The Cain Directive

by Mike Ryan

  “You see, if you decide to stay, Shelly will still be your handler,” Conlin stated.

  Cain looked at Lawson. “Is all this true?”

  “Yes. Every word. Remember when I told you faxing those documents could take days or months? Well, it took days. Sanders is legitimately on the run. He’s gone,” she told him.

  “I need some time,” Cain said.

  “Of course. I don’t blame you,” Conlin replied. “You’ve earned it and deserve it. Take a few days or a few weeks. However long you need. You should know that Ms. Lawson really pleaded your case. She even went to Washington to speak to Director Roberts personally on your behalf.”

  “I guess I owe you one.”

  “You owe me more than one,” she laughed.

  Cain smiled.

  “What about Heather?” Cain asked Lawson.

  “She’s on her way back. She should be arriving sometime today. She knows everything.”

  “What?”

  “I talked to her yesterday to inform her of everything. She already knows about your wife and son.”

  “How’d you find her? Raines was hiding them.”

  “Director Roberts informed me that Eric Raines has been working undercover for the CIA for the past several years,” Lawson said.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Apparently his death was the beginning of his cover.”

  “Have you talked to him?” Cain asked.

  “No. I’m not sure what I’d even say at this point.”

  “Well, I guess I’ll leave you two to discuss things further,” Conlin told them. “Matt, you’re free to leave, walk around the facility, whatever you’d like. I do hope you decide to rejoin us and I’ll be waiting for your decision when you decide to make it.”

  “Thank you,” Cain said, shaking Conlin’s hand.

  Lawson and Cain walked out of the room and down the hallway as they meandered down the corridor to talk about their futures.

  “So what now?” Lawson asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “There’s a position for you here if you want it. They want you in.”

  “I know. I need some time to think. To get away for a little while and just take it easy for a bit,” Cain responded.

  “They’re willing to wait for you.”

  “There’s some other things I have to take care of first.”

  “Heather?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “What’re you gonna do?”

  “I have to let her go,” Cain replied.

  “Why? You’ve always been happiest when you’re with her. You love her.”

  “I do love her. That’s why I have to let her go.”

  “Is that some kind of reverse logic?”

  “Since she’s been with me she’s never been in more danger. She’s been shot, put in a coma, almost blown up, her sister and baby almost killed, God knows what else,” Cain stated.

  “But Sanders is gone now. She’ll be safe,” Lawson tried to reason.

  “He’s not gone. He’s still out there. As long as he’s out there I’ll always be a target. That means she will be too. I can’t risk it anymore. I won’t. I won’t put her life in danger anymore. Everyone associated with me has been killed at some point. I care too much about her to let it happen to her. As long as I do this, there’ll always be a Sanders in some form.”

  “Sounds like your mind is pretty well made up.”

  “It is. Nothing you can say will change it. I’m doing it for her.”

  “I hope you’re doing the right thing.”

  “She’ll get over me. She’ll move on and find someone better. Maybe another marketing guy or an accountant or banker or something. Someone who can give her everything she deserves,” Cain said.

  “I always thought that was you.”

  “Everything but keeping her safe. I obviously can’t do that.”

  “You’re not thinking of giving it a shot with Deanna, are you?” Lawson asked.

  “No. You were right about her. I can’t go back. If she remarried it means she’s happy and she’s moved on. Me coming back into the picture can only mess things up for her. Besides, I’m not the same man she knew. I don’t remember anything about us and our time together. I don’t know how to be the man she knew or the husband she married. I’m dead to her and that’s the way it should stay.”

  “I agree. So how’re you gonna tell Heather?” Lawson wondered.

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ll just tell her it isn’t working.”

  “Oh.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by the ringing of Cain’s cell phone. It was Heather. Lawson handed him his phone back and walked away so they could talk in private.

  “Hey,” Cain answered.

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “Good. Tired. This has all been pretty exhausting.”

  “I know. Our plane landed a little while ago and I’m taking Cassie back to her house. I’ll be there in a few minutes. The agents said it’s safe for her to go back. After I drop her off I’m gonna head back to the apartment.”

  “OK. I guess I’ll meet you there,” Cain told her.

  “OK. I suppose we have some things to talk about,” Heather said.

  “Yeah. I guess we do.”

  “I’ll see you there then,” she said, a hint of sadness in her voice.

  “Yep.”

  Cain hung up and leaned his back against the wall. He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. He knew what needed to be done. He felt it was the right thing to do. The best thing for Heather was to be with someone else. But it wasn’t a conversation he was looking forward to. It would have been easier if Cain didn’t love and care for her as much as he did. After standing against the wall for a few minutes thinking about what he was going to say to her, Cain left to go back to the apartment.

  Heather dropped her sister off at her house and Cassie could tell her mind was on Cain. Heather hardly said anything the entire drive.

  “Do you wanna come in for a few minutes?” Cassie asked.

  “No. Not right now. I just need to talk to Matt first.”

  “I know. What do you think you guys will do?”

  “Well, he’s married. So unless he gets a divorce I think that’s kind of an issue,” Heather replied, her voice cracking.

  “Maybe he won’t go back to her,” Cassie hoped.

  “I tried thinking about what I would do if I was in that situation,” Heather said, her vision getting blurry from her eyes tearing up.

  Cassie hugged her. She felt bad about what her sister was going through. “I’m here for you if you need me. You know that, right?”

  “I know,” Heather smiled. “I might need a place to stay later.”

  “You can always come here. Emma would love having you here. So would I. Kind of make up for lost time,” Cassie told her.

  “Thanks. I should go.”

  Heather left, dabbing at her eyes on the way back to the car. She needed to stop crying. She didn’t want Cain to see her like that. She wanted to seem strong, even if she wasn’t. She had a little bit of a drive to dry her eyes, get rid of the redness around them, and compose herself. She tried thinking of what she was going to say when she saw Cain but her mind had too much going on and really couldn’t focus. Though she wasn’t in a hurry to hear what she thought was going to happen, she drove quickly to get there. She’d rather just get it over with than agonizing over it and delaying it.

  Once Heather got there, she slowly walked up to the apartment, her stomach feeling like it was in knots. She felt a little queasy, like she might throw up all over the steps. She finally made it to the door and fumbled with the keys, her nerves getting the better of her. Heather was able to steady her hand and opened the door. She walked in and saw Cain sitting on the edge of the couch, his legs bouncing up and down like he was nervous or anxious. She walked over to him and sat down next to him.

  “No new holes or anything?” she joked.

  “No,
” Cain smiled.

  The chemistry that they usually shared wasn’t there. It was almost like they were meeting each other for the first time. There was an uncomfortable silence as neither was quite sure what to say or where to begin. Finally, Cain figured he should be the one to start the conversation.

  “You know how much I care about you right?” Cain asked.

  “Yeah,” she replied, knowing the bomb was about to come.

  “All of this…what I do, who I am…the danger I’m constantly in, I’m not sure is conducive to a relationship.”

  “Just stop. You don’t have to lie to me to protect my feelings,” Heather told him, trying not to cry.

  “I don’t?”

  “No. I know, umm, with your wife and all…that maybe you want to see what you had with her and I get that. I really do. I get it. You were married and they took it away from you and as much as it hurts me to see you walk away, I completely understand that you want to get back the life you had. If it was me I’d probably feel the same way.”

  “Umm, yeah,” Cain stammered, following her lead. “I just feel like maybe I can reconnect some of the missing dots and piece some things together.”

  “And I don’t blame you for it,” she said, sniffling. “Let’s not make this a long goodbye though, huh? It’s painful enough as it is.”

  “Sure. Whatever you want.”

  “I’m gonna go now. I’ll come back in a few days for my things if that’s OK?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  “Are you moving anytime soon or anything?” Heather asked.

  “No, I don’t think so. Your stuff will be here whenever you want it. I can help you if you want,” Cain offered.

  “Thanks, but it’d probably be better if you weren’t here.”

  “Whatever’s best for you. Just let me know.”

  “OK, well, I’m gonna go.”

  “Do you have somewhere to stay?” Cain asked, not wanting to throw her out on the street.

  “Cassie said I can stay with her. It’ll be good for us to help reconnect with each other.”

  “That’d be great for you two. You can get to know Emma better too.”

  “Yeah. So I’ll be fine,” she replied, standing up.

  Cain also stood up as Heather told him goodbye. She gave him an innocent, friendly, final hug and turned to leave. Cain knew the best thing in his life was walking out the door, but in his heart knew it was for the best, no matter how much it hurt the both of them. As Heather got to the door and opened it, she turned around one final time and gave Cain a smile. Cain forced a return smile as she closed the door behind her. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists, gritting his teeth as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Heather walked down the hall and simply stopped once she got to the stairwell. She put her back against the wall and slid down to the floor, crying uncontrollably. She tried to make it the easiest she could for the both of them by not prolonging their separating but it still hurt.

  Cain walked into the kitchen for a bottle of water. He started feeling a little lightheaded. He thought maybe it was just the stress of the situation taking its toll on him. He walked back into the living room as dizziness started settling in. The room was spinning and he knew what was about to happen. His eyelids started drooping down and his eyes felt heavy. His grip on the bottle loosened and it fell to the floor. Cain tried to take a step but couldn’t even accomplish that as he fell over, hitting his head hard on the floor.

  After a few minutes of crying, Heather composed herself and stood up. She looked back toward the apartment door and started walking back to it. She thought maybe she should at least take a few clothes with her. She got to the door and closed her hand to make a fist, holding it up near her head ready to knock. Before her fist hit the door she suddenly stopped, wondering if it was the right thing to do. Heather put her ear up to the door, trying to hear what Cain was doing. A few seconds of silence convinced her to just wait to come back. Seeing him again would just make it tougher for her. She backed away from the door and quickly walked down the stairs, exiting the apartment. Before getting in her car she took one last look up at the apartment window. She sort of hoped Cain would be watching at the window so she could give him a final wave or something but it was probably just as well that he wasn’t. Without any last minute detail to deter her, Heather got in her car and drove off to her sister’s.

  Lawson had just gotten off the phone with one of her agents when Conlin walked in. She’d been trying to contact Cain for the last several hours just to make sure he was OK. She figured it was a lot for him to take in, breaking up with Heather, the news about Sanders, being cleared of the trumped up charges against him, and she just wanted to be there for him if he needed it.

  “Have you gotten hold of him yet?” Conlin asked.

  “I’ve texted him three times and called him twice. Still no answer.”

  “Is that normal?”

  “No. He usually always responds to his messages fairly quickly,” Lawson replied.

  “You think something might be wrong?”

  “I don’t know. He just broke up with his girlfriend. Maybe he just wanted some alone time for a little bit.”

  “How about you go over to his place just to make sure? If he needs some time that’s fine. I just want to make sure though,” Conlin said.

  “Right on it,” Lawson responded, getting out of her chair immediately.

  Lawson headed over to Cain’s apartment. She didn’t let on to Conlin, but she was pretty worried about Cain. It was after ten at night and he almost always responded to her messages. She couldn’t think of a time he didn’t answer within a few hours. She knew breaking up with Heather was tearing him up so she wasn’t sure what state of mind she’d find him in. Once she got there, she saw his car was still there. She went up to his apartment and knocked on the door. Several minutes elapsed without a response from him. It was always possible he walked somewhere but she had a feeling he was in there. She called his cell phone again and listened at the door. She could hear his phone ringing. He was in there. Lawson kept knocking on the door with no answer. What was more alarming was that she didn’t even hear any movement. Luckily she had a key for his apartment. Sanders gave her one when Cain first joined just in case there were ever any problems. Lawson didn’t want to use it but now was the time it seemed to come in handy. She hurriedly opened the door and once inside instantly saw Cain’s lifeless body laying in the middle of the floor. She rushed over to him to check his condition. Since the agency’s previous doctor was now in confinement due to his relationship with Sanders, and his questionable practices, Lawson called Conlin to tell him about Cain. Conlin had a doctor rush over to Cain. Just as the doctor got there Cain started coming around. He sat up, though he had a dazed look and glassy eyes. The doctor did what he could from there but was concerned about his blood pressure and heart rate.

  “I understand this has happened to him quite frequently?” the doctor asked Lawson.

  “Yeah. He was intentionally given bad medication to fight it initially which made his symptoms worse,” she replied.

  “And it’s happening more?”

  “He told me he’s been having them a lot lately. In the beginning, it was sporadic, one or two a month. He said in the past couple weeks he’s been having them almost daily.”

  “That’s very concerning,” he said, scratching his cheek. “He needs to just rest for tonight. But I’d like for him to come down tomorrow for some testing.”

  “I’ll stay here tonight and make sure he’s OK and I’ll bring him down tomorrow.”

  “That’s fine. Let’s make it for nine o’clock.”

  “We’ll be there,” she told him.

  Lawson and the doctor helped move Cain to the couch where he laid there for a little while until he fell asleep. Lawson stayed there with him, sleeping on the chair across from him, in case he needed anything. It was a quiet night however and Cain woke up at seven the following morning without a lot of
recollection of what happened. He had a splitting headache but otherwise felt pretty good. His stirring around woke Lawson up.

  “So what are you doing here?” Cain wondered.

  “It’s nice to see you too,” she replied, stretching. “Have you ever tried sleeping in that chair. Not very comfortable.”

  “Well good morning Shelly. How was your night? Sleep well? No? OK. So what are you doing here?” he sarcastically asked.

  “You had another seizure. I tried contacting you all day. So when you didn’t respond I came over and found you on the floor.”

  “Oh.”

  “So we have a meeting with the doctor at nine,” Lawson informed him.

  “We who?”

  “We. You and me.”

  “I’m not going to a doctor,” Cain told her.

  “Oh yes you are.”

  “Oh no I’m not.”

  “Matt, they’re getting worse. You need help.”

  “Just let it be.”

  “Will you please just go for my sake? Just see what he says. I’m not asking to you do anything other than that. Just see what he says.”

  “Fine, but I won’t make any promises other than showing up,” he said.

  They arrived at the Specter Project’s medical facility on the 9th floor, which was more high tech than most hospitals, where Dr. Ellison was waiting for them. He led them into his office where he described in detail what he wanted to do.

  “First off, I know what was done previously to you by other doctors,” Ellison began. “So I’m well aware you probably have trust issues.”

  Cain nodded his head in acknowledgment.

  “So I want to get out of the way that I’m a doctor first. My patient’s health and well being come before any government work and involvement. I will not allow agents to be cleared for duty unless I’m fully convinced of their well being and will not be pressured into doing so under any circumstances. That’s my diatribe.”