by Sadie Mills
The car slowed as they reached a small hamlet on the brow of a hill, swinging into a driveway on the right. It ground to a halt. He cranked the handbrake, switching off the ignition and lights. She caught his smile through the darkness.
'OK, honey. We're home.'
She felt a bit shaky as he held the door of the ancient Land Rover open, helping her climb down, closing it behind her with a thump. He took her hand, guiding her up the path. Lucy stared up at the cottage.
A waxing moon shone down on them, illuminating their surroundings in white and blue. She heard an owl hoot. It was a little chocolate box house. She could see the wonky thatched roof; smell the dewy grass, the heady scent of summer roses and honeysuckle as they reached the pagoda porch. She heard a chink. Josh let go of her hand, sliding the key into the lock.
'Do you want another beer?' Josh asked her, pushing open the ancient wooden door, flicking on the hall light, kicking off his shoes on the doormat. Lucy nodded, politely following suit, prizing her Adidas trainers from her feet with her toes and kicking them off without bothering to undo them. Josh pushed the door shut behind her.
Her gaze meandered around the hallway: the antique furniture, oak floorboards, gently ticking grandfather clock. Never in a million years had she been expecting this.
'My nan left it to me,' Josh explained quietly.
'The clock?'
He grinned.
'Yes, the clock,' he nodded. 'And the house.'
Josh grabbed her hand.
'Come on,' he shuddered. 'I'll get the fire going. It's bloody freezing in here.'
She perched on the edge of the sofa, fiddling with the label of her beer bottle, watching him as he crouched over the hearth. There was a framed photograph on the mantelpiece; Lucy squinted at it.
Is that her?
She couldn't make it out.
Lucy was beginning to wish Froggy hadn't told her about the girlfriend. It wasn't his fault - she did need to know. No wonder Josh was funny about her driving. She thought back to his text that first day they met, warning her to be careful on the roads, cringing as she remembered how she'd almost teased him (like jumping out of a plane was perfectly safe).
She sat on his sofa, drinking his beer, playing with her hair.
Maybe they lived here together?
Her fingers caught in the knots. She pushed it behind her ears, scanning the room.
She spotted a huge vase in the corner, filled with pampas grass. Lucy took another long glug.
She must have been here at least.
She skimmed the DVD collection on the far wall. It was too far away to see the titles. She glanced at Josh, then down at the rug he was kneeling on. It looked oriental; a bit chintzy.
Did she choose that?
Lucy frowned, biting her lip, eyes skimming the sofa, settling on the plump new cushions. Men don't do cushions - everyone knows that. Her eyes flickered. Her stomach lurched.
Maybe he had sex with her here.
Some girl, who was probably very nice, no doubt very pretty, died before she should have, in a tragic accident. Here was Lucy, casually swigging beer on a dead girl's sofa, in her chocolate box house, waiting for her boyfriend to make a move.
Froggy didn't say how long ago it happened; it didn't really matter. If she hadn't died, he'd be sitting with her. They'd probably be married by now. They'd probably have kids. Lucy didn't belong.
'Are you all right?' Josh called back.
'Uh-huh.'
'Are you sure? You've been awfully quiet tonight.'
'I'm fine.'
Josh sank back on his haunches. The fire started to crackle. Lucy could already feel the heat of it on her face.
He hauled himself up and wandered over the sofa. She went on playing with the label of her bottle, feeling the sofa sink as Josh sat down beside her. She didn't look up, engrossed in the task of attempting to peel the label off in one clean piece. Josh watched her for a minute, then reached out and grasped her hand. Lucy finally looked up at him.
'I can sleep down here tonight,' he told her. 'I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or anything, I just thought it would be easier if you stayed here.'
She nodded back at him, mouth slightly ajar. She couldn't speak. It felt like he'd just punched her.
'Do you want me to put the TV on?' Josh asked.
Lucy glugged her beer, trying to get it together. She crinkled her nose and shook her head.
'Music then?'
It was very quiet. She could still hear the clock ticking out in the hall. Right on cue, the owl started hooting. It was too quiet. Lucy smiled and nodded.
Joshua watched her for a moment, squeezing her hand, then wandered over to the hi-fi system.
'I like him,' Lucy nodded as David Gray's voice floated out from the speakers.
He must have the CD on random. That track was right near the end.
'So glad you approve Miss Simkins,' Josh grinned, sinking into the sofa beside her. He sat closer this time. Lucy felt a tug and watched him pull the bottle from her fingers, cheekily taking a swig and clunking it down on the coffee table. Her stomach fluttered as he pulled her into his lap.
'I know I went overboard today,' Josh blinked up at her.
She hesitantly placed her hands on his chest to steady herself.
'And I know that Froggy's tried to explain why.'
Lucy took a tiny, sharp intake of breath.
'Your girlfriend?' she breathed.
Josh stared at her for a moment, then closed his eyes.
'Her name was Jessica,' he sighed, shaking his head.
That didn't help.
'Lucy... You're my girlfriend now.'
She blinked and her eyes glazed over.
'You know, I really wish he hadn't said anything,' said Josh. 'I could see you were upset in the pub.'
'He told me you were still angry at me,' Lucy murmured.
She frowned. Was Froggy lying? Was he making it up?
'I was,' Josh smirked. 'I still am, a little bit...
'But other than that little incident, you did brilliantly today. You deserved a few beers. Let your hair down, celebrate... Then you walk in, looking like... ... ... Well... like this.'
He glanced up at her and sighed, running his hand through his hair.
'I don't deserve sympathy,' Josh told her flatly, dipping his head, green eyes fixing her hard. 'I could see it in the way you looked at me when you sat down. I don't need you to mother me.
'I don't want you to be here out of pity, Lucy. I want you to be here because you want to be.'
His hand smoothed her back, the other catching her chin and tilting it upwards; making her look at him.
'I do!' she blinked, frowning hard.
'Good!' Josh frowned back playfully and smiled.
She had to admit though, he did have a point. Her first instinct was to make it all better.
'Your face was a picture when I touched your bum,' Joshua grinned.
Lucy stared at him.
That's because you've never done it before...
Her eyes flickered. She felt his hand on the back of her thigh. His palm slid up, squeezing her hard.
Lucy gave a ragged sigh, her eyes drawing shut. She heard his breath hitch, his hands gripping her backside. Her legs slid around him, knees sinking into the sofa either side of his hips. She felt him push against her. Lucy's head fell back.
'Lucy, you can tell me to stop anytime you want to,' he whispered.
When she opened her eyes, she found his dark. He pushed again, green eyes watching her. She caught the whimper in her throat, swallowing it back. Thick black lashes fluttered shut over crystal blue. She was breathless; her cheeks were flushed. She felt his fingers on her chin, drawing her head back. She felt his lips on her throat.
Her hands slid across his chest, gripping his taught upper arms, holding on for dear life. She felt his fingers at the hem of her t-shirt: one at the front, one at the back. Her breath hitched; her heart started to pou
nd. One hand slid up, warm and rough, pressed in the small of her back. The fingers of his other hand stroked her stomach in a feather-light glance. His lips worked their way along her jaw in a string of breathless kisses. She grabbed at the shoulders of t-shirt, almost ripping it as his hips flexed again. The whimper she'd been fighting back burst from her lips.
'Lucy...'
David Gray was singing Sail Away. She blinked down. Joshua's stare was scorching. Suddenly, his hands were in her hair, pulling her mouth down on his. Lucy's arms wove around his neck, their lips meeting. Josh stroked the nape of her neck, fingers slipping through her short hair as he started to deepen the kiss.
Lucy froze, her eyes shooting open, the smell of stale sweat rising up. She broke away quickly, elbows clamping against her ribs, pulling out of his arms, flipping back onto the sofa beside him.
Josh blinked at her.
'Are you OK?'
She scanned the room, saw the beer on the coffee table; leant forward and grabbed it, elbows still clamped to her sides. She took a swig, attempting nonchalance.
'Me? Yeah, course!' she croaked. 'I'm fine!'
He watched her for a moment, before his gaze fell to his lap. Josh started chewing his fingers.
'Do you think... Would it be all right if I took a shower?' Lucy ventured.
He stared back at her, drawing his hand from his mouth. He nodded back quickly.
'Sure. No problem.'
Josh sat on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling; listening to the hum of hot water. He'd switched David Gray off (useless git). He was chewing his fingers again; he'd already finished his beer. And hers. And another one too.
Five feet above him stood a little naked girl he was dying to get his hands on. Joshua sighed, running his hands down his stubbled cheeks.
She flinched as she came out of the bathroom, clutching onto that crunchy little towel for dear life. A swathe of steam followed her. Her skin was pink from the hot water. She had perfectly pedicured feet. He stared at a little freckle on her ankle; watched a rivulet of water engorge it; following the train up to the hem of the towel. Her legs were lovely. He could imagine them... No, no. Josh turned back to the linen cupboard again.
He yanked out a pillow and blanket, rising up with a smile.
'Did you find everything you needed?'
Lucy nodded at him.
'Good. Well, the bedroom's this way.'
He led her down the creaky corridor, rubbing his head with one hand, holding the bundle of bedding with the other. He pushed open his bedroom door, glad he'd had the foresight to tidy ahead, flicking on the light.
'Here we are.'
'Uhm.... Thanks.'
'If you want anything give me a shout,' he said huskily, studying the floorboards. He scowled.
Is that a sock under the bed?
'I think I'm OK.'
He glanced up at her briefly.
'Well, all right then. Night night.'
A quick peck on the lips and he scampered downstairs.
Lucy sat in the window seat with the lights off. It could have been minutes; it could have been hours. There were two owls out there; a twit and a twoo. She wanted to see them. She'd only seen a real one at Paignton Zoo.
And she thought she did. She sat squinting down at the back garden for an age before the security light came on. Lucy's owl turned out to be a plant pot. She watched a fox's brushy tail disappearing into the thicket. She looked out across the blackened hills; up into a sky that went on forever, staring at the stars.
It was chilly sitting there. The windows were draughty. Her hair clung to her head; thick, cold and wet. She shuddered as the occasional rivulet ran down the back of her neck, drawing the towel tighter around her shoulders.
Lucy heard the house creaking and groaning beneath her. She wondered how old it was. It seemed a bit creepy. The window panes were warped, distorting the moon. They must have been ancient; hand blown. She heard another creak. Lucy's eyes bulged in the darkness, her senses heightened. She almost jumped out of her skin as she head a tap at the door.
'Lucy? Are you still up?'
The dim light from downstairs cast his shadow across the room, growing ever larger as the door creaked open. He walked towards her. She sniffed, wiping her face with the back of her hands.
Josh froze, standing over her.
'What's wrong? Why are you crying?'
'I'm not!' she lied, pulling the towel from her neck, wiping her face with it. 'I'm just wet from the shower.'
'That was over an hour ago,' he said suspiciously.
'My hair's still damp.'
She watched him put his hands on his hips. He didn't have his t-shirt on; she traced a swathe of downy hair down to his abdomen. She'd never seen it before.
'Lucy... Why aren't you in bed?'
'I couldn't sleep.'
'That's because you've got the curtains open.'
'I always have the curtains open,' she shrugged back at him. 'I like to look at the stars.'
Josh sighed, running his hand through his hair.
'Budge up,' he said to her.
Lucy blinked up at him for a moment, then did as she was told, scooching down the soft window seat cushion; holding the t-shirt by the hem so it wouldn't ride up. Josh slid behind her, back against the wall, legs splayed either side of her. He was still wearing his jeans, one knee crooked against the window, the other foot resting on the floor, pulling her back between his legs so that they could look at the sky together.
'Your hair's soaking,' he said disapprovingly. She leant forward. His hands clamped on her shoulders pulling her back onto his warm stomach. She felt his fingers gently massaging her neck. Lucy relaxed into him, closing her eyes. She heard a twit-twit twoo. A smile creased her lips.
That feels nice.
'Do you still think of him?' he asked quietly.
Lucy's eyes blinked open. She frowned.
'Think of who?'
His fingers stilled.
'The banker.'
She stared up at him. She saw his jaw flex in the blue light.
'No.'
'It's OK if you do,' he said, smoothing threads of wet hair back from her forehead.
She could tell by his face that it wasn't.
'I don't!'
Not like that; not in a romantic sense. Why on earth would she?
'I always thought you'd go back to him,' he said quietly, massaging her neck once more.
Lucy stiffened, gaping at him.
'What would I do that for?'
Josh shrugged.
'Because he's got prospects.'
'He's been living with his parents since he moved out,' she mumbled, closing her eyes.
'I bet he's got a flash car.'
Lucy snorted.
'He drives a Peugeot. It came with the job. And when he loses it, as he has several others, then it will go back again.'
'He must have been able to afford some nice holidays.'
She grinned, eyes rolling up to his.
'Are you kidding me? He spent most of his days off playing on his X-Box!'
Josh stared down at her, fingers stilling again.
'I don't want to be the rebound guy.'
Lucy blinked back, reaching up, wrapping her fingers around his.
'You're not,' she breathed. 'Why would you think that?'
He shrugged, looking out of the window, stroking the backs of her knuckles with his thumbs agitatedly.
'I saw his face that day when I bumped into him outside the shop. The guy really cares about you.'
Lucy hauled herself up. She sat with her back to the window, resting against his knee.
'I was with Phil for six years,' she told him pointedly.
Josh's eyes closed at the admission. He lowered his chin.
'In all that time, that wasn't the impression I got. Nor my friends. Suzie can't stand him.'
His eyes flickered open, eventually. He smirked.
'I like her,' he nodded.
'I know
you do.'
'That's not why you're upset then?' he asked, reaching for her hand.
She stared at him for a moment then shook her head, looking down at their entwined fingers.
'No,' she murmured into the darkness.
'It's OK. I get it,' Lucy told him, collecting herself, running her free hand through her cold, wet hair. 'I know it must be weird.'
He frowned at her.
'What must be weird?'
She looked back at him guiltily.
'Did you live here with her?'
Josh's eyes widened.
'...No!'
His voice was raised, fingers gripping hers tighter. He glanced across the room, fist clenched in his curly hair.
'Is that why you won't get into bed?'
She stared at the floor and shrugged.
Josh let go of her hand. He drew his leg from behind her, pivoting around so that they both sat with their backs to the window, next to one other.
Josh stared down at his clasped hands.
'She was a nice girl...' he said quietly, 'and I was really shitty to her.'
Lucy stared at him.
'...Shitty how?' she murmured.
Josh glanced up.
'You know what you just said about the banker?' he said. 'Never feeling cared about? That. Exactly that, but with bells on.
'I was so into my jumping back then. I was obsessed. And I lived with my parents too. I had to work my arse off packing for my jump tickets - I spent most of my free time at the dropzone. And when I wasn't jumping, I just wanted to be down the pub with my mates talking about jumping, or...' He looked up sheepishly. 'Playing on my X-Box.'
'If she was unhappy,' Lucy said quietly, 'why didn't she just walk away?'
Josh's eyes glinted up at her.
'Did you finish with Phil?'
Her jaw flapped for a moment. Lucy shook her head.
'Were you happy with him?' Josh asked.
Lucy sighed.
'Looking back, not really, no,' she admitted.
'Let me guess. You made him the centre of your universe, he just didn't extend you the same favour? Took you for granted all the time?'
Lucy watched their shadows weaving across the floorboards.
'I was with Jess for over a year.' Josh said quietly.
