Get Rocked

by Tabatha Vargo

  Tiny hadn’t only gotten taller; he’d gotten better at a lot of things. Even his bass playing had improved. Not that he was bad before, but after the accident, he had a hard time with his nerves. Playing hurt him, and even though he didn’t complain, I think it still did. I didn’t push. I only knew I wouldn’t pursue anything musically without him, and I’d always keep his secret. No one but me knew about the awful scaring under his clothes, and no one else needed to know. He was strong and loyal to the fucking core, and I’d be the same to him. We’d been through it all together.

  The funny thing about Tiny was the fact that even though he didn’t realize I noticed, he never slept with girls. He made out with them plenty, but I couldn’t remember a time when he’d actually broke the back out of one of them. And he could do it easily since he was every bit of three hundred pounds and hard muscle.

  At one point, I’d almost asked if he batted for the other team, but there were times when I’d catch him checking out girls. Either way, he’d been there for me through a lot of shit and I’d always been there for him.

  All in all, I was pretty happy with the way things were going for the four of us. We were Blow Hole since there was no way in hell I could continue using the name Original Malice with half of the band gone. The name Blow Hole fit. After Faith left, I went back to selling cocaine. Uncle Lester, my old supplier, used to call it blow, and since my garage was the place to go when you wanted some blow, my garage became known as the blow hole. The name stuck.

  It was good, though. You couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing a Blow Hole song, and after signing what could only be described as a kickass contract, we’d been living a much different lifestyle than what we were all used to. None of us were complaining.

  “Zeke, pack us a bowl, man. I’m going to change. Some bitch poured her entire beer over me when I went surfing,” I said as I went to the back of the bus.

  We spent the rest of the night bullshitting on the bus and getting high out of our minds. Zeke kind of chilled on the side. I got it, being all domesticated and shit, but it wasn’t for the rest of us. We playfully teased him about it, but even though we didn’t believe in only one girl, we understood and respected him.

  A ton of shit had happened since we’d been on the road. We practically lived on our bus or on a plane, but home was a big-ass condo in California.

  The next morning, I called my mom to check on her. I called her at least twice a week no matter what.

  “I’m good. Rick planted a garden in the back yard and I was helping him. You should see how nice the tomatoes came out.”

  Mom was now settled down with her new husband, Rick. He was a nice guy. He treated her good and took good care of her. I couldn’t ask for more.

  “That sounds great, Mom. Listen, we’ll be heading that way here soon. I miss you and was hoping we could get together for a nice dinner or something.”

  Even though she hated it and swore she wouldn’t use it, I sent her a couple thousand dollars a month. Needless to say, she didn’t live back in the old neighborhood or drive that piece of shit Jeep anymore.

  “Of course, Jimmy! I can’t wait to have you home for a little while. Y’all be careful out there with all those crazy people. Be good and try not to get into any trouble.”

  I got the same speech every time I called and I loved it. It was nice after being on the road with a bunch of bitches that only cared about your wallet or your name to have someone who actually gave a real shit about you. My mom would always be the only woman in my life for those exact reasons.

  “We will. I love you, Mom. See you soon.”

  We got a break in our tour a week later and went back to California for some downtime before going on the run again. Our lush condo was nice and decorated with some of the most expensive shit our label could find. I remember the moment we all stepped into the massive place and how we all flipped out over how nice it was. None of us were used to living in such splendor. We’d each came from the other side of town, living in either a shitty little house, a fucked-up trailer, or the ghetto apartments where all the single moms and meth heads lived.

  I threw my shit on my bed and went into my bathroom for a shower. I didn’t even notice how nice our place was anymore. After staying in some of the nicest hotels in the world, I was accustomed to the best.

  I stepped up to my shower and turned the water on full blast before stripping down naked and tossing my dirty clothes onto the floor. I’d called a temp agency for a maid. We were a bunch of messy asses and none of us wanted to clean when we were home from being on the road for so long. I could tell by looking at the bathroom that she’d already started her job and was damn good at it.

  I turned around to grab a towel, and when I did, I ran straight into the maid, who was holding a large pile of fresh laundry in her arms. She screamed loudly before dropping all the laundry to the floor. The smell of fabric softer and washing detergent filled my senses as a thick white towel fell over my face.

  I pulled down the towel, ready to see the shocked face on the maid when she realized that she’d just walked in on her employer naked as the day he was born. My eyes started at the top of her head and took in the long chocolate locks. Big brown eyes stared back at me. I’d thought I’d shock her with my nakedness, but instead, the shock was mine. I took in the woman in front of me and my chest got tight. Faith stared back at me with flushed, embarrassed cheeks. Her plump lips opened in a gasp before she collapsed at my feet.

  “What do you mean I’m fired?” I asked Jesse, my manager.

  I couldn’t afford to lose my second job. It was the only one that worked with my busy schedule and it was the main reason I was able to keep us above water. I was drowning and I hadn’t slept properly in four years, but my family was taken care of and that was all that mattered to me.

  “I’m sorry, Faith, we can’t afford to keep you, and the owner’s pretty pissed at you still for giving away free gas,” Jesse said as he slid my final paycheck over the counter to me.

  “But I paid for that out of my pocket!”

  “I’m sorry.” He turned and walked away from the counter, letting me know our conversation was over.

  The truth was I hated working in the gas station after dark. Especially in that neighborhood, but luckily some of the Spanish guys who lived in the trailer park nearby kept watch over me after I gave them a free tank of gas one day. But regardless of not being safe working there at night, it paid well enough.

  I hated searching for a new job. With my day job at the grocery store by my apartment, it made it hard to get away to find another job, and honestly, I couldn’t afford to take a day off to search for another one.

  After grabbing my final check, I ran outside to catch my mom before she pulled away. Thankfully, she’d needed gas before she went home. Otherwise, she would’ve been long gone.

  “You aren’t working tonight?” she asked, confused.

  “Nope. I got fired,” I said as I climbed into the front seat and slammed the door behind me.

  She got into the driver’s seat and cranked up the car. It was hard to believe Mom’s old Taurus was still kicking. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll start looking for something. It’s not fair for you to be working two jobs when I could find something.”

  Mom had a stroke right after she and my dad divorced, and I was determined that she wasn’t going to have to work. I think it was the stress of the entire ordeal that did her in. I’d been so shocked when Mom had come into the room while Daddy was beating me and stood up to him. She’d done it once before, but that last time had been different. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was six months pregnant by that point.

  “No, Mom, I got this.” I smiled over at her.

  “Mommy, is work over?” Jimmy said from the back seat as he rubbed his sleepy eyes.

  He must’ve fallen asleep right after I got out of the car. I turned around and ruffled his soft brown curls. The last thing I wanted was for Jimmy to get upset ov
er me being upset.

  “Yes, baby, work’s over. I’m going to take you home and we can watch your dinosaur movie until we fall asleep. Does that sound fun?”

  Mom and I laughed at his excitement as we drove home, but still, I couldn’t help but feel stressed about our situation.

  Both Mom and I had always lived under Daddy’s thumb. He worked and took care of us. When we first started out on our own without him, we were both lost as to what to do. Daddy no longer had anything to do with me since I’d shamed our family, so it wasn’t like I could ask him for help even if I wanted to, but we were making it. Barely, but we were making it.

  The next day, even though I hated to do it, I took the day off. I spent the entire day job searching. At the advice of my mom, I went to a local temp agency and applied, even though I knew nothing would come of it. I’d only ever had four jobs in my entire life and none of them required any real skill since I didn’t get a chance to graduate from high school.

  Daddy forced me to quit the minute he’d found out I was pregnant, so I only made it to the end of my junior year. I had dreams of going back and getting my diploma and going to college. I wanted to make a life for Jimmy and me, but that was hard to do when you had to work every minute of every day just to make ends meet.

  There were days when I thought about contacting Finn. I’d followed his career even though it killed me to do so. He was a big-time rock star now; he could afford to pay some child support. But then I’d realize the error in my thoughts. I hated Finn and Finn hated me. He had the money and the ability to take Jimmy away from me, and I knew he would. I’d die before I let anyone try to take my baby.

  So instead, I pulled through and did the single mom thing the only way I knew how—I worked my fingers to the bone and slept when I could. I did, however, try my hardest to always make time for Jimmy. Having a three-year-old boy who loved me unconditionally was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I’d always make sure he knew he was the most important thing in my life.

  I was in a bad place emotionally when I’d found out I was pregnant, and I thought for sure my world was ending. I went through my pregnancy practically alone, with the exception of my mom, who was dealing with health issues and a divorce, but I’d done it and every day that I looked at that precious boy with his daddy’s eyes and dimples, I knew that I couldn’t give in to my depression. Not ever. Little Jimmy saved my life in so many ways.

  I got a call from the temp agency exactly a week later. Even though I hated to do it and I needed the money, I called in at the grocery store again so I could meet with them to find out about other jobs. I dressed in my best pants and a nice top. I hadn’t worn a long skirt in four years, and I swore I never would again.

  The blonde behind the front desk of the temp agency reminded me of Amanda. There were a lot of blondes in California and many of them reminded me of her. I was constantly doing a double take even though I knew it was impossible for her to be anywhere.

  I missed Amanda so much. It was hard to believe it had already been over four years since she died. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about her. I remember crying the day I delivered little Jimmy because I’d done it alone. Mom was in the hospital at the same time as me. Amanda would’ve been there for the entire thing. I know she would’ve. I would’ve had a baby shower and she would’ve been there helping me push when it was time.

  Instead, I screamed my head off since I’d gotten there too late for drugs, and the only people who’d been in the room were the doctor who I was positive hated me and a nurse that said I was acting like a baby. It was a good memory and a bad one all wrapped in one.

  I filled out some paperwork that the blonde behind the desk gave me and then I was called back into a tiny office with an older lady sitting behind a massive desk covered in papers. She stood and smiled when I entered.

  “Hi, Faith, I’m Mrs. Cooper.” She shook my hand. “Please, have a seat and let’s see what we can do for you.”

  I sat there silently as she went through all of my papers and my application and tried her hardest to find a job for me. It was hard considering I had limited experience and no educational background. It stung when I told her that I hadn’t graduated or gone to college.

  “It looks like I may have found something,” she said in relief.

  I appreciated her trying so hard for me.

  “How do you feel about cleaning? As in being a maid?”

  “What are the hours?” I asked.

  I had to make sure it either had hours that worked with my grocery store job or paid enough that I could work only the maid position.

  “Monday through Friday, and the hours are as long as the job takes. If you go in early enough and you get the job done right, I don’t see any reason why you’d have to stay in the house. It’s not a live-in position.”

  “What does it pay?” I asked.

  She smiled over a piece of paper. “Well, it seems the job pays six hundred and fifty dollars a week, after taxes, of course. How does that sound?”

  How did it sound? It sounded amazing! I barely brought home four hundred after taxes from my two jobs a week. That barely covered rent in our small two-bedroom apartment, the bills, groceries, and everything else that went along with living.

  “It sounds perfect,” I said with a smile. “When can I start?”

  I left Mrs. Cooper’s office feeling better than I had in a very long time. Things were looking up. God was starting to answer my prayers. With a job like that, I’d get to spend time with Little Jimmy and possibly go back to school.

  I brought home pizza as a surprise for Mom and Jimmy. When I walked in the front door, he jumped out with his dinosaur mask on, and I pretended to be afraid. He giggled as he hugged my leg.

  “It’s okay, Mommy. It’s me, it’s me!”

  We all sat in the living room, ate pizza, and watched dinosaur movies. Once Jimmy fell asleep on my lap, I lifted him and took him to our bed. We shared a room and the room was big enough for two beds, but all I had was my small full-sized bed from when I lived at home. At least Dad had let me take that.

  Some nights, I’d relax in bed and sift through my memories. My bed always reminded of the time when Finn had spent the night with me. It was a bittersweet memory that started out making me feel better, but then I’d get angry all over again and I’d end up in an even worse mood.

  The truth was I was lonely. Other than Mom and Jimmy, I had no friends, and even though there were some men who flirted with me, I couldn’t bring myself to date. Even thinking about being sexual with another man made me feel sick to my stomach. Finn was my only, and as far as I was concerned, I got the best part of him. Every time I looked at my baby boy, I knew I could never regret being with Finn, even if he’d broken me beyond repair.

  I started my new maid job three days later. Mrs. Cooper had informed me that the owners of the condo I was cleaning were almost never home, which made me even happier. The last thing I wanted was to clean someone’s toilet as they watched me.

  The condo was massive with contemporary furniture like you’d see in a dental office and abstract paintings of different instruments all over. The kitchen was covered in stainless steel and granite, and the five bathrooms were all bigger than my entire apartment.

  Why someone would need so many bathrooms and bedrooms was beyond me, but once I started cleaning, I realized there were quite a few people living there. Each room was well lived in and dirty as all get out. Actually, considering how rich the apartment looked, it was pretty filthy—like maybe a bunch of men lived there.

  I didn’t get the entire place cleaned the first day, so I was extra happy that the owners didn’t seem to be returning anytime soon. I’d return each day to an empty condo and continue to clean, making it further and further every day. After four days, the place was spotless.

  By the fifth day, all I had to do was the laundry that was left over. It was all men’s clothes, but by then, I’d already figured out that I was clean
ing for a household full of guys. Maybe a sports team or something like that? There weren’t any personal pictures lying around. Nothing letting me know what the people looked like or whether or not they had families. It was kind of spooky, but I didn’t care. As long as the check came every Friday and I could pay my bills, I was happy.

  I folded all the towels in the laundry area and began to put them in the linen closets located in every bathroom. When I made it to the gray-and-black room, which is what I’d named it, I had an armful of towels and a happy smile since I knew it was payday and I’d have enough money to stop and get Jimmy the stuffed dinosaur he’d been wanting.

  I could hardly wait to see his face when I came through that door with that thing. It was expensive, but my baby deserved it.

  The sound of water sounded somewhere and I stopped. The agency had warned me that the owners would be returning, but I hadn’t seen anyone yet. I felt relief knowing that I was almost done and that I wouldn’t be stuck cleaning while they were there.

  I raced across the room and straight into the bathroom with my arms full of towels. I wanted to hurry and get out of the condo and on my way home. I expected the room to be empty since the running water sounded as if it were coming from the kitchen.

  I screamed loudly and dropped all the laundry when I ran straight into a naked man. My cheeks lit up with a red rush of fire. The embarrassment made me dizzy, so dizzy that I was afraid I might faint as my eyes took in his naked chest and lower half, but it was when my vision clashed with Finn’s shocked blue eyes and dark features, that I went crashing to the floor.

  I could hardly believe my eyes. For a brief moment, I wondered to myself if I was still high from the last shit I’d smoked. I was shocked that I almost didn’t catch her when she fainted right there on the bathroom floor. My hand kept her head from smashing into the expensive flooring.

  Not that I cared much about what happened to her. Or did I?

  I scooped up her small frame. She felt smaller than she had four years ago. I tried not to think about what she felt like in my arms as I crossed my bedroom and laid her on my massive king-sized bed. Her head was back and her mouth was gapped open. I appreciated the fact that she still had her long hair, even though I couldn’t see it since it was piled on top of her head in a messy bun.