Many a Tear has to Fall

by Joan Jonker

  ‘You don’t have to tell me that, love, I know you’re a very good housekeeper. One solution would be for me to look for another job, but not being skilled, I’d never find a labourer’s job that doesn’t involve heavy lifting. And that would be asking for trouble.’

  ‘Don’t even think about that, it’s out of the question. The obvious answer is for me to find part-time work. A couple of hours in the morning or afternoon, when the girls are at school. I’ll ask around on Monday and see what the possibilities are.’

  A knock on the front door had Ann jumping to her feet. ‘I’ll go, it’ll be Lizzie.’

  ‘Hello, queen, I’ll bet yer’d given up on me by now.’ Lizzie bustled in, unbuttoning her coat. ‘I’ll take this off, otherwise I won’t feel the benefit of it when I leave.’

  There was a mad scramble down the stairs and Lizzie found herself being hugged and kissed. ‘I knew you’d come, Mrs Lizzie,’ Tess said, her face alight. ‘I know why you’re late, you’ve been talking to the rose on your wallpaper again.’

  There came a deep chuckle. ‘Fancy that now, queen! Ye’re dead right! Honest to God, she’d talk the hind legs off a donkey. Would she let me out, would she hell! Every time I got to the door she started again. I think she gets lonely, yer see, and she wanted me to stay in to keep her company.’

  ‘What was she talking about, Mrs Lizzie?’ Maddy asked. ‘Was it anything funny?’

  ‘Let me get in by the fire and I’ll tell yer.’ She entered the living room with a girl on each arm and grinning broadly. ‘I know yer see enough of me at work, George, so just ignore me and forget I’m here.’

  ‘That would really take some doing, Lizzie, taking all things into consideration.’

  ‘Are yer insulting me size, George, or the fact that I talk too much?’

  He lifted both hands in mock surrender. ‘Heaven forbid! You’re as slender as a reed, Lizzie, and as meek as a lamb. I stand in awe of your beauty.’

  ‘Blimey days, George, me head will be so big I won’t get through the bleedin’ door! But it was well said, and until I look in the mirror I’ll believe yer, ’cos it’s bucked me up no end. I’ll have to remember what yer said so I can tell my feller. Yer see, when he looks at me, he doesn’t see me as slender and meek. And I’m bloody sure that in all the years we’ve been married, he’s never once stood in awe of me beauty. In fact, I’ll bet a pound to a pinch of snuff that he wouldn’t know what it means. Dead ignorant is my feller.’

  ‘Well I think you’re beautiful, Mrs Lizzie,’ Tess said. ‘And if your husband doesn’t think so, then he needs a pair of glasses.’

  ‘Theresa, that’s a naughty thing to say,’ Ann told her, fighting back a desire to laugh. ‘I’m sure Mr Ferguson thinks his wife is very beautiful.’

  ‘You’d like him if yer met him, queen, it’s me what makes out I’m hard done by, but I’m not really.’ The cheeks moved upwards to cover her eyes, and Lizzie shook with laughter. ‘My feller’s not a bad old stick – but who the hell wants an old stick!’

  George chuckled. ‘Lizzie, you’re incorrigible.’

  With a hand on each cheek, she said, ‘My God, this is my day all right! I’m slender, meek, beautiful and incoggital!’

  When the laughter rang out, George looked across to see Ann doubled up. How easy it was to put your worries aside when laughter was in the air. It didn’t solve your problems, but it helped you forget them for a while. ‘I didn’t say you were incoggital, Lizzie.’

  ‘Yes yer did! Don’t yer be trying to get out of it now, George Richardson, I’m keeping me eyes on yer.’

  With a laugh in her voice Ann said, ‘George said you were incorrigible, Lizzie.’

  ‘That as well! By God, I’m having a field day! Will one of yer write them out for me so I don’t forget? I’ll baffle my feller with science tonight – that’s if I can sober him up, like.’

  ‘I’ll write them down for you, Mrs Lizzie, if you’ll tell us what the rose was talking about,’ Maddy said. ‘It’s nearly time for me and Tess to go to bed, and we’d love to hear what you had to say to each other.’

  ‘Well it’s like this, queen. I forgot about her listening in to everything we say, and I was having a go at my feller when he was getting ready to go out. He’s bloody hopeless around the house, and if I want anything doing, I have to do it meself. Anyway, here I was telling him he’d be better off decorating the living room for me than going to the pub, forgetting there were ears listening to every word what came out of me mouth. And after my feller went out in a huff, didn’t I get the height of abuse off her! She didn’t pull any punches, I can tell yer, called me for everything under the sun.’

  Lizzie looked around the faces, all smiling except Tess. The girl was wide-eyed with wonder, her imagination taking her into Lizzie’s sitting room, and she felt she was seeing and hearing every word. It was then she made up her mind that the next time the class were told to write a composition she would write about the talking rose on Mrs Lizzie’s wallpaper. She knew it was all made up, that there was no such thing as a talking rose, but it appealed to her because it was like a fairy story.

  Maddy was leaning forward, all ears. ‘Go on, Mrs Lizzie, tell us the rest.’

  ‘Well, muggins here started to feel sorry for her. I mean, she did have a point, didn’t she? And I asked meself how I’d like to be scraped off the wall what had been my home for four years and chucked in the midden. Just put yerself in her position for a minute and yer’ll see how bad she must have felt. Queen of the roses one day, then being thrown on a dust-cart the next. So I started to weaken, and in the end she had me feeling so sorry for her I promised I’d kill my feller if he went near her with a scraper. She was ever so grateful, and when I left she was a very happy rose indeed.’

  ‘But you’ll have to have your room decorated sometime, Mrs Lizzie.’ Maddy’s face was deadly serious. ‘I mean, you can’t never have it done.’

  ‘Oh, I can if my feller has his way. He’d have been in his element if he’d heard what I said to the rose.’ The red hair unruly as ever, and her freckles more noticeable now on the pale face, she hitched up her bosom. ‘She’ll be his friend for life. I’ll have to keep me eye on him or he’ll be watering the ruddy thing.’

  It was with great difficulty that George managed to compose himself. ‘D’you know, Lizzie, I really don’t know who’s the daftest, you or us! Anyone listening would think we were all mental and have us certified.’

  ‘Nah, it’s only me they’d think was barmy. But I want yer to promise me that if they ever do take me away in a straitjacket, yer’ll visit me in the loony bin and bring the rose with yer so I’ll have someone to talk to.’

  ‘I’ll promise you, Mrs Lizzie,’ Tess said. ‘And I’ll bring you some jelly babies, ’cos I know they’re your favourites.’

  ‘Thank you, queen, it’s nice to know I’m not without friends.’

  ‘Your friends should be thanking you for keeping them amused until their bedtime.’ Ann’s words brought groans of protest from the girls but she didn’t let it sway her. ‘You’ve done very well, so be thankful for what you’ve had. Now say goodnight and poppy off. I’ll bring you a hot drink up when you’re in bed.’ With that the girls had to be satisfied. They were reluctant to leave while Lizzie was there, but they never argued with their mother and never sulked. After noisy kisses and hugs, they left the room and could be heard laughing as they elbowed each other out of the way to be first up the stairs.

  ‘They’re good girls,’ Lizzie said. ‘Always polite and never give yer any lip. Not like my Vera when she was young. She could be a real little faggot at times.’

  Ann came through carrying a cup in each hand. ‘You never talk much about your daughter, don’t you see her often?’

  ‘She comes with her husband every Sunday. They’re living with his mother until they can afford a place of their own, and that’s in the Dingle so it’s quite a journey. They should have waited another year before they got wed, but yer can’t
tell youngsters anything these days, they know it all. Nineteen they were, both of them, and not two ha’pennies to rub together. And now Vera’s in the family way it’s going to be more of a struggle for them.’

  ‘Is he a good husband to her?’

  ‘Oh yeah, he thinks the sun shines out of her backside.’ Lizzie pushed herself up from the chair. ‘Let me open the door for yer, otherwise those drinks will get cold.’

  When she was seated again, Lizzie tilted her head at George. ‘Well, me old mate, how did yer first week go?’

  ‘All right, I think. I know what’s what, but I’m going to be slow until I really get the hang of it. There’s so many figures, they swim before your eyes. But as Mr Hancock said, in a couple of weeks I’ll have it off pat.’

  Ann came in rubbing her hands. ‘It’s cold up there, but the girls don’t seem to feel it.’

  ‘Young blood, queen, that’s what it is. If yer think back to when yer were their age, I bet you didn’t feel the cold as much either.’

  ‘You’re right, Lizzie, I didn’t.’ Ann held her hands out to the fire. It wasn’t very bright because she was saving coal and hadn’t built it up, but it was still giving out a bit of warmth. Then she asked casually, ‘I don’t suppose you know where there’s any part-time jobs going, do you? A couple of hours a day.’

  ‘Who for, queen?’

  ‘Me, of course.’ Ann kept her eyes on the fire. ‘We could do with a few extra shillings a week coming in.’

  ‘Can’t yer go back to teaching?’

  ‘No, I’ve been out of it too long. I’d have to take a course again, and I don’t fancy that. Besides, the hours would have to fit in with the girls being at school. I don’t want them coming home to an empty house.’

  ‘Yer’ll not find a job that easy, queen, ’cos there’s so many men out of work, the wives are taking anything they can get for a few bob a week. It’s slave labour, really, what they have to do to earn a tanner. If they got a shilling for a morning’s work they’d think they were quids in.’

  ‘Is it so bad?’

  ‘It might not be for you, with your education, but the women I know are nothing but skivvies for rich bosses who know people are so desperate they’ll put up with anything. Your best bet, queen, is to try the shops on the Vale, or look for an office job. They’d be more in your line.’

  ‘You’re not going to be a skivvy for any man, that’s definite,’ George said, anger in his voice. ‘I’d go begging before I’d let you do that.’

  ‘I’m not that soft, George, and you know it. I’ll look for a job that suits me.’ Ann jumped to her feet, embarrassed that she seemed to have belittled her husband in front of Lizzie. ‘I’ll make a cup of tea and put another lump of coal on the fire. Both should cheer us up.’

  Lizzie smiled, but wisely kept her thoughts to herself.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Richardson, but we’re not looking for staff at the moment.’ Norman Hawkins was the manager of Irwin’s grocery store, and as he was speaking he was wishing he had a penny for everyone who’d come looking for work that he’d had to turn down. ‘I’d like to help, but unfortunately I can’t.’ And the man meant it. He felt heartily sorry for anyone who was desperate for work and couldn’t get a job for love nor money. And he had strong views about the vast number of people who were unemployed through no fault of their own. They shouldn’t have to beg, it should be a person’s right to have a job and a decent standard of living. ‘Perhaps if you tried one of the other shops?’

  ‘Yes, I’ll do that. And thank you for your time.’ Ann fought back the tears until she was out of the shop. This was the tenth time she’d enquired about work in the last three weeks, and ten times the answer had been the same. The experience was depressing and left her feeling humiliated, and worthless. She’d been told it wouldn’t be easy finding work, but never had she thought it would be impossible.

  With her basket in the crook of her arm, her fingers laced across her tummy and her head held high, Ann turned in the direction of home. She’d started out three weeks ago determined to find work no matter what it took, but she couldn’t face another rejection today, her heart wouldn’t take it. And although she would never admit it to George, her pride had been badly dented. Nor would she worry him by letting him know she wasn’t able to manage on his wages, even though she’d cut everything down to the bone. She was four shillings behind with the rent, for the first time in her married life. And there was no way she could make that money up, she could only see herself getting deeper into debt. But only a fool would blindly carry on until it was too late. There had to be a way out, and she had to find it soon.

  ‘No luck today then, love?’ George didn’t really need to ask, he could tell by his wife’s face that she was downhearted. But she’d think he wasn’t interested if he failed to mention it.

  She shook her head. ‘No, I was out of luck. But I’ll try again tomorrow.’

  ‘You will get a job, Mam,’ Maddy said. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t been snaffled up, ’cos there’s nothing you can’t do.’

  Tess nodded in agreement. Both girls knew their circumstances had changed by the cuts that had been made. No pocket money, the fire only lit at tea time, and food that was filling but not really appetising. Their mother had explained everything to them, and they wanted to do everything they could to help. ‘Yes, you’re very clever, Mam.’ Then the girl let out a low cry and held her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, I forgot, Mam, Miss Bond told me to ask you if you’d call in and see her tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh dear, is there something wrong?’

  ‘I don’t think so, but she didn’t say.’

  ‘You’re getting on well with your lessons, aren’t you, Theresa? Still making progress in history and geography?’

  ‘Yes, Miss Harrison is very pleased with me. It can’t be anything to do with that, Mam, or I’d tell you.’

  ‘Then have you been naughty, or giving cheek? There must be something, Theresa, for her to want to see me.’

  ‘Well, I haven’t been naughty and I would never give cheek. So whatever it is has nothing to do with me.’

  ‘Of course Tess wouldn’t give cheek,’ George said. ‘She never has and never would. I’m sure whatever it is doesn’t concern Tess’s behaviour. The only way to find out is to call to the school tomorrow and see Miss Bond.’

  Ann nodded. ‘I’ll go about ten o’clock when assembly is over and the girls are all in class. I just hope it isn’t another worry to add to the ones I already have.’

  There was a reprimand in the look George gave his wife. Whatever troubles they were experiencing had nothing to do with the children, and they shouldn’t be burdened with them. Both girls were of a sensitive nature and the less they knew the better. ‘Now let’s get on with our meal, because Lizzie is coming tonight, don’t forget.’

  This brought smiles. ‘Oh, we haven’t forgotten, Dad,’ Maddy said. ‘We look forward to Mrs Lizzie coming. I hope she’s got a new tale to tell us.’

  He grinned. ‘Lizzie always has a tale to tell, pet, she can just reel them off out of the top of her head. And she never tells the same one twice.’

  Lizzie brushed past Ann then turned to put a hand on her cheek. ‘That’s how cold it is out, queen, the wind’s bitter.’

  ‘Go in and warm yourself by the fire, such as it is.’ Ann closed the door and followed her friend to the living room. ‘It doesn’t run to a fire up the chimney these days, but seeing as it’s you I might go mad and put another lump of coal on.’

  Lizzie took one look at the miserable fire and jerked her head. ‘If I’d known that, I’d have brought a few cobs with me.’

  ‘Stop your moaning,’ Ann told her, bending to take the prongs from the companion set and using them to pick out two large pieces of coal from the brass scuttle. ‘We’ll have you warmed up in no time.’

  After giving Lizzie a kiss, the two girls stood either side of her chair. ‘You won’t stop coming when the snow’s
on the ground, will you, Mrs Lizzie?’ Maddy asked. ‘If you really loved us, you wouldn’t care if you were knee-deep and kept falling flat on your face. People do that when they love someone.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t mind the snow, queen, I quite enjoy it. Yer see, I’ve got me very own sleigh so me feet don’t even touch the ground.’

  Tess giggled. ‘How can you have a sleigh, Mrs Lizzie? They don’t sell them around here.’

  ‘This is a very big secret, queen, and yer’ll have to promise not to breathe a word to a living soul if I tell yer how I came to have a sleigh.’

  The girls made a cross over their hearts and said in unison, ‘Cross my heart and hope to die, if this day I tell a lie.’

  ‘There’s no need to go that far, I don’t want no one dropping dead because of me. So yer’ll have to promise not to tell me secret, and also that yer won’t do anything silly like dying on me. I mean, like, what I’ve got to tell yer is worth listening to, but it certainly isn’t worth laying yer life down for. And just think what it would do to me conscience! I’d never be able to live with meself.’

  The girls squatted down on the floor in front of her. ‘Go on, Mrs Lizzie, before our mam says it’s time for bed.’

  ‘Well, it happened a long time ago, when our Vera was only three. It was Christmas Eve and the snow was thick on the ground. I’d put Vera to bed, my feller had gone out for a pint with his workmates, and I had to go to the corner shop for some stuffing ’cos I’d forgot to get it when I was out shopping. I put me coat and muffler on and opened the door. But when I saw how deep the snow was, I nearly died. I looked down at the wafer-thin soles on me shoes and thought, bugger it, I’m not going out in that, they’ll have to do without stuffing.’

  Lizzie’s eyes went around the group and she was well satisfied with the interest she saw on each face. After all, she thought, there’s no point in stretching me imagination if it isn’t appreciated. ‘Anyway, I was just going to close the front door when I heard the sound of bells jingling. At first I thought it might be the Salvation Army singing Christmas carols, but I couldn’t hear no singing, only the bells. And I knew it wasn’t the church bells ringing ’cos it was too early for them. So I stood on the step and looked up and down the street, but there wasn’t a soul in sight.’