

  “Umm . . .”

  Ani crossed her arms and tilted her head. Damn girl tests.

  “Men suck,” I said with an even voice. How else was I supposed to answer? Ani almost never talked about her dad and I didn’t want to push her about it. I figured she talked to Kate since it was more girl stuff anyways.

  She gave me a huge grin. “Yes, they definitely suck. Now, why don’t you buy me a Slurpee and I’ll read to you from Inga Muscio’s Cunt?”

  “What?”

  She chuckled. “Cunt. You’ll love it.”

  “If I have to listen to that, you better be the one buying Slurpees today.”

  “Deal.”

  •••

  “Where to?” Ani asked as she slipped into my Jeep three days later.

  I shifted my eyes to the side and glanced at her bare legs. Even after almost a month, I couldn’t stop staring at them. My heart thunked in my chest and my palms felt like an overly enthusiastic poodle had licked them.

  “Beez.” Ani snapped her fingers. “I’m up here.”

  I grinned. “Sorry. Nice legs.”

  “Are you going to sit here all night admiring them or are we actually getting food?” Ani crossed one smooth, tan thigh over the other. I raised an eyebrow.

  “You’re teasing me?”

  She smiled and I lost my breath. Three and a half weeks and my lungs still didn’t work right around her.

  “Dinner, Beez. I’m starving. Where are you taking me?”

  I gripped the steering wheel with my slick palms and forced myself to move. “Zoo.”

  She laughed. “Again? You’re taking me to dinner at the zoo again? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was becoming our place.”

  “I like your mustardy kisses,” I said.

  She belly laughed and it circled around me, through me, and made me want to pull the Jeep over again so I could make out with her. She leaned in and squeezed my shoulder. “You’re a surprisingly good boyfriend. I wouldn’t have guessed it when we first met.”

  “Um, thanks?”

  She sat back into the crappy vinyl of my bucket seats and sighed in the way girls do when they’re thinking about serious stuff. “Not everyone likes mustard,” she said as she looked out the window. She turned back to me. “I’m glad you do.”

  “Is this your Ani way of telling me you really like me?” Please say yes. Christ, don’t let me be the moron who’s fallen too hard, too fast for a girl who only half likes me.

  She shook her head. “Of course it isn’t. I think you’ve known me long enough to know I’m not that subtle.”

  I snorted and coughed.

  She swatted me. “Shut up. You think my honesty’s adorable.” Adorable and amazing and like no girl I’d ever met.

  “So?” I asked her, and hated that my voice sounded needy. Idiot move, but there was no turning back now. I pulled the Jeep to the side of the road and stared at her.

  She licked her lips and blinked. Why do girls do this? Always with the lip licking. Surely this was some ploy they learned in the girls’ locker room to turn us inside out.

  “I like you,” she said, and didn’t break eye contact with me. “Just as much as you like me. Maybe more.” She grinned and the breath locked in my throat again. “Now can we get a move on here? I’m starving, and sitting on the side of the road is not getting you any closer to mustardy kisses.”

  •••

  Ani hated going to movies. She shot me down every time I even suggested it.

  “I don’t get to tease you or make fun of your little quirks when we’re in a movie theater,” she whined. We were in my Jeep heading to the cemetery on a Sunday afternoon so I could teach her how to drive stick shift.

  “And that would be the whole point. You owe me a make-out session in the movie theater. I’ve had to put up with weeks of your teasing. Plus, I’m teaching you stick—that at least earns me some chest action.” I paused for a second, but her smile didn’t break. I was still surprised at how much I could say to Ani. I didn’t have to second-guess myself or worry I’d put my foot in my mouth.

  “Nice try. You offered to help. And you might as well admit you love my awesome monologues on our dates. You’d be lost without them. I’ve seen you with those guys after swim practice. All you do is grunt at each other.”

  “Really?” I asked, turning into the cemetery entrance.

  “Yes, it’s like this secret language of boys made up of grunting, hooting, and shoving. Maybe you could give me some sort of decoder so I could figure out what it all means.”

  I parked the car and turned to her. “I’m not sure I know you well enough to let you in on our secrets yet. You’ve only been to one swim meet after all. And it wasn’t even an official competition.”

  She leaned toward me. “I might be able to make it worth your while,” she said, and rubbed the top of my head. I’d gotten used to her petting. In this twisted way, I sort of craved it.

  “Really?” I asked, my throat going a bit dry.

  “I’ve been known to be very persuasive.”

  She was kidding, but I swallowed hard anyway. I’d been thinking of having sex with Ani since the first day at her house. Sort of pathetic. Really pathetic, actually. My parents would kill me, or at the very least give me an endless lecture about “personal responsibility.” But with Ani’s legs and how she talked and the way she made me feel, my brain kept latching onto the idea of the two of us together.

  I cleared my throat. “I can’t just give this information out to anyone. You’d have to prove yourself worthy. I mean, there was a reason they separated the boys and girls in health class in fifth grade.”

  Ani cracked an even bigger smile. “Is that when you guys learned how to grunt? Well, shit. All we learned about were periods and how to put in tampons the right way.”

  I held my hands up. “Gross. Too much information.”

  Ani shifted closer to me. She batted her eyelashes and turned on what she called her vixen charm. “So how do I prove myself worthy?”

  I looked her up and down. Should I say it? It’d be too soon, but everything was so comfortable with Ani. Blunt and direct. “You could, uh, sleep with me.”

  Ani pulled back. Her face closed up. Damn. I knew it was too soon. God, I was such an ass.

  “Forget it. I didn’t mean that. I . . . uh . . . You don’t have to prove anything with me. To me. Whatever.” Aw, crap. I was babbling like a girl.

  Ani crossed her arms and I tried hard not to look at her cleavage. Stupid girl shirts with their low-cut necks. Her necklace hung just above her boobs so I focused there. Blue stones woven together with wire.

  “You want to have sex with me?”

  I scratched the back of my neck and looked at her face. Not mad, more curious. “Well, yeah. I mean, not if you’re not ready. But I think things are going pretty good between us, so I thought maybe . . .”

  “It’s pretty early, Bumble. I’m not really a jump-in-the-sack-after-the-first-month kind of girl.”

  “I didn’t think you were,” I said. I was glad she wasn’t. It sucks for guys to think about their girlfriends being with other guys.

  She tapped her finger on her chin. I shifted in my seat and played with the keys. I looked at an old Slurpee cup forgotten in the cup holder. There were fast food wrappers on the floor at Ani’s feet. My car was
an embarrassing vortex of crap. I was a dirtbag. What girl could think about sex sitting in my disgusting car?

  “Let me get back to you on that one,” she said finally.

  I let out a breath. What the hell was I thinking bringing this up now?

  “I’ll still teach you to drive, though.”

  She laughed. “God, I hope so. I’d feel terrible if you had to drive the entire time on our road trip next summer.”

  “We’re going on a road trip?” And she was talking about us next summer? Sweet.

  “Of course. After graduation. After you get your swim scholarship. We’re going camping across the Midwest. And then we’re going to visit the house where they filmed A Christmas Story,” she said. Her energy was like a hot shower after running a marathon in an ice storm.

  “A Christmas Story? That Ralphie movie?”

  “Yes. The house is in Ohio. It’s right by the world’s biggest candy store. It’ll be great. We can bring your brother if you want.” I loved Michael, but there was no way in hell I was taking him camping with me and Ani.

  “I think Michael’ll be busy with other things.”

  Ani grinned at me. “Uh-huh. Well, road trip with just us, then.”

  “Yep. Just us.”

  I pulled the keys out of the ignition and handed them to her. She hopped out of the car and was at my door before I could even get out. She leaned in and kissed me. My sappy heart thundered in my chest, and even though it was barely fall, I wished next summer would come soon.

  7

  “Are you sure your mom’s not going to be back until late?” I asked for the forty-seventh time while Ani straddled my lap in her jeans and bra. The window in her room was open, and I was sitting on the edge of her unmade bed. I’d come over to help her hang one of her paintings in her room. It was late October and I loved the way her skin got goose bumps from the cool fall air.

  “Ben,” she said, nibbling tiny kisses along my jaw, “I’m pretty sure she knows we’re sleeping together. She’s probably known since the first time.”

  I pulled her away from me and looked into her big eyes. “Really? But why would she know anything? We’ve always been at my house when my parents were gone or in my Jeep.” After I’d cleaned it out, Ani didn’t mind having sex in the Jeep. Which was good because our space options were pretty limited.

  “Oh my God, you’re such a girl. Why do you think? ’Cause I told her, of course,” Ani said, and started back with her maddening kisses down my neck.

  “You told her?” I pushed her back slightly and set her onto her lumpy green comforter beside me. “Ani, what the hell? When did you tell her?”

  “After the cemetery. When you first asked me and I told you I had to think about it.”

  “That was more than two weeks ago. How come you didn’t tell me anything about it before now?”

  Ani took a deep breath and pulled her shirt back on. I almost reached out to stop her, but it wouldn’t have made any difference. I’d killed the mood of our hookup with my worrying. I fisted my hand in frustration.

  “Ben, my mom’s not like your parents. She’s a single mom who teaches art. When you asked me to have sex with you, I thought I should get her opinion on the whole thing. I knew I wanted to, but we’d only been going out for, like, a month and sometimes my judgment gets a little skewed by your sexy baldness.” Ani ran her hand over my scalp and tingles crept down my spine.

  “So you just put it out there?” I asked, hooking my finger into her belt loop and pulling her back onto my lap.

  “I figured my mom might help me see through all the hormone drama so I could look at things rationally.”

  “And what’d she say?” I slipped my hands beneath the edge of her T-shirt and traced my fingers over her hip bones. I had a hard time keeping my hands off her when we were together. We hadn’t even had sex that many times, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t stop touching her wherever we were. Her body rocked.

  “She told me she thought it was too soon. She said she liked you, but she didn’t think dating you for a month was a long enough time to figure out if I wanted to give you that part of me.”

  “Well, then, how come you slept with me?”

  Ani tugged on my ears and pulled my face up to meet her gaze. “ ’Cause of your sexy baldness. I couldn’t help myself. I told my mom afterward and she said she was disappointed, but she’s a mom, that’s what she’s supposed to say. The day after, she put a box of condoms on my bed.”

  “Annika, you’re gonna be the death of me,” I said as I slid my hands underneath her shirt to unhook her bra.

  “No, I won’t. I’m the girl of your dreams,” she said, and licked the ticklish spot beneath my ear.

  I pulled away from her long enough to remove both our shirts and flipped her beneath me. “Yes. Yes, you are.”

  •••

  I switched off the knobs of the icy shower in the locker room and snagged the towel from the bench next to me. Most of the other swimmers had already taken off, but Kevin and I had stayed longer to practice our transitions during the relay. Official swim team would be starting soon and my times were the best they’d ever been.

  “So Morgan totally accosted me in the hall the other day,” Kevin said as I opened my locker and dug around for my clothes.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, she was all, ‘How are things with Beez and Ani? Is he still into her?’ Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Bitch and moan.”

  I grabbed my T-shirt and pulled it over my head. “Why? She doesn’t think she still has a chance with me, does she?” Christ, how many times did Morgan need to be hit over the head?

  “Well, she doesn’t anymore. I told her you two were going at it like rabbits and that pretty much shut her up.”

  “Douche bag.” I threw my wet towel at Kevin’s head. “You can’t get involved in girls’ catty games. And don’t ever tell Morgan about what I’m doing with Ani.”

  “Whatever. Ani would eat Morgan alive.”

  I smiled. She totally would. Morgan wouldn’t know what the hell to do with the Ani package.

  “Still. It’s not Morgan’s business and you shouldn’t be saying shit about me and Ani.”

  “But you are tapping that, right?”

  I shook my head at Kevin. “Tapping that? Seriously, dude, you have to stop watching so much MTV. You’re white, get over yourself.”

  Kevin laughed. He didn’t care. We’d had the “you’re a hip-hop poseur” conversation at least fifteen times before. Still didn’t stop him from peppering his conversation with references to “the hood” and “my niggas.”

  “We should all go skiing over winter break,” Kevin said.

  “I don’t know about that.” I didn’t want to tell him my plans for winter break included spending as much time as I could with Ani.

  “Come on. Ani can bring Kate. I’m trying to be flexible here. I haven’t once given you a hard time about you breaking our ‘bros before hos’ motto.”

  “You mean your ‘bros before hos’ motto?” I asked with a grin.

  “Dude. That’s a universal guy motto. And I haven’t said anything about how I barely see you anymore.”

  I hit him on the back of the head. “That’s because it’d be a lie. You see me all the time. Ani would never ask me to choose her over you. And she’d never throw over Kate for me. She’s the queen of ‘sisters before misters.’ ”

  Kevin laughed. “She might be, but you totally aren’t. And listen, dude, I don’t care. She’s hot and you’re into her. But still, it wouldn’t kill you to invite me to hang with you over winter break.”

  “ ’Kay. Message received. You can hang with us.”

  I slid on my pants and shoved my feet into my sneakers. Kevin bounced on his feet next to me.

  “I can drive home, if you want,” he offered. I hated to tell him no
when he got so excited, but the guy was about the worst driver ever. I’d partnered with him in driver’s ed and learned to expect a near accident every time it was his turn behind the wheel.

  “No one touches my baby but me,” I said, feeling slightly guilty about how much time Ani had spent practicing stick in the past two weeks.

  “So protective of all your girls,” Kevin said, and snorted.

  I pulled out my keys and gestured to the locker room door. “Shut up. Let’s go.”

  “What’s that?” Kevin pointed to the triangular stone attached to my keys.

  Heat swept up my neck to my ears. “Nothing. It’s just something Ani made for me. A key ring.”

  Kevin howled. “Did she give it to you right after you gave her your class ring? Jesus, dude, this is worse than I thought.”

  “What? It’s cool. Look, it has this tree in it. Ani wears them all the time. They sort of have this special meaning for her.”

  Kevin slapped me on the back. “Bro, this is seriously the most pathetic I’ve ever seen you. Even at the beginning with Morgan, you weren’t this whipped. I mean, really? A key ring with a tree in it?”

  “Shut the hell up. You’re just jealous because you don’t have anyone to spend time with but your hand.”

  Kevin grabbed his bag. “Dude, I’d never be jealous of a key ring with a tree in it.”

  I shrugged. “Unless it came attached to a girl with nice legs and a great smile who showed up to your meets with a pink sign.”

  He held the locker room door open for me. “The legs I’d take, but all the rest of it, pass. I’m not cut out for girlfriend drama. That’s all you.”

  I clenched the key ring in my hand and thought of Ani’s excited face when she gave it to me. How she’d held my hand for too long before pressing the stone into my palm. How she’d babbled about connection and the universe bringing us together at the right time. How she kissed me afterward like she wanted to kiss me for the rest of my life. Yeah, she was worth every bit of shit Kevin gave me.

  •••

  “So girls’ weekend?” I said to Ani over the phone later that night. I was lying on my bed, trying to gather the energy to get some homework done.