For the Soul of an Outlaw (Outlaw Shifters Book 5)

by T. S. Joyce

  Colt looked like he’d been slapped across the face with a fish. He just sat there frozen, drawn up, both hands clutching his knees, his eyes wide and unblinking. “So you aren’t a wishing squirrel?”

  “Well, I like to think that I am, but I’m not magic. I just tried to make things happen if you wanted them.”

  “Like me wishing I could bang the weather girl?”

  Tenlee shrugged. “I knew you were gonna be at the bar that night, so I called the news station and told them there would be a huge story there, and she and a camera man showed up.”

  “Holy fuck,” Colt said.

  Trigger and Ava were biting back smiles as the lightbulb started going off over Colt’s head.

  “What about the time I wished my truck would make it on, like, four drops of gas to the gas station in town?”

  “I siphoned gas from Trig’s truck the night before. Nearly choked to death granting that wish.”

  Trig scoffed. “What the fuck, Genie? I ran out of gas the next time I tried to go to town.”

  Tenlee shrugged. “Shoulda wished for gas.”

  “Okay, well that’s kinda funny right there,” Colt conceded. But then he frowned. “What about the time I wished I won the fifty-dollar costume contest at the Halloween party at the community center?”

  “Well, Joe Jackson was dressed as Chewbacca, and I figured he was the only one who had a shot at winning against your sperm-costume so, while they were judging, I told him I would make out with him in the bathroom, but then I locked him in there instead.”

  “When I wished for a mate,” he murmured, staring at her.

  “I got you a flyer for the matchmaking service and put it in your newspaper right in front of the comics section so I knew you would see it.”

  “I always thought it was weird that there was a shifter matchmaking flyer in a human newspaper,” he murmured.

  “Why did you hate me so much when I came to him then?” Karis asked quietly.

  “Because you were a shifter like me, but good at it. I wished he could stay my best friend, but you had to be his best friend instead. I got this feeling in my stomach when I was around you that made me angry.”

  “That’s jealousy,” Kurt said softly.

  “Yeah. That. I felt jealous. I tried to wrap my head around being replaced, but I don’t have many people, and I felt very protective of Colt. I finally figured out I wasn’t losing Colt. I was gaining you instead. And then I felt protective over you. And”—Tenlee gestured to Karis’s still flat stomach—“I’ll be protective of your cub when he comes along. It’s the way I’m made. Can’t help it.”

  Karis smiled and said softly, “I think we all need to start over. What’s your real name?”

  Colt’s eyes had softened, and the red had left his face. He didn’t look upset anymore, just a little shocked maybe.

  She glanced over at Kurt, who looked so proud of her, and he nodded his encouragement. Swallowing hard, she faced the Clan and introduced herself. “I’m Tenlee.”

  “Well, Tenlee,” Hairpin Trigger said in a deep, commanding voice. He stood and straightened his cowboy hat, then cocked his head. “You went to war against them cougars who came for Ava and Karis. Now, them crows want you for something, and you can tell us the reasons when you’re ready, but I saw you fighting for the girls that night. You were brave, and I owe you sanctuary, same as I owe Kurt and Gunner. So…” He offered her a slow smile, his eyes blazing gold under his hat. “Welcome officially to Two Claws.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tenlee squinted one eye open and stretched her legs under the blanket. Her old cage was sitting right in front of her, empty, the door open, a little toy bell dinging softly in the breeze from the tall space heater beside it. Colt’s couch was comfortable. It was this human body that wasn’t.

  But she’d sworn to herself she was going to give sleeping as a human a whole night because, secretly, she was making life changes.

  Tenlee knew what kind of love she wanted, but it wouldn’t ever happen the way she was. She was used to being alone and had spent so much time in her head lately. She had to compromise. Why? Because Kurt was human most of the time, and she was a squirrel most of the time. And over the last few days, he’d Changed more often just to be with her, but Gunner couldn’t Change that much yet. Too many Changes could be painful on a cub, so Gunner had to stay with Ava and Karis or had to hang out with two animals, Kurt’s mountain lion and Tenlee’s squirrel. And Tenlee could see exactly how that would play out, long-term. Gunner would get lonely and question why they wouldn’t stay human with him, or he would feel different from them, and she knew all about feeling different. She didn’t want that for Gunner, and she didn’t want it for Kurt, so the solution was she spent at least a little more time in this ugly skin.

  She frowned at the cage. She’d spent a lot of time locked in there and hadn’t minded a single second of it, and right now, that kind of bothered her.

  “You want coffee?” Colt asked quietly as he climbed down the loft stairs. “Or do you even drink coffee? I don’t really understand your diet.” His voice was somber, not the usual joking Colt. There had been a distance over the last few days that Tenlee hadn’t been able to fix. She hated it. Yet another thing that made her want to cry. God, this body was the worst. It made tears all the damn time.

  “I can drink coffee. Kind of. I mostly like it with sugar and whip cream. And one drop of coffee in it.”

  Colt shook his head as he stumbled sleepily into the kitchen. It was barely dawn so it was still pretty dark. “You and Karis both…” he mumbled in a gritty, sleep-filled voice. “Puttin’ trainin’ wheels on coffee is worse than waterin’ down whiskey.”

  Tenlee huffed a soft laugh, careful not to wake Karis who was still sleeping soundly above if her slow, deep breathing was anything to go by. The baby in her belly made her more tired. Tenlee could tell. Karis was sleeping a lot more now.

  Colt didn’t have a shirt on, only gray sweats. The scars that Trigger had made on Colt’s body were red and angry-looking as he fiddled with the coffee maker in the dim morning light.

  “I didn’t mean to trick you,” she said.

  “Well, you did, and that’s what our whole entire friendship was built on, and there ain’t no getting around that.”

  “You can’t trust me?”

  Colt locked his arms against the counter and stared out the window over the sink, his back to her, shaking his head. “I keep thinking of all these chances you had to tell me, and you didn’t. You just let me look like a fool, doting over a pet squirrel. Preppin’ snacks for you every day, worryin’ to death when you got sick.”

  “I never been sick.”

  “Then what was that?” he asked, turning on her and leveling her with a fierce gaze. “Why’d you go limp on us? I thought you was dying. Ramsey was coming after us, putting my mate in danger, and it was your fault, right? But I thought of all the times you bit someone like you were protecting me, so I wanted to repay that loyalty. I wouldn’t give you up to the crows to save this Clan from war.”

  “I know.”

  “But you still made me look like a fool, sleepin’ in that cage every night,” he said, gesturing to the wire contraption with the little bell still singing softly—ding, ding, ding.

  “You’re not a fool,” she rasped out over her thickening throat. She sat up straight and pulled the blanket tighter around her because she felt vulnerable letting him see her upset. “You were loyal even though you thought I was just an animal, and that says a hundred good things about the kind of man you are. I wasn’t sick. I was missin’ someone. I was heart-hurt that Kurt and Gunner left, and I didn’t want to move. I didn’t care about anything. Kurt was gone, and the crows figured out I was here. I knew my fate, and it made me sadder than I’ve ever been.”

  Colt’s face softened, and his grip relaxed on the edge of the counter behind his hips. “What fate?”

  She tried to force a smile, like humans did even when they wer
en’t happy. “Because someday I’ll be in Red Dead Mayhem again. I’ll be queen over there. Lucky me. Someday, it’ll be me leaving the people who make me want to keep growing and moving forward.”

  “Don’t talk like that, Ten.” Aw a nickname. She liked it. Nicknames were for friends. “The crows can’t have you.”

  Tenlee shook her head slightly. She didn’t understand. “You would still protect me? Even though I pretended to be Genie?”

  Colt huffed a tired laugh. “Ten, you are Genie, and Genie is you. I’m pissed at you and feel like dumpin’ your little ass on the crows’ doorstep just to watch you squirm a bit, but I wouldn’t. Your place is here. And besides, even if none of the Two Claws Clan offered you protection, Kurt would literally bring Hell to Earth to get you back. You felt his animal yet? Do you know what he is?”

  Tenlee shrugged. “He just feels like Kurt to me.”

  A slow, wicked smile stretched Colt’s face and lifted the scarred side. “Nah, Ten. You picked a monster.” He rolled his eyes up toward where Karis was sleeping above him. “All three of you girls did. Stop talkin’ about fates like they aren’t changeable. Everyone here shunned where they were supposed to end up.” He dropped his gaze to her and cocked one blond eyebrow. “Now it’s your turn.”

  Huh. Shunning a destiny? Those words sure sounded pretty, but Colt didn’t understand. He didn’t know that Ramsey had bonded to her, and a crow chose one mate for life. His animal had chosen her the second he’d laid eyes on her. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t bonded back. He would come for her until his heart stopped beating because he had no choice. It’s what his crow required.

  “I’m glad you’re still my friend, Colt,” she said, trying her best to hide the sadness in her voice.

  He narrowed his eyes and canted his head, studied her face, but she gave him another human smile.

  “We ain’t friends yet.”

  “Well…what do I have to do?”

  “You have to earn my trust back, Ten. Human friendships don’t work the same as a man and his pet. Friends don’t lie to each other, and you good as did that to me. For a year.”

  He gave her his back, and Tenlee blinked hard. Stupid leaky eyes. She always hurt in this body. Her heart always felt too big for her chest. It was hard to draw breath, and her tears burned her eyes. She hunched into herself as the first tingling sensations of the Change fired along her nerve endings.

  No, no, no, she wanted to keep this body a little while longer. She wanted to practice being human. For Kurt.

  “Genie, what’s wrong with you?” Colt asked. “I mean Ten…Genie…fuck.”

  He was there, kneeling beside the couch, worried eyes locked on hers, but she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see straight or think straight. “How do I stay a human?” she squeaked out desperately.

  “Why do you need to be one?”

  “To not run. To practice…”

  “For what?”

  “For—for—” Pain. Pain, pain, pain, burning pain, and she couldn’t stand it anymore. Just before she imploded into the little squirrel, she whispered, “For Kurt.”

  She landed hard on the floor and righted herself in a single, aching movement. And as she looked up, she saw it there in Colt’s eyes. Pity.

  Don’t pity me!

  He reached out with his knuckle to pet her ears, but she didn’t want comfort. She didn’t deserve it. He’d even said they weren’t friends, and everything was so confusing. She was horrible at this! Horrible at being a person.

  Mortification fueled her anger, and before she could stop herself, she bit his outstretched finger. And then she turned and bolted for the squirrel hole Karis had made in the door, out onto the porch, and then out into the wild. Where she belonged.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kurt slapped the loop of rope against his thigh and cut his horse the other way. He’d been working with Remedy, a spirited gray filly who had a good shot at being a decent cutting horse. She was naughty as hell, but she just needed chores. She did better when she was busy. And right now, her job was to help Kurt separate this little brown half-grown calf from the rest of the herd because he looked sick as hell. If he was gonna have a shot at living through the next couple of nights, Kurt needed to be pumping him full of antibiotics and electrolytes. Only problem was, something had riled up the cattle, and they were agitated. The momma of that sick baby was half Brahman and full-on mean-as-sin. She reminded Kurt of Deadfast, the bull that Colt had killed. That cow was a beast to deal with and protective to boot, and this momma had already charged Remedy twice with zero fear in her eyes. Rabid female.

  Everything fuckin’ hurt. His whole torso was on fire, and he was bleeding like a stuck pig today. Bouncing around on Remedy wasn’t helping.

  Fuck it, momma could come, too. Kurt let out the loop on his lasso and spun it slowly over his head until it was steady for a throw, and then the second momma cut to the side, he threw it at that baby.

  Missed. Sheeeyit. He never missed, but his ribs were on fire, and it was messin’ with his ability to help with the ranch. It was only gonna get worse. He was going to have to tell Trig what was happening to him at some point. He was going to have to tell the Clan he was dyin’ and beg them to take Gunner as their own. Fuck. The thought of not being there for his son gutted him.

  He sniffed hard and pulled the rope back in an arm’s length at a time. He circled around the cluster of cows that momma and the calf had dove into the middle of.

  “I never seen you miss before,” Colt said from right behind him.

  Startled, Kurt hunched his shoulders and rounded on him, a cougar snarl in his throat. Remedy skittered to the side and threw him off balance, and he winced at the pain of trying to right himself quick.

  “Shit, Colt! Don’t sneak up on a man like that.”

  Colt’s eyes were green today, human, but they narrowed under his hat. “I was plenty loud, Kurt. What’s goin’ on. You’re favorin’ that right side, and like I said, I ain’t never seen you miss.”

  He was sittin’ up on his bay, looking at Kurt like he was suspicious as hell. Kurt had plans to tell him and Trig how screwed he was at some point, just not today. He didn’t want them to pity him. He wanted to go out the way he wanted—tough as leather, and suffering in silence so they could remember him well.

  “What do you want?” he asked Colt.

  “Brought you lunch.” The Warmaker held up a brown paper sack with some weight to it.

  Now it was Kurt who was suspicious. “What’s goin’ on? You’ve never cared about pamperin’ me before.”

  Colt squinted at the herd of cattle, now moving away from their horses. “I wanted to talk to you about Genie.”

  Uh oh. Tenlee had acted weird this morning when he’d gone looking for her so he could see her before he started the work day. She stayed squirrel and was hugging onto his jeans like she was upset about something. Then she’d scrambled up a tree and watched him until he left. Something hurt her, and Kurt didn’t like feeling helpless. “Genie ain’t her name.”

  “You know what I mean,” Colt murmured. “I gotta tell you something I noticed about her.”

  “Something bad?”

  Colt ticked his head and made a single clicking sound. “I don’t know if it’s bad or it’s her normal, but I think it could be a problem for her.”

  Kurt pulled Remedy up to Colt’s horse and leaned on the saddle horn. “I’m listening.”

  “Did you know she slept as a human last night?”

  “What? She did?” Why hadn’t she come over and slept beside Kurt then? That stung. He would’ve given his left femur bone to spend a whole night holding her.

  “Last night she climbed in her cage, left the door open, made her nest like usual, but this morning I woke up and she was sleeping on the couch under a ton of blankets, shiverin’ like she was cold or upset maybe. Talked a little, but she got emotional and Changed back to her animal, but it didn’t look like she did it on purpose. It looked painful. And she
told me before she did she was trying to stay a girl for you. And I can’t stop thinking about the look on her face right before she Changed. Like she was trying so hard to hold onto her skin. I can’t pretend to know what that woman has been through, but it’s hard watching her struggle, you know? With identity?”

  “I’d guess you know how that feels,” Kurt murmured.

  “Yeah.” Colt licked his lips. “She said something the other day about having a hard time watching me hate my reflection in the mirror. She hated her reflection, too. And that sits heavy with me. I needed an anchor to accept the scars on my face and the reasons they are there. Karis fixed the way I look at myself, but with Genie…I mean, Ten? I think she needs more.”

  “More anchors?”

  “Yeah. I can see her trying so hard for you, but there’s a disconnect with her and the rest of this place.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We ain’t accepted her yet. It’s partly our fault, you know? The Clan needed a minute to adjust to something being so different than what we thought, but she’s sensitive, man. She feels everything. You can see it on her face. She don’t know how to hide a single emotion. She’s a watcher, she absorbs a lot, and right now I have a feeling she sees herself as an outsider. I think she needs experiences to anchor her more to the human world.”

  “Experiences like what?”

  Colt shrugged up one shoulder and turned his horse, kicked him into a trot, and called over his shoulder, “That ain’t for me to figure out. That’s her man’s job.”