Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  Eli caressed Simone’s hair. “I never said you were…”

  “And I don’t want to be.” Simone countered. “If you want to be with me, Eliodoro, you can’t be married.”

  Eli shook his head. He wanted to wrap his arms around Simone and kiss her—deeply, passionately, and sexually. He wanted to guide her hips as she rode his cock. He also wanted to spend every waking hour with her. “You know I can’t leave my wife.”

  Simone leaned in and kissed Eli. Their lips repeatedly met each other and slightly parted for their tongues to dance. She finally pulled away from him. Her heart was beating fast and her panties were soaked with desire for him. “You can’t?” She whispered in his ear. “Or you won’t?” She then left.

  Eli watched Simone leave Gino’s. He and Faith had their ups and downs but they’d always pulled through. This was the first time since they’d been married, he actually considered leaving her.

  He had some decisions to make.

  He went home later that night, to Faith. By the time he had arrived home, it was already past one in the morning. He knew just by looking at the time, she was pissed at him. Hopefully, she would be asleep and he could possibly wake up her with some make-up sex. He could admit he acted irrationally and maybe he jumped the gun a little with suggesting she stay home with their children. It was definitely a discussion for another day.

  He walked up to his bedroom and noticed the door was closed. He twisted the door handle and noticed it was locked. Are you fucking kidding me, Faye? Eli kept the key to the bedroom door inside his Manhattan office, a place he knew he wouldn’t forget and never thought he would need.

  If Eli knocked on the door, he could possibly wake up Nathan and it would’ve taken forever to put him back to sleep. He also didn’t want to explain Mommy locked Daddy outside their bedroom. That wasn’t the only concern Eli had. He knew if he knocked on the door, he would be knocking for a while because Faith wasn’t about to unlock it for him. It was the same type of fight they’d had since they’d been together—they would have a blow up, Faith would cut him off sexually first; then emotionally second, and after a few days, they would make up like nothing ever happened.

  It was passionate at first. It got real old, real quick, after a while. It was part of the reason why they were on and off so much during their dating years. Eli couldn’t handle Faith when she went through one of her moods. Temper tantrums is what they really were.

  Eli walked back to the living room and made himself comfortable on the couch. He could still taste Simone on his tongue and feel the warmth of her body she provided for him. He loved Faith and couldn’t see himself without her. But Simone was giving him fresh air. She was giving him room to breathe.

  He lay down on the sofa and retrieved his cell phone. He quickly texted Simone and put the phone down. I love my wife, Moni was his text. He didn’t know why he felt the need to declare that to her, other than he had to. Within moments, he received a reply from Simone:

  I know you do.

  Eli quickly texted Simone back: You never did tell me if you hooked up with Marco earlier.

  Simone replied back: I pushed him off to another member of my staff. I caught them hooking up in the freezer of the hotel kitchen, lol.

  Eli smiled and replied back: Sweet dreams, Moni.

  Sweet dreams, Eliodoro.

  Eli put the phone away and grabbed a blanket for himself. He was going to do the right thing and stay away from Simone. He just hoped it wouldn’t be a mistake.

  Thirteen

  Kieran missed her already.

  She had light eyes like her father. Soft and curly hair like her mother. Her skin tone was the perfect shade of café au lait, a mixture of both of them. She was always so happy and smiled often, though he wondered if some of that was gas.

  Simply put, Kieran was madly in love with his two-month-old daughter, Gianna. He hated the fact he had to make a special trip to Staten Island without his family in tow, but they would make an appearance together soon enough. For now, he had a very important business deal to handle. He was making good on his lost bet to Joey for some child-care services for one of the Madre’s patrons.

  Although he was a skilled poker player, courtesy of studying Nick throughout the years, Kieran always intentionally lost his bets. If he could get the word out about Fits and Giggles in Staten Island, he could possibly expand there. It was something he and Tiana had talked about. They recently started outlining some ideas for a children’s clothing line and were going to meet with a designer soon.

  “So I finally get to meet all of the D’Amato Brothers, huh?” Zoe Mitchell yawned in the passenger seat. “This should be a fun trip.”

  “My brothers are crazy,” Kieran admitted to his assistant. “They’re a great group of guys, though. Their hearts are in the right places.”

  “Cool. I look forward to it.” Zoe looked out the window and saw the leaves on the ground. She particularly loved how New York fall was definitely fall—a much bigger difference than in Southern California, where the only two seasons it had was hot and cold. “I’m staying with your mother, right?”

  “That’s right. You can come and go as you need to and you’ll have a key. She just asks you respect the house and eat her cooking.” Kieran smiled.

  “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Zoe shrugged, “your mother is obviously a nice lady since she’s raised you and your brothers and—”

  “No, not that,” Kieran shook his head as he navigated down the streets in St. George, “her cooking. You need to finish your plate.”

  Zoe had heard from Tiana about the infamous big meals Nicola had made for her family. She truly thought Tiana was just exaggerating. “That much food?”

  “That much food.” He repeated. They pulled up to his mother’s home and Kieran parked the rental truck. “All right, we’re here. Let’s go.”

  They got out of the car and walked up to the home. “Hey, ma! I’m here with Zoe.” Kieran called out.

  Nicola rushed downstairs and Joey was behind her. “Well, hello, Zoe! I’m glad you’re here! I’m Nicola and the mother of all these boys. You’ll be staying with me and you will have full access to the house and whatever you need,” Nicola introduced herself.

  “Thank you so much, Nicola,” Zoe smiled, “I feel at home already.”

  While Zoe and Nicola made small talk, Joey couldn’t help admiring the lithe beauty before him. She had light almond skin that seemed to be smooth like butter. She was much thinner than past girlfriends but he was willing to make an exception just for her. Her ebony bob-cut slightly bounced with her movements and whenever she smiled, her eyes danced. He was already in love with her. “Hi, I’m Joey.” He interrupted the ladies.

  “Hi, Joey. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Zoe lightly crossed her arms.

  “Good things, I hope?” Joey smiled.

  “No, not really.” Zoe shook her head.

  “Well, I need to head back to the shop.” Kieran grabbed his keys. “Zoe, did you need me to drop you off at the customer’s?”

  “That would be great! I have my day cut out for me!” Zoe began to pick up her bag when another hand grabbed her handbag.

  “Allow me,” Joey met eyes with Zoe. They were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. They were slanted, a sign of her Asian heritage, and hypnotizing. “Kieran, I can drop Zoe off. Don’t worry about it. You head over to the shop.”

  ****

  “Just a few more curls and you’ll be done, darling.” Faith promised her client, Tanya, as she put on the finishing touches. “Just a few more.”

  “Girl, take your time,” Tanya read through a magazine as Faith worked her magic, “I’ve been coming to you for years and I know you work your magic.”

  “And I appreciate your loyalty,” Faith curled another piece of hair. She briefly glanced up at the clock and saw it was already four o’clock. She would have just enough time to head over to the daycare to pick up Nathan and then go home to get dinner ready. She
still had no idea what was for dinner that night. Maybe Eli could stop by somewhere and bring something home for them.

  “So when did you and Eli separate?” Tanya casually asked.

  “Separate?” Faith repeated as she combed through Tanya’s hair. “Girl, what are you talking about? We’re not separated.”

  Worry slapped Tanya in her face and she already regretted opening her mouth. “Oh, okay.” Once Faith was finished with her hair, she pulled out the money and handed it to her. “Well, here you go. Thank you for your…”

  “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me why you asked that question.” Faith sharply replied. “If you know something, Tanya, you better spill it.”

  Fourteen

  Oh Eli. Why are you doing this to me?

  The one thing Simone loved about herself was how she could carry on with her professional life as if her personal one was in control. It was something she had perfected back in Houston and again in Savannah. As long as she kept her clients happy, the referrals kept rolling in, and so did the money.

  She could admit she was more interested in building her career than dating. She could also admit she was more interested in a man who was clearly not available than dating someone who was. Eli could offer everything to her and do absolutely nothing for her. But she wasn’t going to be his mistress. If he wanted her, he couldn’t be married. And they both knew Eli wasn’t going to leave Faith—not anytime soon, not anytime ever.

  Simone was finishing up for the day when she received a surprise visit from Eli, carrying a bouquet of flowers. “I hope I’m not disrupting you,” he stood by the door.

  Simone smiled when she saw him. He was wearing a fitted shirt and jeans but looked like sex. She could smell his woodsy cologne from where she stood and briefly wondered if he could smell her desire as well. She blinked the thoughts out of her head and approached him with a hug. “Pleasant surprise to see you here.”

  “Eh, your place isn’t that far away from the shop so I thought I would stop by and see you. I made something for you.” He handed her the custom bouquet. It had multicolored roses and several pins in it—a coffee cup, a woman holding a briefcase, and a bride.

  Simone smiled as she saw the bouquet. Although she knew the bride was representative of her business, she secretly wondered if Eli sent her message about how he really felt towards her. “It’s beautiful, Eliodoro.”

  “I just wanted to say thank you for listening to me last night. It was nice to talk to someone and get a female’s perspective on things. I can only do so much talking to my bros, you know?” He smiled.

  “I’m glad it helped,” Simone set the bouquet down. “Is everything okay between you two, now?”

  Eli shoved his hands in his pockets and pursed his lips together. “If you ever visit my home, you have to sit on the sofa. It’s really comfortable.”

  “Ouch,” Simone grimaced. “Still mad, huh?”

  “I’m used to it,” Eli sighed. “She’ll be mad for a few days and not talk to me, despite me apologizing over and over. Then I’ll go out and buy something nice and expensive and all’s forgiven. But what I can do?”

  “Sounds like you have expensive fights.” Simone smiled.

  “Sometimes,” Eli admitted with a smile. “But for the most part, it’s not that bad. Anyway, I wanted to say thank you for helping me out last night with your advice. I guess whenever Faye calms down, I’ll talk to her and apologize again.”

  “You’re welcome, Eliodoro.” She gave him a hug and immediately regretted it. Why did he have to feel so good against her flesh? She felt her heart pound out of her chest and she took a deep breath. It was a damn crime how badly she wanted that man.

  “You always called me by my government name,” Eli quietly said. “I always wondered why you did.”

  “Because that’s your name,” Simone spoke in his ear, “why would I call you anything but that?”

  Simone’s lips were soft, slightly wet with moisture, and felt like heaven against Eli’s earlobe. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. His cock was twitching in his jeans and he knew she felt it as well. “Moni…” Her name rolled off his tongue like slow pouring honey. “…I was supposed to come in here and tell you goodbye and I can’t see you anymore.”

  Simone felt her sex softly contract. Her breathing became slightly sporadic and she wanted Eli to take her down in the office with window shades up and for all to see. “It seems whenever that happens, we’re never that successful with saying goodbyes.”

  He walked her back to her office, still holding her close to his body. “No, we’re not,” Eli cleared off Simone’s desk, pushing all of the items on the floor. He grabbed Simone’s waist and hoisted her on the desk. He ripped open her blouse, causing the buttons to fly everywhere and hit the walls and ceiling. Eli hiked up Simone’s skirt around her waist and stood between her legs. He reached down and caressed her sex; she was moist through her bikini panties. “Fuck, Moni…”

  “Eliodoro…” Simone moaned as she twitched on her desk. “I want you to fuck me.”

  “I’m going to, baby,” Eli began to unbuckle his belt. “I’m so going to.” Suddenly his cell phone rang. He recognized the ring tone and knew he had to pick up the phone. “Hey, ma.”

  Simone’s eyes flew open and watched Eli talk on the phone with his mother. They were talking of weekend plans with Nathan and some of her relatives. She watched Eli’s expression morph from lust-filled potential lover to a parent who made tentative plans knowing they would be shot to hell. She had always believed in divine intervention but this was ridiculous.

  She forced herself to sit up, and she got off the desk. She gathered the desk items from the floor and just tossed them in a nearby box; she would take care of it in the morning. Her main concern at the moment was getting home and away from Eli for good.

  “I’m sorry about that,” Eli said to Simone after his phone call ended, “I had to answer that.”

  “It’s okay.” Simone forced a smile. She was frustrated more than anything. She really had no reason to be mad at Eli for speaking with his mother. But even she could admit the call could’ve gone to voicemail. “Anyway, I should be locking up and heading home here.”

  “What?” Eli questioned. “I thought we were just getting started?”

  Simone blew out a quiet breath. “Eli, this isn’t going to work.”

  “Oh, come on, Moni…” He slightly begged. “I just had to…”

  “Eli, you’re married. That’s point blank. You’re married with a son. I want you; I really do. But I can’t be with you knowing that at the end of the day, you’re going home to your wife. You’re going to share a bed with her. You’re going to make love to her. You’re going to shower her with gifts.” She explained. “And what do I get? I get a few hours. I get small windows of time. I get hot sex on my desk or maybe in a hotel room and my place. Would I ever go to yours? Laughable. We won’t be seen together because I’m not your wife.”

  “Moni, please don’t…”

  “No, I have to, Eli.” Simone briefly closed her eyes and exhaled another breath. “You were right by coming here and telling me we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I think we need to stick with that. You can see yourself out the door.”

  “Moni, please…”

  “Goodbye, Eliodoro.” She repeated.

  Eli reluctantly buckled himself up and began to leave. He stopped momentarily and returned to Simone, kissing her hard. She was making the right decision for them both, despite how they felt about each other. He then stood back and left.

  Simone finally opened her eyes once Eli was gone. She didn’t want to give him up. She didn’t want to be his plaything, either. If Eli wanted to be with her he couldn’t be married, and both Simone and Eli knew there was no way he was going to leave Faith, despite how much Simone wanted him to.

  Why did it have to hurt so much?

  ****

  She wasn’t just angry. She wasn’t just hurt. Simply put, Fai
th was numb.

  Twelve years. Six of them, married. He was her first. He was her everything. Gone, as if it never existed.

  There was a reason he was kissing that other woman. There was a perfectly good explanation. There had to have been. Faith couldn’t think her husband was really that stupid. Faith made arrangements for Nathan to spend the night at her parents’ home so she could talk to Eli about what she saw. She knew it was going to get heated. She wondered if he was going to try and deny everything. She wondered if she was going to be able to restrain herself from him.

  Eli had never cheated on her. During their ups and downs, the many break-ups and subsequent make-ups, Eli had never strayed. Sure he had girlfriends during their ‘off’ times, but they were countless and forgettable women. He always came back to Faith.