THE TROUBLE WITH KISSING YOU

by Gen Phan

  "Wow"" I turned to my dad with a smile

  "Yup. Tell me about it," He said.

  I finally got the hang of driving it. It was a matter of having a soft delicate ballet foot that was as light as a feather on the pedal. My father and I laughed as we drove. I've always been close to him, and my sister has always been closer to my mother.

  We arrived at our usual pig-out spot and both knew exactly what we were going to order. And very soon we were snorting back sugar and fat and it felt so, so good. We ordered extra bacon with our pancakes and laughed about what mom would say if she saw us eating it. And laugh even more when we drowned the things in syrup until it looked like our pancakes were basically floating in a river of golden sticky stuff.

  "So have you booked your trip yet?" My dad asked me.

  "I was looking at all the places I want to go last night and I have a bit more planning to do before I'm ready to book," My mouth was so full at this point that I hoped he'd even had understood that sentence.

  Suddenly and surprisingly my dad leant forward and placed his hand over mine. "I hope that's the only thing stopping you from booking." His look was so pointed and loaded that I almost choked on my pancake. God, does he know too? This was so embarrassing.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I just mean that I hope a certain guy isn't going to stop you from following your dreams." My dad squeezed my hand and then went back to his pancakes.

  "You have to do this Maria, you've been talking about it for years and if you don't go, you'll regret it."

  I nodded. I knew he is right. That didn't make it any easier though.

  "If it's meant to be it will be," He said with a smile, as if he knew what he was talking about and I suddenly I wondered what he and moms story was. I'd never asked how they had gotten together. God, I couldn't even imagine them as young people in love, they seemed so distant now. Or maybe that's just how parents look.

  "Like you and mom?"

  My dad smiled again, I love this side of him. The side that he shows only me. "I went away to college for four years and we still got together after all that."

  I knew that my parents had been high school sweethearts, but I hadn't realized that they had been apart for so long.

  "Trust me. If it's meant to be, it will be."

  Mike

  I woke up and the first thing I did was check my phone to see if Maria had gotten back to me. She hadn't. I regretted not going over there last night and checking up on her -– but maybe I wouldn't have liked what I found. For all I knew she and Jarrod were holed up in her room...

  I pushed the thought out my mind. Why was this bugging me so much? I'd barely been able to enjoy my night, let alone look for any potential mystery kisser because I kept thinking about Maria and Jarrod and what they were doing. I pulled my clothes on and ran downstairs ready to go straight over to Maria's.

  My mother was downstairs sipping coffee at the table, and something about the way she looked made me stop immediately. She looked upset and I wondered if the divorce had finally hit her. It was about time I guess. I couldn't understand how both my parents could be acting so cool about this.

  "Are you okay?" I asked her. She looked away and bit down on her lip, as if she was trying to stop herself from crying. She finally looked up to me, her eyes watering. It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. I'd never seen my mother crying before and it evoked such a strange emotion in me that I could barely name it. I felt unhinged as we suddenly swapped roles. I stared at her uncomfortably for what felt like ages. What was I supposed to do? Comfort her? Hug her? Talk? But what would I say? I was the kid, not the parent. How the hell was I meant to deal with this? Someone throw me a book for Dummies quickly because I felt like I was unraveling. Fast.

  "Your father moved out today." Her voice quivered as she delivered that blow.

  "What!"

  My head started to spin. I mean, I knew they were getting divorced. I knew he said he was moving out, but, so soon? Today? Right now? I still couldn't believe this was actually happening, especially because there'd been no signs whatsoever.

  And then my mother just burst into tears. Real loud sobbing tears that streamed down her face. She looked broken, the shell of the woman I knew her to be, and quite frankly, I was scared. It's not supposed to be like this! You're not meant to see your parents like this.

  "Mom..." I sat down at the table and gently put my arm around her and she immediately pulled away and stood up.

  "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She frantically wiped the tears from her face which only caused black streaks to smudge across her whole face. She straightened her pajama top and I could see she was trying to compose herself. I felt so sorry for her.

  "I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I don't want to burden you with this. It will just take some adjusting. Especially when we move."

  "Move?"

  "Yes." She nodded as if this was the most normal statement she had ever made, only it fucking wasn't. "There's no way I can afford this house on one salary and your father and I have agreed to sell it."

  "But, But..." I was a stuttering mess. My world was being ripped apart in front of my eyes and there was nothing I can do to stop it. "Where would we go?"

  My mother opened the paper that was lying on the table in front of her. She flipped it open to the property section and I was shocked to see pink highlighter circling pictures of houses. She'd been looking already. This was all happening too fast.

  I'm spinning. I'm spinning and I feel like I might fall over.

  "I was thinking of moving closer to work." She said and pointed to an apartment that had not only been circled, but also had a star drawn next to it.

  "What! " I screeched at her. "But that's a twenty minute car drive away."

  "I know, it would be nice not to have to do the long morning commute. And there's a bus that goes to your school close by."

  School was the last thing I was worried about. I didn't care if I had to walk an hour to school in the pouring rain, but I wasn't going to be moving away from Maria. This was not happening!

  "Don't worry. Brett and Maria can come over on the weekends. You guys will have fun exploring a new neighborhood."

  I just stood and screamed. I couldn't help it. "I don't want to explore a new fucking neighborhood, I want to explore this neighborhood."

  And then I did the unthinkable. But, again, I just couldn't help it. I started to cry. Not a soft cry, but a shoulder-shaking, stomach- hurting cry. My mom rushed over to me and hugged me so hard. I put my head on her shoulder and she stroked it. God, I felt like such a baby right now. A stupid, defenseless baby.

  "It's alright Mike. We'll adjust."

  "I don't want to adjust," I said and wiggled out of her grasp. I walked towards the front door and slammed it as hard as I could as I walked out. I immediately started running in the direction of Maria's house and within seconds I'm up the trellis and in her bedroom. But her room was empty. I didn't feel like walking down stairs in this state, I didn't want to explain to her parents, and definitely not to MacKenzie why I was crying. I took out my phone and sent her a message. I heard a beep and turned to see that she had left it on her bedside table.

  So I flopped down on her bed and decided to wait for her to come back. But as I did, and I know I shouldn't, I took her phone and looked at it. Five messages from me, all unread, and one from Jarrod... read. I stopped for a second. I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't... FUCK IT!

  I opened the message.

  Hope you feeling better. Last night was fun. X

  Huh? I stared at the message and read it over and over again. What the fuck was so fun about it exactly? And why the hell had she read his message and not mine?

  Maria

  MARIA

  I came home later that afternoon with my dad, we'd decided to drive out to the lake and get an ice cream too, just incase we weren't already ODing on sugar. It was nice spending time with him like this, and suddenly I felt sorry for Mike. He wouldn't be able t
o spend time with his dad whenever he wanted to when his parents got divorced. The anger that I felt for him this morning dissipated, and now all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him I would be there and that everything would be okay.

  My mother was in her craft room when we get home, doing whatever craft she was currently into. I think she's into scrap booking these days and Pinterest. She has more Pinterest boards than anyone I know and they are all filled with useless crap, like how to remove a stain from a mohair jumper. Stuff like that. Mom-ish stuff that only bored housewife moms would collect. How to make a gluten free, taste free, no fun, boredom inducing vegan pizza?

  'Did you too get enough sugar?" She asked with a disapproving eye.

  My dad smiled at her and I remembered what he'd said about being meant for each other, "For now," he said in a slightly teasing voice. "But that all depends on what kind of "food" you keep feeding us." He gestured inverted commas and winked at my mom. My dad was cool!

  My mom shook her head in mock defeat, and smiled up at my dad. Suddenly, and maybe for the first time ever, I thought they were pretty cute together. I wondered what my mom was like when she was younger, she must have been a much cooler version of herself for my dad to have fallen in love with her. But I guess in her own, strange special way she was rather "interesting."

  "Heeeeyyyaaa." I heard McKenzie behind me and she made me jump. She seemed to have this uncanny ability to appear out of nowhere, usually at the worst times too. I looked at her, she had a kind of wicked smile plastered across her face and I knew she was about to do something that I wouldn't like. She was transparent that way. Why was she like this now? She never used to be?

  "So I see you have a guy sleeping in your bed Maria?" She said it with mock concern and shot my mother a concerned look too, just to add to the drama of this no doubt well thought out moment.

  And she immediately got the reaction she was hoping for when my mom literally flew out of her seat. "What? Who is he? How long has be been there, oh God, Maria, you're not having sex are you?" She hung her head dramatically and I imagined her calling a prayer circle again.

  "Bi-sexual slutty daughter to be prayed for at : AM at the Glover house. Snacks provided."

  My sister stepped forward looking pleased with herself, "Relax everyone. Its just Mike."

  "Oh!" My mother's shoulders dropped and her face unscrunched itself. I was waiting for her to accuse me of having sex with Mike, but she didn't. "Well, that's okay then."

  I was shocked. My mother wasn't laying into her year old daughter because there was a boy sleeping in her bed (I didn't even know Mike was there though) Was I that far gone in the friendzone that even my mother knew it? Was it that bad?

  I walked upstairs and sure enough, there he was sleeping on my bed holding my pillow. I walked in and closed the door behind me, careful not to make a noise, careful not to wake him because he looks so beautiful. The light was shinning through the window and was hitting his face. I sat in my chair and just watched him. He looked so peaceful and I was overcome with the desire to just crawl into the bed next to him and fall asleep. I could almost feel the way his arms would feel wrapped around me and....

  FUUUCCCKKK! Stop!

  This could not carry on. I could not carry on like this. So I moved over to the bed and gave him a firm, yet playful punch on the arm (even though I wanted to hang onto his arm and kiss him.)

  "Wake up."

  Mike started to stir and finally opened his eyes. They looked red, as if he'd been crying or had pink eye, like the time we were ten and both got pink eye at the same time and kept giving it to each other over and over again. Our parents made us stay away from each other for a whole week. That's when we discovered the joys of sneaking into each other's rooms.

  "What's the time?" He said with this adorable sleepy voice. My heart melted onto the floor and puddled by my jelly feet.

  I looked at my cell phone next to my bed, ":."

  "Shit," He sat up, "I've been here for most of the day. We've you been?"

  "My dad and I went out for the day."

  "Overdose on sugar?" he asked with a sleepy smile.

  I nodded. "What are you doing here?"

  "I came looking for you, I was worried when you didn't answer my messages." He glanced at my phone with a strange look. He looked almost angry, offended? Something wasn't right. Not that I was surprised. Nothing felt right at the moment.

  "What's up?" I asked him.

  He kept silent for a moment or two and then ran his hand through his hair, he always did that when he was thinking.

  "So you and Jarrod hey?"

  "What?" I asked surprised. This was the last thing I was expecting to come out of his mouth. Why did he even care?

  "Jarrod. You know... what's up with him? You guys....?"

  "What? No! Nothing like that. I mean, we're just friends."

  "Doesn't sound like it," He shot a sideways glance at my phone again.

  "Hey." I picked my phone up and shoved it back in my pocket quickly. "Have you been looking at my phone?"

  "The message was splashed across the screen, I couldn't help it." He sounded defensive, bordering on angry and I didn't know what to make of this. A weird sort of silence crept into my room and stole both of our tongues. We just stared at each other and I could feel something changing between us. Not for the better. There seemed to be an undercurrent of something that had never been there before. Mistrust? Anger?

  What the fuck was happening to us?

  Mike finally broke the awkward silence. "We're moving by the way."

  "What?" It was such a subject change that it took me a second to get it. "Where? I mean... moving? Like house moving? As in, not living next door moving?"

  Mike hung his head and just nodded. It felt like someone had just driven a stake through my already fragile heart. "When?" I managed to say. It was almost a whisper.

  He shrugged. "Soon I think."

  A dark gloomy cloud suddenly descended on both of us. Like in a horror movie when some evil mysterious mist washes over an entire town and engulfs it, blocking out all the light. That's how it felt. A thick heavy mist had come in through the window and was sitting in the room, pushing down on us. I flopped down on the bed next to Mike, our shoulders touching.

  "I... I... " I stuttered, but I didn't know what to say.

  "I know." He said and we sit in silence again for a while.

  "This is turning out to be one of the worst weeks of my life," he finally said. "First I can't find the girl that kissed me, and it's possible she could turn out to be the girl of my dreams, and now my parents are getting divorced, my mother is falling apart, literally, and now I'm moving. Is nothing going my way? It's like the universe has conspired to make sure everything around me is shit."

  My heart quickened at the very mention of the kiss. But I also couldn't believe he was lumping it in with his parents getting divorced and moving. It was as if it was the end of his world that he couldn't find her. I didn't know whether I should feel offended, or flattered. But instead I felt bad again. He'd been running around chasing a lie that I had created.

  "Plus, you're dumping me for Jarrod." His voice had a slight acidic edge to it.

  "I'm not dumping you for anyone."

  "Well, seems like you're going to be hanging out with him now..."

  'I'm not going to be hanging out with him, it was just... well, I guess I'm just sick of being you're third wheel."

  "Jesus!" He sat up abruptly. "You think you're the third wheel?

  "Well... yes." I cringed at the sound of the words coming out of my mouth. They had a kind of desperate quality to them that I didn't like.

  "You're anything but the third wheel Maria. You must know that by now?" Mike was sitting straight up now and staring at me. I melted. I wanted to be closer to him so badly right now. I craved his closeness. I could almost feel it. I'd had a taste of it and it had been cruelly ripped away from me. I wanted him so badly. I just wanted to be his...

&nbs
p; Maybe that's why I decided to do it. Or maybe I had just lost my mind. Maybe it was the news of him moving away that suddenly made me panic and made me want to reach out to him in any way I possibly could. (That and I walked past the TV later than night and saw that 'Catfish' was on.)

  So that night I sat down at my computer and I made a gmail address.

  Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  And so I started writing a mail to him. This was one of those moments that you could either go with, or not. Ignore any possible consequences and just live in the moment. Bad idea? Horrific idea? Good idea? I had no clue, but I was just doing it!

  I read over the mail a few more times, blood pumping through my veins, adrenalin rushing through me with such intensity that it was almost making me shake. My fingers hovered over the send button for what felt like hours, until I eventually just closed my eyes and pressed send.

  This was it. No taking it back now.

  What the hell was I doing?

  Mike

  I stared at my computer screen in absolute shock as an email popped into my inbox. It took me a few moments to register what the hell was going on, and when I finally did, my lower jaw felt like it disconnected itself from my skull and hit the floor. WTF!

  From: Youmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Your search is over.

  Message: I believe you've been looking for me?

  I stared at it for a moment or two in absolute disbelief before deciding that it was just Brett playing some cruel, fucking elaborate prank on me. Dick!

  To: Yourmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: Brett....

  Message: ... are you fucking with me?

  From: Youmysterykisser@gmail.com

  Subject: My name is not Brett

  Message: Mike, I'm so terribly offended that you don't believe me. What do I have to do to convince you?