Margo's Lullaby

by Groves, B.

  “Oh, I see. That’s great, Gabby. I’m so glad to hear you are doing well for yourself,” Jason commented.

  Gabby knew there was a double meaning to that sentence, and she appreciated that Jason didn’t add to it. She knew he was being polite and trying to avoid the subject.

  Jason glanced at the clock on the wall again and leaned in a little.

  “Did you want to hang out one night next weekend? I have Saturday night off.” He put up his hands in emphasis. “Just as friends. We can catch up, and I know a little Italian place that wasn’t here when you still lived here.”

  Gabby was surprised Jason made that proposal. He never showed any interest in her before and wondered why he would now.

  She blinked a few times not knowing how to answer.

  Pam looked up from Anthony, Jr., who was wide-awake and fussing. “You mean Dino’s? That place is good.”

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  Gabby looked in-between Jason and Pamela. Pamela shrugged and gave her a “go for it” look.

  Jason, seeing the doubt in Gabby’s eyes, said, “No pressure or anything. If you say no, then I’ll be embarrassed in front of Pam, and I can’t function the rest of the day… She’ll never let me live it down…”

  Pamela chuckled.

  Jason grinned, and Gabby couldn’t help but laugh at his joke.

  “So, no pressure, huh?” She asked.

  “Oh, no. None at all,” Jason said with a wink.

  “Sure,” Gabby breathed. “Next Saturday night would be great.”

  Jason took a napkin and wrote down his cell phone number. Gabby did the same and exchanged the napkins with him.

  “I’ll call you during the week to make sure we’re still on,” Jason said putting the napkin in his pocket.

  “Okay.”

  “See you next week. Bye Pam,” Jason said getting up and leaving the coffee shop.

  Pamela raised her eyebrows in question. “I’m surprised you told him yes.”

  “Do you think I’d date a guy like him?” Gabby asked, making sure Jason left the coffee shop. “A big meathead?”

  “No, but he seems decent enough. He was never a jerk off in school like his dad, and the rest of his team,” Pamela said.

  “No, I remember he wasn’t an asshole, but I have other intentions,” Gabby explained.

  “Do you think he’d know something?”

  “He might.”

  “I was surprised he did that. I don’t think you two would have anything in common,” Pamela said. “He ignored us most of the time but said hi to me after he came back from school. He never asked about you before.”

  “What happened to Amber?” Gabby asked.

  Pamela shook her head. “I have no clue. I know they broke up in college but never heard about her after that. Jason came back to town after school and became a cop.”

  “Well, no harm, no foul,” Gabby said.

  “What about Dean?”

  “He’s made it quite clear he doesn’t want to talk. So, there’s that,” Gabby said.

  Pamela shrugged. Anthony, Jr. opened his eyes, and was looking around, and making small noises. Gabby smiled at his innocence. She beckoned Pamela to let her hold him again. The coffee shop was quieting down from the lunch crowd, and Pamela handed the baby back to Gabby while she organized his diaper bag.

  Gabby smiled softly at Anthony, Jr. as his gaze met hers.

  “Well, have fun. I haven’t heard anything bad about Jason. He’s gotten awards for his service to the community, so he seems like a good guy. Besides, you deserve it.”

  “Thanks,” Gabby said as she talked baby talk to Anthony, Jr.

  The two friends went their separate ways after their lunch. “I’ll call you, and you can come over for dinner,” Pam said.

  They hugged and parted, and Gabby was on her own again. She checked out the new additions to the mall in town and wandered the stores with little thought.

  Her mother and father had been hounding her all week. They wanted to know how it was in town now. Gabby reassured them she was not being harassed and had not seen many people she recognized anymore. She appreciated her parents’ worry. Tomorrow, she’d talk to John through the computer to update him.

  Gabby sighed and headed home. She picked up takeout from the mall for dinner and would paint the rest of the night.

  Exciting Saturday night, she thought with sarcasm and found herself looking forward to her date with Jason despite her plans. She knew she needed to let herself relax and have a good time, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t pry a little.

  She didn’t care if Jason was a nice guy. He was not her type, and she was going because she needed human interaction.

  Her gut was telling her that Jason might know something. Something that could give her a signal in the right direction to find out the mysterious person in Margo’s diary that caused all the mess that Margo left and tore her family to shreds.

  Gabby turned down the street to her old home ignoring her inner arguments.

  She parked on the other side of the street and sat gazing at the two-story, country style home with the wrap around porch.

  The house had been repainted the original white color after vandals threw red paint all over the front door and sprayed graffiti on the side of the house right after the family fled.

  Now, the house was a lavender color with white decorative shutters. Gabby could see houseplants hanging from the porch, swaying in the breeze. A porch swing sat by the front door. No cars were in the repaved driveway, and no lights were on.

  Gabby spotted the old backyard shed where her father stored all his tools and fishing equipment. She smiled as she remembered him and John teaching his daughters how to use the tools.

  “My daughters will learn how to be self-sufficient,” he declared.

  Her mother would stand at the back entrance having a panic attack over the kids learning how to cut wood with a handsaw.

  Gabby’s father was teaching her the basics of car care when Gabby obtained her driver’s permit. Gabby remembered Margo losing interest, and her father getting angry because she wasn’t paying attention.

  “Margaret, you need to learn this too.”

  Margo sat on the grass with a faraway look in her eyes.

  They didn’t know what that look was about until a year later.

  It wasn’t long after the nights of yelling, screaming, and the running away started.

  Gabby lowered her head mourning their previous life and then started the car to drive away.

  She had enough for one day. She’d tell her parents about the changes to the house later.

  Gabby exited her car when she arrived home and found her gaze drifting to Dean’s house. The driveway was empty.

  Trying to stifle her disappointment, Gabby entered her house. She glanced over at the music box and the portrait of Margo next to it.

  The music box stayed quiet.

  Chapter 8

  All Saturday morning, Dean combed over the police report up on his laptop screen. Five thousand pages of evidence, autopsies, statements, investigations, the whole works in one file. His statement was on page 153, and along with the list of his injuries with the hospital records. He absentmindedly rubbed his shoulder. Right now it was hurting, and he wasn’t sure if it was mental or from the weather changing again.

  That was all he could bear to look at. The Ryan family statement was on page 555, and Gabby’s statements were on page 558 for her family, and 358 for the school.

  His gaze settled on page 1 again. The insignia for the Seven Hills Police was highlighted at the top.

  Then the report number 05-501. Not much happened in Seven Hills over the years.

  “Library-injured” was the next line. Some kind of barcode on the bottom, and then letters to identify the report after that.

  The first person was Robert Larson, the teacher who was the first person to come in contact with Margo, and now paralyzed, and it went on from there.

  He
’d talked to his parents earlier in the morning, and his mother caught the edge in his voice.

  “Gabrielle Ryan is back in town,” Dean confessed after his mother wouldn’t stop asking him if he was all right.

  Silence, then a deep intake of breath.

  “Mom?”

  “Have you ever read the full police report?” Janet Walker asked after another moment.

  Dean sighed. “I’m looking at it but…”

  “But what, Dean?”

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. Have you and Dad read it?”

  “Yes, we did. The whole thing,” Janet answered.

  Dean was surprised. His parents had never wanted to talk about it after Dean recovered. They never expressed anger toward the Ryan family. He remembered one time his dad saying he felt pity for them, but that was the end of the conversation.

  “Dean, I think maybe it’s time you read the whole report. I think it would do you a lot of good, and some things might surprise you,” Janet said.

  “Mom, if you think there’s something I need to know, why can’t you tell me?”

  “No, Dean. It’s neither mine nor your father’s place to tell you. Your time with the report is for you and you alone. We can tell you our opinions, but you need to make up your own mind. That’s why we never pushed you to read it,” she answered.

  Dean noticed that his mother was avoiding the target of his questions, and that was Gabrielle Ryan.

  He felt so stupid. He should have done this a long time ago. Perhaps putting some of his own demons to rest once and for all.

  “She’s got guts,” his mother mumbled over the receiver.

  “You mean Gabby?”

  “Yes.”

  “I think she needs to move away,” Dean commented.

  “Why? She has every right to be there like everyone else,” Janet said.

  Dean thought he would drop the phone. He was sure his mother would’ve agreed with him about Gabby.

  “Mom, you’ve never spoken about the Ryan family. How do you feel about them?”

  Another silent moment and Dean could have sworn he heard the wheels turning in her mind as she tried to find the right words.

  Janet inhaled another deep and shaky breath. “I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember getting that frantic call from your father while I was at work about the school. The fear… Oh God, the fear was overwhelming. Then, I found out you were shot…”

  Dean lowered his head as his mother sniffled over the phone. “All I could think that day was no parent should have to bury their child, and for the longest time, I was angry. So… so fucking angry. Even after you recovered, because when you did you spiraled out of control, and we thought we’d lost you in a different way. Not from a physical standpoint… or death—no—nothing like that, but from what Margo Ryan did to your mind. I was pissed off. I wanted to contact the Ryan family, and tell them they were horrible parents, their daughter was a selfish bitch and took the easy way out. I wished every horrible thing on them I could think of. I hoped they suffered the rest of their lives for what they did to us.”

  Janet stopped again to gather her thoughts.

  “Then what?” Dean asked. His emotions swirled around his head as his mother spoke.

  “After you recovered from your problems, and became a teacher at the very school you were shot, I realized something… I had to put myself in June’s place. From what I read they did everything they could to intervene in Margo’s life to help her. They were active parents, their kids adored them, and you had to ask yourself where did it all go wrong? And, as I read the police report, I wondered how I would be now as a mother who not only lost her child by suicide but took five others with her? How would I go on with my life? How would I find that kind of strength? I don’t know the answer to that, Dean. So, how can I blame another mother who did everything she could for her child, but in the end, it was Margo’s decision.”

  “I can’t believe you’re saying this,” Dean said genuinely flabbergasted.

  Janet laughed, but he could hear the bitterness in her voice. “Dean, I’m fifty-five years old. Your father and I are not spring chickens anymore. I will not spend my older years remaining bitter. I feel blessed. Blessed that my son lived through a horrible time. Yes, many died, but maybe one day their families can find it in their hearts to show the same forgiveness I have.”

  “I doubt Randy ever will,” Dean said, thinking of Jake’s dad.

  Janet scoffed. “Oh please. Randy just loves the spotlight from all this. Very sad for Jake’s memory.”

  “I haven’t spoken to Randy in a long time, but I’m expecting a big drama at the memorial,” Dean commented.

  “Oh, I’m sure. Are you certain you don’t want us to fly up there for it?” Janet asked. “A little extra support might help.”

  “No. It’s fine, Mom. I’m just going to stay in the background and keep my head down. I’ve gotten requests for interviews already and told them no.”

  “Okay… well… if you change your mind, let me know soon so your father can take off from work that week,” Janet replied.

  “I will.”

  Dean’s father Joe took the phone, and said, “I think your mother said all there needs to be said about the Ryan family.”

  After that, father and son talked about lighter subjects like the upcoming baseball season, and Dean laughed at his dad’s jokes about the Philadelphia Phillies.

  The subject change with his father was welcome after the heavy conversation with his mom.

  Dean hung up the phone and sat there staring at the laptop screen for a long while. He couldn’t believe his parent's attitude towards the Ryan family.

  Dean moved the mouse and set his gaze on police report again. It was a pdf file with a menu to navigate through the pages.

  His hand still on the keyboard, almost ready to type in the page numbers for the library. Just a few keystrokes and he would have his answers…

  “Hey Pam,” Dean said one day in the grocery store.

  Pam Monroe turned and smiled. “Oh, hey Dean. How are you?”

  “I’m good.”

  “Is school keeping you busy?”

  “Yeah, you know with baseball, and test after test. How’s the casino biz?”

  Pam rolled her eyes in a dramatic fashion. “The union is threatening strikes again, even though we all voted against it. Same politics different asshole.”

  “We had that last year, remember?”

  “You did, didn’t you? Yeah, but you guys never went on strike, we will,” Pam answered.

  The tension between the two old high school classmates weighed thick in the air. They had seen each other many times over the course of the years, and conversations always stayed off the subject of what Dean knew he should talk about.

  Pam was Gabrielle’s best friend, and her family always defended the Ryans in the media.

  Maybe, today was the day.

  Pam looked on at him expectantly when the conversation about their jobs died out. She knew. She always knew. He saw her square her shoulders and stiffen as she waited yet again for Dean to ask her. Her dark eyes flickered with her own emotions.

  Dean turned his head to make sure they were the only ones in the aisle.

  “Pam, I know—”

  “Dean, why don’t you ask? Or better yet, stop being an idiot and find out for yourself.”

  He couldn’t argue with Pam. He knew he was being an idiot, and on top of that, a coward.

  Jake’s dead face flashed through his mind. The eyes staring at the ceiling, the hole in the side of his head…

  The gunshots, the screams…

  “Okay. You want me to ask? What happened that day? What happened after I passed out?”

  Pam’s eyes narrowed, and then her jaw set in anger. “After all these years, you still don’t know. I can’t believe you haven’t read it yet. I bet you still believe the rumors don’t you?”

  “I don’t know, you tell me, Pam. She is your
best friend.”

  “She is, and I will defend her till my dying breath. She’s been through hell and doesn’t deserve the hate she gets,” Pam seethed.

  Dean rubbed his face in frustration. “You don’t understand. What I’ve been through. I still see his face, Pam. Every fucking day I see his face. Every day the pain I feel reminds me of what we all lost. All I want to know is, did she run away like Margo told her to?”

  Pam put her hand on her chin and lowered her head. She shook it and laughed quietly.

  She then looked back up to Dean quizzically.

  “And if she did? What would you do?”

  “Did she?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  “I guess… I guess I’m just trying to put this all to rest. It’s been seven years now, and…”

  “What are you hoping for?” Pam asked. Dean noticed her expression changed from anger to sympathetic. Her eyes softening from a hard stare.

  “I don’t know…”

  “Maybe one day you’ll be able to ask her,” Pam said.

  Dean frowned. “Oh come on, Pam. She’ll never come back here.”

  Pam’s face gave away a secret, but she tried to hide it behind a stone mask. “You never know.”

  Those were her last words before she said goodbye to Dean. Pam and Dean spoke several times after that, but he never asked her again what she meant that day.

  Now, he knew. Gabby came back to town. Not only that, she was now living just a few doors down from him.

  Dean inhaled a deep breath and typed in the pages he needed to read.

  Right away his eyes fixated on Gabrielle Ryan’s name inside of the library.

  Dean closed his eyes again. He would not let this destroy him. He had to think positive. He may be haunted by his memories, but he would not live his life wondering why. He needed to move on.

  The statement was handwritten, and some black splotches from a bad copy job almost blocked out some of the words.

  His hand shook and sweat formed on his palm. What was he hoping for? Was he hoping for the worst? Or for the best?

  His eyes did a quick scan, and the handwriting was shaky. Obviously, she was shaken to the core. She just witnessed her sister murder several people and then knowing Margo took her own life.