THE TROUBLE WITH KISSING YOU

by Gen Phan

  My heart started pounding. Pounding...not the right word. What was the right word? If I had any breathe left in my lungs I might have been able to say it out loud, but I didn't. My hands shook as I brought them down to the keys and started typing again.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Prove it!

  Message: Tell me in detail what happened at the party?

  I pressed send and I sat. It felt like the email took an eternity to come through. With each passing second I grew more and more anxious. At some stage it just all became too much to bear and I had to get up and pace across my room a few times. I wanted it to be her so badly. So, so badly. I needed it to be her at this point.

  From: Youmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Proof

  Message: That terrible song by Katy Perry was playing when all the lights went out. I ran up to you in the dark and put my right hand on your chest and I kissed you. I tasted of mint and cinnamon and you tasted of cigarette smoke and you must have just had a beer, because there was a slight malty flavor on your lips. You didn't respond for a few seconds, and then you wrapped your arm around me and pulled me closer. Your right hand slipped under my top and you put it on my back and I shivered. I haven't been able to think of anything else since then.

  P.s I also left something behind in your mouth. X

  My heart leap into my brain and started beating there until it had pushed any and all cognitive thoughts out. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't think at all. I was only feeling as I wrote back to her.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: I've been thinking about it too... and I want to do it again.

  Message: Please tell me who you are?

  There was another long gap between the mails and I didn't know why, or how, but I could sense her grappling with the decision to tell me or not. It was weird, but for some reason I felt close to her. It was as if we knew each other. There was something so familiar about her, yet utterly mysterious at the same time. She was like the word that's on the tip of your tongue that you just can't remember.

  From: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Patience is a virtue

  Message: Mike, I don't think you're ready to know who I am yet.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Patience is over rated

  Message: I'm so ready to know who you are, trust me.

  From: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: I KNOW YOU MIKE MATTHEWS

  Message: I know exactly how you work. I know exactly what type of guy you are. You've dated every hot blond at your school and I bet you've never bother to get to know any of them... really know them.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: I want to know you

  Message: Maybe that was true. But it's not anymore. I want to know you. I want to know everything about you.

  From: Youmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Not convinced

  Message: You're going to have to prove to me that you are a changed man.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Done.

  Message: I'll do anything you want me to do, just as long as I get to kiss you again.

  There was another long pause and for a moment I regretted what I'd just said. Maybe I'd been too forward and had just chased her away? But then another email popped into my box.

  From: Youmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: X

  Message: This will have to do for now.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: XX

  Message: I prepared to wait.

  From: Youmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: XXX

  Message: You're going to have to. Goodnight Mike.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: XXX

  Message: Good night mystery mint kisser and sweet dreams. I know I'll be having them tonight.

  And with that, I closed my computer. The biggest smile broke out across my face and I couldn't imagine anything in the world that could possibly wipe it away.

  Maria

  I woke up with a fat smile on my face and an actual lightness in my step – not the metaphorical kind. I practically threw myself out of bed and if I knew how to pirouette, I would have.

  Last night had been one of those big moments. I'd finally, after so many years of chocking the words and feelings down, I'd finally been able to say them to Mike. Okay, so he didn't know it was me saying it, and I wasn't saying them per say, it was more a typed affair, but, to have gotten that out to Mike, in any way, felt so good.

  In the back of my mind I knew that this thing was probably going to come back to bite me. I knew it would probably backfire and explode and shatter into a million hot, fiery pieces. But I felt so good right now that I was fully prepared to ignore the possible consequences of what I had just started. To ignore the fact that I had just dug and even bigger hole for myself and told an even bigger lie. All that didn't seem to matter right now in the face of this tingly, glow-y amazing giddy feeling that I was high one.

  All I cared about was continuing to tell Mike how much I wanted to kiss him and the best part, was having him say it back to me. So YES, right now, I was just going to blindly ignore the niggling thoughts in the back of my mind that told me this thing was all going to blow up like Hiroshima at some point. This thing was probably going to end one way... and that was with me getting hurt.

  But it felt so fucking good right now that I was just going to go with it. I bet that's what people say just before they become crack addicts?

  Not even McKenzie's driving fazed me that morning, despite her swerving to miss the curb and not seeing a big, bright red stop sign. I'd noticed that lately McKenzie was being particularly "McKenzie" to me. She usually ripped me off, gave me shit and made my life at home a misery. But lately, she'd been particularly narky and sarcastic. Especially when I'd walked downstairs this morning wearing my 'Welcome down under' shirt that had a Koala bear on.

  She'd looked up from her low fat, low taste, low calorie, low- low muffin thing and cringed.

  "God, it would be vaguely acceptable if you were wearing that shirt ironically, but your not, so it's not acceptable."

  I ignored her, because nothing could put a damper on my mood. And what did that mean anyway? Wearing the shirt ironically? Who wears clothes ironically, I was obviously not cool enough to know about things like that.

  "Your sister is right Maria," My mother joined in now. "It's got a hole in the sleeve, you don't want people at school thinking we can't afford to buy you new clothes."

  I scoffed loudly at both of them. "Trust me, no one at school could ever doubt your ability to buy clothes."

  "Can't you at least wear something that doesn't have a hole?"

  "Don't judge me just because I don't want to dress like I am entering a beauty pageant every day."

  My sister and mother clocked each other in blatant aesthetic disapproval. They even rolled their eyes and tutted loudly. Then a slightly wicked, demonic looked flashed in my evil twins eyes, "Plus you don't want the guys to get the wrong idea about you," She paused, "Welcome down under."

  "MacKenzie!" My mother screeched in shock as she cottoned onto the not so subtle innuendoes that she was throwing around. "You can't talk like that! And certainly not at the breakfast table."

  I smirked to myself and wondered what made a breakfast table a less appropriate place to say things like that than say a lounge, or a TV room.

  "Sorry Maria." She tossed the halfhearted apology at me. But I just shrugged. Like I said, nothing was getting me down today.

  I was freakishly nervous and excited to see Mike and I wondered how he was feeling after last night. I knew the answer though the second I saw him. He had a dopey looking stupid smile smeared from ear to ear and he was checking his phone constantly. I walked up to him and stood there, also beaming.

  "Okay, I know why I am so happ
y today. Why are you so happy?" He asked.

  I quickly wiped the smile off my face. "No reason." I knew that I had to play this smart. I had to appear percent normal. Every day Maria, even if nothing felt normal anymore. And in a situation like this, I would probably ask him why he was so happy.

  "So what's got you smiling like an idiot?" Good Maria, keep up the slightly disinterested, mildly sarcastic best friend act that I usually have.

  "She got hold of me last night!" He looked like a three-year-old about to plunge face first into a river of molten chocolate.

  "Who did?" I played dumb. It was a good touch I thought.

  "What do you mean? Who? The only person in the world right now that matters, the person I want more than anything to find and contact."

  Jeez. Okay. Hammer to stomach. Ego officially crushed and smashed. I picked up my pace and walked ahead of him. He must have known that he had offended me because I felt his arm pull mine. I stopped and turned.

  "You know what I mean. Other then you. You're still my number one girl."

  "Thanks. But you'll probably cast me aside when you find her."

  His eyes widened with surprise, "When have I ever cast you aside when I had a girlfriend?"

  "Never. But this one seems different."

  He looked like he was seriously considering this. "She is different. But it won't change anything between us," he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, "Dude, we better get to class."

  Dude. There he goes again...

  *

  "Is this seat taken?" I felt Mike slide into the seat next to me in the cafeteria.

  "Nope." I shook my head and suddenly I felt his face by my ear, almost touching it. I could feel his warm breathe on my neck and I actually- embarrassingly- dropped my sandwich on my lap.

  "Do you think she could be watching me right now?" he asked, clearly unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

  "She didn't say she was from this school though?"

  He nodded, "True. But I swear I can feel her this morning."

  "Feel her? Please... stop, I think I am going to throw up, you sound like my mothers' Mills and Boon."

  Suddenly Mike took me by the hand and looked into my eyes, "His heart ached for her like it had never ached. His soul felt like it had been torn apart without her, and his body—"

  "Okay, shut-up. Now I'm just worried, if I didn't know better I would say you have a stash of those things under your bed."

  "Maybe I do, maybe I'm a secret romantic."

  "Doubtful."

  Brett walked up to the table and slapped his food down and I made an instant move for his fries.

  "Yo, so what you two lovebirds up to?" He asked and I almost choke on my mouthful of food.

  "Nothing perv." I deflected quickly.

  "I was just telling Maria that I'm a secret romantic."Mike pipped up.

  "You?!?! You wouldn't know if romance slapped you through the face. In fact, you wouldn't know if romance was sitting right next to you. Like, now." Brett clocked me and I almost died. I drop my head and immediately fiddled with my cuticle.

  He knows, he knows. But what? Did he know I was the one that had kissed him?

  "I'm going to the library," I shot out of my seat before my bright red face betrayed my secret. "I ... I... have to get a book out for History." I rushed off without looking back, but as I reached the library and walked in, my phone lit up and I looked at it.

  It's my Gmail.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Romance

  Message: My friends think I'm not romantic, so I decide to prove them wrong by writing you a poem. Roses are Red, Violets are blue, you can't hide from me forever, because I will find you.

  I burst out laughing and the librarian shot me a very evil looking stink eye. I put my finger over my lips to indicate that I would keep quiet and rushed away to the back of the library. I stared at Mikes message for a moment or two before knowing how to respond.

  From: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Romance right back at you

  Message: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, if you play by my rules, I might reveal myself to you

  I pressed send and my heart rate immediately sky rocketed, within seconds my phone lit up again.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Romance x

  Message: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I'll do anything you want, as long as I get to kiss you

  I swallowed. Gulped. If I thought my heart was racing before, now it was just going onto full-blown cardiac arrest or something.

  From: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Romance

  Message: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Mike, Mike, Mike, I'm so totally hot for you.

  God! Crap! I couldn't believe I'd just written that. Me? Maria? The girl that doesn't even know how to flirt had just written... that.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: WOW

  Message: You are you? Please, tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  From: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: !!!!!!!!!!

  Message: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: ????????

  Message: It's already fond.

  The bell suddenly rung and without thinking, I wrote back.

  From: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Got to go to class

  Message: X

  I regreted it the second I'd press send.

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: OMG

  Message: You are at my school! Unless you're hearing the same bell I am from somewhere else.... Run along to class... I'll be looking out for you. XXX

  Mike

  "God, stop smiling like that it's making me nauseous," Brett, ever the love cynic, said to me, while biting into his cheeseburger.

  "You're just jealous," I said. "You better come jogging with me sometime," I pointed at his burger, it's a bit of a running joke with us all. Brett is always saying that getting a girlfriend is going to be tough, what with his paunch and all. He says it jokingly, but I don't think it's really a joke to him at all. He's always been the chubby kid, he used to get teased for it, but now he's the funny chubby kid that everyone likes because he can laugh it off- only, I don't really think he's laughing.

  "Sure I'll come jogging with you, when you're not such a dick.' He bit into his burger.

  "How am I a dick?" I grabbed half his fries and he scolded me.

  "Mmmmm, lets see. You're pinning for some fantasy women when there are some real ones right here. Close by."

  I shook my head, "She's not a fantasy. I didn't imagine that kiss. Trust me it was very real. And she's very real, check this out," I slid my phone over to him and he briefly glanced down at it.

  " Now I'm really nauseous, I mean... roses are red???" He shuddered and pretended to gag for added effect.

  Then he stopped and looked up at me oddly. "And you really, I mean really have no idea who it is?"

  "Nope." I said, "All I know is she goes to this school."

  "And she chews some minty, cinnamon gum." He added.

  I studied him. I still got the sense that he was holding back. "I swear if you know who she is and am not telling me, this friendship will be terminated. Do you know who she is?"

  He shook his head. "No I don't. But you do. Just search your heart Mike, search your rosy red, violet blue heart."

  He started walking off.

  "Hey, what the hell does that mean?" I shouted after him, but he didn't turn back to me.

  **

  I arrived home after tennis practice. With the tournament next week, no one was friends anymore. The atmosphere on the court was just pure aggression and testosterone. The scout was coming and every single one of us wanted it so badly we could taste it.

  All I wanted right now was to eat an extra large bowel of sugar filled cereal in the bath so I could re
st my aching feet which were officially covered in blisters. But when I walked inside the first thing I noticed was that the house has been tidied and cleaned to within an inch of its life. Unusual! My mother was not the cleaning type. I turned when I heard voices from the dinning room. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I knew it was bad. I could tell. I just had a feeling. The bowl of cereal and the bath faded from my mind and all I wanted to do now was know what the hell was being said.

  'So as you can see, the dinning room looks out onto the garden, so in summer you can open the doors up and dine al fresco," My mom was smiling and hardly acting like herself, she sounded like a God damn sales person. Selling you a timeshare.

  "Lovely. It's a great feature," A woman with a clipboard said, she turned and I honed in on the embroider logo on her shirt.

  Pam Sue Real Estate " Where selling is our middle name".

  Under normal circumstances I might have burst out laughing at the cheese of that logo. But these were not normal circumstances.

  "Mom...." The question hung in my inflection

  "Mike, we have to. I'm sorry. I know it's sudden, but Pam thinks she has someone who can rent it immediately."

  "Mom...."

  "Hi there, I'm Pam—"

  I cut her off, "I can read."