Margo's Lullaby

by Groves, B.

  He focused, and inhaled another deep, shaky breath.

  The words were there, but Dean’s brain shut down. This was Gabby. In her own words as she described the events of that day. This was the day her whole life changed forever, along with all of their lives.

  Dean’s heart palpitated. He couldn’t breathe. His gaze was still on the screen, and could no longer see the words. They were there, yes, but they couldn’t sink in. He couldn’t accept it. Could he? What she did… what she did for him? Although her sister was picking off people left and right.

  He turned his office chair to the side and leaned over. He tried not to heave, but he couldn’t stop the gagging, and that made his shoulder hurt.

  Another reminder of that day coming back to haunt him.

  He ran a hand through his goatee and over his hair and found sweat formed on his brow.

  The sudden need for a fix was overwhelming him. Maybe, one drink wouldn’t hurt…

  No!

  A voice entered his head.

  “Dean!” It echoed from the deepest parts of his mind.

  He couldn’t keep his eyes open. He wanted to sleep.

  “Dean, stay with me, okay? You’re going to be all right!”

  The need for a drink or a puff of something illegal overpowered him.

  He jumped from the chair and paced his living room trying to calm that familiar need to relieve the pain that once again, bubbled to the surface of his mind. All his baseball trophies around the living room wouldn’t come into focus. Every noise, from the refrigerator kicking in, the dryer buzzer going off, made him jump out of his skin.

  What did his counselor always tell him? Find a distraction. Find something productive to do. Find another outlet for the need.

  Dean glanced at the clock. His focus came back long enough to see it was still early in the morning. William would still be at basketball practice. Dean turned down the invite but changed his mind.

  Ignoring the laptop with the police report still lighting up the screen, Dean stumbled into his bedroom and changed into sweatpants and T-shirt.

  He cursed out loud when his fingers wouldn’t cooperate with tying his sneakers, but after a few minutes, and a few deep, calming breaths, he managed it.

  He didn’t even bother with the jacket but threw on a heavy hoodie.

  Nothing else in his hands, except his wallet and keys, Dean left the house and cursed again when he forgot to lock the front door.

  It was so cold he thought he would suffocate, and his fingers were already partially going numb.

  The cold was bringing him back to reality. The sun was getting higher in the sky, but the winter weather bit into Dean’s flesh. It helped—it helped a lot.

  Dean’s pounding heart slowed, and his foggy breaths were calmer.

  His mind focused on the surrounding neighborhood, and the staggering need to buy an illegal substance.

  He turned to his left to see Gabby’s SUV sitting the driveway of Pam’s home.

  He had to hinder his sudden urge to walk over and knock on her door to speak to her.

  Dean shook his head furiously, not caring if the neighbors thought he was going nuts by shaking his head to himself.

  He still wasn’t ready. Despite all the information now, he couldn’t talk to her. He needed to get through this episode first before they could talk.

  He needed a clear mind and suppressed emotions. That was the only way he could deal with speaking to her.

  Dean unlocked his car, sat down in the driver’s seat for a few minutes. He needed to be certain he could drive safely.

  Chapter 9

  “I told you no one would ever find it!” Twelve-year-old Margo announced.

  Gabby shrugged but grinned. “Are you going to tell me what’s in it?”

  Margo put a finger on her chin, contemplating whether to show her sister her diary hidden in the music box or not.

  “Come on, I promise not to tell anyone.”

  “But you said never tell anyone what’s written in it,” Margo said. “Including you.”

  Gabby threw up her hands in defeat. “Okay, okay. You’re right.”

  Both sisters sat on Margo’s bed, Gabby playing on her laptop, and Margo still deciding whether to show her sister her diary.

  “Margo?”

  “What?”

  Gabby set her laptop aside and grinned again. “You know you want to show me.”

  “Only because you’re pushing me to.”

  Gabby thought for a minute. “Okay, let’s make a deal.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll tell you a secret, but you need to let me read your diary,” Gabby suggested.

  Margo put a finger on her lips in thought. Gabby grinned again. Margo couldn’t resist a good secret, especially one that was just kept between them. Sometimes they even brought John in when he acted like he was interested.

  She pushed her blonde hair out of her face and sighed.

  Margo giggled, and said, “Okay, but you have to tell me the secret first.”

  Gabby knew the only way she would see her sister’s writing was if she gave in.

  “Okay,” Gabby said in resignation. “Scott Schmidt asked me out.”

  Margo’s eyes widened, and she squealed. “Isn’t he the guy who—”

  Gabby knew whom Margo was referring to, and she sighed. “No, not Dean Walker. He doesn’t like me I guess.”

  Gabby turned her mouth down in disappointment, but if Dean was going to continue to ignore her, she needed to move on.

  Margo looked over her sister confused. “Then who is Scott?”

  Gabby’s smile returned. “He’s this cool guy who builds video games.”

  Margo giggled again, but then her face turned into confusion. “Didn’t Mom and Dad say we weren’t allowed to date anyone until we’re sixteen?”

  Gabby looked around the room and leaned forward to her sister. “I know, that’s why it has to be our secret,” she whispered.

  “Oh,” Margo answered. “I won’t tell, I promise.”

  “You better not,” Gabby warned.

  “I won’t, but I still think boys are gross,” Margo said, making a disgusted face.

  Gabby laughed at her little sister. “You won’t feel that way soon.”

  Gabby put her hand out, and said, “Now hand it over.”

  Margo hesitated, thinking Gabby would laugh at her. Gabby promised she wouldn’t and never did.

  Nothing important was in that part of her diary at the time. Just some musings on Margo’s dance classes, and her friends, and teachers she didn’t like.

  Gabby read through those pages the most. It was hard to face how the writing would change in the next couple of years. Margo’s thoughts turned darker and more venomous.

  Gabby gazed at her reflection in the mirror in the bathroom while she applied a light amount of makeup for her date that night. It was now one week later, and she returned from her project in Philadelphia Friday evening.

  It had been a productive and lucrative week for her. The project would skyrocket her business and bring her more clients from recommendations. Networking was always the key, but recommendations from companies would be her bread and butter. She impressed her clients with her plans, and one owner even bought one of her paintings on her website that same day.

  During the week, she and Jason had contact, and he called her that morning to make sure they were still going out that night.

  Gabby turned and glanced at the clock in the bedroom. He said he would pick her up at seven, and it was almost six-thirty.

  During the week, she realized she was looking forward to her night out with Jason. It was nice to reconnect with someone from her past, and it was nice that he never seemed to be hesitant about hanging around with her.

  Jason had asked about connecting with Gabby on social media websites, but Gabby told him she stayed away from them except for business contacts. It gave her a sense of control, and some privacy. Who knew how many times her informati
on had been posted in forums and such from people who researched her family or just wanted to troll them.

  Jason seemed to understand and did not ask about it any further.

  Gabby stared at her complexion in the mirror one more time, satisfied with her makeup.

  She walked into the living room and peered out the window, but no signs of Jason pulling up yet.

  Realizing she left her scarf in the car, she opened the door and walked out to it.

  It was a chilly, and damp evening, but the sky was clear. She looked up to see the stars twinkling against the darkened sky.

  Shivering, she grabbed her scarf and went to make her back inside the house, when a voice startled her from behind.

  “Gabby?”

  She swiftly turned around to face Dean standing at the edge of her driveway, the light from the street lamp shining down on him.

  His hands were shoved into the pocket of his down jacket.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.

  Gabby was at a loss for words. Her throat went dry, and her tongue turned into cotton almost choking her.

  Her heart rammed against her chest. She tried to speak, but her throat closed.

  She’d gotten used to the idea that Dean would ignore her for the duration of the time she rented Pam’s house. She didn’t even glance over at his house when she came home from Philadelphia the night before.

  “Hi Dean,” she answered. “You're fine.”

  Dean hesitated for a second, but then took a few steps closer. Gabby had the urge to back up but wanted to face him. She didn’t know what to expect out of him this time, and she was more prepared than from the time on the walking trail.

  “Am I keeping you from something?” He asked.

  He must have noticed her skirt, and blouse. She wasn’t shivering too badly, but the cold was seeping into her skin.

  “I’m heading out tonight,” Gabby said.

  She stopped there. He didn’t need to know her plans with Jason.

  She couldn’t read Dean’s expressions. When he walked towards her, his face hidden in the shadows.

  “I was coming to knock on your door, but since you have plans…”

  Gabby scoffed. “Were you coming to tell me to leave town again?”

  Gabby could see Dean shaking his head despite the darkness. She shivered again, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. His gaze was everywhere around the neighborhood except on her. She spotted his foggy breath coming out rapidly from the streetlamp when he would turn his head at a certain angle.

  “No, I wasn’t,” Dean confessed. “I know… I know I said some pretty nasty things before, but I think… I think I’m ready for us to have a sit-down and talk.”

  After a few seconds, he said, “If you’re still willing.”

  Gabby didn’t have her phone on her, so she didn’t know what time it was. She was just coming to terms with the fact that Dean would ostracize her forever, and now this.

  Gabby didn’t want or need to have her emotions on overdrive tonight. She was looking forward to a relaxing evening out with Jason. She had other plans with Jason but knew she could act smoothly when the time came.

  Gabby was about to answer when car lights turned onto the street in the distance. Dean was distracted by the incoming car and turned around.

  It was just as Gabby suspected, Jason arrived for their date.

  Dean eyed the Dodge Charger and didn’t turn back to Gabby. The streetlight was showing on his face once again, and she saw him narrow his eyes.

  Well, this would be awkward, she thought, wishing a hole in the ground would open and swallow her.

  “Hey!” Jason said getting out of the car.

  “Hi Jason,” Gabby said, plastering a smile on her face.

  She could see Jason’s blonde hair spiked with some hair gel. His clothing comprised a black button down shirt underneath a suede jacket, and black dress khakis. She wasn’t sure but thought she smelled his heavy aftershave. Not an unpleasant scent.

  Jason hadn’t noticed Dean yet, but Dean definitely noticed him. Dean almost sunk back into the shadows from what Gabby could see from his reaction.

  Dean then turned to set his eyes on Gabby genuinely stunned about who she was seeing tonight.

  She tried to hide her emotions but knew her facial expressions were giving her away as her eyes met Dean’s.

  Jason then noticed Dean from the corner of his eye. Jason almost took a step back surprised when he realized who it was.

  “Oh hey, Dean. I didn’t see you standing there,” Jason said confused.

  “Jason. How’s it going?” Dean turned to Jason and smiled in greeting, but Gabby didn’t miss his jaw clenching. “Gabby and I are neighbors, and I thought I would stop and say hello.”

  Gabby could tell that Jason wasn’t buying it, but he shrugged and ignored it.

  The two men shook hands, but the tension in the air cut like a sharp blade.

  “Well, I saw her last week, and thought I would give her a nice homecoming dinner,” Jason said with a smile towards Gabby.

  Gabby smiled back and said, “Let me run in and get my jacket, then we can go.”

  She needed to get out of there. When her emotions were in overdrive, she could almost expect a panic attack, and it exhausted her to fight it off. She didn’t want that tonight.

  “I’ll wait for you here,” Jason said.

  Gabby couldn’t hear any more of the conversation when she went back inside the house to retrieve her jacket and handbag. The heat hit her head on, from standing in the cold night air for a long time; it mercifully snapped her out of her oncoming panic attack.

  She put on her jacket, and grabbed her handbag, making sure her phone was there and went back outside, this time much warmer from her jacket.

  She locked the door and heard low laughter from both men.

  She walked up to Jason, and he shot her a broad smile. “You look beautiful.”

  Gabby blushed, but her eyes went to Dean. She could see his anger beneath the smile.

  “Yes, she does,” Dean said in a tight voice.

  “Ready?” Jason asked her.

  “Yes.”

  Jason put his hand out to Dean, and Dean shook it. “Always nice to see you, Dean.”

  “You too, Jason,” Dean said.

  He turned and looked at Gabby for a moment, and said, “Have a great time tonight.”

  “Thanks,” Gabby said.

  She tried to not watch as Dean walked away, and back to his house. Part of her wanted to ignore Jason, and run after him, and another part of her was telling him to fuck off and let him stew for a while after how he treated her.

  She could handle a lot about what Margo did nowadays, but the rumors that she acted like a coward that day were the worst, and no matter how much she didn’t want to admit it, it hurt her pride.

  Her sister killed five people and shot herself right in front of Gabby, and people wondered whether Gabby stayed or ran away at the first signs of knowing the shooter was her sister.

  People had strange priorities in this world, and she would never understand it.

  There was so much she never understood, and that’s why she was entering a car with a former classmate who she never even gave a second glance to while they were in school.

  It sort of made her suspicious in her own right about Jason’s intentions, but she was determined to have a good time, anyway.

  She had Pam on emergency text, just in case something went wrong, and she needed an escape.

  Jason held the door open for her, and she sat down in the passenger seat.

  “Thank you.”

  Jason shut the door, and Gabby was a little overcome by the aftershave, he sure liked it, she thought.

  Nothing in the vehicle stood out to her, so she settled back into the seat and put her seatbelt on while Jason sat in the driver’s seat and did the same.

  “I am so glad you said yes,” Jason said
, turning to her.

  Gabby smiled a genuine smile this time. “Me too, and thanks.”

  Jason had a winning quarterback’s perfect white, toothy smile.

  “I didn’t know Dean lived over here,” Jason commented when they drove down the street.

  “Me neither until I moved in,” Gabby said honestly. She silently cursed Pam again.

  “I don’t see him much anymore. My dad will bring him up once in awhile, but that’s about it.”

  Gabby didn’t know if Jason was leading her into another conversation or just making small talk.

  “How is your dad, anyway?” What a good way to change the subject.

  She thought she saw a look of animosity glimmer in Jason’s expression, but he tried to mask it. Seconds passed before he answered her question, and curiosity was getting the better of her about their relationship.

  Michael McConnell was not one of her favorite people, and she surprised herself by going out on a date with his son.

  She read his statements. She knew a few people would make themselves look more heroic than they actually were, but Michael’s always bothered her the most. She knew she saw him enter the library that day. When she spoke to Jennifer Smith, she noticed Michael come in, and head to the back of the library. She never remembered him leaving although he said he was in the gym when Margo came in.

  Why had he lied about that? Again, Gabby’s suspicions for tonight were aroused, even though she tried to ease them.

  Michael had always been power hungry. She knew that for years, even before Margo. He had the power of the media over the course of the months after the shooting. It wasn’t until years later when Gabby sat down to watch the news coverage that revealed Michael’s true personality coming through the camera.

  She tried to convince herself that maybe her own biases were getting in the way when she watched his interviews, but her gut instinct always told her differently.

  Once a snake, always a snake. The father of Jason McConnell knew when to strike at the most opportune moment.

  “It’s complicated,” Jason said. “He tried to push me into things I didn’t want to do, and when I had my final injury in college, it was kind of a blessing.”