Things I Shouldn't Think

by Janet Ruth Young

  “Look at those three,” Officer Pinto says, pointing to a woman and two men in the audience, all wearing camouflage. “This is bringing a lot of weirdos to town.” One of the men holds a sign above his head saying PROTECT OUR KIDS. Malcolm realizes that this must be the New Hampshire contingent. He wonders if he should tell his father that he’s been corresponding with POK. But he doesn’t for now, because he likes having something of his own.

  Now Chief Scola stands up. “It’s just one bad decision after another for that guy,” says Officer Pinto. The chief was responsible for Mason making sergeant rather than Pinto.

  “While the Hawthorne Police Department appreciates the interest so many media outlets have shown in our town and in the Dani Solomon case, the proliferation of media representatives in what is normally a very quiet town is making it difficult for us to fulfill our responsibilities, one of which is finding Dani Solomon. There is no story here. We would like you all to pack up and go back to wherever it is you came from. Once again, there is no story. We are prepared to prosecute to the full extent of the law any media representatives that trespass on private property or harass local people for information.”

  A reporter from Channel 5 raises his hand. “Chief Scola, what is the legal status of remarks like Dani’s? Are they a threat? A warning? A confession?”

  “I can’t comment,” the chief says.

  Beth Solomon pops back up and looks straight into the camera. “I have one more thing to say,” she says. “If anyone out there thinks that for any reason it’s okay to hurt my daughter, know that I will go to the ends of the earth to find you and . . .” Her lawyer pulls her jacket to make her sit down.

  “Scary!” Pinto says.

  “That’s where Dani gets it from,” Malcolm adds.

  The mayor approaches the microphone, but Michael Pinto kills the TV before she can speak. “They want our guys to stick their necks out?” he says. He calls some of his fellow police officers.

  77

  The Dogg House

  Sniffing Out That Babysitter

  Your blog host: Sheepdogg

  You heard it here first. The police are off the case. Hunting season has officially opened in Havenswood.

  78

  Wednesday, May 19

  Hawthorne Beacon-Times

  PRESS MEET LEADS TO

  STRIFE OVER SITTER SEARCH

  Following yesterday’s press conference at which Hawthorne Police Department Sergeant Philip Mason stated that allegedly troubled babysitter Dani Solomon was “a missing person,” rumors circulated that police plan a sick-out in protest of orders to search for Dani Solomon in Havenswood. A source close to department employees said that five of the seven officers assigned to tomorrow’s search have already called in sick after stating privately that ensuring the teen’s well-being is tantamount to “escorting the fox back to the henhouse.” The source stated that the consensus among the officers is that if Solomon is sought it should be as a criminal rather than as a missing person.

  Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the mother whom Dani Solomon allegedly warned about killing her child said that the mother and other area parents were “very concerned” about the fact that Dani Solomon was at large and that they would feel “more secure” if her whereabouts were known. They asked that the Hawthorne Police Department participate in a widespread search in order to protect local children.

  “Considering that this is the first time in twenty years that Hawthorne has had a potential killer on its hands,” said one parent who declined to be identified, “it seems ridiculous to drop the whole matter as if nothing happened.”

  79

  Hawthorne Beacon-Times

  Opinion

  By Devorah Hopkins

  CHANGING THE CONVERSATION

  Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it. After years of effort by the Hawthorne Chamber of Commerce to attract visitors, Hawthorne is finally on the map. But for what are we known? Few residents have been spared this week the unflattering experience of being approached by journalists seeking information or opinions on the Dani Solomon case. The town has appeared on the Boston news upward of three times this week and once on the national news. And outside vendors have descended on our community hawking tasteless items such as T-shirts bearing the nickname “Sawthorne.”

  The only positive outcome of these events has been an uptick in business for Hawthorne’s hotels and restaurants. But where are the photos of our scenic coastline and beaches? The stories about our maritime heritage? The glowing reports of our sports teams? Where are the accounts of concerts and dance performances and the valiant efforts of our struggling fishing fleet to stay afloat in uncertain economic times?

  Remember, you and I set the tone for visitors to this town. If the Dani Solomon case is all we talk about, it’s all visitors will hear. Let’s all work on changing the conversation and showing the world that Hawthorne is a wonderful, safe place to vacation, raise children, work, and retire.

  Devorah Hopkins is mayor of Hawthorne.

  80

  National Envestigator News

  To: Photo Research Department

  From: Editorial Department

  Offer $1,000 to anyone in Hawthorne for a high-quality, high-res photo of Dani Solomon in a swimsuit.

  81

  To: Editorial Department

  From: Photo Research Department

  Which of these do you like?

  82

  National Envestigator News

  IF LOOKS COULD KILL

  Beautiful But Deadly Teen Sought

  in Child Murder Case

  Fugitive teen Dani Solomon, in hoodie over bikini,

  dances in front of a bonfire last summer at Hawthorne’s

  Annual Fourth of July Picnic.

  83

  Only Gordy would know to look for her at the Shark’s Jaw.

  He brought her provisions and made sure she was okay. How did she look when he found her? Dani wonders. Did she stink, and was her eye half-closed from mosquito bites, like it is today? Did he think she was beautiful, or just pathetic? He’ll probably come back to check on her again. She’ll have to clean up a little in case he comes back. Then she can figure out how much he still likes her.

  Why didn’t he wake me up? she asks herself. And why didn’t he speak to me? Because he’s a kind person, but he’s not an idiot. He wanted her to survive, but never in a million years would he still want to be her boyfriend. She must seem a lot different to him now than the day they walked here together. By now he’s read the comments in the paper and seen her hacked MyFace profile. Before she left he said he didn’t believe the rumors. Now he knows they’re true. No way is Gordy coming back.

  84

  For the first time in five years, the Hawthorne girls’ team has made it to the state semifinals. Dani was one of the players that put them there, but now Shelley is partnered with Justine Lamont. Justine is fast and a good strategist, but the communication Shelley shared with Dani is missing.

  “We better shape up,” Shelley says when it’s Justine’s turn to serve.

  Justine sneers at Shelley.

  “Sorry,” Shelley says. “I meant we as in both of us. You’re kinda touchy, aren’t you?”

  The Arlington Catholic High girls, twice in a row, lob balls into a spot where Justine is blinded by the sun.

  “Hey, that happened last point too,” Shelley says.

  Justine throws her racket onto the court, and the lineswoman penalizes Justine for bad behavior.

  85

  Dani awakens to the soft hoot of an owl. She remembers that she’s outside, that she’s in Havenswood, that she ran away, that she left because of Alex, and that she can’t hurt anyone anymore.

  The owl’s hoot is very musical. It takes Dani back to a music room, to being part of a circle, to making one note of a ringing chord. To a day when forgetting Shelley’s sheet music was the worst problem she had. Wait—the owl is hooting “Old Cape Cod,” so softly she
can barely hear it. Her excellent guest must be here. That means he knows about me—and he doesn’t care.

  The owl comes closer. But—the owl isn’t singing tenor, Gordy’s part. The owl is singing baritone. Dani sees big white sneakers under the brush.

  “Are you awake?” a voice whispers.

  “Yes,” Dani answers.

  Nathan Brandifield parts the branches and sits down. He plunks a Whole Foods bag beside her pillow.

  “Flashlight. Batteries. Pistachios. Oranges. Nonperishable milk. Straws, the bendy kind. Gummi Bears for quick energy. From the Hawtones.”

  It would be impolite to act disappointed. But now that she knows it’s Nathan, she doesn’t care about smelling bad.

  “You brought me the blanket and the peanut butter,” she whispers. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I wasn’t sure if you preferred chunky or smooth. That never arose in our previous conversations.”

  “I can’t believe you did all this. I mean, you risked your safety. Why would you do such a thing?”

  Nathan pushes his chin forward, like a childish scowl. “Why? Because we were worried about you. You’re a Hawtone. You’re part of the circle.”

  “How did you figure out where I was?”

  “I’ve spent a lot of time in these woods. I knew Shark’s Jaw was the primo location for someone to spend the night.”

  “Somebody threw a rock in my window. I think they want to kill me.”

  “I know. It’s probably good you’re not there. They painted slogans on your house, too. And there are reporters showing up every day and your mother has to shoo them away.”

  “And you say the Hawtones are worried about me? Which ones?”

  “Shelley is having a rough time. But Meghan is helping her through it. Mr. Gabler is definitely worried. I think he wanted to save that part for you.”

  “Mr. Gabler cares about me? Still?”

  “He’s pretty unflappable. Do you know he’s done music programs in prisons? He isn’t afraid of anybody.”

  Dani blinks. That’s right, people are afraid of her.

  “I’m sorry, that was insensitive. Of course you’re not going to prison. You know, it’s hard to look at you and believe that stuff. But for a lot of people that makes the bad stuff more believable. That you’re, you know, attractive. You know how people are.” He puts her supplies back in the bag. “I could get you some chili and a can opener. Are you by any chance a vegetarian? If so, you never mentioned it.”

  “This should be enough.” Dani doesn’t have much to say to Nathan, but it’s good to see another human being. I could kill Nathan Brandifield, she thinks. I could bury him here and no one would find his body. She squeezes her hands together. Oh no. It’s starting up again.

  “Are your hands cold?” Nathan asks. “Do you need gloves?” He takes her hands between both of his, rubs them and blows on them. Oh no. Nathan is blowing on my hands.

  “No.” She gently pulls her hands away.

  “Just so you know,” Nathan says, “I saw people in the parking lot with surveillance equipment and stuff.”

  “The police?”

  “Not the police. They were wearing camouflage outfits.”

  “Do you think they’ll find me?”

  “They would find you here. You should go deeper in the woods. I’ll help you find a spot.”

  Nathan sticks his hands in his pockets and looks at the stars. “If it was meteor season, my one wish would be that you come through this safe.” He shifts from one foot to the other. Dani wonders why he isn’t directing her to the new spot and why he isn’t leaving.

  “Tell me where it is and I’ll go on my own. I don’t want you taking risks for me.” She begins gathering her blanket and other belongings.

  “Please don’t send me away just yet, Dani. I want to sit a few minutes and talk like we used to before rehearsal.”

  “You would only get yourself in trouble staying here.”

  “But I want to have an unending conversation with you,” Nathan says. “That’s part of my reason for coming here.”

  “What does ‘an unending conversation’ mean?”

  “Where every day we talk about the things we discussed the day before, and we see if either of us has anything to add.”

  “Nathan, is this food and stuff really from the Hawtones? Or just from you?”

  “I wouldn’t use the phrase ‘just me.’ ” He pauses. “It seems like you want me to go. But tell me if there’s anything else you need.”

  “I don’t have a phone. Can you please get a message to my mother and tell her I’m all right, too? And tell me how Gordy’s taking it.”

  “I thought you might ask about him,” Nathan says.

  Nathan rests his hands on the small of his back, an old-mannish gesture, and breathes a sigh that makes his whole body shake. “This is the worst day of my life and the best. The worst because I’ve discovered that you care for someone else, and the best because I’m saving your life.” He describes a group of boulders out of reach of the hiking trails that would make a good hiding place. He wants to carry her stuff, but Dani says no. She’ll go alone, and the thoughts will follow her deeper into the woods, just as they followed her here.

  “One more thing,” Dani says, testing her flashlight under cover of her hand. “I almost hate to ask you.”

  “Go ahead, Dani. Anything.”

  “Go past the Drapers’ house at 16 Dell Place. A boy named Alex lives there. Try to see if he’s all right. I worry about him all the time.”

  86

  Protect Our Kids

  Chat Room

  SHEEPDOGG: What will you do with her when you find her?

  ROWDIE: Mileage may vary.

  SHEEPDOGG: Meaning?

  ROWDIE: We make the punishment fit the crime. First we have a tribunal where we read the accusations and weigh the evidence. Then our executive committee decides what should be done. Many of the people we apprehend are permanently removed from society, others are held for a period of time in our compound (I can’t tell you where it is), and some are . . . changed in various ways so that they can never commit that particular crime again.

  SHEEPDOGG: Changed in what way? Physically? Do you mean like rehabilitated?

  ROWDIE: Depends. Various ways.

  Wow, Malcolm thinks. This is serious. I’m taking on a lot of responsibility here. He’s a little scared, but he gives himself a mental high-five.

  SHEEPDOGG: Once all the evidence is read and whatnot, is the person ever just let go?

  ROWDIE: Almost never.

  SHEEPDOGG: Sounds like a well-oiled operation.

  ROWDIE: We think so. Have a good day in school tomorrow, kid.

  87

  Lights flash in the distance. Dani hears a helicopter overhead. Every sound suggests that the people Nathan saw are about to find her. She lies awake in the new spot, but she’ll need some sleep in order to be clearheaded tomorrow. Maybe each night she’ll move to a different hiding place.

  She remembers telling Alex the night world wasn’t scary.

  “We’re going to bed now,” Dani said, “but not everyone is. Some people are staying up. They’ll be in charge while we rest.”

  “Which people?” Alex asked.

  She showed him the harbor lights from the bedroom. “The fishermen out there and the police and the firefighters and the ambulance drivers and everyone at the hospital.”

  “Like Mom.”

  “Your mom and the other doctors and nurses. And the people in the twenty-four-hour pharmacy.”

  “Walgreen’s?”

  “Walgreen’s and Denny’s and the convenience store and the rest stop on the highway. And truck drivers.”

  Dani left the hall light on for Alex and didn’t go back for the rest of the night. That was before the thoughts.

  88

  Channel 5

  MetroBoston Eleven o’Clock News

  Reporter: I’m Selda Binney and we’re live from Hawthorne, Massach
usetts, where a community still reels from the local newspaper’s revelation that a trusted babysitter is in fact a potential child murderer. I’m standing in front of Havenswood, a three-thousand-acre forest in the heart of Hawthorne, where babysitter Dani Solomon is believed to be bunkered.

  Anchor: Selda, what are police saying about the babysitter’s whereabouts and actions?

  Reporter: The police have chosen not to participate in the search, Lakshmi. Stepping into the breach is a grassroots organization called Protect Our Kids.

  Anchor: And what level of threat does she pose to the public?

  Reporter: It’s important for our viewers to know that a criminal who is cornered is at his or her most desperate and dangerous. However, where Dani Solomon is concerned, it’s believed that her particular pathology causes her to focus only on children. If you see a girl matching this photo, be sure not to leave your children alone. Sources believe that Solomon might arm herself with a knife.

  Anchor: Thank you, Selda. To be honest, I love my job, but I don’t know how you place yourself in harm’s way day in and day out. On behalf of all of us at Channel 5, I just want to say, please . . . be careful out there in Havenswood.

  89

  “I’m sort of tempted, Dad,” Malcolm says.

  “Tempted by what?” his father asks.

  “To go run around in the woods with the camouflage people. I think it would be a hoot.”

  “Oh God. You stay away from that crowd, Malky,” Michael says. “They look like a bunch of whack jobs.”

  90

  “I think Gordy is so cute,” Meghan says. “In fact, I think he’s one of the hottest guys in the school. What do you think, Shell?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with him,” Shelley says. This is awkward. It might not be so bad except that they’re in the music room and Gordy stands beside them in the circle, waiting for rehearsal to start.