Child of Her Heart

by Cheryl St. John

  He was seated comfortably on the plush sofa, sipping something from a glass. She’d heard him out here earlier and had pictured him making a drink from the tiny courtesy bar. “Mixed a drink?”

  He muted the television and held the drink toward her. “No, just a soda.”

  She took a sip and handed the glass back.

  “She sleeping again?”

  Meredith nodded. “Like an angel.”

  They smiled at each other and she felt the first awkward tension she’d ever experienced in his presence.

  Justin ran his fingers up her arm, creating a delicious shiver. He set his glass aside and leaned to tug her onto his lap. She went eagerly, and he enfolded her in a welcome embrace.

  “You feel so tense,” he said against her hair.

  “It’s been a while.”

  “A year if I’m not mistaken,” he said with a smile in his deep voice.

  He would think that, since Anna was three months old, and a pregnancy took nine. But it had been a lot longer actually. He just had no way to know, because she hadn’t told him. What was she afraid of? she wondered guiltily. Judgment? Having her choices analyzed?

  He leaned to the side and switched off the table lamp, leaving the flickering, muted television the only light.

  He caressed her cheek, his touch cool from the glass he’d held. She reached up and traced his mobile lips with a fingertip. The yearning in her belly hadn’t gone away, and it flamed to life now, fueled by the desire in his sparkling, dark eyes and the feel of his strong, hard body enveloping hers.

  She sat up, a hand going to his shoulder. “Kiss me now.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” His lips closed over hers, cool at first and then warming from the heated contact. Meredith touched her tongue to his lips and he parted them, taking the initiative to deepen the kiss. He tasted like the peppermint she’d seen him slip into his pocket after dinner.

  Everything but that moment went out of her mind and she reveled in the sensory rush of feelings and delightful discoveries. He spanned her rib cage with both hands, slid his palms up until his thumbs rested under her breasts, coming in contact with her fullness through the fabric and sending a ripple of sensation across her flesh.

  Her biggest apprehension stole some of the pleasure. She placed both hands over the backs of his, holding them in place so he wouldn’t move them upward and discover her imperfection.

  “Off limits?” he asked intuitively.

  Embarrassment warmed her cheeks.

  “It’s okay,” he said, and ran one hand down over her hip and stroked her bottom through her dress. “I can appreciate that part of you belongs just to Anna.”

  It wasn’t that at all and she couldn’t go on without telling him the truth. She stood and took a step backward, her heart racing.

  “Meredith?”

  She held a hand out for him to stay put and he did. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. Just let me say it, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She inhaled and pursed her lips.

  His expression remained calm, but then he was a lawyer, used to keeping his cool. Only one telltale muscle in his jaw gave away his apprehension.

  “I had cancer,” she said finally, the admission bringing a lunge to her midriff. But a swift tide of relief followed because she’d finally said the words it had taken her so long to form.

  His expression showed he was plainly stunned. But he said nothing.

  “Breast cancer,” she explained. “I had two surgeries, followed by radiation. They got it all.”

  “Thank God” was all he said.

  “That was two years ago. I have scars and some disfiguration where so much tissue was removed. And my breast….” She touched her hand to the top of her right breast. “This one, doesn’t produce as much milk, so it looks funny. I haven’t… Well, I’m self-conscious about it.”

  And afraid. So afraid he wouldn’t want her now that he knew. So afraid that he was another man who wouldn’t be able to handle imperfection or difficulties, even though her logical mind told her he was not the same man as Sean.

  “You told me there was a man who didn’t stick around and you alluded to the fact that he couldn’t deal with something.”

  She nodded.

  “Was it the cancer he couldn’t deal with?”

  “I’d been diagnosed and had the surgery. The doctors were giving me my options regarding treatment. Some of the approaches were pretty scary. When a woman has to have chemo, they shut down her ovaries. We were terrified we’d never be able to have the children we both wanted.” She swallowed hard.

  “That was when the bastard split?”

  “Yes. However, the doctors believed that they’d removed all the cancerous tissue and I opted for a less aggressive therapy. So I had six weeks of radiation.”

  “Who was there for you?” he asked, as though that was his only concern. “While you went through that?”

  “Chaney. And my folks.”

  He sat forward and shook his head as though to clear it. “I had no idea.”

  “You wouldn’t have.”

  He reached for her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers. “Thank you for telling me.”

  “I don’t want you feeling sorry for me….” She wanted to say more, but Justin darted his tongue out and moistened her knuckles. He took her fingertip between his teeth and then closed his lips over it.

  Sensation rocketed up her arm to pebble her breasts. He deliberately kept his gaze averted, drew her closer and pressed his face to her neck.

  “Does it bother you that I don’t want you to see me?” It was easier to ask when he wasn’t looking at her face.

  “No.” His tongue dampened her skin and he gently bit the tendon in her neck. A shudder of sensation coursed through her frame. “I’m just grateful that you’re healed. And alive.”

  Tears welled up and dampened her lashes. She closed her eyes.

  “Is that it?” he asked. “All you had to tell me? You’re not an escaped convict or a kidnapper or anything?”

  She smiled through her tears and shook her head. “No.”

  “Good, you had me worried for a minute.” With strong hands, he turned her around so that he could undo her dress. He slid the zipper down, the sound seeming to echo in the silence. He leaned to the edge of the sofa and raised the back of her camisole to press his lips against the small of her back. His warm breath dampened her skin and raised goose-flesh down the backs of her legs.

  The dress fell to her ankles.

  He bracketed her hips and she stepped out of the garment. His warm mouth found the skin of her back again and he ran his palms down her legs and back up, setting her on fire with each touch.

  With gentle urging, he turned her to face him where he sat and pulled her forward, raising her camisole only enough to dart his tongue around her navel and along her waist.

  She steadied herself with her fingertips on his shoulders, drowning in the sensations created by his gently arousing lips and hands.

  Needing to return the caresses and touch more of him, she undid the few buttons on his shirt and bent to tug the hem upward. Justin helped her by pulling the shirt over his head.

  Meredith’s breath stopped. He was magnificent, with broad shoulders and muscled arms and chest. His sleek skin drew her to explore it, and her contrasting hand was pale and small against his flesh.

  It seemed quite natural to move forward when he sat back, and she straddled his lap, running her hands over his shoulders and chest. He flattened his palms against her back and pulled her forward, his lips seeking hers. She lowered her head and kissed him, breathless now, a burning need pulsating low and heavy in her body.

  He gripped her hips and pushed his upward, and through the flimsy barriers of fabric, she felt his arousal.

  It was real, this thing they were doing, she realized in a daze of passion. They were both fully aroused and pressing f
or more. For the first time her brain formed the question she should have thought of a long time ago.

  “Justin,” she said, holding his head still.

  He kneaded her buttocks and answered, “What?”

  “What about— I don’t— I mean I’m not taking any birth control.”

  “I have something,” he said, easily lifting her when he raised up to reach into his rear pocket and withdraw his wallet.

  Thank God he’d been thinking straight. Grateful, she kissed him.

  He ran his palms over her thighs, fingered the edge of her panties teasingly. Touching her then, through the damp fabric, he found her most sensitive spot. She moaned against his lips, encouraging his deft ministrations.

  It wasn’t enough anymore. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, wanted to have him filling her. “Where?” she asked on a ragged breath.

  “Your bed,” he said. “Or right here.”

  “Here?”

  He nodded and nuzzled the sensitive flesh of her neck, then nipped a path to her chin.

  “How?”

  He ground her against his erection. “Just like this, baby.”

  “Ohh.” The sensation and the image in her head turned her insides to liquid. His mouth on her throat had her body clamoring for more.

  She stood again and he whisked her underwear down her legs and off. While she watched, he unfastened his pants and slid them and his boxers off into a pile. Her heart slammed against her chest at the sight of him. He was perfection: lean thighs, slender hips, a flat belly—and he wanted her. She reached out to touch him and he jerked at the contact, sucked in a breath and closed his eyes.

  “You are perfect,” she said, admiring his sleekly sculpted body.

  He looked at her then, touched her hair with a tenderness and awe that brought more tears to her eyes. “You’re beautiful, Meredith. Feminine and delicate. No woman has had this effect on me in years. I feel…so lucky to be here with you.”

  She smiled then. She was the lucky one. Two years ago she hadn’t even known if she would be alive at this moment. And now here she was—alive, the mother of a beautiful baby girl and in the arms of a caring, honorable, sexy man. A laugh of pure joy rose up and tumbled out.

  He enveloped her in a bone-crushing hug, kissing her senseless.

  “Now, Justin,” she said when she could breathe.

  Eleven

  It seemed she had waited a lifetime for this perfect moment. For this man who set her on fire, and at the same time he gave her the sense of peace and acceptance that she so desperately needed.

  What could have been awkward was one of the most erotic things Meredith had ever done, and by the time Justin was sheathed, her fingers were trembling. He kissed her tenderly and asked, “Nervous?”

  “A little.”

  He touched her again and she groaned against his temple. With little urging, she straddled him and lowered herself, her body quivering with anticipation.

  With his face buried against her throat, he spoke encouragement in that sensual, velvet voice. “You are so fine,” he said, gripping her hips as she took her own time accommodating him. When he was buried inside her, they both released a sigh of pleasure.

  He allowed her to discover her preferences, stroking her waist, her shoulders and thighs all while he told her how much she turned him on.

  Tension built and Meredith grew focused, her breath shallow, her eyes closed. Her legs tired and he helped her, his strong hands and arms taking over the pace. Time stood still for an eternal, nerve-splitting moment. She didn’t breathe.

  In a blinding rush of pleasure and release, she gasped, the sound a series of staccato inhalations, ending with a release of breath and a sob.

  Taking his own fulfillment quickly, Justin crushed her against him and buried his face in her hair.

  It was a few minutes before either of them could move. When she raised her head, he lifted her gently away and stood, pulling her to her feet, then bent to pick her up with one of his arms behind her back and the other under her knees. She’d seen it done in dozens of movies and thought it was a delightfully romantic act.

  Carrying her into the bedroom, he set her down so he could turn back the covers, then placed her in the middle of the bed and joined her. “This is the place for cuddling.”

  She nestled against him, her head automatically resting on his chest and her hand lazily stroking his belly. “That was….” She could tell he was waiting. “Intense.”

  He chuckled. “Indeed.”

  He held her, stroking her back through the silk camisole she still wore.

  Justin’s chest was tight with emotion he’d never expected to feel. Meredith was a strong, sensitive woman, beautiful and courageous and sexy as hell. Any man who could desert her so unfeelingly when she’d needed him wasn’t worth the tears she had undoubtedly cried.

  After what she’d been through, Justin understood her hesitancy to tell him, appreciated her fear of being vulnerable. And he understood her decision to have a child alone. After a man had done that to her, she’d probably figured she was better off without one. But it made him curious about Anna’s parentage. If her ex-fiancé wasn’t Anna’s father, that meant she’d been with another man and had chosen to have his baby alone. Did the man even know he was a father?

  Justin had already considered that he didn’t need any complications in his life. He had enough going on with his kids and his job. What if something came up in the future? What if the guy suddenly wanted to be a father or see his child?

  But Meredith wasn’t a complication. She wasn’t a threat to his family or his life that he could see.

  He was enamored with her, and maybe it was just sex, but he didn’t think so. He’d started out wanting to be her friend and ended up as her lover. And he didn’t want it to be only for their brief time at Cannon Beach. There was the possibility of something good here; he felt it.

  She’d trusted him with her insecurities. She’d opened herself up to physical and emotional intimacy, and he understood what courage that had taken. She was an enigmatic combination of strength and fragility, and she turned him inside out with desire.

  Already he felt himself growing hard against her thigh.

  She stroked his cheek and ran a finger over his lips, tugging the lower one playfully, then turned her face up to his for a kiss.

  Justin raised on his elbow to stroke her slender hip and the length of her long silky thigh and calf. Her skin was pale and delicate, a pleasing and erotic contrast to his. He hooked her behind the knee and pulled her leg over his hip.

  She wrapped her free arm around his neck and he kissed her in a slow, deliberate act of seduction and arousal. Her responsive kisses were gentle and imaginative. She made feminine, kittenish sounds that nearly hurt him, they were so titillating.

  When she touched him he groaned, a response dredged from his very sum and substance, and she greedily took his weight and held him fast with surprisingly strong limbs.

  “Justin, do you have another—”

  He untangled himself and hurried to find his wallet and returned to find her smiling, her silky hair in tangles, a glow of anticipation in her eyes. Even in the semidarkness he could see that her sweet lips were damp and swollen.

  He deliberately pushed her to her back and pressed his face to the soft skin of her belly. He nudged her little camisole up just enough to taste the underside of her breast. She didn’t stop him so he did the same to the other, then laved his way to her nipple and took it into his mouth.

  She sucked in a breath and held it until he kissed his way back to her navel.

  He sat and met her gaze with a smile he hoped showed her how he felt about her, about what they were doing. “You are so sexy,” he told her.

  “Yeah?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  She reached for him and he gritted his teeth against the intense pleasure. In minutes he was stretched out beside her again, kissing her, discovering ways to touch her that had her making those
sounds that nearly pushed him over the edge. He’d never known a more responsive woman, and her pleasure became his sole purpose.

  Somewhere in the dim recesses of his brain he knew there were other things he needed, like air, but none of that mattered now. Meredith was the center of his universe, and his passion and fulfillment revolved around hers.

  She climaxed under his touch as he watched her face and held her gaze. He kissed her tenderly and a single tear appeared at the corner of her eye. He touched a fingertip to it in amazement.

  She placed her hand alongside his jaw, a touch that was as adoring and intimate as any she’d given him. She made him feel powerful and competent. He hadn’t felt that way outside a courtroom for a long time. “It’s not too soon?” he asked.

  Her reply was to tighten her hold and urge him above her.

  He lowered his weight, eased himself inside her and shuddered with the sheer pleasure of being one with Meredith.

  “I can’t get enough of you,” he said, his voice gruff with desire.

  She framed his face and kissed him as though she felt the same.

  Tension intensified. Her body trembled and she strained against him. Justin steeled himself and held on until she gripped his shoulders and cried out, and then he relinquished control.

  He rolled to his back and she snuggled against him, her fragrant hair soft against his neck, her cheek light against his shoulder. She fit alongside him as though she’d been made for him.

  He liked that she didn’t pretend or put on airs. Meredith hadn’t minded letting him know when she was turned on and had returned his passion without hesitation. She was an incredible woman, and he was a little in awe of his good fortune in finding her.

  “That was amazing,” she said softly.

  “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he replied, a little apprehensive of something so good. He didn’t want to acknowledge how remarkable this thing between them was because it had happened so quickly and still seemed so new and tentative.

  On the other hand, he was a man who spoke his mind and he didn’t want her to doubt that he wanted more than this one night or even the rest of their vacation time.