In an Instant

by Adrienne Torrisi

  “Don’t worry. It’s nothing he can’t handle.” My eyes catch Joel walking toward the house, and I know this is my chance. It’s now or never. “Hey, I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. I’ll meet you back at the pit.”

  “Yeah, all right, D.” Nate studies me for a second. I know he knows there is more to what is going on with Jake. He also doesn’t seem to buy my sudden bathroom urgency, but honestly, I’m not even sure what is going on with Jake, and I need to concentrate on taking care of Joel at the moment.

  I feel Nate’s eyes still on me as I walk toward the house. I quicken my pace to catch up to Joel just as he enters the main house. Then I quietly follow behind him. He has no idea I’m here.

  The house is littered with people, and although it’s not nearly as crowded as the backyard, there are still too many people to do what I need to do. Lucky for me, Joel is heading toward the bathroom, and since there is a long line at the one off the kitchen, I watch as he heads down a deserted hallway to use a more private one.

  As soon as we are far enough away from the crowd, I come up behind him. “What was that shit at school today?”

  He turns around, startled. “D! Yeah, I’m sorry about that. It won’t happen again.”

  “You’re damn right it won’t. And not because of Marcus or Jake. I don’t need them to protect me. But if you ever lay one of your disgusting hands on me again, I will personally see to it that your balls are no longer attached to your body.”

  Something in him snaps. His eyes narrow as he saunters closer to me.

  “Oh, really?” I smell the alcohol on his breath, all over him really. “Is that an invitation?” He reaches out and runs a hand over my hip.

  Shit. Maybe being in a deserted hallway wasn’t the best plan.

  He pulls me in closer with more force, and I push him back with all my strength, but he is stronger than his skinny body suggests, and he comes right back with more vigor. My hipbones slam into him. It hurts, but I don’t let that deter me.

  “Get off me, asshole!” I scream.

  Before I can push him off, his mouth is on mine. He’s rough, and his tongue is slobbering all over my face. It’s as if my mouth is a sandwich, and he hasn’t eaten in a year. Razor sharp stubble scratches my skin while he continues to force his mouth over mine.

  He finally comes up for air. “Come on, you asked for it.” He slides his hands up and under my shirt, unsnapping my bra.

  I try to position myself so I can knee him in the balls, but he slams me against the wall hard. Shooting pain throbs through my head the instant it hits. I push harder to get him off me, but it’s not working. His hands are on my breasts, and I want to vomit into his disgusting mouth. I can’t believe I can’t beat this asshole.

  I try to use my anger to push him back, yet he is too strong for me. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or his adrenaline; nevertheless, I can’t budge him. He moves his hands down to my skirt, and in one thrust, it is up around my waist. I squeeze my eyes shut to brace for what I know is coming next.

  I feel his grimy hands on my underwear, and then they are gone. Then I hear something slam down hard. I open my eyes to see Jake on top of him. He doesn’t say a word, just straddles him, throwing punch after punch.

  I don’t know what to do. I’m so relieved, so thankful. I didn’t feel them at first, but tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I can’t stop shaking.

  I feel hands wrap around me and pull me into a hug. I fall into the loving embrace, unable to stop my body from trembling. I don’t have to look to know it’s Mel. She runs her hands over my hair, and then she pulls my skirt down for me. I didn’t realize it was still hiked up.

  “Sh … It’s going to be okay, D,” she keeps repeating.

  “What is your problem, asshole?” Jake shouts as he pummels Joel.

  “She asked for it!” Joel shouts back as he tries to block Jake’s punches.

  Jake looks back at me as my unsteady hands wipe my tears away. “Yeah, it looks like she asked for it.” He turns back and punches Joel hard in the center of his face.

  Joel stops moving, stops talking. He’s out cold.

  Marcus skids around the corner, ready for a fight, and then stops in his tracks when his eyes land on Joel on the ground.

  “Shit, you showed him.”

  “Where the hell were you?” Jake gets up, still in fight mode, and is now in Marcus’s face.

  “What are you talking about?” Marcus puts his hands up in surrender, calm as always.

  “You should have been here.” Jake pushes Marcus hard in the center of his chest. “You weren’t even going to check on her when Nate came over. If it weren’t for Nate, who knows what would have happened.” Jake’s eyes are locked on Marcus.

  I’m not even sure this is about me. I don’t know what this is about, and it’s clear Marcus is thrown off, too.

  “D can take care of herself, Jake. She doesn’t need me to babysit her.” Marcus hasn’t even looked over in my direction, though I have been able to compose myself enough that, if he did, he wouldn’t understand why Jake is so upset. Nonetheless, I see a crack in Marcus’s cool façade, which is a rare sight.

  He pushes Jake back, making it clear he is not backing down.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.” Nate jumps in and steps between them. “Come on; the asshole is down. He got his. This is done.”

  Something seems to register for Jake with Nate’s words, and a calm falls over him. He shakes his head. “You’re right. Thanks, man. And thanks for the warning about Dani.”

  “Yeah, it just didn’t feel right to me. Sorry, D; I didn’t believe your bathroom bullshit. I had a feeling you were up to something, so I told the guys when I got back to the pit.” Nate gives me a sweet smile as he shoves his hands in his pockets and steps out from between the boys.

  “Thanks, Nate.” I give him a small smile back. It’s really all I can get out, but there is so much more I want to say. I’m grateful that he didn’t take any of my cues to back off.

  All eyes are on me, but it’s Jake’s I feel. It’s as if they are boring into my soul. I’m ready for the older brother berating that I know is coming. However, it doesn’t come. Instead, his eyes are filled with concern.

  “Are you okay, Dani?”

  I nod as Mel’s embrace tightens around me. I can’t bring myself to say anything else. I still feel Joel’s grotesque tongue sliding across mine, his repulsive hands running over my body. I just want to go home and shower to wash off his grime.

  Jake looks down at Joel’s limp body and gives him one last hard kick.

  ***

  I’m finally home. Well, in my home away from home—my tree house. It’s honestly the only place that feels like home lately.

  Before coming up here, I showered and tried to scrub as much of Joel off as possible. I can’t stop replaying what happened in my head. I was so stupid to try to confront him alone, and I’m so angry he overpowered me so easily. I believed with every fiber that I could beat him at his own game. But the reality of how easily I was overcome has shaken me to my core.

  Even though I showered, I can’t wash him away. Every time I close my eyes, I smell his beer soaked breath coating my skin. I feel his callused hands roughly running over my midriff, touching my breasts, my body. I try to concentrate on willing the bile building up in my throat back down, but it has a mind of its own. I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. The memories are suffocating me.

  There’s a loud knock below, and my heart instantly reacts by slamming against my rib cage. My first thought is, Joel, he’s here! But how did he find me? Then I remember there is no way he could be here. Lucas had him carted out as soon as he came to, and he could barely walk on his own. Besides, he has no idea where I live. And even if he did find my house, he wouldn’t know to look in my tree house. I’m not sure what his sudden obsession with me is about, but it’s not something I can deal with right now.

  “Dani, it’s me,” I hear Jake’s voice, and an instant calm washes
over me. My heartbeat steadies from the knowledge that he is near. It also helps that it’s not the crazy person who tried to attack me.

  He pushes open the door built into the floor.

  “Hey,” he says with his feet still firmly planted on the ladder.

  I turn to face him, and my hearts starts pounding for a different reason as soon as my eyes land on him. His gorgeous hazel eyes, which are filled with blue flecks at the moment as they reflect the color of his letterman jacket, meet mine. His deep dimples and the love that fills his smile make me feel safe. However, I need to push all of that away. Being with him is not possible.

  “Hey.” I try hard not to let my voice give away just how happy I am to see him.

  “You okay?” he asks, still standing on the ladder, only half his body actually in the tree house.

  I just nod, unsure he would believe me if he heard my voice.

  He pushes his way through the rest of the door and climbs into bed with me, curling his body next to mine. He fits there perfectly. This is what we would do as kids, and it always made me feel better. He has a way of erasing everything else with just his touch.

  He brushes his fingers through my straight, black hair. “I don’t believe you,” he whispers in my ear as he runs his hand over my arm.

  My back is to him, and I don’t dare turn around. If I do, it will all be over. I can barely resist the urge to turn over and kiss him, more than kiss him.

  When we were kids, his touch was always loving, but in a platonic way. For so long, I have fought that change in my feelings. I’m not sure how much longer I can.

  “Dani, talk to me,” he urges, running his fingers over my hair.

  I finally turn so I’m facing the makeshift celling, still not trusting myself to actually look at him. “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  I try to ignore the hurt in his voice. What do I say? Because I love you? I have always loved you, but you are my best friend’s boyfriend? Oh, and I’m dating your best friend.

  Instead, I use an excuse. “Because it’s too raw.”

  “I know.” He places his hand on my stomach, and I notice the cuts across his knuckles. His hand is starting to swell and bruise. I can’t help running my fingers over his injuries.

  “Does it hurt? Can you still play?”

  “No, it doesn’t, and nothing could stop me.”

  I feel his smile as he wraps his arm more securely around me, and I finally give in and turn toward him so we are facing each other.

  He studies me for a long time. His eyes are in deep concentration, like he is remembering every detail. No one has ever looked at me like this. No one has ever really taken me in—the real me. Maybe it’s because only Jake knows the real me.

  “I can’t believe Joel did that after this afternoon. Something snapped in me, Dani, when I saw him on top of you. I wanted to kill him.” He continues to gently run his hand over my hair, placing a few loose strands behind my ear.

  “Thanks for saving me twice.” I smile, trying to make light of the situation, even though, inside, I feel the weight of how petrified I was tonight.

  “What were you thinking?” His look turns pensive, worry and anger pouring off him.

  “I thought I could handle him. I wanted to show him that I don’t need anyone to take care of me. It didn’t quite work out that way.”

  He gives a small chuckle. “Yeah, you could say that. Thank God Nate had a feeling something was up.”

  I close my eyes, also grateful for Nate. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened in that hallway.

  “Daniella.” His tone is serious. He never uses my full name.

  My eyes meet his because something in my gut knows this isn’t going to be a casual conversation.

  He runs his hand back over my hair again, tucking hair behind my ear that doesn’t need it. He just keeps repeating that motion as his eyes continue to study me. “I care about you. I always have. Actually, you are the only thing I care about. I need you to take care of yourself.” He sighs. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you. Everything else in my life is crumbling around me, everything I believed in, thought was real—none of it is. It’s all shit.” He runs his fingertips over my jawline as we lie facing each other. My eyes are locked on his. I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing a few minutes ago. “But not you. You are real. My feelings for you are real.”

  “What do you mean, feelings? What about Mel? Marcus? What is going on with you? All of the guys are worried. And nothing is crumbling. You made it to districts; you have amazing friends, an incredible girlfriend. Your parents? Is that what this is about?” I can’t believe this tirade is how I’m responding to what he just said.

  He pulls his hand away, and I feel him pull away emotionally, too. He turns on a dime and immediately shuts off the raw honesty he was revealing just a second ago.

  Why didn’t I say I feel the same way? Why didn’t I let him keep talking?

  He turns so he is now the one facing the ceiling.

  “Jake? What is going on with you?” I run my hand down his defined chest, easily feeling the contours of his muscles through his thin cotton T-shirt. He’s toned to perfection. “Talk to me.”

  The silence stretches between us, the tension so thick it fills the room.

  “Please. I’m worried about you,” I finally say.

  On those words, I feel a hitch in his breathing since my hand is still resting on his chest. Then he turns to face me, his eyes once again locked on mine. He ever so softly brushes my loose hair back behind my ear again with his bruised hand.

  “Daniella, I love you. I think I always have. I just finally admitted it to myself.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “And I don’t know what to do because of Mel and Marcus, but I don’t care anymore. I love you. You. It’s always been you.”

  I cannot believe these words are coming out of his mouth, words I have secretly dreamed about for so long. He loves me. Me? It doesn’t make sense, but I refuse to question it again.

  There is only one thing to do.

  I lean in and press my lips to his soft, amazing lips. We have kissed before as kids, yet nothing could ever compare to this kiss, to the things this kiss is doing to my body.

  I feel a surge of electricity like no other run through me. Every single one of my cells knows his lips belong on mine. I have known for so long. Now it’s as if my body has finally allowed me to feel it.

  He kisses me back, and I can tell he feels the same way. His kisses are gentle yet full of longing. He pulls me in closer, our lips never separating. Our breathing is heavy and in sync. He runs his hands down my back, and mine trail down his. We can’t get enough of each other. I have waited for this for an eternity.

  He finally pulls back and reveals his incredible dimples. “So, you are into me?” he asks with a mischievous grin. He’s calm, cool, almost unfazed by the passion swirling around us.

  I can’t help laughing.

  “Maybe,” I say playfully. Then I lean back in to kiss him again.

  Years of suppressed feelings ignite an uncontrollable, untamable hunger. Jake pulls off my shirt, and I practically rip off his letterman jacket. We can’t remove each other’s clothes fast enough. Once we are naked, it’s as if time stops.

  We pause to take each other in. His body is beautiful, each contour defined. It’s a work of art.

  He is so incredibly gentle as he lays me down. Starting at my lips, he slides his fingers down, making his way to my stomach. His touch is soft, as if he were touching a newborn baby; it’s barely there, yet it can’t be missed. He is on a definite mission as he makes his way inside of me with those fingers.

  A feeling of joy I have never experienced overcomes me. He can do things with his fingers that no boy has ever done before, and I must say there have been a few. I never want this feeling to end. Then, just as quickly, he removes his remarkable fingers, and his lips are back on mine.

  My eyes are closed when I feel him push
up, and then his lips are gone. I miss them, so I open my eyes to see he is putting on protection. I don’t ask ridiculous questions like why he finally wants to do this, why tonight; I just brace myself for what I know is going to exceed all of my wildest fantasies. I can barely contain myself, so I grip the sheets tightly to try to calm down.

  He meets my lips again, slow and gentle. Each move is defined. He is in no rush, and I can tell he wants to savor each second as much as I do.

  He is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Our bodies are perfectly in sync, and we seem to know what the other person is going to do next. It’s as if our bodies are speaking their own language.

  We are both drenched in sweat as we glide together. I’m so close to coming, but I don’t want it to end.

  Jake grips the sheets on either side of me, and then he hugs me into him as we both climax at the same time, my body shaking from pure elation.

  His arms tighten around me. We are still one, and feeling him inside of me brings me closer to him than I have ever been before, both physically and emotionally. I grip back tightly, trying to show him how much this means to me. This is so much further than I ever expected with him, and I’m not sure where my heart can go from here.

  “I love you, too,” I finally whisper back as we lie together, our bodies still intertwined.

  Jake pulls me in even closer, and I cherish feeling his strong arms wrapped around me.

  Just an hour ago, I felt so dirty and used, and now that has all been erased as only Jake can.

  I don’t know what is going to happen next. I don’t even care. All I know is we will always have tonight. However, I’m not sure my heart will ever be able to get over the love I just experienced.

  Chapter Seven

  Present – Hospital

  I hear Dax say, “We have to tell her.”

  Tell me what? I want to ask.

  Something in me knows I’m not really awake, yet I can hear them as if I am. I desperately want to open my eyes, so I do, but there is no reaction from the guys. They continue to talk as if I’m not here or like I can’t hear them; therefore, I know my eyes aren’t really open, even though I can see everything as if they were.