If I Say No (Say Something #2)

by Brandy Jellum

  “I know you want to find him…I do, too. But you can’t just go tearing through the city looking for him. Just stop and think about this for a minute. You said it yourself: Rhett is nothing if not thorough. He must have a plan for Isaac…he’d be taunting us with pictures of whatever he’s done to him otherwise.”

  Marco’s jaw twitches and he rolls his shoulders back. “I’ll make sure whatever plan he has doesn’t happen.”

  There’s a knock.

  Neither Marco nor I make a move to open the door. It’s Liza. She says nothing as she opens it and forces her way past me into the room. She looks around the room and sees the aftereffects of Marco’s outburst. “Which one of you wants to explain why Marco came tearing into the house like a madman?” she says. She glances between the both of us and waits for an answer. “Somebody start talking quickly here…”

  Neither of us says anything.

  Liza crosses her arms over her chest and looks over to Marco. His hands are curled into fists at his sides. “This has to do with last night, doesn’t it?”

  I nod and give her a short version of the events of the last twenty- four hours. Her face softens as she walks to Marco. I think about telling her that might not be a good idea. She rests a hand on his bicep. “Do you have any idea where Isaac might be or who is responsible?”

  Her touch seems to relax him, and he unclenches his fist. “No… and yes.”

  Liza glances over her shoulder toward me.

  Marco seems to unwind a bit more as each second passes.

  “So it’s Rhett, obviously…but it doesn’t make sense. What aren’t you guys telling me? What happened at the club last night?”

  Marco’s eyes grow dark again, and I know he’s reliving the moment. I feel a knot forming in my stomach.

  Liza looks at me. “Reid?”

  There’s no way out of this. Liza isn’t going to walk away without some sort of answer. I can’t lie; she’ll see right through it and I don’t want to lie to her. I’ve done enough of that already. At the same time, I don’t want to tell her the truth. I don’t want her to know how violent and dangerous my brother truly is.

  “It was bad, okay,” I say. I avert my eyes. “Can we just leave it at that?”

  “Another secret?” she says, and her eyes narrow. “Just tell me goddamn it.”

  She’s right. There can’t be more secrets if our life together is going to change for the better. “Last night at Gravity, my brother and his men attacked a young girl.”

  “And now they have Isaac,” Marco adds.

  Her eyes widen. “And you,” she turns back to Marco, “want to go after these men?”

  “Is that even in question?” Marco puffs out his chest and his fists clench again.

  “But you can’t go out there and just tear the city apart to find them.”

  “That’s what I tried to tell him,” I say.

  Liza sighs. “I know you’re worried about Isaac, but going ballistic trying to find him isn’t going to help him. We need to figure Rhett out and get a step ahead of him. That should lead us to Isaac, too.”

  “We aren’t doing anything,” I say. “Marco and I will come up with a plan. You are staying out of it.”

  Liza’s head snaps in my direction. “The last time I checked, I was a grown woman.” She stalks toward me. “I can make my own decisions. I don’t need you telling me what I can and can’t do. Your brother has threatened to come after me just as much as he has you, so I’m involved whether you like it or not.”

  I look to Marco, begging for his help. I get nothing. “She’s right, Reid. She’s involved with this just as much as we are.”

  She doesn’t smirk. She doesn’t huff. She just stands between us. “So, then. Let’s make a plan.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  “WHAT ABOUT THIS WAREHOUSE HERE?” I glance out the corner of my eye and see Liza point to a spot on the map that Marco has laid out. “We should check there.”

  I grit my teeth and clench my hands. I’ve been sitting here for an hour, watching and listening to Liza and Marco talk. The longer I sit here, the more the anger inside threatens to surface. I can’t believe he is actually involving her. Right now, I seem to be the only sane person in the room. Well, as sane as an angry man can be. Marco takes a bright red marker and circles the spot Liza pointed to. He takes a step back, rubs his neck, and studies the map.

  “Three potential locations.” He mutters. I watch as his eyes move quickly between the three circles. He furrows his eyebrows and gnaws on his bottom lip. I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head. “We’re going to have to hit them all at once,” he says. He rests his hands on top of the table and leans over to take a better look. “We’re going have to split the team into three groups.”

  “Enough!” I shout and push myself up and out of the chair. It slides back a foot before falling over. I pull my lips into a tight line and narrow my eyes towards them. Liza straightens her stance, folding her arms across her chest, and glares at me. “You…” I point to her. “This is as far as you go.”

  She drops her arms and her cold stare burns into mine. “No.” She challenges me.

  “Liza, you’ve helped Marco narrow it down to three locations. You’ve helped enough. There’s no need for you to physically be involved.” I soften my voice in hopes to appeal to her.

  “I’m going,” she replies harshly. “End of discussion.”

  I look to Marco for help but he throws his hands up and takes a step back. I don’t know what has possessed him for him to possibly think that her presence is a necessity. Am I the only one concerned for her safety? He has a full team of men; men who have been trained and have experience with this. Why is Liza’s involvement okay? My head starts to ache as I try to wrap my head around the situation and try to figure out what is going through Marco’s head. Liza and I continue to stare one another down for several minutes until an air of unease settles between us.

  “I need a minute.” I throw up my hands up and turn to leave the room.

  I head up to my room with a cloud of fear and despair hanging over my head. I’m failing miserably at keeping everyone safe. Liza is trying to throw herself into the line of fire. I can try and argue with her about this until I’m blue in the face, but there’s no point to it. Liza will do what Liza wants. I wish I could take her as far away from Longport as I can, and not come back until my brother is caught. I’d make her realize that she is worth loving and capable of love even if I don’t deserve to have it right now. She has to know she is capable to love. She puts her heart into everything she does. No matter what she tries to tell herself, she has a loving soul. Instead, she is choosing to be careless. She doesn’t believe she is important or that anyone can truly love her. She has said this more than once. One day, she’ll see the fault in her logic and she’ll know the truth about her.

  It always seems to come back to one day, though.

  One day, my brother will be caught. One day, I will be able to accept my mistakes and face my demons. One day, Liza will realize how strong she really is. One day, I will make amends for everything I have put her through this last week. One day, she will realize that we belong together. One day, I will deserver her. I will deserve us. Our life, and the future it holds. The only question is, will that day ever come? It kills me that I don’t know the answer.

  I try to check on my mother on the way to my room but find her door locked. At least she’s just mad at me and not trying to kill me, which is what it feels like Liza is doing to me right now. Every second she spends planning with Marco is another second that worry and guilt consumes me. Every angered glare, every standoff, every fight, is pulling us further apart. I can’t get my mind to shut down long enough to get a sense of clarity. It’s on overdrive. At the moment, I’m obsessing over the fact that I know I can’t keep Liza from going on this crazy man hunt. The rest of the time, I’m obsessing over my brother.

  I walk past my bed and head straight to the far wall to the window
that overlooks the backyard. The dark room engulfs me as I walk through a sea of darkness until I reach the window. The moon peeks over the tree tops and emits a low glow through the glass panels. I step into the light and open it. A light breeze pricks against my skin and the hairs on my arm stand to attention. The air is moist and smells sweet. Dark clouds loom in the sky, threatening to devour the moon and blanket the ground in darkness. I can see a storm on the horizon and it makes me think of another storm coming–– my brother. He’s sitting there, watching us, waiting to spring the gates open, and letting the floods of hell’s flames rain down on us. There is no way to beat a storm. Not one like this. It happens whether you want it to or not.

  I hear the bedroom door open but don’t look to see who it is. I may have gone about things in the wrong way lately, but I can’t condone Liza’s desire to join Marco in the hunt for my brother. I won’t support her wanting to put herself in harm’s way. She won’t survive if she falls in to Rhett’s hands. I listen to the muffled footsteps fall against the carpet and continue to stare out the window. Another breeze blows past me and goose bumps spring along my arms. I don’t have to turn to know who is standing behind me. I can feel who it is. I can smell the faint traces of lavender in the air. I don’t want to hear anything she has to say. I jump as her hands slide under my shirt, up my back, and around my chest as she pulls me against her.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper.

  She rubs her hand over the contours of my abdomen and squeezes me. I have missed this; her touching me because she wants to. I sigh and melt into her touch. Liza presses her lips between my shoulder blades, and I can feel them burning against my skin through the thin material of my shirt. “This is what you want, isn’t it? You want me touching you…holding you…and kissing you…” She kisses me again. My body tenses. I feel her rise to her toes and inhale a sharp breath when her lips sear the back of my neck. “You know you want it,” she whispers.

  “Not like this.” The veil of desire lifts and I am able to think clearly. I pull out of her embrace, turning towards her, and I wait for my eyes to adjust in the darkness as clouds move past the moon A sliver of light filters through the open window and I can see the green in her eyes narrow.

  “I don’t get you, Reid.” She releases a frustrated groan. “What the hell do you want from me?”

  “I know what you’re trying to do.” Liza doesn’t move as I brush past her and flip on the light. “I want you to say you won’t go with Marco.” I look at her. “I don’t want you up here trying to seduce me, thinking it’ll change my mind. Because it won’t and that’s not who you are. I want you more than anything in the world, but only if you want me too. Not to try and get your way. But because you can’t imagine going another day without my touch. I understand all the emotional ups and downs you’re going through. Hell, I’m dealing with the same shit. You’re pulling me through it as much as I am you. All the time…”

  Liza’s face drops, and her eyes darken. “I only thought-”

  “You didn’t think at all,” I cut in. I rub the back of my neck and sigh. “How the hell have we gotten here? Everything was so perfect…we were perfect.”

  “No, we weren’t. We just did a brilliant job pretending we were. And for a while, we both believed it. But I’m starting to realize that our dishonesty with ourselves and each other has only worked against us.”

  My heart breaks a little at the truth in her words. She’s right. We’ve been doomed from the start. The realization sinks in. My chest tightens and my mouth is dry. I see tears forming in the corner of her eyes and every part of me wants to wipe them away. But I stay rooted, my feet unwilling to move.

  “So,” I rest my hand on the back of my neck, “what do we do now?” I ask quietly.

  She looks to the floor and takes a shaky breath. I watch the tears fall down her face and my heart breaks a little more. “We go through with the wedding,” she whispers. “The fake one, that is. After that, I don’t know. I don’t think we can get back what we had before. I don’t want to. It was a lie. Every day was all a lie.”

  “And what about the fact that we love each other.” This doesn’t take her by surprise. It’s as if she knew I was going to take the conversation in this direction. “I know you love me as much as I love you.” My voice cracks and I take a step towards her. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be crying right now.”

  “Love doesn’t seem to make us honest though, does it?” She looks at me, her eyes red and sad, and her face wet from the endless stream of tears. “We like the idea of it. We had hoped it was enough. But here we are, both of us holding onto secrets for dear life and hoping the other doesn’t mind. Holding onto a hope that neither of us ask for the truth behind them.”

  “So we’re done then?” I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. “Is that what you’re telling me? We’re just focusing on catching Rhett and nothing else? Why did you even come up here then, if that’s how you feel?”

  Liza buries her face in her hands, her body shaking, and the only sound comes from her soft cry. I can feel the room closing in on me. I feel like everything is coming to an end. “Honestly, Reid…” she finally says. “What am I supposed to say?”

  “That you’re not ready to give up on us because I know I’m not,” I say with as much conviction as I can. “We have a lot to work on, and it hinges on me–– I know that. But can you look me in the eyes and say that what we have is worth taking a little more time, a little more effort, into saving us?”

  She looks away and whispers. “I don’t know...”

  Her words hang in the air. We’re at a standstill. It’s the same argument we keep having and we’re getting nowhere. We’re both too selfish to share all of ourselves with each other. But I can see the battle waging behind her eyes. I can see how much she wants to give in. How much she loves. Guilt bears down on my shoulders. All I’ve done is as drag her down. I’ve asked her to give me every part of her and I’ve given her nothing in return. I move to go to her but notice the fear and hesitation lurking in her eyes. I’m about to say something when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Whoever it is has the worst timing I know. I reach my hand into my pocket and pull the phone out just as it stops vibrating. I glance at Liza, watching me with her careful eyes. Nothing should be interrupting our conversation, but there is so much going on that I can’t ignore my phone. I open the message and swallow the lump in my throat.

  Lily wants to see you.

  Be ready in 5.

  My head starts to spin as I reread the message. This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for since I last saw her. I want to make amends for everything in the past. I want to be free. In order to do so, I have to make things right with Lily. I have to apologize. As stupid as it sounds, I can’t move forward without dealing with my past, and it starts with Lily. I hear Liza suck in a breath, reminding me that she is standing there, and I glance up to her. I frown, which brings fresh tears to her eyes. She knows something is up.

  “That, uh, that…” My voice breaks and I stop to take a breath. I roll my shoulders back and slip the phone back into my pocket. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

  I can see the sense of betrayal written across her face and the hurt in her eyes. I take a step towards her, reaching out, and she cringes away from my touch. Her lips are set in a tight line and her usual bright green eyes darken. I know I shouldn’t go but it might be the only chance I get to see Lily before the wedding. It isn’t right, I need to stay with Liza, in my heart I know this, but my head has made up its mind. There’s a raging battle going on inside of me right now.

  “Liza,” I say, wondering if I’ve just told her goodbye for good.

  “Just go, Reid.” Her voice shakes. “Whatever it is, it must be much more important than us.”

  “Wait!” I call out to her as she leaves the room, but she doesn’t stop. She’s gone before I have a chance to tell her that isn’t true. My heart catches in my throat, and I’m left wondering if I may have just
made the biggest mistake of my life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  I LOOK OVER AT AGENT JOHNSON. “Where are we going?” I ask.

  He pulls his eyes away from his tablet and looks at me. “Just up the road.”

  I look out my window at the dark road we’re driving on. We just left my house and are still in the neighborhood. “What do you mean ‘just up the road’?”

  “You’ll see.” He turns back to his tablet.

  The black SUV we’re in slows a few blocks away from my house. We pull into a driveway and stop in front of gates similar to mine. This cannot be possible. Has Lily been this close to me this entire time? The large blue house comes into view. I see two lights on inside— one in the far corner on the second floor and another on the bottom level of the opposite side. The light upstairs turns off as the car pulls to a stop in front of the house.

  Agent Johnson slides his tablet into the briefcase. “We’re here.”

  I want to look at him and ask if he is kidding, but I’m so confused right now that I can’t form a coherent thought.

  He puts his hand on the door handle, stops, and looks at me.

  I take a deep breath, open the door, and climb out. We say nothing and head toward the house. The first drops of rain fall and the two of us pick up our pace. We walk under the covered front porch as the downpour begins.

  Agent Johnson reaches for the doorknob and hesitates. “It isn’t what you think,” he says, like he’s reading all the questions I have spinning in my head. “She hasn’t been here all these years. She came here just before you saw her the first time.”

  There’s something in the way he says it that makes me wonder.

  He opens the front door without knocking and I follow him inside. I’m not able to take in my surroundings before Agent Johnson ushers me through the foyer and into the living room off to the left of it. I see Agent Larson, looking right at home. He’s wearing a pair of fleece pajama bottoms and a white cotton shirt. His leg—the one that was broken in the explosion—is propped up on the glass coffee table in front of the black leather couch. He’s holding a glass of red wine in one hand and a book in the other. He doesn’t look up from it when we walk in. I wonder about his cold greeting, though the reason becomes clear as soon as Lily walks into the room.