A Fire That Burns

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  Tom then took it upon himself to broach a darker matter. One that Tyler needed to know. “I don’t care if I get arrested for this or you report me to the hospital and I lose my job, but I pulled Austin’s and Natasha’s medical files,” Tom admitted and saw Tyler react immediately.

  “And?” Tyler dared Tom to continue. He wasn’t thinking like an officer. Right now, he was a desperate man searching for answers.

  “You can read for yourself another day, but Austin was discharged with conservative aftercare for a miscarriage, which included a follow up with an OB/GYN, whereas Natasha had absolutely nothing. If she miscarried she would have needed that same follow up appointment, Tyler.”

  “So I’ve been grieving something that never happened?” Tyler quizzed, his mind unraveling.

  “I don’t know the details, but I would assume so,” Tom dabbled with the truth of the girls’ medical files.

  Placing his hands to his head, Tyler began to pace uncontrollably. “My life is so fucking messed up. Oh God, I’ve fucked up so much.”

  “Like I said, Tyler, you can make it right,” Jane stepped in, wiping at her cheeks to clear the tears that had fallen. She stepped in to cut off Tyler’s pacing and saw how defeated and broken he actually was. Now she saw him free of his shield, his walls broken, she realized that Tyler looked as broken as Austin did.

  “How can I, Jane? I was angry and I was an asshole!” he tried not to yell but he was losing his ability to keep calm. “I was angry! I was fucking furious with her but I could never fucking hate her. Never and Austin now thinks that! The woman I allowed in, never fucking loved me, she wanted one up on Austin and she got it didn’t she?”

  “Tyler, you have the opportunity to make this all right now,” Jane tried to be a voice of reasoning. “Do what’s right and sort it all out.” She saw the man was hard to be moved, “Tyler, talk to me, what are you feeling for Austin right now?”

  Suddenly, Tyler’s eyes widened, “All I ever felt for her is love and I’m scared to let her back in completely because she disappeared once, and I’m terrified she’ll do it again. How do I just give in and change my life again when it took so long for me to fix it.”

  “You never did fix it though did you?” Tom asked solemnly, “If you had you wouldn’t be like this.”

  And there it was – the cold, harsh truth. Tyler Armstrong was a man in denial of his past.

  And for the first time since finding Austin gone after that fateful night, Tyler sat down and began to cry.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  TYLER watched Austin sleeping. His eyes traced her struggling breathing, her bandaged arm and he knew that what had happened was far worse than he could have ever imagined it could be. He knew that under her gown she had even more burns and he knew the pain she was in must be something unimaginable. Not just physically, but everything she had taken in over the past couple of weeks must have caused her more pain than anything else.

  She had survived so much since she left and had survived even more since coming home. He was to blame for it, Jane was to blame, and Natasha was too. Hell the entire town turned their back on her just for choosing hearsay over hearing her innocence. Now his gut feeling was telling him, begging him to believe that Natasha had lied. The disappointing fact was that he couldn’t find an ounce of belief to offer Natasha.

  If Tyler had ever sinned, it was back when he was nineteen and thought that he needed to be a hot headed youngster who showed he was all about enthusiasm for the job and wouldn’t let a potential family life interrupt that.

  Except, as a result, he had lost the one thing he was proud to say he had at home. He had neglected Austin and because Natasha’s father worked at the police department, Natasha was always around whenever he was. He had helped make Austin feel like the loneliest person in the world, so much so, when she lost his baby she felt like all she could do was run rather than burden him with the hardest news ever.

  Regardless of his heart, he couldn’t repeat the past, but he could learn from it. He was actually praying it was all a big lie and the worst part was that he didn’t know how he would react when faced with Natasha. Right now, he was turning into a hyper cell of emotion and he knew a trigger would cause him to explode.

  He watched Austin for a moment as she began to wake up and he stepped in but froze as her eyes opened weakly to look up at him. He didn’t know what to do. Did he smile? Did he sit and take her hand? Did he keep the distance? Tyler knew one thing: he hated that he didn’t know what to do where Austin was concerned anymore.

  Blinking to clear her vision, Austin looked more intently at Tyler and felt her heart skip a beat as she worried about why he was here. The last thing she wanted right at that moment was to fight; she knew she had no strength to cope with it at that moment. Some of his last words were wrapped up in convicting her and she was now panicked that this would be it. He would arrest her for a crime she hadn’t committed.

  She couldn’t believe he would do that and so she swallowed hard, pulling the mask from her face before speaking, “Why are you here?” The words pulled harshly at her dry, sore throat, but they pulled more at her heart strings, strumming them with a death chord, readying her for the truths.

  Tyler knew he had to make this personal; he knew he had to do what he wanted and sit on the bed with her. He had to be close to her at that moment but finding words was the difficult part so he spoke what he knew was true, “I just needed to see you, Sunny.”

  “But why?” she asked him back incredulously. “You told me you wanted me to leave, that I was nothing but problems for you. So why would you need to see me? Especially after you said you hated me.” She ended feeling quite proud that she hadn’t given in and cried. It didn’t mean the tears weren’t burning away behind her eyes, but they hadn’t shown up at these first words.

  “I don’t hate you, Aus. I never could. I’m a liar for even thinking those words,” Tyler admitted to Austin and he could see the anguish growing in her eyes. “Christ, I never wanted you to end up in the hospital after our fight.”

  “I’m not your problem anymore remember?” Austin countered for a moment. Her forehead furrowed as she tried her hardest to stop the tears that were finally burning in the forefront of her eyes. “I haven’t been your problem for a long time, Tyler.”

  “You’ve always been my problem,” Tyler stated firmly and looked at her in the eyes. “Every day since you left you were on my mind – when would you come back? What were you doing? Were you happy?” he let his thoughts flow, “Now you’re always there. Knowing that I could round a corner and you could be there, I could see you when I drive home, and we were building a house together.”

  “Tyler, you don’t have to be here,” Austin defied him gently in disbelief. He might be breaking down, but she wasn’t able to support herself so how did she become the rock for Tyler to lean on?

  “I will do anything that you want, Austin, but I can’t just leave you be anymore,” Tyler admitted and felt weak as he finally confessed to the one person what he had wanted her to know. “It’s always been you that makes or breaks me, and if I lose you now, I’ll break forever. Believe me, Austin, I will do anything to prove that.”

  “All I want is for you to realize that I didn’t do a thing to Natasha,” Austin admitted to Tyler and looked at him, her breathing catching a little. “If you want me around, you need to ask yourself one thing. What is it that you take me for? I am not that type of person, Tyler. I never was, I only ran away, I didn’t change.”

  “I know,” Tyler said as he shook his head in shame and he felt the tears begin to build. “I know you, I know I do, and I know you haven’t changed one bit. You’re still my Austin. I got caught up in the things Natasha was telling me and I guess I did hold a grudge when I thought I didn’t.” Tyler tried to calm himself with a deep breath and looked up at her. “I need you to know something though, Aus.”

  “What’s that?” Austin asked Tyler as she felt herself faltering under this trut
hful situation.

  “I love you, Austin. I never stopped. I simply took you for granted and I never should have. I always thought you would be there because we were just that unbreakable, and I broke us and then allowed Natasha to break us entirely. Since you’ve been back, all I have felt is me. I have never felt more like me than I do when you’re here with me. I have my best friend back, my soul mate. I have my safe haven back. I ran into that house last night because I never wanted to lose you again. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and realize that I’ve lost you all over again. I don’t want to go through life knowing that I lost the most important thing that helps make me, me. I can’t do that, Austin. Not anymore. I lost you once, I won’t lose you again.”

  And as the tense band around the truth ruptured, Austin felt the heaviest of Tyler’s plea. The plight of which exceeded Austin’s current mentality and she found herself cave to it all. She couldn’t rationalize his words as they sat so wrapped up in his hate from just before the fire. Her mind was screaming at her, begging her to understand him, but her heart was beating forcefully, feeing like it was cracking each of her ribs as it sat begging her not to break it again. This was Austin’s catch 22.

  “Can you just leave?” Austin’s breathing got tight for a moment and she slid up the bed to try and ease it some. She didn’t want to take his word as truths. She didn’t want her heart to break again because the first time was enough; the bitter attacks since being back were just the icing on top. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be dealing with this right now. “Please. It’s best you just went, Tyler.”

  “Do you want me to get someone?” Tyler said as he stood up, he watched her worrying, and he stepped back as she didn’t answer him. He knew he shouldn’t have laid his heart on the line until she was stronger, until she was ready, but he had to have his say and he had scared her off entirely now. “Tom,” Tyler called out the door and got Austin’s brother. “I didn’t do anything, we were just talking and she got worked up all of a sudden.”

  “It’s fine, I’ll calm her. I’ll speak to you later, Tyler,” Tom said and went over to Austin as she broke down fully. “Everything’s going to be okay, Aussie. You’ll see.” He began to soothe her as her heart monitor showed her distress and he allowed his medical training to control him right now. He needed to get lost in the familiarity when the situation was far from familiar. Seeing his sister in this state and in a hospital bed wasn’t something he wanted to ever experience.

  Tyler watched the love of his life break completely as her brother gently and consciously wrapped his arms around her and consoled her. He hated that he had no right to be her comforter, to be the one that got to soothe her, he hated to be the guy on the outside right now.

  He knew it wasn’t going to be a simple apology that sorted this out, and he knew they wouldn’t just fall into one another’s arms. He had so much to prove and so much of a mess to clean up. Starting with Natasha. He wanted the whole truth and he wasn’t going to leave until he got it. When he left the hospital, he wasn’t going back until he had truths. He didn’t care how much they would hurt him either because he needed them.

  Six years was enough, he wanted his life back on track for good.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  WHEN Tom left, Austin let her heavy gaze move towards the corridor where she knew everyone was seated. She wondered if Tyler was still out there or if he had left and given up instantly. She wondered if the house was actually standing anymore. She wondered if Natasha was enjoying this as much as she thought she might. She wondered if life would ever be normal again.

  A voice caught her short of her thoughts, and she set her attention to her father as his heated tone rang out and caught everyone’s attention. It was barely mid morning and so far she had her mother, her ex-fiancé, her brother, and now her father standing in wait outside her room. She continued to watch and all she could see was her father standing out there, his arms swinging around reminiscent of a great ape, his tone heavy with anger and his posture was tense. She hated it all.

  She closed her eyes as she tried to cast away the thoughts that this was her fault that he was here and like this. She hated feeling like she had brought her father home and him lashing out. She knew if she tried hard enough everything would be okay again. The guilt on her wouldn’t last. After all, being in a fire wasn’t her fault and so ending up like this – weak, drugged and admittedly in excruciating pain – was not her fault. For that she was thankful her father was finally here.

  Opening her eyes again, she lay there listening, only now seeing her brothers and sisters and all she could do was wait for catastrophe to ignite.

  “She’s in the burns unit and no one thought to tell me that on the phone?” he asked in a frenzy as he looked from each of them and then turned towards Tyler who now stepped into view of Austin’s door. “What’s your side of the story in this?”

  “Nic, he saved her,” Jane stepped in defensively as she stood up. “Tyler ran in with Tom and Dean and pulled her out of that house. He’s here to help support her, he is here for Austin.” She looked at Tyler suddenly, “Or so I hope.”

  “I am,” Tyler replied nervously yet his determination remained steady and sincere.

  Tyler had never felt scared of Nicolas Pearson, not once, but right now he felt the superiority of the man as he stood over him. Tyler might well be the chief of the police department, but he didn’t have half the character that either Nicolas or his own father possessed.

  “You need to calm down,” Jane told Nicolas and looked in at her daughter and saw her still awake and watching. She might have been calmed down by her brother, but that wasn’t to say she wouldn’t be easily stressed again. “She doesn’t need to see you like this. She needs her father right now.”

  “That coming from you is classic, Jane,” Nicolas hit back. After all, he was appalled at the type of mother she had been lately and now she was here, spouting off about what Austin needed most.

  Jane granted that comment and didn’t react. She knew she deserved the backlash of the past few weeks of neglect she had thrust Austin’s way. “I think it is best that you read what we all have,” Jane mentioned solemnly and turned to Tom who was the sole treasurer of the one thing that allowed them to understand the past a lot more. She could apologize and explain until the end of the world, but she knew the quickest way to path the way for an apology was to just give her husband the absolute truth on that piece of paper. Austin’s words would start to heal everyone. It was still Austin’s truths after all. The one’s she had silenced herself from ever telling a soul. Everyone needed to know what happened in the past to work on a future together.

  Relenting quickly, Nicolas took the piece of paper without causing a fuss and began to read.

  Austin lay watching her father begin to lose his temper and she knew he hadn’t been given the entire truth until just then. It was as she watched him be handed a folded piece of paper she felt her heart drop though. She could make a fight out of this, or she could just let this run its course. She could stop him from reading and hide or she could just give in. Gulping, she decided it was time that, above any of her other family members, her father deserved to know what had forced her out. That way she could get over the past and finally bury what she had told Tom she had already buried.

  As her father let the letter drop and headed to the door, she realized this was what liberation must feel like. Just him knowing, reaction unknown, made her feel like the world suddenly released its perch on her shoulders. However, if this ended badly she would get everyone to stop worrying about her; she was capable of doing this alone. She didn’t want them here because of pity, she wanted them here for her, and she was scared she would never get the latter.

  So instead of listening to her own reasoning and letting them in, she immediately pushed her father away the moment she had an opportunity. “Dad,” she started slowly and raspy as he came to stand at the end of her bed. “You should go h
ome and get some sleep. You’ve come home from work early, you must be tired. I’m really not worth the worry.” She began to drive the wedge between them, but saw him smile warmly at her. Her voice might be getting lost from her, but she was willing to go through this alone if need be. “Everyone might as well go too.”

  “Will you quit trying to do everything alone?” he said as he finally moved towards her. “You need to understand that we’re all here for you now, Aussie.”

  That broke her own resolve.

  “Old habits die hard,” she told him and pushed herself up a little using her good arm only to result in wincing and realizing she had no strength to do both moving and coping with the pain. When her gaze lifted she caught her father watching her with great concern. “It could have been a lot worse.”

  “This to me is bad enough,” Nicolas said not wanting to think the unthinkable. He had no idea how bad this was and he didn’t want to, but he knew he needed to. He would rather be his daughter’s hero than delve for details right now.

  “I’ll survive,” Austin told him, her tone full of sadness. “I always do,” she whispered as she thought of everything that had happened over the years, and all she could acknowledge was that she lived through them all, whatever happened and whatever scares she got as a result. She was pregnant, she survived. She lost that baby, she survived. She spent six years barely living, but she had survived. She came back to a whole different world and she was surviving now. She was caught in a house fire that should probably have killed her, but she survived.

  All Austin ever did was survive.

  Nicolas looked at his daughter and loathed the sadness that now captured her wholly, “I need to talk to you and I thought we best do it with just us two.” He told her as he stepped closer to her and came to sit with her.