Bulky & Beauteous

by Mary E Thompson

  We laid there for God knew how long. My breath came in heated pants, filling the air with a cloud of mist before disappearing above Joey’s head. He stayed locked into me, collapsed on top of me, his breath coating the side of my neck. I didn’t want to move.

  And I didn’t want to think about what that meant.

  Joey finally pushed up and stared down at me. His hand came up and brushed the hair off my face. He leaned down and kissed me again. “I think I like stop, drop, and roll.”

  I laughed. “If only those firefighters knew what they were teaching little kids.”

  “Ha, yeah. They might have to change their whole strategy.”

  We stayed there for another minute, watching each other. I wanted to know what was going on inside his head, but I knew that crossed a line. A line we weren’t crossing. A line that meant we had something more than whatever it was we had. Joey was a distraction. A hell of a distraction. But still just a distraction.

  I needed to remember that.

  When he finally moved we realized he was trapped between my legs. “Well, this is a happy accident. Up or down?”

  I cocked my head, unable to understand what he was asking me.

  He glanced up at my head and down toward my feet and I finally realized he was trying to figure out how to get out of my trap. Up would give me a nice view of his erection, but down seemed the easier way to go so I said, “Down.”

  He raised an eyebrow and gave me a cocky grin. “I’m always happy to go down.”

  I realized my mistake too late as he disengaged from my body and started heading south. When his face made it between my legs he paused and made a move like he was going to go there, but I shifted, sitting up and closing off his access.

  He groaned his disappointment, but I wasn’t going there. Well, no, he wasn’t going there. That had ‘not-a-fling’ written all over it. Not only had no man ever spent any time down there, but I wasn’t about to break it out for the one guy I was sure would never be more than a winter escape.

  Joey stood and pulled his pants back up while I situated myself. With his back to me he asked, “Do you want to ski?”

  I snorted. “We both know I didn’t come here to ski.”

  Joey laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. Maybe next time we can hit the slopes, too.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I said, not really sure there would be a next time.

  Fifteen

  Christmas morning I woke up to a text from Joey. He’d been texting me almost every day since we didn’t go skiing together. He invited me back to ski with him, but I kept putting it off. I wanted to see him, but I didn’t want to get too attached to him. And I knew it was inevitable the more I slept with him.

  Which was also inevitable.

  I texted Merry Christmas back to him and asked what he was doing.

  ‘Visiting grandma,’ he replied. ‘You?’

  ‘Hoping my parents get back together today. First holiday since their split. They should be feeling nostalgic.’

  I hoped they were. Since I knew my dad was on board with rekindling their relationship, I just had to make sure Mom was happy to see him, too. I was planning to head over to Cass’s a little early to gently prod Mom in the right direction before we went to see Dad.

  ‘Good luck.’

  ‘Thanks. Have fun with grandma. Will your parents be there too?’

  I realized yet again how little I knew about Joey. A part of me wanted to get to know him, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. You didn’t build a relationship with someone who was a distraction.

  Then again, you didn’t work with them either.

  ‘Parents died when I was four. Just me and grandma,’ Joey texted back.

  My heart sunk. Holy shit. I was going on and on about getting my parents back together and he didn’t even have parents.

  ‘So sorry. I had no idea. Christmas must be hard for you.’

  What the hell did you say to someone who lost their parents and you’ve been an insensitive jerk without actually knowing it?

  ‘Guess I’m used to it now. Don’t remember them. Grandma is great. You should meet her.’

  Huh? Meet his grandma? Not a chance. We weren’t dating. We weren’t in a relationship. We hadn’t been out on a date yet.

  No. Not yet. Not ever.

  We were sleeping together. Not getting together.

  I tossed my phone aside and ignored his last text, unsure what to say. I trudged into the kitchen, feeling uneasy about Joey and what was going on with us. Sam was already up, sipping her first cup of coffee when I walked in.

  “Morning,” she said too brightly. “Merry Christmas.”

  Sam loved Christmas. As a lover of the color red, she loved any excuse to wear the color, but she’d always favored Christmas over any other day of the year. I secretly thought it was because she never worked, but she claimed it was because it was a chance to remember what life was really about. Then again, she never went to church, but I knew that wasn’t the only qualifier for a faithful person.

  I grunted at her, still distracted and confused. And pre-coffee. I never should have tried to think before coffee.

  “Uh, oh. Trouble in paradise?” Sam teased.

  “Why would you ask that?” I snapped, giving away more than I intended.

  Sam quirked an eyebrow at me, knowing I’d spill my guts. I sighed heavily and started talking.

  “Joey’s been texting me. Since I met up with him last weekend. I like him, but I know it can’t go anywhere. I’m just getting confused with all this. This is why I don’t have casual sex. I can’t do it right.”

  “Well,” Sam said dramatically, “I’m pretty sure you’re doing it right or he wouldn’t be texting you.”

  I rolled my eyes at her, which only made her giggle. I couldn’t stop my own laugh from bubbling up and before long we were both hysterical.

  “Seriously,” Sam said when we managed to start breathing again, “why don’t you want to get to know him?”

  I shrugged, not sure I could articulate my thoughts well enough. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I understood it in my own mind. I busied myself fixing a cup of coffee. Sam waited patiently, dropping bread in the toaster and grabbing butter and strawberry jelly out of the fridge. Finally we sat at the table, and I found my voice.

  “I wanted this winter to be quiet. Maybe it’s selfish, but I was really looking forward to having the winter off for once. I know I have the summers off, but the months I’m working I feel like I don’t get a chance to breathe. When tennis ended, I was ready to just chill out. Then I got roped into Ski Club, then Mom and Dad split up, then I got tied to these dates with Cass, and now there’s Joey. I just wanted something to be for me for once.”

  Sam chewed her toast and sat silently. I wasn’t sure if she was waiting for me to say something else or just thinking so I waited her out, hoping she wasn’t trying to get me to keep talking.

  “What I still don’t get is why Joey isn’t for you.” I started to interrupt her, but she kept going. “I mean, why is getting to know him not for you? Why would it be a bad thing to go out with him a few times?”

  I sighed heavily, not really understanding myself. “I don’t know. I just wanted-“

  “To be like Cass?” Sam finished for me.

  I shrugged. “A little. She was pretty set that I’m boring and needed to get a life. How is dating someone not boring?”

  “But screwing him on a ski slope is,” Sam finished my unspoken thought.

  “Yep.”

  Sam eyed me carefully and I knew whatever was coming next was not going to be something I wanted to hear. “Why are you trying so hard to be Cass? We talk all the time about what a train wreck she is. Why would you want that?”

  I shook my head. “It’s not that I want to be like Cass. Well, not entirely. I feel like I missed my years to be wild and free, or have almost missed them. Arguing with Cass about it made me realize I’m acting like I’m a whole lot older than I am. Why can’t I have fun? Why can’t I
go home with a random guy?”

  “Or sleep with him in the woods?”

  “Exactly,” I agreed.

  “It’s just not you, Ads. That’s all. I’m worried about you. You’ve never been someone who was into flings. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  Emotion clogged my throat and stung my eyes. I knew Sam was trying to help, but I didn’t want to think about getting involved with Joey, or anyone else. I had too much going on with trying to fix my parents’ marriage, keeping Cass from killing Mom, school, and Ski Club. I was already behind on my plans for Mom and Dad, which meant I definitely didn’t have time for a relationship. Sex was all I could afford.

  And even that was in question.

  “Not getting hurt is exactly why I don’t want to get involved with Joey. If I get to know him, I’ll start to really like him, and then when things go south I’ll be hurt. Keeping it casual, just sleeping together, will make walking away when ski club is over easier. No harm, no foul.”

  Sam watched me carefully while I sipped my coffee. I knew she didn’t buy it, but I had to believe it. Getting attached to Joey wasn’t in my plans. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t up for a relationship. And everyone was just going to have to get over that.

  “Well, before I piss you off even more, I have your Christmas present,” Sam said, effectively changing the subject.

  I grinned, always happy to get a present. Sam and I had spent Christmas morning together for years, exchanging presents and watching A Christmas Story before seeing our families.

  I jumped up from my seat and followed Sam into the living room. Our tiny tree always looked so pitiful, like something straight out of Charlie Brown, but we loved it. We’d made it our tradition to go shopping for the most pitiful looking tree every year, each of us trying to outdo the other with whatever tree we could find. Sam picked out the tree, a truly awful one with more pine needles underneath each morning than it seemed were still on the tree.

  We turned on the movie as we traded gifts, both wrapped in childish paper like always. I was excited about what I got for Sam this year. I just hoped she liked it as much as I did.

  “You first,” Sam said, settling onto the loveseat.

  I set my package in my lap, feeling around the edges. I could tell it was a picture, but couldn’t come up with anything that it would be of. Still, I knew it would be great because Sam was insanely talented.

  Carefully tearing through the Mickey Mouse wrapping paper I revealed a photo collection that immediately made my eyes tear up.

  In the center was a picture of Sam and I, smiling like goofballs for the camera. It was taken at Claire and Aidan’s wedding reception a few months before. I hadn’t wanted to go because I was the only single one there, but Sam convinced me and I had a great time with all our friends.

  Above that picture were two pictures of Erie University, the reflecting pool in front of the campus library and the old part of campus where we spent most of our days studying outside and ogling the cute boys. It was like a reminder of where we’d come from, where our friendship started.

  At the bottom was a trio of pictures of our favorite places around Winterville. Sam included a picture of our house, a close-up of a s’mores cupcake (my favorite from Bite Me!), and Winterville High School, my home away from home.

  “Oh, Sam, it’s beautiful,” I gushed, unable to stop the flow of tears. “It’s like a map of our friendship, from Erie to our house to Bite Me! I love it.”

  Sam blushed but tried to play it off like she wasn’t as touched by my reaction as she was. Sam was tough, never bothered by anything, but she was a softie at heart. A lot of time and effort went into taking the right pictures, and I knew Sam was a perfectionist. She likely had at least ten of each picture, just to make sure she got the perfect shot.

  “I just wanted to remind you how much you have in your life, whether Cass thinks you do or not. Starting with me. I’m not going anywhere, and I love you whether you’re sleeping with guys in the woods or not. You’re an amazing person, Addi, and I don’t want you to forget that.”

  Fresh tears pricked my eyes and overflowed onto my cheeks. I got up from my seat and tackled Sam, enveloping her in a hug that had us both emotional and crying.

  “Okay, get back,” Sam said. “Enough mushy crap for one day. We have to be strong to go face our families.”

  I laughed, wiping my cheeks, and sat back down. Sam flipped her gift over, finding the opening in the Barbie on Christmas vacation paper and tearing into it. My heart raced as I watched her, hoping she would like it.

  “Oh, my God. Is this what I think it is?” Sam asked when she finally unearthed her gift. She held it up like it contained the secrets of the universe. In a way, that’s what I hoped it would contain for her. “Did you build me a planner?”

  “Yes,” I squeaked, nervous and excited at the same time. “You said you couldn’t find anything that did exactly what you wanted it to do, a planner that worked within your schedule, but also that had the flexibility for your life. I figured I could create something like that, so I did.”

  “Eeek,” Sam squealed as she jumped off the loveseat and tackled me. She flopped down next to me after a second. “This is amazing. How did you do this?”

  I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “It wasn’t that bad. You know how I like computers. I just designed what I wanted it to do, or what I thought you wanted it to do, and printed it out. Well, I had it printed, then bound, so you could have something professional looking.”

  Sam ran her hand over the smooth cover that showcased the photo of her desk. I figured if I was going to make her a planner, it better reflect her, and nothing did that better than Sam’s desk. A red metal a-frame supported a glass top. Her camera sat in the corner, laptop front and center, and a picture of the four of us from college off to the side. I knew Sam loved her studio and capturing it on the front of her planner was something that made it that much more special. At least I hoped so.

  I watched as Sam flipped through the pages and saw the details I added inside. Quotes across the top of each page, designs that changed with the month, and red, lots of red. The red leather back perfectly matched the red ink I’d used to print the calendar, making it all look like a professionally made piece, if I did say so myself.

  “Wow, Addi, this is just amazing. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “I just wanted something I knew you would use, something you would love.”

  “I do, Ads. Wow, I do. It’s exactly what I wanted, but so much better. I never could have done something like this.”

  I smiled, happy I’d gotten something so perfect for Sam.

  “Well, the first thing I need to put on here is today, because if we don’t get moving we’re both going to be late.”

  “Shit,” I muttered as I realized the time. We jumped up and rushed off to get ready. I was looking forward to seeing my parents together, but anxious about what the day would bring. I wanted it to be an easy reunion for my parents. At the same time, I wanted it to be their idea, not mine.

  Or for them to think it was their idea, at least.

  Sam and I flew through our showers. In less than an hour we were headed out the door to our cars. “Say Merry Christmas for me,” I called to her.

  “You do the same.”

  I drove over to Cass’s house with the pasta salad and chocolate pie I made for lunch. Mom always cooked up a ton of food, but I hated not contributing. When I pulled into the driveway, I grabbed the food, just in case we all rode together, and headed inside.

  Cass’s house smelled amazing. Sweet and savory blended together and teased my nose from the second I walked in. I wanted to inhale deep, and enjoy it, but I was confused. Why were they cooking at Cass’s? We always had lunch at Mom and Dad’s house.

  Cass and Mom were in the kitchen, chatting, when I walked in.

  “Hi, honey,” Mom said. “Merry Christmas.”

  Mom looked happy. Her eyes were shining and she was grinning like, well
, like a kid on Christmas morning. She was in a long green skirt and a red sweater with green lines running through it. She easily looked ten years younger. I smiled, happy she was making an effort for Dad.

  “I didn’t realize we’d changed plans for today. What time is Dad coming over?”

  Cass and Mom exchanged a glance. “He’s not coming. It’s just going to be us.”

  Sixteen

  “Excuse me? What are you talking about?” I asked, getting pissed off instantly.

  “Don’t get an attitude, honey. Your dad and I agreed we would each get time with you girls today. You’re having lunch with me and dinner with your father.”

  I huffed my irritation out and swung my eyes between the two of them. It was clear Cass knew about this ahead of time, but I was left in the dark. How dare they? Did they think I was just going to ignore him for Christmas?

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  My mom pursed her lips and gave me that look. You know, the one that says she knew I would react exactly the way I reacted. And that she didn’t want to hear it.

  “I thought you guys were getting along. Why cut him out at Christmas, Mom?”

  She shook her head, clearly as frustrated as I was. I thought I saw a tear glisten in the corner of her eye and my heart sunk. Damn, I upset her. All I wanted was for her and Dad to get back together, and she was just as upset as I was.

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” I said, hugging her from behind. “I know this is hard on you, too. It smells great in here. I brought pasta salad and chocolate pie. Are you guys about ready to eat?”

  Mom took the subject change easily, immediately morphing into the perfect hostess, even though it wasn’t her house. Within 30 minutes the ham was out of the oven and making my mouth water, the broccoli casserole had crisped to perfection, and the mashed potatoes were overflowing the bowl.

  It was Christmas.

  Mom, Cass, and I piled our plates with food and sat at the kitchen table. It wasn’t like Christmases in the past. My dad’s booming voice didn’t dominate the conversation. Cass wasn’t telling us stories about her office or school. I didn’t share anything about my students. Even Mom was quiet.