Tattered & Torn

by A. J. Downey

  We went for miles, way further than I thought she could or would go, all the way into the next town. I had no idea how we would get back. I didn’t really worry about it. Probably around three hours after we started we were headed across this municipal park with it’s perfectly manicured grass and paved walkways when Shelly slowed then stopped and spinning in place flopped onto her back into a drift of leaves. Reaver, chest heaving laid down with his head meeting hers and I flopped down beside Shelly and picked up her hand pressing a kiss to the back of it. I was too out of breath and covered with sweat to do much else. I think we’d just burned off Thanksgiving and then some. We lay panting in the leaves and staring at the leaden overcast sky as the sweat cooled our skins.

  “I’m a mess Ghost,” Shelly said between breaths, her breathing slowing.

  “Yeah well you’re my mess now and I’m not going anywhere,” I promised her.

  “Stubborn Jackass,” she gasped.

  “Right back at you Baby Girl,” Reaver said.

  “Shut up Big Cuz.”

  “Go fuck yourself Little Cuz.”

  Shelly laughed at that and said, “Apparently I don’t have to anymore,” and she squeezed my hand.

  “This mean you’ll move in with me?” I asked.

  “This means I’ll stay for,” she sucked in a breath and let it out, “A week. Then we’ll talk.”

  She turned her head to the side to look at me and I turned mine to look at her. Her eyes held a pleading she would never speak out loud so I capitulated some.

  “One week, we talk,” I agreed.

  “Thank you Jesus!” Reaver cried, “She does know the meaning of the word compromise. Ow!” Shelly had blindly flailed an arm in Reaver’s direction and had smacked him in the face with the back of her hand.

  “Ow is right!” she shook out her hand and I laughed.

  “Instant Karma,” I gasped out and we all lay in the leaves, gasping, panting and wheezing out laughter in between.

  Reaver sat up with a groan. “Where the fuck are we?” he asked, looking around.

  “Grant’s Park, Anderson’s Hollow,” I answered. I’d done tow work for the town hauling illegally parked cars out of here that illegally parked here overnight.

  “Ah,” he pulled his cell out of his pocket and dialed. “Yeah Trig, three for pick up, Grant’s Park, Anderson’s Hollow,” he said into the phone only moderately out of breath. I heard the indistinct buzz of a voice on the other end asking if he were taking us back to my place.

  “Copy that! Thank You Sir!” I called out.

  Shelly heaved herself up and started stretching. I followed suit, before any cramping started.

  “There’s a water fountain over that way near the parking lot,” I indicated. We hauled ourselves wearily to our feet and trudged that direction. I held the button while Shelly sipped. She straightened, waited a bit and sipped some more. Drinking too fast would make her sick and she knew that.

  “How long you been a runner?” I asked her.

  “Since Jr. High,” she said and drank some more.

  “All star track and field, blue ribbon in three counties, cross country,” Reaver said and the look he gave me was weird like he was hoping what he was saying would make sense on more than just one front. Shelly rolled her eyes.

  “Math, running, what do they both have in common Ghost?” she asked and I was both tired and felt monumentally stupid.

  “I don’t know Princess, I’m not picking up what you guys are putting down, so why don’t you just come out with it and tell me?” I stared her down and let the challenge hang between us and she took it, just like I knew she would.

  “Control,” she said, “I have total control over the situation and the expected result. I like having control and knowing what the fucking outcome is going to be and I don’t have that with you! Okay? Jesus Christ.”

  She took some steps away from me and put her hands on her hips. Reaver was drinking from the fountain where I had the button depressed and I let it go. He made a rude noise and gave me the finger before pressing the button himself.

  I went to her and pulled her into my arms. We were both sweaty and in need of a shower in the worst fucking way but I didn’t care. I didn’t give two shits. I held her, damp and clammy as she was and looked up the couple of inches into her so blue eyes and asked her plainly, “Do you trust me, Shelly?”

  She rocked back on her heels and settled flat on her feet and contemplated the question. I mean really thought about it which I appreciated about her.

  “Yes but no,” she said finally.

  “Explain,” I said before I let my feelings get hurt.

  “I trust you, but I’ve trusted a lot of people that I shouldn’t have and they let me down or hurt me so I trust you, I really do but those past experiences are getting in my way. They’re making the road ahead with you foggy and I want to trust you but I haven’t been because of those people and those things and I know it’s not fair but that’s part of what is going on,” she looked so unhappy, so miserable and so disappointed in that moment.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “I’m not,” I said and smiled, “You’ve identified the problem, now what do you do?” I asked. She startled a bit.

  “Solve it,” she answered immediately. I nodded.

  “We’ll work it out Princess,” I promised her.

  “Baby Cuz, you and me got a mountain and a half worth of issues between us. You don’t move mountains in a day, you move them a rock at a time.” Shelly nodded at what her cousin was saying but her eyes were fixed on me.

  “Why?” she asked, “Why would you want someone so fucked up as me?” I smiled and put my lips over hers in a gentle kiss.

  “Maybe I like solving problems too, just not the mathematical kind. Maybe I like a challenge. Maybe the best things in life are the ones you really gotta work for and I see that in you because you are, you know? You are so worth it,” I told her and it was true. She really was. I shook her a little.

  “I get you!” she said and I teased a small smile from her.

  “About time,” Reaver said and we turned, he stood there grinning like an idiot and I reluctantly let Shelly go so I could start to hydrate.

  “Told you I liked him,” he said and Shelly smiled a little brighter.

  Trigger picked us up a little while later. Ashton was conspicuously absent and Shelly was the first to comment on it.

  “Where’s Sunshine?”

  “Back at the house,” he said and was smiling, “I asked her to do something for me, she’s thinking about it.” Shelly instantly narrowed her eyes in suspicion. I took her hand in mine where it rested between us on the back seat. Reaver looked over at Trig from the front passenger seat of Ashton’s red Jeep.

  “Did you get it?” he asked him and I felt myself frowning.

  “Yep!” Trig reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a little black velvet box. Shelly gasped.

  “Oh my God! You asked her?” she let go of my hand and reached between the seats and snatched the box from Trigger’s hand.

  “No, not yet but I’m gonna. Got to do it right you know?” he said and I grinned at the big man.

  Shelly cracked the little box open and gasped again. “Oh Trig, you did good buddy!” she declared and turned it so I could see the ring inside. It was small and dainty like my friend’s woman. It had three small diamonds one in the center and two to either side of it with delicate filigree scrollwork around them. He really had done well. It looked like something that should appear in one of her period musicals she loved so much.

  “When are you going to ask her!? How are you going to ask her?” Shelly demanded. Trigger laughed and took the box back from her and let Reaver have a look. Reave gave a low whistle.

  “I’ll let her tell you all about it after it’s done at the next get together you girls do. Not that I need to say, but you keep your mouth shut!” Trigger said. Shelly ducked sideways so he could see her clearly in
the rearview and drew her fingers across her lips, zipping them closed, locking them up and throwing away the key. Her blue eyes sparkled with elation for the small woman and I was glad for it.

  Trig dropped us off at my house, and Reaver hugged Shelly goodbye before climbing into his beat to shit white work truck and leaving himself. Shelly turned and faced me and suddenly it was just her and I in the lonely drive.

  “It’s crazy how remote this place feels,” she said and it held an edge of complaint. She hugged herself.

  “Used to town?” I asked her.

  “Yeah. Out here you can’t do anything but think,” she scraped her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “Would it help if you had your own car back?” I asked. She looked surprised, then thought about it.

  “Yes.”

  I nodded. “Monday,” I affirmed, “Dray said it was done but the garage is closed for the holiday,” she moved towards me and the front door.

  “He and Everett need it, a holiday,” she proclaimed with a gusty sigh.

  “What about you?” I asked.

  “What about me?”

  “You need a holiday? Get out of town for a weekend? Go for a ride?” I let us into the kitchen and Shelly gave me a funny look.

  “You don’t lock your door?” I shrugged and brought the gun Trigger returned to me out of the back of my waistband.

  “You were just complaining I lived out in the boonies, didn’t stop to think it had its benefits too, did you?” I raised an eyebrow and she laughed.

  “Okay, you got me there,” she admitted. I set the Glock on the kitchen counter.

  “Can I ask you something?” I got her a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to her, she took it, regarding me carefully.

  “Sure.”

  I cracked the seal on my own bottle. “Why don’t you want to live with me?”

  She took a considering swallow of water and sighed, “Truth?”

  “Always.”

  “It’s not you, it’s me,” she quirked her little smart assed half smile and I grinned back hoisting myself into a sitting position on the edge of the counter by the stove. Shelly made a face but I didn’t move.

  “Explain before I get my feelings hurt,” I said sarcastically.

  “I’m afraid if I live with you that you won’t want me anymore because I’m me. That you won’t like how I do things or that I insist on things like closing the lid on the toilet before you flush or that the milk has to be on the bottom shelf not the top…” she raised her eyebrows.

  “I think I can get on board with these demands. Any other ones?” I killed half my bottle of water in three swallows.

  “The office is mine. I do your numbers and book keeping as my way of paying rent,” I didn’t want it too look like I was to eager but I could see I was winning this particular battle. I tried to keep everything in neutral, thoughtful lines but I must have done a shitty job because Shelly laughed at me.

  “Okay, fine. Anything else?” She tried to suppress her smile but failed.

  “Yeah. Get your ass off the kitchen counter!”

  “On one condition,” I said and she raised one pale eyebrow, “Take a shower with me.”

  “I think I can do that,” she agreed and I dropped my feet to the kitchen floor, standing.

  “Still think this is a bad idea, Princess?” I asked her with a wink.

  “Still on the fence,” and her words dripped with lie. I took her hand gently and urged her towards me. She stepped lightly and with only a little bit of reluctance which, I could almost believe, was feigned by the light in her eyes.

  “Well we have all the rest of today for me to craft a convincing argument,” I closed the gap between us and kissed her gently and thankfully, she kissed me back.

  “I’m scared because everything is in flux, I don’t have any control over anything and truthfully… it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and it just feels too good to be true,” she blurted. I cupped her face in my hands and rested her forehead against mine.

  “Just trust me, Baby. I promise, we’ll be okay. You’ll be okay and when things come up, we’ll work through them.” She let out a shuddering sigh.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Ghost… please?” she begged and I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs and kissed her.

  “I’ll try, Princess, now come on, let’s get cleaned up.”

  Chapter 19

  Shelly…

  Ghost led me carefully in the direction of the master bathroom just off the inside of the bedroom. I was surprised at how modern and just plain big it was. It didn’t have a bathtub but the shower more than made up for it. I wasn’t much for baths anyways. He started the water in the large, stone lined shower and began stripping me, tossing the laundry into a hamper in the corner. I watched him work on us, a slight smile of contentment on his lips and I had some hope that my crazy wasn’t going to break us after all. I was really beginning to hate my moods, they never asked my permission before they changed on me lately. I felt a rush of dismay and fear that Ghost was going to get sick of the rapid changes when he caught sight of me.

  “Why you looking at me like that Princess?” he asked and I kept my mouth shut. He stilled and stared me down until with an exasperated sigh I gave in.

  “I was thinking that there might be some hope after all, that my crazy…” he touched gentle fingers to my lips and got right up in my personal space, speaking close to my mouth, his breath grazing my skin, my breath catching in my throat.

  “You’re not crazy. Your wires may be crossed, you may have more bad days than good right now, but I told you… I’m not going anywhere, and if I have to spend the rest of time proving that to you then that’s what I’ll do,” he didn’t let me protest, didn’t let me make a sound because his mouth closed over mine and we were kissing and with his hands on my hips he was leading me back towards the gently steamed glass enclosure of the shower.

  The water felt delicious on my skin, warm and cleansing, and I felt myself relax even more. The only thing that felt better than the water sluicing down my body was the close proximity of Ghost. He was so close I could feel his energy. He had a stillness about him, he was solid like nothing could or would hurt him without his permission. He was sure of himself in a way I used to be before my very foundation was shaken.

  He took his time, first soaping his hands and then soaping me. Whatever he used smelled woodsy but not in an artificial man-made way, but in a natural, genuine article kind of way and I liked that, I liked it a lot. He turned me into the hot shower spray to rinse me and then did something unprecedented. He kissed every inch of my freshly washed skin with these soft presses of his lips, softer than the touch of a butterfly’s wings. Ghost smoothed his hands down my shoulders and slid his palms along the backs of my hands, lacing his fingers between mine and it was like the spaces between my fingers were made for his to be there. He pressed the palms of my hands flat against the shower’s stone wall and treated my back to the same pleasurable kisses.

  “Shelly,” he said from his knees, just before he nipped my ass.

  “Mmm?” I admit, my eyes were closed and I relished his touches more than I could say. No one had ever touched me with as much care and consideration before.

  “Time to get out, Baby. I want you to dry off and go lay down on the bed. Face down. You get me?”

  “But what about you?” I opened my eyes and turned around. Ghost smiled up at me hands on my hips and pressed a kiss to my stomach just below my navel.

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m having a good time. Now will you do as I ask please?” I searched his face and finally I nodded, a touch uncertain. He stood in one fluid movement and opened the shower door. I stepped out onto the cushy bathmat and took one of the towels from the bars. I dried myself, Ghost watching me from the shower as he soaped and rinsed himself.

  “You look dry enough to me, Princess,” his voice startled me, the constant sound of running water lulling me to a point. It was as if
his careful ministrations in the shower had gotten my mind to click off. I was in a pleasant state of suspended animation when it came to thought. Things were drifting through my mind but nothing was really sticking or making my brain catch in a loop.

  “Shelly, I’ll be out in a sec. You trust me right?” he asked. I nodded. “Okay then go lay down.”

  I wrapped the towel around me and went and did as he asked, laying on my stomach on his big comfortable bed. I was fairly drained, physically, mentally and emotionally from the run that morning and everything that had come with it. I don’t think it helped that I hadn’t eaten yet and had just had a few swallows of coffee, but I wasn’t that hungry and between the soft bed under me and the white noise of the shower I may have dozed just a bit. I remember hearing the shower shut off so I don’t know why I jolted just a bit when the bed moved under Ghost’s weight.

  “Easy, just me,” he commented and I felt a tug on the towel wrapped around me. I lifted myself just a bit so he could have it and heard it carelessly dropped to the carpet. I shivered a bit, the air of the room cool against my shower-warmed skin when the warmth of Ghost’s hands interrupted the chill. He smoothed them up and down my back, a firm caress. I felt him straddle my legs and thought it was a bit out of place, I mean shouldn’t I be the one…

  “Oooooh God that feels good!” all thoughts I’d been having flew straight out the window as he began to knead the muscles in my back into submission. I felt the faint vibration of his chuckle in the backs of my thighs but then his thumbs dug in just a little, just right there between my shoulder blades and I was ever so grateful I was face down because I was pretty sure I was drooling on myself.

  His hands were pure fucking magic. He knew just how hard to press and where and I was in a blissed out coma before I knew it. I don’t know how long he worked on me but when the kisses started to fall across my shoulders and back, he didn’t really need them. Just his touch alone had aroused me and I was in this strange semi-state between that and relaxed. I felt absolutely boneless under him and willingly my legs parted when his knee nudged between them.