Plotting Mr. Perfect

by S. E. Babin

  “Candace, this better not be your idea of a joke. If it is, you need to go back to comedy school.”

  Candace’s smooth chuckle rolled through the phone. “It’s no joke. I told you before, I’m a superstar.”

  Katie collapsed onto the loveseat and ran her fingers through her messy blonde hair. “If this is true, you’re a damned miracle worker. Are you sure my advance is that much and you didn’t add an extra zero just to screw with me?”

  “I’m serious. You’re worth it, kid. I told you I had a good feeling about it.” Candace chattered on about the sale of her newest novel. Katie listened with half an ear. She could live on her advance alone for at least three years—four or more if she budgeted closely. It was everything she ever wanted—a dream come true, and when she thought about it, she had Leo to thank. The idea was there beforehand, but the paranormal aspect didn’t show up until Leo dropped out of nowhere and completely disrupted her life.

  She absentmindedly twisted the diamond on her finger and was startled when Candace said her name. “Sorry! Sorry, I’m just surprised. I got most of that.”

  “Good,” Candace said, amusement in her voice. “I’m sending over some paperwork for you to sign. Get that taken care of, send it back to me and then sit your rear end down and pound out some more chick-lit for me. I think you’re way past writing the drama of family novels now. You’re going to reinvent the genre, Katie.”

  Katie swallowed. “You make me sound like some literary giant.”

  “Well, Katie, honestly, this is the best book I’ve read in a long time. If your fan base doesn’t come along for the ride, it’s their loss. I don’t think for an instant you’ll have to worry. I have to run, but I want a new proposal on my desk within the next month or so, got it?”

  Katie licked her lips, her mouth dry. “Got it. And,” she said with a hoarse laugh, “I can’t wait to get that first check.”

  “You and me both, sister.” The phone clicked as Candace hung up, but Katie sat there for a couple more moments, allowing it to dangle in her hand. She had the shakes in a good way. Over the last several months her life had been a roller coaster of emotions and craziness. Relief set in her bones about the news today. Not only would she be financially stable for the next several years, she was starting a brand-new venture into unknown territory and she couldn’t be happier about it.

  Katie took the phone with her as she wandered into the kitchen to grab a beer. She dialed Mel’s number and as soon as her voice came on the line Katie screamed, “I’m gonna be rich, bitch!”

  Mel snorted and broke into hiccupping laughter. “I’m at work, you moron. Couldn’t this wait?”

  “Didn’t you hear me?” Katie popped off the top of the beer with a satisfying snick and took a quick swallow. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and tossed the cap into the garbage.

  “Did you win the lottery?” Mel asked with amusement.

  “No, my book! I’m a genius.”

  “No, dear. I’m the genius. You’re the sweet, scatterbrained writer.”

  “True,” Katie acknowledged. “But this book idea is genius. How’s that?”

  “Much better,” Mel said dryly. “Wouldn’t want our roles to get reversed. How are the wedding plans coming? Need me to do anything?”

  Katie shrugged even though Mel couldn’t see her. “Meh. You know how bad of a planner I am.”

  “Boy, do I. When are we supposed to go dress shopping?”

  Katie hadn’t even thought about it. Planning a wedding was turning out to be a lot harder than she’d thought. Apparently you just couldn’t pencil your name into a venue and expect everyone else to do it for you. There were other people getting married and they were really screwing up her plans.

  “Ummm, Saturday?” Katie needed to get on the ball and find some dress shops.

  “Are you asking me or telling me?” Mel’s amused voice drawled.

  “Telling you. Soooo telling you. I’ve been planning this shopping trip for weeks.”

  “Uh huh.” She could hear the disbelief in Mel’s voice. “Do I need to call Piper and Sherry?”

  Oh, how well Mel knew her. “Yes, please,” Katie said meekly.

  “And, Katie?”

  “Mmm hmmm.”

  “Look under the title Weddings for the dress shops.”

  “Bite your tongue, woman! I know what I’m doing.” Katie scrawled Phone Book—Weddings in black on her dry erase board.

  “Now, back to the whole rich thing. Just how rich? Dressing our future children in real fur and diamonds or Range Rover wealthy?”

  Katie chuckled. “Well, writing a book does not guarantee me a steady paycheck, so let’s stick with the Range Rover territory for now.”

  “Fair enough, then,” Mel paused. “And Katie?”

  “Yup?” Katie was already thinking about upgrading her vehicle.

  “Congrats, friend. You deserve it. Life is really rolling on for you.” Mel’s voice was warm. “Now I have to go before I get fired and you have to spend some of the paycheck for my food and shelter.”

  They said their goodbyes and clicked off the line. During the conversation, Katie had drifted toward the side window, parted the curtain, and stared at Will’s house. No one mowed the lawn on Thursdays anymore. Instead, every couple of weeks a team of men would descend on Mrs. Hanson’s lawn and mow it in the space of 15 minutes. They were no-nonsense people, and Katie couldn’t help but think the lawn never looked as good as it did when Will was living there.

  * * * *

  Dress shopping sucked with a capital S. Yards and yards of fluffy chiffon, silk, rosettes, glitter and rhinestones littered the dressing room. Katie stared at all of it. She was exhausted and her body ached from the constant up and down of stepping in and out of dresses. Some of them weighed a ton. Some of them were just plain weird. And some of them she hated while her friends oohed and aahed over them.

  They’d been there for what felt like hours. The sun was beginning to slip under the horizon, and still nothing. Even normally unflappable Mel was beginning to show the strain. “Katie, it would be a good idea if you had even a slight inkling of what you wanted.”

  Katie sighed. “I just want something simple.”

  “Simple?” Mel stared at her, the threat of violence simmering in the murky depths of her eyes.

  Katie smiled sheepishly. “Yes.”

  Mel looked around at the dresses scattered around the room. “You probably could have said that beforehand and no one would have picked out pageant queen gowns.” She pointed to one spectacularly bad gown covered in what looked like feathers and glitter.

  Katie snorted and then broke into high-pitched giggles. “God, that’s completely hideous, isn’t it?”

  Mel’s mouth twitched. “Yes, but don’t say a word about it to Sherry. She thought it was the one.” Mel’s voice broke into Sherry’s drawl and she pretended she was pageant waving around the room.

  Katie sat down on the bench, the corset she was forced to wear cutting into her skin as she slumped. “This sucks.”

  “I’m not even getting married and I agree.” Mel shoved her over, sitting down beside her. “Dress shopping shouldn’t be this hard. Don’t you ever watch those reality shows where the girls are fawning and crying hysterically about every dress they put on?”

  “I hate those shows.” Katie rubbed her eyes, trying not to smear mascara all over her face.

  Mel patted her on the knee and stood up with alacrity. “Stay here,” she said in a firm voice. “I have an idea.”

  Katie groaned. “I hate those four words. Remember when those four innocent little words resulted in me wearing a rooster costume in front of the high school?”

  Mel sniggered. “That was one of my better ones. You have to admit, Katie, wearing that suit around snagged you a pretty hot prom date.”

  “Sympathy. It was a sympathy date. And everyone kept saying ‘cock-a-doodle-do’ every time I went to get another drink. Thank God the punch was spiked.
”

  Mel tilted her head up, reminiscing. “Man, those were the days. Everything was so uncomplicated. Seriously. This one is a good one. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  Katie waved her away, her stomach lurching at what nefarious plan Mel had up her sleeve. They were in a bridal boutique. How bad could it be?

  Katie leaned her head back against the wall, the mound of dresses haunting her peripheral vision. She didn’t care for a single dress she’d put on today, but then again, she hadn’t really made an effort to pick anything out. She’d let her friends handle the majority of it. They’d had a field day, but zero progress was made and the wedding was just a few months away.

  She sat there for a few more moments, scantily clothed in a corset, granny panties and a pair of low kitten heels, when Mel burst in through the door. Her face was hidden behind a dress bag. “Tadaaaaa,” she said and thrust the bag in Katie’s direction. She couldn’t see what was inside, but it felt lighter than the rest.

  Katie groaned as she took the bag. “Do I have to?”

  Mel glared at her. “Yes. I might be a hot mess, but I know you, Katie.” Her eyes softened and a smile lit up her face. “You’re getting married. To a hottie McTotty. This should be exciting. Not painful! Now,” she put on her best drill sergeant face, “take off those heels and put on this dress. Piper and Sherry are still outside waiting on us and they keep sampling the free champagne. If they stay out there much longer you’re going to end up with a mini-skirt wedding dress and a feather boa.”

  Katie kicked off her heels and unzipped the bag. Mel stood to her side, a look of anticipation on her face. Katie took the dress out and hung it up on the hook. Her breath caught and tears filled her eyes. She looked at Mel, at the slow grin spreading on her face.

  “Hot damn. I knew you’d love it! I saw it bunched in between two other dresses when Piper and Sherry were wrestling over the feather dress.” Mel shooed her away and took the dress off the hanger. She unzipped it and motioned for Katie to step in. Mel pulled the dress up, adjusted it properly and zipped it up. “Close your eyes,” she ordered and turned her in a one-eighty.

  A few more adjustments and she heard Mel say in anticipation, “Open your eyes.”

  Katie stood in front of the wall mirror. She looked like a different person. The dress was gorgeous. It was a creamy-white, off-the-shoulder lace gown. Conservative yet sexy, the bodice fell in a straight line across her chest, giving the illusion of cleavage, yet showing little. The dress hugged her waist and hips tightly, then swooped out into a conservative mermaid cut at the bottom. No glitter. No rhinestones. No feathers. Nothing but simplistic lace. She loved everything about it.

  She smoothed her hands down her hips and turned to look at her profile in the mirror. The off-white enhanced the creamy paleness of her skin and the tight fit gave her a more pronounced bottom than usual. She looked phenomenal. Katie turned to Mel, tears shining in her eyes. “Oh, Mel,” she whispered, “I love it so much.”

  Mel waved her hands across her face. “Stop, I don’t want to cry! Get out there and show Piper and Sherry.”

  Katie hitched up the dress, slipped on her heels, and strode out the door with Mel behind her. She could hear Piper and Sherry giggling, but as she walked up to them, the laughter stopped into stunned silence. Sherry plunked her champagne glass down and stood, her hands covering her face.

  “Oh, honey,” she said, her words muffled, “you look amazing. You’re going to knock Leo’s socks off.”

  Piper sat in stunned silence, staring at Katie. Finally she stood and walked over to Katie. She enveloped her in a Chanel-scented hug. “Good God, woman. I knew you were beautiful, but you look like an angel in that dress.”

  Mel came up beside them, beaming. “I picked it out,” she blurted. “Yaaaay me!” All of them burst into laughter, oohing and aahing over the dress. They spent the next hour picking out accessories, but Katie nixed the idea of a long veil, not wanting to overwhelm herself. The lace was spectacular enough. She settled for a bird cage veil, nestled close to the middle of her head. It gave her a sassy, chic vibe and was innocuous enough not to take away from the dress. Piper picked out a pair of vintage-style gold earrings that dusted the bottom of her chin, and they all elected to forego a necklace.

  “Something new, honey. My treat.” Piper took the earrings out of her hands and placed them on the counter to purchase.

  Sherry dug around in her purse. Out came an obviously heirloom-style diamond bracelet. Several round diamonds were surrounded in elaborate gold filigree. She snapped it on Katie’s wrist, against her protests. “Something borrowed, sweetheart. You can give it back after the ceremony, but I want you to wear it. It was my sister’s, passed down by my mother.”

  Katie sniffed. Sherry’s sister had passed away after a car accident in downtown Charlotte. It was the lowest point in Sherry’s life, but she had come through it with grace and humility. They had spent many nights huddled with her around the fireplace, drinking wine and reminiscing. For Sherry to give her the bracelet to wear on her day meant the world to her. “Oh, Sherry. Thank you so much.”

  Sherry beamed and pushed a curl back from her face. “My pleasure. It’s not every day I get to see one of my best friends marry someone like Leo.” Katie hugged Sherry and squeezed her a little tighter than normal.

  Mel cleared her throat. Katie turned to her and noticed her holding a small box. “I want you to have these. No arguments.” She handed the box to her and Katie’s hands shook as she opened it. Her breath caught in her throat. Inside was a cuff bracelet, large turquoise and coral nuggets nestled inside silver. It was handmade by Mel’s mother and she knew how much she cherished it. “I couldn’t.” Katie tried to hand it back to her. Mel shook her head.

  “My mother loved you like you were one of us. She would want you to have something like this. She isn’t able to be here for your wedding, but I know in my heart she would want you to have it. And I want you to have it, too. I know it doesn’t match your dress, so I don’t expect you to wear it for your wedding, but this is my something old.”

  Katie blinked away threatening tears and had to swallow a few times before she could speak. “I will cherish it, Mel. Thank you so much for trusting me to have this.”

  Mel’s thin arms wrapped around her. “Thank you for being my best friend, even after everything,” she murmured in her ear.

  They held on to each other for a moment longer until the sound of the dress clerk clearing her throat and pointedly looking at her watch broke through. By then it was completely dark outside. They laughed, apologized to the short, dark-haired woman and Katie rushed back to get dressed and make the purchase before the store closed.

  Luckily, there were no alterations needed and she was able to take the dress home with her. After paying for the dress (on sale!), they all piled into Sherry’s SUV and left the store. “Who’s starving?” Sherry asked. Everyone agreed after the grueling dress shopping process, so she drove for a little bit, eventually pulling into one of their favorite Mexican restaurants.

  Katie made sure Sherry locked the vehicle doors to protect her brand-new dress, and they all piled out, ready for some empty carbs and margaritas.

  After they’d ordered, Piper brought up the bachelorette party. Katie cringed. She wasn’t a stripper and banana hammock kind of girl, but Mel lit up like a lighthouse beacon. “I can’t wait for this! I have so many ideas buzzing through my head. How does everyone feel about strippers?” Katie groaned as Piper and Sherry shouted in delight.

  “I vote midget strippers,” Sherry crowed. “She’d love those!”

  “I would not love those,” Katie grumbled good-naturedly. She ordered another margarita and sat back as her friends discussed the merits of midget strippers versus elderly strippers. One, of course, was more expensive than the other, due to the cost of insurance just in case one of the elderly gentlemen entertainers had a heart attack during their Addicted to Love routine.

  “I have no idea why I c
hose you three as friends. You all have serious mental health issues.” They all grinned at Katie and plunged right back into the discussion of whether or not they should force Katie to wear a coconut bra and sash out for their wild night on the town. Every time she tried to refuse, they all shushed her and told her to keep drinking her margaritas. Eventually, after much hysterical laughter and party notes written out on a margarita-covered napkin, Mel paid the check and Sherry drove them all back to Katie’s house. Mel came inside while Piper and Sherry said their goodbyes and headed their own way.

  Leo was inside drinking a beer and watching an old Cary Grant movie. It’d been quite a while since Mel and Leo had been in the same room together. The tension was still there between them, but it had decreased substantially since Mel’s trip to New York with Katie.

  Katie leaned over to kiss Leo on the cheek. He waved to Mel and excused himself from the room. “It won’t always be this way, you know,” Katie said as she and Mel took over the living room.

  Mel blew a stray curl out of her face. “I know. It’s still a little bit weird, but it’ll blow over. I’m confident about that.” The smile she gave Katie was anything but confident, but she didn’t say anything. Katie said a silent prayer the rest of the awkwardness would be gone by the time the wedding came around because both she and Leo were now her best friends. It was a weird situation to be in, but she had so many other things to think about with the wedding fast approaching that she tended not to dwell on it too much.

  “Changing the subject, I just want to put on the record that I will never forgive you if you hire a midget stripper for my bachelorette party.”

  “Midget strippers are the new black, Katie. Seriously. You need to get with the program here. You can hire them out as escorts, too. In fact, we were thinking about hiring one to walk you down the aisle. As long as he juggles. Let me be clear. We’re going to find you a juggling midget stripper who doesn’t mind wearing thong underwear and performing Broadway routines. When he drops you off at the altar, he’s going to perform a strip tease to Take My Breath Away and then he’ll hand the ceremony over to the preacher.”