THE TROUBLE WITH KISSING YOU

by Gen Phan

  But I also knew that it was at times like these, that one has to listen to reason and logic and not follow your beating, screaming, breaking heart. I quickly reminded myself that I had done the right thing. This was the right thing, no matter how painful it was. It was the mature and grown up thing to do, even if it felt like a piece of my soul was being torn out without any anesthetic....

  My heart was breaking and crumbling and the pain was almost unbearable. I turned over and smelt the pillow that Mike had been sleeping on. It was still warm and smelt like him. I grabbed it and pulled it closer wishing it was him and remembering what it had felt like when it had been him.

  You hear that corny phrase, 'making-love' and you think it only applies to people in day time television shows and romance novels. But it doesn't, because that's what had happened last night with Mike and I. He had been so gentle and every touch and kiss and move had felt like pure love. Pure, undiluted love. Love in it's purest form.

  I buried my face into the pillow and bit it, it was all I could do to stop myself from screaming from the pain.

  I had just lost the love of my life and no one could make me feel better right now...

  I opened my eyes and climbed out of bed and grabbed a gown. I opened the door to my room quietly and ran down the passage. I opened the door to McKenzie's room and slipped in. She was already up and as soon as I stepped through the door she held her arms out for me to fall into.

  I fell into my sisters arms and she wrapped me up tightly and I cried silently into her shoulder. Mike was gone, but at least I had something else back.

  I stopped crying and rested my head on her shoulder. She started to rub my back in such a familiar and reassuring way. And then I remembered the last time she'd done this. We were eight and I had fallen out of the tree. My mother had rushed me to the ER and I'd had to get ten stitches in my knee.

  Mackenzie had sat behind me on the doctors table the whole time rubbing my back. That had taken ten minutes. I wondered how long she would have to rub my back now while my heart somehow stitched itself back up.

  "Maria..." She whispered into my ear, "if it's meant to be, it will be."

  Eight months later... Maria

  She stood there looking into the fountain. The bottom was covered in copper coins, in some places there were so many that they had formed themselves into piles. She was fingering a coin between her fingers. This was so stupid, she didn't do things like this.

  Throw a coin in and made a wish!

  It was night time, and the fountain really did look beautiful though. The sculptures rising up out of it were intricate, and the golden light from the nearby cafes and restaurants glinted on the white marble. She clutched the coin tighter. She knew exactly what she would wish for if she tossed it in. But she had learnt a thing or two about wishes over the last couple of years. Sometimes the very thing you wish for, isn't the thing that's actually right for you? And sometimes if you clutch onto wishes too tightly, and you hold out for them for too long, you might lose everything.

  She had traveled the world. Canoed down the Amazon, hiked up the Andes, visited Dracula's castle in Romania, she had been all over the world, but there was still a big part of her that remained at home. Stuck. Stuck to those hopes, and dreams that she had held onto for so long. She fingered the coin between her fingers.

  Why not? When in Rome... which was literally the case. She was in Rome standing in front of the Trevi fountain. The most famous fountain in the world.

  His arm came out and wrapped around her. It felt warm and comforting. She liked it. She felt his breath on her neck as he planted a kiss on her shoulder and then another one on her neck.

  "So, have you done it yet?" he said looking at her.

  She shook her head.

  "Come on, let's do it at the same time."

  "Fine." Maria put the coin between her two fingers and he came around and stood next to her.

  "Shall I do a countdown?" he asked.

  Maria smiled at him. His blue eyes looked even bluer in this light. His little dimples sprung to life as he smiled. "Sure."

  "Ok... ... ... ... throw." Their coins shot high up into the air and then both came tumbling down as gravity took over. They fell together, at the same time and speed and both fell into the water at exactly the same time.

  "So what did you wish for?" he turned and asked her.

  "I can't tell you. It won't come true if I do."

  "So... I shouldn't tell you that my wish was about you then?" He asked, pulling her into his arms. They smiled at each other before he planted a kiss on her lips.

  "My wish was about you too." Maria said as they stood there under the stars and light of the Italian sky and they kissed each other in the most romantic place in the world.

  It was only partly true. It had been about him, but it had been about someone else too.

  She'd wished that she could love him as much as he loved her. She wished she could get over Mike so she was free to love him properly. The way he deserved to be loved by her. The way he loved her.

  "Come." Max said to Maria before grabbing her up into a hug, and swinging her around. They stumbled and tripped almost knocking over the couple next to them. They both burst out laughing and linked arms as they ran off towards their next adventure together.

  Eight months later... Mike

  "I heard he's gay." Mike heard the girl whisper to her friend as he walked past. Clearly, she needed a lesson or two in whispering.

  "He must be! There's no other explanation." The other friend said, trying to subtly look at him over her textbook as he walked past. And she needed a lesson in subtlety.

  "No, I heard he doesn't date because some chick broke his heart really hectically and he is still pining for her." The other girl said. "God, he's so hot." That was the last thing Mike heard as he turned the corner and walked down the corridor towards his dorm room.

  This kind of girl gossip wasn't exactly new to him. Mike had heard it all before. In fact, even his tennis teammates were starting to rip him off for it.

  "You could have your pick of any fucking girl on campus!" One of them had said.

  And it was true. He probably could. But he didn't want to. He hadn't looked at, spoken to or gone on a single date with anyone yet. Hense the rumours that ran rampant. Apparently it was unheard of. First year at varsity was not about academics, rather it was about seeing how many chicks you could date, take to your dorm room and get to drunkenly kiss each other.

  But none of that appealed to him. There was only one girl for him, and he was prepared to wait for her. She had waited so long for him, it was the least he could do. And when she came back, which was hopefully in a few months, he would win her back because they were meant to be together. He would prove to her how much he loved her, how much he wanted to be with her, and how he was prepared to do anything to get her back. And not being with anyone else, was one of the ways he could prove to her that she was the only one for him.

  He kicked his tennis bag across the room, peeled his clothes off and changed into something comfortable. He lay on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He felt so alone. He always felt alone. The worst thing about all this was that he hadn't spoken to her in ages. And when he did speak to her, it was so strained between them. Not like it used to be. They could stay up and speak to each all night about absolutely nothing at all.

  But he was not going to let her slip through his fingers again. This time apart from her had made him realize how much he had always loved her. He just wished he had opened his eyes sooner, before it had been too late...

  So that is why he was waiting for her. And that is why he didn't give a fuck what anyone thought about his lacklustre love life.

  He turned and reached for the photo he kept in his desk drawer and looked at it. It was of him and Maria. he looked at the photo most days- lame, he knew- but he did. He put the photo back, turned over and closed his eyes. He smiled softly to himself as he thought...

  He and Maria wou
ld be back together again soon. It was only a matter of time.