Child of Her Heart

by Cheryl St. John

  She glanced out at the ocean view and instinctively, self-protectively analyzed what was happening. “This is probably one of those vacation flings. We’re away from our normal lives, relaxed and letting down our guard. Our paths crossed and we found something a little mysterious in each other.”

  “I don’t know,” he replied. “I’ve been on several vacations since my wife died, but I’ve never seen a woman the way I’m seeing you. Nor have I had the thoughts I’m having.”

  What were those thoughts? Images of them together in an intimate tangle raised her temperature and caught her breath. His reflection came into focus on the window glass. Her skin warmed.

  Meredith was a born optimist, always focusing on the positive, rarely giving in to despair or self-pity. But since the last man she’d believed cared about her had deserted her when she’d needed him the most, she’d been unable to trust again. Unable to even think of trying to develop another relationship.

  She had learned the hard way that when push came to shove, there were only two people she could count on: Chaney and herself.

  She wasn’t a needy person.

  But she was a woman.

  A young woman with emotions and wants and physical desires…. It had been too long since she’d felt desirable.

  “But I do find you exciting and a little mysterious,” Justin added.

  She turned her gaze from his reflection to the flesh-and-blood man. His eyes smoldered with desire, and she felt it all the way to her toes.

  The waitress brought them one decadent chocolate-and-raspberry dessert, two forks and cups of steaming coffee—decaf as he’d requested.

  They shared the dessert, and it melted on Meredith’s tongue. Delicious, it was an indulgence she didn’t often allow herself.

  Like this time with Justin.

  Like the kiss they’d shared that was still fresh in her memory.

  Like her growing desire….

  Nine

  “Do you want to call?” Justin asked as they crossed the darkened parking lot.

  She cast him a sheepish glance, loving that he’d asked. “You wouldn’t mind?”

  “Of course not.”

  They paused near the Lexus as she fished her phone from her purse and found the number she’d programmed in earlier.

  Mauli answered.

  “How’s she doing?” Meredith asked.

  “She’s just fine. She was a little reluctant to take the bottle at first, but she got the hang of it and drank almost six ounces.”

  “Oh, my goodness.” Meredith would have to pump if Anna had another feeding like that this evening. One hand went automatically to her breast, but she dropped it at Justin’s notice of her action. She looked away. “Well, that’s good, I guess. I don’t hear anything in the background.”

  “The boys fell asleep watching a movie, and I’ve been playing with Anna. Her eyelids are looking heavy now.”

  “Try laying her down and leaving her alone. She’s used to putting herself to sleep.”

  “Okay. Having a good time?”

  “A great time.” She turned and found him studying her in the darkness. Her heart took a little dip in her chest. “Justin found a fabulous place to eat.”

  “Tell me all about it later. If Anna falls asleep, I’m going to check my e-mail, and then I’ll probably go to bed myself. I’ll call if she wakes and has any problems.”

  “Thanks. You’re a dear.”

  “Anna’s the dear.”

  Meredith hung up and blinked away a few tears as Justin opened the door and she got into the SUV. She felt his curious gaze as he drove out of the parking lot. “She’s doing just fine,” she told him.

  “And that makes you sad?”

  A self-deprecating chuckle escaped her. “A little. I can’t imagine what kindergarten will be like.”

  He laughed out loud. “What about college? And then, don’t forget, she’ll get married.”

  She waved at him. “Stop it.”

  He took her hand and held it snugly in his, resting it on the seat between them as he drove.

  They’d gone a few miles before he found a stretch of beach and parked above it. Taking a jacket from the back of the vehicle, he draped it around her shoulders. The intoxicating scents of leather and man enveloped her, and they descended wooden stairs to the sand below.

  Meredith was glad to feel his strong fingers close around hers again. They strolled along the beach, well away from the chilling cold spray of the surf. The sound was like the relaxation tape she’d used during her childbirth classes and labor. Chaney had been with her during those times. Meredith wondered what she’d tell her friend about this night and these developments.

  Putting her feelings about Justin into words would be like trying to stop the ocean’s tide with her bare hands.

  Justin studied the lovely woman beside him in the moonlight. He felt out of his element with Meredith. Though she was obviously self-reliant and capable, he sensed an underlying vulnerability that kindled his protective instincts. Buying her meals and paying for their shared activities had been about as far as he’d dared go without compromising her independence.

  She was right when she’d said they’d met under relaxed conditions. He definitely found her exciting and mysterious. He hadn’t been with a woman for a long time. He hadn’t known he would want to be. And he certainly hadn’t expected to desire this particular woman.

  Though she held a lot of herself in reserve, she seemed comfortable with him…and attracted to him. She neatly evaded subjects she didn’t wish to discuss, such as her family and her baby’s father. He could only assume the two were a bad combination. But she was more than happy to discuss her passions: Anna, her work and the camp she wanted to start. Those were the safe areas.

  “You took on a big task,” he said finally, “choosing to raise a child alone.”

  She nodded. “I wanted a child, and I was discouraged with the idea of needing a husband to make one. I figured I was doing okay by myself, how much more difficult could one little baby be?”

  “More difficult than you imagined?”

  She hesitated, as if considering her answer. “It’s complicated.”

  “Because she’s half-black.”

  Meredith looked at him. “I didn’t realize what she’d need or want to know when she’s older. What do I know about black heritage?”

  “What if she was half-Italian? Or half-French? Would that seem so foreign to you?”

  “Honestly? Probably not.”

  He appreciated her honesty, and expected nothing less from her. “So it’s because of skin color.”

  “It is the visible difference. I was…intimidated.”

  “Has Mauli helped?”

  She nodded. “Mauli has given me the encouragement I needed. She even offered to extend her friendship once we’re back home. For someone so young, she has such wisdom and confidence. That’s what I want for Anna.”

  “A lot of parents wouldn’t recognize the importance of teaching their child about their heritage or bother to help them blend in. Anna is going to have all the skills she needs because you’ll be equipping her.”

  They paused and studied the waves lapping against the sand. Here and there, rocks jutted from the constantly moving water.

  “I’d be happy to help any way I can,” he offered, drawing her gaze. “I take the boys to cultural events now and then. We could go together.”

  “Thank you,” she said softly. “That means a lot to me.” She turned to study the ocean. “Your friendship means a lot. And knowing that you don’t want it to be temporary.”

  Meredith’s pale profile was illuminated by the moonlight, and in that moment Justin recognized more than ever that her delicate beauty belied an inner strength he admired. Her fragility was a seductive deception, an age-old lure. The wind lifted her hair and blew strands across her cheek. “No, I don’t want this to be temporary.”

  He raised his free hand to gently move away the tress. She looked
up at him, and his breath caught in his chest. If he wasn’t too out of practice and was reading all the signals right, she’d been affected by his words at dinner. And she wasn’t immune to his nearness or his touch.

  Releasing her hand, he used both of his to thread his fingers into the hair on each side of her face and run them through the cool length.

  Her head dropped back and her eyes drifted closed.

  The invitation too much to resist, Justin buried his hands against her scalp and leaned forward. When his lips met hers she made a breathy sound, part sigh, part sob that set him on fire.

  She was a sensory overload for a man so long without female stimulation. Her lips were warm and pliant, and she tasted of coffee and chocolate.

  She moved against him spontaneously. With both of their jackets opened, her full breasts pressed against his chest, she raised one arm to wrap it around his neck as though to secure the kiss for her lingering pleasure.

  Her other hand flattened on his shirt, where he knew she could feel the beat of his thundering heart. When they melded closer, he figured she recognized the most prominent part of his physical reaction. It felt so good to hold her, taste her, that he had to restrain himself from grinding his body against hers.

  He lowered his hands from her hair to slide them inside the warmth of the jacket she wore, around to her back. She felt incredibly good, so feminine and soft, and he held her fast against him.

  Quite naturally, without one or the other initiating it, their lips parted and the kiss deepened. She made that inciting little sound again, and this time he felt it against his tongue.

  She pulled her mouth away, but bracketed his face between her hands so he wouldn’t move. She kissed his chin, then his jaw, and the breeze chilled the trail of dampness.

  Justin lowered his face to the lee of her neck and inhaled her intoxicating scent. She smelled like coffee everywhere; he’d probably get hard just driving past Starbucks for the rest of his life.

  He was so hot that when she said, “My feet are cold,” it took him a minute to register the fact and lead her back up the embankment to his vehicle. He held the door while she shook sand from her sandals, then once she was settled, he started the engine and turned on the heater.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking how cool it gets out there at night.”

  “I shouldn’t have worn sandals.”

  “Turn around and put your feet up here.” He patted his lap.

  She removed her sandals again and lifted her feet, using the jacket to cover her knees when her dress hiked upward.

  Justin turned toward her, taking both of her feet in his lap to rub warmth into them, discovering as he did so that the soles were ticklish.

  Touching her turned him on, and he ran his hands under the jacket, finding the delicate bracelet that circled her ankle. He skimmed his palms up her calves to the baby-smooth skin behind her knees. “You’re soft everywhere,” he said.

  One of her bare feet had come in contact with his erection. “And you’re not.”

  They laughed together, the intimacy releasing tension, creating a comfortable closeness. His desire was evident and she was well aware. And apparently she was okay with it, so the first few bridges had been crossed.

  This was how it began. It had been so long for him that it felt like the first time he’d waded the shores of sexual discovery. In the darkness he heard her intake of breath when he reached under her dress and stroked the back of her thigh, then leaned forward to slide his hand to the curve of her buttock.

  He came in contact with a silky undergarment and ran his fingers under the elastic.

  Her foot pressed into his arousal. He couldn’t reach her to kiss her, and the tension grew unbearable.

  As though sensing his frustration, she withdrew her feet, moved them to the floor and slid closer. Justin immediately pulled her into his embrace and kissed her hard.

  Her breathing was fast and shallow, and she pulled her mouth from his to catch her breath while she cupped his face in her palms and caressed the corners of his lips with her thumbs. One thumb rubbed across his damp lower lip, twice, three times before she plucked a kiss there.

  Eager for more, Justin took her mouth in a possessive kiss, pressing her back against the seat and caressing her shoulders and back. She felt small and delicate beneath his hands, and the silken texture of her lips had him in a daze. He dropped his mouth to her neck, tasted the pulse point at her throat and lowered his hand to cover her breast through the fabric of her dress.

  He sensed her discomfort then and paused.

  “Maybe we should drive now,” she said breathlessly.

  Before things went too far? Or in order to get back to the hotel so they could continue? He waited for a clue, some indication of her desire.

  “Okay,” he said, pulling away and retrieving the jacket from where it had fallen halfway to the floor. He handed it to her.

  She threaded her fingers through her hair, straightened her skirt and fastened her seat belt.

  Justin snapped his in place and ran a hand over his face before glancing in the rearview mirror and putting the vehicle in Reverse. Arousal, hot and needy, slugged through his veins. He reached for her hand, and she clasped his, drew it to her lips and pressed a moist kiss to his fingers.

  When he turned to look at her, she smiled at him—a secret, sexy smile of want and expectation. A dozen erotic images flashed in his mind’s eye.

  It wasn’t finished. It was only beginning.

  Ten

  Meredith’s knees trembled as she and Justin entered the lobby, their fingers laced together. What was going to happen next? She knew what she’d like to have happen, what she thought they were leading up to… Her only hesitation was wondering how she could prevent Justin from seeing her breasts. How could she be with him and not get naked?

  He looked at her, one brow raised in question. The moment drew out awkwardly. “I don’t want you to be apprehensive,” he said. “About me or about Anna. I don’t want tonight to end, but I don’t want to rush you.”

  “I don’t want it to end, either,” she admitted softly, glancing around and making certain they were alone. “But I’d like to see Anna.”

  “All right. My kids and Mauli will be asleep.” He led her toward the elevator and pushed the button.

  “I could take her back to my room,” she said. “And you could join me.”

  Desire burned in his expression. The doors opened and he gently tugged her forward. They stepped into the elevator and the doors swooshed shut. “Meredith, I don’t want to push you into anything.”

  She leaned against him and their lips met in another exploratory kiss. “You’re not pushing me,” she breathed against his mouth. “I want this. I’m just a little…” She pulled away to say, “Self-conscious and…well, I’m not…perfect. I have some hang-ups.”

  “I don’t want you to be uneasy with me,” he told her. “Just let me know what you need and I’m there.”

  She didn’t even know if she could express what she needed. At the moment, she needed to feel her baby in her arms, but he’d already acknowledged that.

  The elevator stopped, and he led her to his room and opened the door. Inside it was dark except for a sliver of light coming from a crack where the bathroom door had been left ajar. Justin pointed to the adjoining suite. “That’s Mauli’s room. Tiptoe on in. I’ll check on the boys.”

  Mauli was asleep in the bed, and beside her, sleeping soundly on her back on her own blanket was Anna. Meredith gathered Anna’s belongings and then touched Mauli’s shoulder gently.

  The girl roused and blinked at her. “Meredith?”

  “Yes, I’m taking Anna with me now.”

  “Oh, okay. She was an angel.”

  “Justin is going to be with me a little longer, just in case you or the boys should need him.”

  “Okay.”

  “Night.” By the time she picked up Anna, crossed the room and looked back, Mauli’s eyes were
closed again in slumber.

  Justin led her out into the hallway. “The boys were sawing logs.”

  “I told Mauli you would be with me.”

  He nodded.

  They took the elevator down, and this time Meredith spent the time gazing at her sleeping baby’s relaxed face. She nuzzled Anna’s hair and inhaled her familiar scent. “I’m going to try to wake her to nurse,” she said.

  “You getting uncomfortable?” he asked as they approached her door and he took the key from her.

  Her cheeks warmed and she glanced up at him. “A bit.”

  He nodded his understanding and opened the door. He’d always been so easy with the fact that she breast-fed.

  “You take all this in stride,” she commented as they entered the suite. “Your wife nursed the boys?”

  “Yes,” he replied, flipping on a light in the sofa area. “Take your time. I’ll watch CNN and catch up.”

  She carried Anna into the bedroom where she changed her diaper and left her on the bed while she slipped out of her dress. She roused her to nurse, and the whole time she thought about Justin and how this thing between them was going to progress. She wanted to make love with him, but she was afraid at the same time.

  The sleepy baby contentedly dozed off and she placed her in the crib.

  Meredith used the bathroom, brushed her hair and teeth and reapplied lipstick. Pausing to study herself in the mirror, she tried to calm her nerves. She was a mature woman, over thirty and in control of her life. She made decisions and choices for herself all the time. Justin was not a bad decision. She wanted him.

  She needed the boost of confidence created by his desire for her. She needed to feel like a woman in the most basic way. She needed the human contact and the pleasure of intimacy.

  A nursing bra was not sexy lingerie, she deduced. She removed it without looking at herself in the mirror and went to the bureau to find a silk camisole and slip it over her head. She stepped back into her dress and left her sandals on the bedroom floor.

  The night-light left enough light for her to see Anna if she needed to return. She left the bedroom door open and went to join Justin.