For the Soul of an Outlaw (Outlaw Shifters Book 5)

by T. S. Joyce

  “No,” she whispered in horror. “You won’t die. I won’t let you.”

  Kurt huffed a laugh. “Ain’t nothin’ you or anyone can do. Even if I wanted to fix the bonds, the Two Claws Clan killed every one of those cougars but two. I’m poisoned. I was too different. I went against everything, and my decisions led me here. I made all that improvement for my boy, and look what will happen? He’ll be alone in this world anyway.”

  “You stop. Stop it right now, Kurt. You aren’t going anywhere. You can’t just live a life full of grit and there be no happy ending for you. Or for Gunner. Or for…for…”

  “For what?”

  “Me!” Stupid, stupid tears. They burned her eyes, and she didn’t like feeling weak. “You don’t fit with anyone else, and I don’t fit in with anyone else, but we fit together. And if you don’t exist…then how will I?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I was so sad when you left with Gunner. I just…” She dropped her gaze to one of the seeping, gaping gashes on his chest. “I know you didn’t know me. You didn’t know I liked watching you or I was protective of you and Gunner. But when you left, I just laid around all day, wishing I could sleep my whole life away so I didn’t feel empty anymore.”

  “Tenlee,” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “I’m sorry I left. I didn’t know. If I would’ve known you existed, I would’ve questioned…” Kurt frowned. “Wait, did you write me the note?”

  “The one that said you should go?”

  Kurt nodded. “Yeah, that one.”

  She smiled uncertainly. “I learned how to talk and read and write after I Changed and found Momma Crow. That’s what I called her.”

  “Why did you write that note, Tenlee? I left Ava and Karis unprotected that night.”

  “I was there. I protected them for you.”

  “But…” Kurt looked baffled, and his cheeks were flushing red. “Tenlee, that wasn’t good.”

  “It was good,” she argued stubbornly.

  Kurt pursed his lips and shook his head. “I don’t understand why you did that.”

  “Because I spy in town. No one notices a little squirrel. I go there and see who is a threat to my people, to Trig and Colt and their mates, but mostly for you and Gunner. The mountain lions were talking about you too much, like they were going to come for you. They knew you were staying here. And the more they talked, the worse it was getting for you. They were going to hurt you. And hurt Gunner. So I made you go away.”

  “Because you thought you were keeping us safe?”

  Tenlee nodded curtly. “I always keep you safe. I grant wishes and keep people safe. That’s my secret job. It makes me happy. Well…mostly. I got tear-stains on the note when I was writing it for you. I didn’t want you to go. I wanted to make it a love note and tell you how much I liked you, but I had to make you leave me instead, and I cried the whole time. Hate crying. I do that too much, and it’s weak. But I dotted the I’s with hearts as a secret I-like-you.”

  Kurt sat there frozen, looking stunned. “Do you know what that’s called?”

  “What?”

  “When you care about someone above yourself?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “That’s love, Tenlee.”

  Love? Oh, she’d heard lots about love, but never before had she understood it. Ramsey had talked about love like it was the same as loyalty, but it wasn’t. She hadn’t felt love and loyalty back then. But what Kurt said made sense. She’d never had a word for how she felt when she watched him work as he hummed to himself, or when he protected his people or played with Gunner. Her heart always filled with utter joy just being around him, even when he hadn’t known she was there. He placed his palm on her chest, right over her pounding heartbeat. She smiled at him and hoped he understood.

  Kurt’s shoulders moved with his quick breaths, his eyes so bright as he stared at his hand. Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum. Her heart was racing under his touch. “Nothing is what it seemed,” he murmured.

  She didn’t understand so she shook her head slightly.

  “You are a really good surprise, Tenlee. One of those surprises that changes a life. You feel important.”

  And now she was stunned. Important? Her? “Because I’m an Origin?”

  Kurt shook his head. “I don’t care about that. This…” He pressed his hand harder over her heart. “This is important. You are important.”

  It was the single best combination of words in the whole world. You. Are. Important. How many years since that first Change had she wished someone felt that for her? Ramsey only thought her important because of what she was. Not who. And here was this man, this good man, built on a lifetime of hard decisions, who was looking her dead in the eyes and telling her the exact thing she needed to hear to stitch up her aching soul.

  In this moment, right here, she knew she wasn’t alone anymore.

  But her Kurt smelled like blood, and there were lines of crimson seeping through his white T-shirt. Though he was a powerful and capable man, he was right. His decisions had poisoned him.

  And so now she had a new secret job. She had to figure out how to keep the crows from her people, but also how to take the poison from the man who made her heart smile.

  “Make a wish that I save you,” she whispered, clutching onto his hand over her heart. “Wish that I save you so you can stay here with me and Gunner.”

  His smile was sad, like a ghost’s, and he shook his head slightly. “That kinda pressure on you ain’t fair to ask.” Kurt lifted his palm to her cheek, and his touch felt so good that she nuzzled against it.

  He was happiness-maker.

  “I wish I could purr, too.”

  His smile was slow, and he leaned forward and let her taste it. He kissed her like he’d been made to know exactly what she liked. Exactly what she hadn’t even realized she liked. He nibbled on her bottom lip, so she bit his top one gently. He’s mine. Mine, mine, mine. A shiver ran up her spine, but not from chills. It was from how good his hand felt brushing up and down her back. She rocked against him since he was already hard and thick between them.

  He spun her quick. One moment she was straddling his lap, and the next her back was on the mossy ground. Her stomach dipped with the movement, and she gasped. Injured or not, Kurt was astonishingly strong. As she peeled his shirt over his head, he cupped her sex.

  “Ffffuuuck, Tenlee,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers as he dragged his fingers through the wetness between her legs.

  It felt so good, she whimpered. More, more, more. She wanted more. She wanted everything.

  She was mesmerized by him. By his movement, the way his chest muscles rippled as he rocked forward with the rhythm of rubbing her clit. By his flexed triceps on his locked arm by her face. By the bulge of his bicep as he stroked her. By the heat he created in her middle. By the fire in his eyes as he eased back to look at her.

  Love. This was what love felt like, right? When the light was too bright and everything was blurry but that one person. Kurt’s dark hair was messy, he was unshaven, and he bore the marks of a terrible battle on his body, but that only made him look like a warrior. He was perfect, scars and all.

  He rolled his eyes closed for a moment as he pushed his finger into her. Tenlee was floating. God, how could anything feel this good? She spread her knees wider and rolled against his hand, begging him to push in deeper. And then his bright eyes were back on her, devouring the look on her face. Her heart was pounding so hard, so loud. It almost drowned out the soft, sexy snarl in his throat.

  With clumsy fingers, she reached for his jeans and unsnapped the button, then pushed them down his hips. He helped her, pushing his pants down, but he didn’t slide his dick into her right away. Instead, he laid between her legs, resting his weight on her as he rolled his hips against her, his thick shaft rubbing her clit over and over. He pulled her hair gently and then gripped the back of her neck as he kissed her, never letting up on the
rhythm he set. She was getting wetter the longer he took, and she was getting close, panting with his every stroke against her body.

  “You gonna take this dick?” he murmured against her lips.

  “Yes, yes,” she panted, spreading her knees wider. She’d never wanted anything more than him inside of her.

  Against his back, she clawed her nails as she chased his strokes, pleading for him to stop teasing her. Kurt eased back and pushed the very tip of his cock into her, but didn’t go deeper. Stroke after stroke, he stayed right there, easing in farther each time, stretching her slowly until she was arching her back against the ground at how good he felt inside of her.

  He sucked hard on her throat and pushed in deep, sliding easily since he’d prepared her. And for a moment, they just lay like that, him inside her to the hilt, filling her completely, connected. Connected. Had she ever been connected to any single person like she felt with Kurt? She couldn’t recall anyone before him. He eased back and pushed into her again, and there he was, brushing her clit just right. Ease back, push in, ease back, push in until his arms were shaking, until her breath trembled, and she uttered his name. Faster. Faster. Harder. Harder.

  The depth of her pleasure was overwhelming. God, that feral sound in his throat was so sexy. She clawed his back, so close. He arched, rolling his eyes closed as he slammed into her again. And then his attention was back on her, eyes locked as he bucked into her hard, over and over. Pressure, pressure, so much pressure and it felt so good. The intensity grew until she had no choice but to cry out his name. And then her body broke apart. It throbbed with such pleasure she had to close her eyes. Kurt pushed into her deep and paused, his dick throbbing hard inside of her, streaming warmth. Ease back, push in, but shallower now, slower, still throbbing like her body. They matched. He grunted low with every pulse, with every shot of warmth.

  And as he stilled on top of her, she expected him to get restless and leave her lying there wondering what the hell he’d just done to her body, but he didn’t. He rolled onto his side, taking her with him, not in a hurry to break their connection. He didn’t even flinch as he dragged her tight against his chest. It was as if he felt no pain at all.

  “Tenlee?” he asked as he drew slow circles against her backbone with his fingertips.

  “Yeah?”

  Soft as a breath, he whispered, “I wish you could save me.”

  Tenlee smiled against his chest and hugged him tighter. Thata man. There was a little fight. He didn’t know her well enough yet, so he didn’t realize what he’d asked of her, but she would keep him safe from his fate.

  She didn’t know how, but she would.

  Simple as that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Oooooh, she was nervous. No, nervous wasn’t a big enough word. She was terrified and excited but mostly terrified and a little excited, all on an endless loop.

  “I’m gonna do bad at this,” she hissed to Kurt.

  “Bad at what?” Gunner asked from behind them as he dragged a long stick through the mud.

  “Bad at meeting people.”

  “Meeting Mr. Trig and Mr. Colt? They ain’t people. They’re bears. And they ain’t scary. They’re nice. Mostly.”

  Yeah, well, Gunner was a cute six year old with puppy-dog eyes and a sweet disposition, while she had bitten everyone here, like, infinite times and had pretended for the last year that she was just a squirrel, not a girl.

  “I don’t understand why I have to go to the meeting,” she said. “It’s for Clan only.”

  “I ain’t Clan,” Kurt said, slipping his hand over hers. Well, that did help. She intertwined their fingers since touching him settled her down. Her body liked his.

  “Okay,” she said, searching for her optimism. “Solution—if they yell at me, I will Change and run away. Or bite them.”

  “No, no, no. Solution—you stand your ground because me and Gunner are there to back you up. And besides, I’ve seen you as a squirrel. You aren’t afraid of anything, so quit pretending a couple grizzlies are anything to sniff at.”

  “Colt’s gonna be so mad at me.” The words came out a little more pitiful than she’d intended, but that was her big fear today.

  “Yeah, maybe he will be, but you owe him an explanation. That’s what friends do.”

  They sloshed up to the big cabin. She turned to Kurt, then looked down at her clothes. She was wearing a red flannel fitted shirt, skinny jeans, and black hiking boots. They fit perfect and were stretchy and comfy. She didn’t have a style because that was for humans, but if she did…this would be it. Kurt had nailed it. “I like that you bought me these. Makes me feel good. And I like you picked out stuff you thought I would look okay in. I like that you thought about me, even when I wasn’t around.”

  Kurt’s smile was instant and crooked, her favorite one. “I never shopped for a girl before, but it was kinda fun. Karis and Ava gave me a list of stuff you needed, but I got to pick everything out.”

  She checked Gunner, who was playing in the side yard, poking rocks with his stick, and then she turned back to Kurt, leaned in, and whispered, “The lacy thongs feel like I have a wedgie. Never worn those before. And for good reason.”

  Kurt’s smile grew even brighter. “But they look hot.”

  Tenlee laughed and shook her head. Such a guy. She stomped her way up the porch stairs and across the deck, then steeled herself for a moment since this was gonna suck big hairy balls. She knocked like she had manners, which she didn’t, but until she knew the bears weren’t going to eat her, she would pretend.

  “Come in,” Trigger called through the barrier.

  When she froze up, Kurt made his way past her and shoved open the door. Gunner scampered in with her. The Clan—Hairpin Trigger, Colt, Karis, and Ava—were sitting around a four-person table near the kitchen, staring at her. She couldn’t hold their gazes, not yet, so she did what Kurt and Gunner were doing and took her muddy boots off and set them in a line with the others near the door. She liked the way her boots looked lined up with Kurt and Gunner’s, like a little family.

  “Smells good in here,” Kurt rumbled.

  And he was right. It smelled like slow-cooked beef stew and fresh cornbread.

  “Well,” Colt drawled, “we didn’t know what kind of food Genie could eat besides nuts and grapes.” Oh, he sounded so not enthusiastic about her little secret-revealed self.

  “I guess I owe you some answers,” she murmured, eyes downcast like a good non-predator shifter in a room of angry monsters.

  “Fuck yeah, you do,” Colt said. “You’ve seen my dick like a hundred times!”

  “’S not a dick,” Gunner said primly as he dragged his stick across the scraped-up wood floors toward the back room. Over his shoulder he called, “’S a penis.”

  Kurt and Trigger snorted, and Ava giggled.

  Tenlee frowned at Colt. “What are you talking about?”

  “How many times did I undress in front of you? And you were sitting in your little cage pretending to be my pet. I feel violated.”

  “Okay, first of all,” she growled defensively, “everyone has seen your penis because you walk around the ranch naked all the time.”

  Kurt plopped on the couch and flicked up two of his fingers. “She has a point.”

  “And second,” she continued, “I wasn’t trying to look at your penis!”

  “Can we stop saying penis?” Trigger said, his face all scrunched up.

  Karis scrubbed her hands down her face and sounded tired when she said, “How long have you been Colt’s pet?”

  “Since birth!” Colt said, his face red. “I raised a little squirrel-girl from birth. She’s like my child, and she saw my dick.”

  “Colt,” Karis gritted out in warning, glaring at him.

  “What?”

  “You saved a squirrel two years ago. Think about it.”

  “Think about what? I held her little pink hairless body in my hands, Karis! And now I feel super weird.”

  Karis
sighed and gestured to Tenlee. “Does she look like a two-year-old?”

  “I don’t know!” Colt bawled out. “I ain’t good at math!”

  “You had a squirrel named Genie,” Tenlee said. “She is not me, and I’m not her.”

  Colt’s eyes were bright gold, and he smelled like fur and potent confusion. “I don’t get it.”

  “You let your squirrel outside, thinking she would return to you, and guess what she did? She fuckin’ ran away and never looked back. I was hanging out in the woods, and it was cold. You sat on your front porch every night waiting for that disloyal little skank to come back, so I took her place.”

  “Do you have a crush on me?” he asked, sounding shocked. “I mean…why would you come live in my house and never tell me you were…you?”

  Tenlee looked over at Kurt and wrung her hands. All she wanted to do was run. He shook his head slowly at her like he could read her thoughts. Stand your ground, girl.

  “I disappoint people,” she murmured, straightening her spine. She pointed to Trig. “You fight.” She pointed to Colt. “You protect.” And then she pointed to herself. “I disappoint. I’m better at being a squirrel than a person, and I was happy to be your pet because you were nice to me. You thought nice things about me, you let me be protective back, and you’re my best friend.” The last words tumbled past her lips, end over end before she could stop them.

  “So…you don’t have a crush. That’s not why you bit everyone who tried to get close to me?”

  She shook her head and gestured to Kurt. “I have a crush on him. But you were my person to protect, so if you got upset over anything, I bit whoever made you upset to punish them. And I listened when you vented to me. When you made wishes on me, I tried to make them come true so you could be happy because when I first came here, you were really sad. You looked sick when you stared at your scarred-up face in the mirror, and I hated what was going on in your head because I understood it. I don’t like my face in the mirror either. And I wanted to make it better. So I did anything I could, quietly, to give you smiles. You didn’t know it, but you pet me, said nice things to me, protected me, and never made me feel like a freak. I owed you for that.” She swallowed hard. “It was a big deal to me. Sometimes I even felt okay being what I am. So when you made wishes, I tried to grant them.”