A Fire That Burns

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  As he spoke, Tom took in both of their expressions and he couldn’t help, but feel that they were the greatest hypocrites living, but he knew that Austin needed them the most out of everyone in this town. He was going to guilt trip the hell out of them before he gave them any sort of satisfaction of seeing her and helping her.

  “They've dosed her up for now to help make her comfortable and were treating her for smoke inhalation when she arrived in ER. She's not breathing great, but she was doing enough on her own to bring her off of the vent." He saw more fear and worry ignite on their faces as he spoke and was grateful that he seemed to have a breakthrough of such. "She's in quite a lot of pain and she basically told me she wants no one to go to her. She somehow thinks she deserves this for ever coming back."

  “Oh my poor little girl," Jane began to sob before Tom took her in his arms to soothe her.

  “We've called dad, he needs to be home for this,” Tom said and looked at a silent Tyler; years of emotions were rivaling his strong will now. "She loved you more than anyone else in her life and she felt like she couldn't tell you the hardest thing ever. You chose night outs and time with Natasha and making a career name over the woman who would willingly give you her heart right out of her chest if it proved how much she truly loved you." Tom told Tyler, "She still would because she loves you that much."

  “I was young and naive and I paid, Tom,” Tyler said as the news sunk in. “I got caught up in that life an-and,” Tyler couldn’t continue.

  “Well then I suggest you do the one thing that you can right now,” Tom told Tyler firmly and almost maliciously. “You go and man the fuck up, lose the bad in your life and finally take care of the one person that loved you more than anything else in your life!”

  Jane looked at Tyler and could see how palpable his pain was as this hit him harder than anything. She had to be the mother she always wanted to be. She had to support her children right. “It’s your life, you do what you have to and you make the choice. You have to make the change; no one else is going to do this for you now.”

  “I have to don’t I?” Tyler answered confused. “I-I don’t know what to do to prove it to Austin though.”

  “If you want something to do, read this first,” Tom said and thrust the six year old letter into Tyler’s chest. Once the other man had it he felt satisfied, “Now I’m going to the real victim in all of this.”

  He then left Tyler standing alone – letter in hand, burnt ruins in sight.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  JANE stood in the doorway of her daughter’s hospital room and watched her as she stared at the wall with heavy reddened eyes. She took in her daughter’s broken stance and she had never thought she would see the day that she would have to witness her little girl in such a state. She knocked as she swallowed her pride and realized she didn’t hate her daughter, and she never had. She was just trying to keep the hurt from coming out. Jane had lashed out and closed down to make herself unavailable to feeling the same hurt if her daughter left again. Now with the secrets laid bare, it didn’t matter. She knew what had her daughter running and she hated herself for never giving Austin the opportunity to build bridges back.

  Now, her own hurt aside, she was ready to be everything her daughter needed and wanted her to be – her mother.

  “Aussie,” Jane spoke up quietly trying to grasp her daughter’s attention.

  Turning her head slowly, Austin reached up and pulled down on the mask to quiz her mother. “Why are you here?” Austin asked confused, her breathing still as difficult as it were when Tom was here, her agitation not helping matters. She was tired and in pain but she couldn’t bring herself to give into the drugs when she was terrified of what dreams she would have now.

  “I am so sorry,” Jane said as she came to sit down on Austin’s bed, immediately she took Austin’s hand in hers. As she felt her daughter try to withdraw she held on. “You’re not doing this alone.”

  “Ju-just because I’m in the hosp-” Austin breathed in to clear the hitch in her lungs, “Hospital, doesn’t mean yo-you have to b-be here.”

  Jane refused to be easily pushed away. “I have been so wrong about everything, Austin, and I nearly lost my daughter because of it. I didn’t take the opportunity to have you back, I shunned you and pushed you out when I could have taken you in my arms and had you back in my life like I’ve prayed for.”

  “You ha-hate me,” Austin managed to say and looked away. “Everyone hates me.”

  “That’s not true, Baby. It’s really not,” Jane tried to prove to her daughter she had it wrong.

  Suddenly Austin caved and just gave into her mother’s overwhelming presence here with her. “He didn’t love me did he?” Austin asked her mom as she lost her reserve again. “It was always Natasha that he loved, wasn’t it?”

  “Oh no, Austin, it was always you. It still is you. That man has never been as lost as he was when you left him and believe me, he is still like that,” Jane argued back, trying to remain calm.

  “He said he hated me,” Austin began to cry again. “He started to hate me long before I left,” Austin admitted heartbrokenly. Her mind was set on this one warpath. All those moments that helped contribute to her leaving were now parading around, striking her while she was already down. All those moments that had created the gap between her and Tyler reared their ugly head and began to beat at her. Each and every one of the memories doing so to prove that she never stood a chance and it had taken this moment of clarity to really punish her into a harsher reality.

  Jane’s eyes watered, she never realized that her daughter was this lost in life. “He could never hate you. He just lost something really important. Much like you have,” Jane told her daughter and watched as Austin looked at her with shock. “I wish you could have come to me about what happened with the baby.”

  Austin squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, “Dad always said that if I got pregnant before marriage he would disown me and I did. I got pregnant before Tyler and I were married. Wh-when I lost the baby, I couldn’t face him or you. He w-would just tell me it was a good thing and th-that was the last thing I w-wanted to hear.”

  “So you chose to run from the truth?” Jane asked as she wiped back some of Austin’s hair and caught the gauze hiding another burn to her forehead.

  “I thought it’d be the best idea,” Austin admitted and then exhaled painfully and put the oxygen mask back on as she felt her energy dip completely. She was physically and emotionally spent. Six years had finally broken her.

  Jane smiled at her daughter, “I’m not leaving you unless you want me to.” She told her and saw Austin smile slightly. She wanted to say more, really beginning to repair their relationship when a knock came from the door. She felt rendered motionless, scared to leave her daughter with whoever was here.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” Austin’s doctor said as he came in. “I didn’t realize Miss Pearson would have any company at this time. We did scale down visitors to just Tom.”

  “Sorry, I just needed to see my daughter,” Jane said as she slipped her hand down to take Austin’s hand.

  “That’s fine,” he smiled at them and could see that Austin needed her mother more than ever. “I’m just here to check on Austin that’s all,” he told Jane and then grabbed Austin’s chart before beginning to check her vitals over.

  “What’s going to happen with the burns?” Jane asked as she watched the male doctor check on Austin, running the basic checks of blood pressure, pulse, breathing, oxygen saturation. She wondered how he and Tom were able to do this job and not feel emotionally conflicted. The thought had always made her feel faint hearted, but seeing the doctor doing so,. she was amazed at how easy he made it seem.

  “We’re going to do another operation that will fix skin grafts onto the top of her arm and side. The surgery we did earlier was to clean them. Initially to help get most of the burns ready for successful skin grafts and help prevent infections from occurring. For now we will be doing the
normal procedure of changing the bandages and keeping the burns clean and will continue to do so after the skin grafts are put in place. We need to make sure we don’t look at a rejection to the grafts,” the doctor said, his voice never changing in octave, never getting tense. “Other than that we have gotten Austin as comfortable as possible. She’s on high oxygen because of the smoke inhalation that occurred and she’s on high alert for the meantime.”

  “These operations,” Jane started and looked at Austin and could see the fear in her daughter and realized that nothing had changed since her childhood, “They’re relatively simple right?”

  The doctor smiled at Jane and nodded before starting, “Very, its routine and the benefits will be enormous in terms of the second and third degree burns to Austin’s arms and side.” The doctor continued to tell Jane with ease. “We’re lucky to have a burn unit in this hospital that Austin could have been rushed to and have the most effective care as soon as possible. It’s going to be a long recovery, but I hope to make it a smooth one.”

  Jane nodded and looked at Austin as she lay silent and still, bordering the cusp of sleep. Her eyes were almost lifeless as she slowly gave way to the exhaustion claiming her and Jane’s heart sunk. “So what’s happening now?” Jane asked and looked back to the doctor. “What is being done for Austin’s health right now?”

  “Right now we have Austin hooked up on fluids and morphine,” he commented as he wrote on the chart. “The fluid resuscitation that we are administering intravenously will help Austin’s body get back the fluids that she dramatically lost. We’re also monitoring Austin for hypovolamic shock and making sure her blood pressure doesn’t drop too low or shoot through the roof. We’re going to have her on twenty-four seven watch and then possibly tomorrow, or even later this evening, we’ll look at how extensive we need to be with her treatment.”

  “So her burns are going to be left for the rest of tonight?” Jane questioned. Now she was here she wanted the best port of call for her daughter. She wanted everything done, she wanted no time wasted. She knew it was irrational but, she felt like there was more to be done.

  The doctor gave a nod, “We’ve removed the dead skin cells and already began to skin graft the most severe burns, but we are confident that Austin has next to no nerve damage as of yet which is a promising thing to note. Believe me, this will all prove worthwhile in the long run. There are processes for dealing with burns and we all have Austin’s health in mind.” He smiled at Jane and looked at Austin, “It seems the new dose of morphine is working and it’s wise that Austin has the least amount of stress possible. I mean that. She can’t afford to have her health compromised at the moment. She was lucky to be only burnt as little as she was but that doesn’t mean she’s more stable than someone who has been burnt more. These next twenty-four hours are still crucial.”

  “I understand,” Jane vowed her clarity on the moment and looked at Austin and ran a hand around Austin’s face as though she were her little girl all over again. “Thank you, Doctor.”

  “No worries, Mrs. Pearson,” the doctor replied. “We won’t have as strict restrictions on visitors for today, but you need to keep it quiet and if we feel there is too much stress you will be asked to leave.” Watching Jane nod he smiled, “I’ll see you in a couple of hours if there are no complications.”

  Jane sat for a moment looking at her daughter as she now lay insentient with sleep. She smiled sadly as she tried to hold it together. “I wish you had just told me, Austin. I would have made sure nothing bad would have happened.”

  With her piece said she went and got Tom and turned her back as she saw Tyler walking down the corridor, face wrecked with emotions, determination in his eyes.

  Until Austin woke up, he was staying outside the room.

  Chapter Thirty

  TOM leapt from his seat, angst fuelling his system as he attempted to read his mother’s expression but he was exhausted beyond belief and he wasn’t sure if he was reading too far into them. There was a streak of defiance, beaten pride and motherly concern, but he didn’t want to know if guilt was just aiding this moment. With Tyler just turning up, Tom had felt his nerves really begin to fray. “Does she want you back?”

  Looking at her son, she gave a small hopeful nod and felt her eyes water. “I know it’s going to be slow, but it’s going to get better.”

  “I know it is,” Tom agreed and felt a new air surround him. He was confident that life was going to get better. However, as he turned to Tyler, he could see the man mentally arguing with himself over this situation. He wanted to press him to say something, to make a move, but it seemed that Tyler was one step ahead of him already.

  “Can I go in to her see?” Tyler asked the moment silence settled in and calm wrapped itself around them securely. He looked passed Jane at Austin as she now slept restlessly and his gut twisted at how fragile she looked, at how swallowed she looked by the medical equipment. He wanted to be the guy that made her feel safe in this terrifying environment. He wanted to be the Tyler he was six years ago.

  Jane shook her head, “That’s not going to happen just yet.”

  Tyler’s expression fell and he felt desolate and vulnerable at not knowing what to do. “Please, Jane, I need to see her.”

  “How could you tell her you hated her? How dare you come here and say you need to see her when you told her you hated her!” Jane asked him as her tone began to heat up. She didn’t care that she was going to sound like a hypocrite now; she was here to protect her daughter. Hypocrisy would wait.

  “I was just lashing out,” Tyler defended himself quickly.

  “You lashed out and look what happened! She believes you hate her and always loved Natasha. She thinks you hated her even when she was still here. She believes you stopped loving her,” Jane spoke out with what she had briefly learned from Austin before the doctor had stepped in. “I am sorry for everything that has happened to you, Tyler, but that girl deserves a break from this life right now. Austin doesn’t need someone who is only here for himself.”

  “I’m with my mom here, man,” Tom stepped in and looked at Tyler with utter disappointment. “How could you tell her that and then be here?”

  “Because I want her back in my life!” Tyler tried to not raise his voice, but it didn’t matter. The nurses down the corridor were staring at them as the last syllable fell from his lips and he knew they were ready to pounce and break up this moment. He shot an apologetic look and allowed himself to exhale heavily, and spoke this time with a lowered, more hushed tone, “I’m not here for just me. I’m here for Austin, I am. When I saw her in that house, I didn’t think of Natasha once. The only thought in my head was that I was never going to get a future with Austin. I could only imagine losing her for good. Before, she was at least alive, I had my chance to get her back. When I saw that fire, I realized that there was a chance I’d tested fate too much and lost my chance.”

  Tom and Jane stopped all other tirades from happening as he admitted that. They could fight him, but the man before them was weak and pathetic and he just exhausted himself emotionally to them.

  “How fucked up am I that I was panicking that I would lose her from my life and I was committed to another woman?” he admitted to them, and he was feeling like he was crashing fast. “I should be with the woman that lost my baby days ago and I can’t. I can’t face her because the woman that lost my baby years ago is now lying in a hospital bed.” He put his hands onto his head and tried to remain calm, “And the worse thing is that I know Natasha is hiding something from me. I haven’t been able to look at her since she told me she lost the baby and now?” He looked at them, “What are the chances that the only two women I gave myself to both lost my babies? It’s not possible!”

  Jane felt her heart skip a beat at how broken Tyler was becoming as he emptied his inner most hidden feelings, but she could see that Tom wasn’t going to take this quite as lightly as she was.

  “How can you say that when you were an asshole
to Austin?” Tom asked, trying to make sense of this all. “There’s more to this right now than those miscarriages and I want to know one thing.”

  “What’s that?” Tyler asked warily and he knew full well what he was going to hear wasn’t going to be to his liking. However, he needed redemption; he needed to take the pain before he could get what he wanted.

  “Who are you going to be here for?” he asked, “Austin or Natasha?” he continued with his questioning and he watched Tyler, “Because I don’t want you to be here to run off to Natasha. Austin is in a bad way and I can tell you now that she cannot cope with you flittering between her and Natasha. I’m sorry to be mean, but I am looking out for my sister this time around. She gave you up years ago because first, she thought it would be better and second, because you abandoned her in more ways than one. She won’t cope if you abandon her again, Tyler. I’m telling you that now. So who are you going to be here for?”

  And just like that, Tyler made the harshest, rashest decision of his life, “Austin.”

  “Are you sure?” Tom approached his decision with caution. He was well aware that Tyler was a volatile man. “Because it appeared that you chose Natasha a few days ago. Or was that a lie that you’re getting married in two days time?”

  Tyler’s breathing tightened. He couldn’t marry Natasha now; he couldn’t bring himself to walk down the aisle to make an honest woman of her. He knew he never truly loved her, but after years of denial, Tyler had found himself in a new form of love. One he believed was true love, but the moment he saw Austin again, he knew he was a fool. This wasn’t love, this was deceit, it was a comfort relationship, it was only something to fill the void left in his heart when Austin disappeared years ago.

  “I’m not marrying her,” he told the pair and saw their shock filtering into the features. He knew it was all happening too fast, but he needed to make these decisions now and he had to find Natasha and figure out her part in all of this.