Shattered by Shadows: The Innocence Cycle, Book 1

by J D Abbas

  Like a dam burst upon by torrential waters, Elena crumbled into Celdorn’s waiting arms, the waterways spilling over. “I want to believe you,” was all she managed to say before being consumed by shuddering sobs.

  “Finally,” whispered Celdorn into her hair. Elena held her breath and clenched her fists. “Don’t fight it, little one. Tears have a purpose.”

  While Celdorn comforted her, many of the men rose and moved around. Elbrion came and stood behind Elena’s chair. Her grief seemed to have completely permeated Elbrion’s body, and his luminous tears flowed steadily. He kissed the top of her head then held his hands there, whispering a prayer.

  All of the men had Elrodanar blood, endowing them with empathic ability to varying degrees, but most of them hadn’t learned the skills to manage the gift. Elena was unintentionally projecting such powerful emotions into the room, none of the men could avoid being invaded; it was unnerving to some, debilitating to others.

  He and Elbrion stood side by side, each with a hand on Elena’s shoulders. “I see you’re wrestling with the intensity of emotion in this place. It’s good that you are.” He paused and looked with great affection on his friends. “However, we must move forward.”

  He waited while the men returned to their seats. No one spoke.

  With a deep breath, Celdorn pressed on. “I’ll lead those that go to the encampment. Elbrion will accompany me.

  “Haldor will be in charge of the unit assigned to Rhamal.” It was so difficult to hand this to someone else. He wanted to tear her father’s heart out himself, but he couldn’t be two places at once. And Haldor would do the right thing, unaffected by passion.

  “Mikaelin and Shatur will go with him. You know the villages well,” he said, turning toward the young pair.

  “Tobil will lead those that go to Neldon, and Silvandir will accompany you.”

  At any other time, he would have paired Silvandir with Mikaelin, who were as inseparable as he and Elbrion, but he didn’t trust Silvandir to control his rage with Elena’s parents. Tobil’s steadiness might also help mitigate Silvandir’s recent volatility.

  Celdorn paused to consider the remaining two. “Dalgo, you will go to the encampment. I fear we’ll have need of your healing arts with those we find there.”

  To Braiden, he said, “You’ll remain at Kelach. Sleep in my chambers and conduct your business from here. No one is to come or go on this floor without your leave.”

  “Silvandir, have Dahmid and his men report to Braiden after we leave.”

  Silvandir gave a stiff nod, but his eyes flashed toward Braiden with a scowl. Was Silvandir second-guessing another of his decisions? Surely he could see it was the logical choice.

  “Braiden, as much as possible, stay with Elena and tend to her personal needs.” The young healer blushed and looked down. “I know you have great skills in the healing arts. They may be needed.” Braiden was the youngest of his men and the most reserved, but he was extremely well-trained and wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever was required of him. “Are you willing?”

  His eyes rose and met Celdorn’s with strength. “I’m m-more than willing, my lord. I-I am honored. I’ll g-guard all that is precious to you here,” he added, glancing at Elena.

  Celdorn smiled and squeezed Elena’s shoulder, which was rigid. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Silvandir’s frown deepen. He wondered why.

  “We have one more matter of honor to attend. Shatur, assemble the men in the Court of Judgment. I will address them as a whole before we leave Kelach.”

  ~

  Elena watched as the men stood, gathering their things. Her heart thumped. One by one they stopped to speak with her before leaving—except for Mikaelin, who bowed slightly from the other side of the table but would come no closer. She sighed.

  It surprised her to find how much it hurt to say goodbye and how deeply she feared that any of them might not return. She, who had always guarded her heart so carefully, had let them slip inside her wall, a terrifying realization.

  Elbrion squatted next to Elena. “Be at peace. We will return to you, Sheyshon.” He rose and kissed her on the top of the head, whispering what sounded like a blessing. Her heart twisted.

  Celdorn pushed Sasha aside and knelt next to Elena, but she wouldn’t look at him. “We’ll return in a day, or two at most. Braiden will take good care of you. Don’t worry,” he added, holding her face in his hands. She couldn’t meet his gaze or she would lose all control. “All will be well, little one. All will be well.”

  She nodded and gripped the scruff of Sasha’s neck. Please, please don’t leave me. Anakh’s going to kill you, and I’ll never see you again. The words bubbled up from inside, but she knew better than to speak them and bare her heart. They would never listen to her anyway.

  Celdorn stood and gently laid his hand on her head. “And you have faithful Sasha to guard you. You seem to have stolen her loyalty and affection,” he added with a grin, patting the dog’s head. “Take good care of her, Sasha.”

  The dog returned to her spot as Celdorn and Elbrion moved to the door. Bria followed, her tail between her legs.

  “I’m sorry, Bree, you can’t go with me. Stay here and help Sasha guard Elena.” When she didn’t turn, he waved her away. “Go on.” Bria glanced at Elena then went to her bed by the hearth, looking as forlorn as Elena felt.

  At the threshold, Celdorn looked back with a sad smile and gave a brief wave. Then he and Elbrion slipped away just as the specters in Alsimion had done.

  The room pressed around her, empty, silent, except for Sasha’s steady panting.

  It felt as if something had slammed into Elena’s chest. She stared at the closed door, unable to breathe or move, praying it would open. Praying they would change their minds and come back for her. Praying someone, anyone would come. She waited. Nothing. They’d forgotten her. Forgotten she couldn’t walk on her own. What would she do now?

  A tiny wheeze of a sound squeaked out, her life’s breath being sucked away. The sound crescendoed into a wail she couldn’t stop.

  She’d opened her heart, and they’d left her. The illusion cracked...crumbled...scattered.

  The cold reality remained: She was as alone and hollow as she’d ever been—only now, she wasn’t numb.

  Sasha whined, and with a strangulated sob, Elena buried her face in the dog’s fur. The hole in her chest opened wide and flooded with emotion that threatened to destroy her.

  Chapter 18

  Braiden stood a few feet behind Elena, a silent witness to the farewells. His chest ached. He knew it was Elena’s emotion, but he couldn’t stop it from seeping into him.

  He moved toward her, but when her whimper turned to a mournful keen, something stopped him, warning him to wait.

  Sasha inched back from the girl, crouching, whining as the air around Elena sparkled and wavered. The girl started to transform. Motionless and awed, Braiden watched as she shrank to less than half her size. It sent a shiver through him. How was she able to do that?

  Leaving behind the limits of her older body, the tiny girl climbed down from the chair, walked across the room, and curled into a quivering, sobbing ball in the far corner. Sasha slunk after her, ears down, tail tucked. When she got close, she went to her belly and crawled toward the tiny girl until she was alongside her, nose to the girl’s hip. Sasha’s head was bigger than the girl’s entire torso. A pale arm slipped across the dog’s back and patted the dark fur.

  Braiden hesitated then followed. “El-Elena?” He kept his voice soft as he eased forward, not wanting to frighten her. The girl didn’t respond, didn’t flinch as he sat next to her on the floor, opposite Sasha. “If-if it’s all right with you, I’m g-going to pick you up.”

  A cherubic face, framed in white blond curls, turned to look at him. Other than the trail of tears streaming down her pale cheeks and fluids dripping from her nose, there was no distortion; all her wounds were gone. Huge, anguish-filled eyes stared up at him. Braiden suppressed a gasp. Save for t
he absence of pulsating light, she could have been an Elrodanar child.

  The tiny girl sucked ravenously on her thumb as her frame heaved with sobs. When Braiden reached for her, she didn’t resist. He pulled her into his arms and cradled her, so he could look in her eyes—crystalline eyes, the soft blue of a winter’s sky. Sasha wriggled closer, filling the gap.

  “You’re n-not alone. I’ll st-stay with you until they return. Y-you have a family here, a g-good family.”

  He took a ragged breath and sang a lullaby he often shared with his little sister back home, rocking back and forth. Her little body relaxed, though it shuddered with sobs from time to time; his own chest quavered in empathy. She laid her chubby hand against his chest as she stared into his eyes. He placed his hand over hers, his tenor voice caressing her tiny form, longing to heal the worst of her wounds, the invisible, secret ones—ones she didn’t even know were there.

  When she was quiet, eyelids drooping at last, Braiden carried her to Celdorn’s bed, laid her on top, and covered her. Sasha leapt onto the bed, circled a few times, then lay at the girl’s side. Braiden brushed stray hairs from the tiny face and stroked the silky, near-colorless locks. After he was sure she was asleep, he moved a chair by the fireside and turned it around so he could watch her, in case she woke and didn’t know where she was.

  ~

  Elena’s one good eye stuttered open. It swept the room, searching for information. She was on Celdorn’s bed again with Sasha snoring peacefully beside her, but she had no idea how she got there. She hated when she couldn’t remember.

  The afternoon sun shone through the large, terrace windows giving Celdorn’s chamber a warm glow, so she guessed she’d been gone for at least two hours. Two hours since they had left her alone, since her heart had been torn apart. Tears burned her eyes, but she willed them away. She had to figure out how to survive now that they were gone.

  She tried to sit up but found she didn’t have the strength. She propped herself up on one elbow, but even that made her head throb. Groaning, she lay back.

  “Is the p-pain severe?”

  Elena’s eye popped open, surprised by the sound of Braiden’s voice. She tilted her head toward the fireplace. Even that small movement made the room spin. She covered her mouth and swallowed hard, taking a deep, shaky breath before answering. “There’s a lot of pressure, like my head is ready to explode. How long have I been asleep?”

  “A-a few hours, m-maybe longer. Are you h-hungry?” Braiden moved to the side of the bed where she could see him more easily.

  “No, thank you, I’m not.” She started to say more, then hesitated, warring with herself. This was so humiliating. And Braiden, with his finely chiseled features and wavy auburn hair, looking like he’d stepped right out of the ancient legends, the very image of Harach, just made it worse.

  “Wh-what is it?”

  She sighed. “I, umm, need to use the facilities.” She glanced at him sideways. “I’m sorry this fell to you.”

  Smiling shyly, he said, “I don’t m-mind. I’m sure it must be d-difficult to have to ask.” He easily lifted her and carried her toward the door. When Sasha jumped down to follow, he sent her to join Bria by the hearth to wait for them.

  “More than I can possibly express.” As they were about to leave the room, she asked, “How did I end up on the bed?”

  “I p-put you there.”

  Startled, Elena stared hard at him. “Did we…?”

  Braiden’s eyes widened, and he turned a bright shade of red. “Oh, n-no...no, I would n-n-never...You were d-distraught, and I laid y-you there so you c-could rest. That’s all. I-I swear.”

  She'd certainly rattled this shy young man, and it brought an odd sense of satisfaction to some part of her. “Why don’t I remember?”

  “Y-you...you were upset.”

  “The last thing I recall is Celdorn and Elbrion leaving.” She tried to reconstruct what happened after that. “I don’t remember you being there. I thought I was alone.”

  “I was st-standing behind you as you said your f-farewells.”

  “Oh.” Elena stiffened. “So you were watching when I fell apart.” Her breath wouldn’t come. She couldn’t tell him how terrified she was of someone catching her crying. She couldn’t believe she made such a stupid error.

  “I t-tried to give you what privacy I c-could during your grief.” He looked at her with concern. “Are y-you all right? You’re trembling.”

  She felt her eyes flitting as the pulse thudded in her neck, but didn’t, couldn’t answer.

  “Elena, there’s n-nothing wrong with giving expression to your grief. I-it’s understandable you were upset after C-Celdorn and Elbrion left. You’re in an unfamiliar p-place and in a dependent st-state. And-and since you didn’t realize I was th-there, you must have felt abandoned, left to f-fend for yourself.”

  Elena’s eyes came to rest on him. He seemed sincere and didn’t look the least upset at her for losing control. This world was so different. She thought back to her wailing and cringed. What else had she done? “Did I just collapse? I don’t remember anything after that, until I awoke just now.”

  Braiden hesitated. “Y-you cried for a-a while, and then you fell a-asleep.”

  Elena studied him as they continued down the hallway. “You’re not telling me something.” She eyed him suspiciously; he looked away. “What aren’t you saying?” What did I do this time? “Please, tell me.”

  She wasn’t as intimidated by this clearly naïve and innocent young man as she was by the others. There was a warmth and gentleness in his eyes—which were an interesting shade of green, not bright like hers, but deeper and richer like leaves in the dense shade of the forest.

  I could have a lot of fun teaching this unbroken stud what he’s capable of.

  Elena’s face flushed, and she quickly turned away, not wanting Braiden to see, glad he couldn’t hear the voices in her head like Elbrion. At least she hoped he couldn’t.

  “Wh-when you started c-crying, you went over to-to the corner and curled up in a b-ball.”

  He had her full attention.

  “How did I do that? I can’t move my leg.”

  “I d-don’t know, Elena. I just know what I s-saw.”

  “And I fell asleep like that?”

  “Well...not e-exactly.”

  “Well what, exactly?”

  “I p-picked you up and s-sang to you until you stopped crying and f-fell asleep.”

  She stared at him until he blushed and looked away. “Why don’t I remember that?”

  “A-as I said, y-you were upset.”

  Just then, they arrived at the door to the bathing room. Elena knew that Braiden was avoiding giving her more information, but she decided not to press him. He carried her in and set her on the floor, helping her to balance.

  “H-how do you n-need me to assist?”

  “I hate this.” Heat scorched her ears.

  “A-as would I in your p-place, but I c-can’t help unless you t-tell me what you require.”

  She glared at him, frustrated. “I need your help to sit down, and I need you to support my leg while I’m...sitting. Oh, I forgot,” she huffed.

  “Wh-what?”

  “Dalgo wrapped a wound at the top of my leg. I have to remove the bandage and replace it each time I relieve myself.” Her cheeks were on fire.

  “I-it’s all right. I’ll assist y-you.” His face reflected a beatific kindness, the likes of which she’d never encountered. “Tr-trust me. I-I was trained in the healing arts in Queyon. I-I have wrapped and unwrapped many w-wounds, though I m-must confess I have only treated men.”

  “I don’t know that trust is possible for me, but I’ll do what’s necessary,” she said stoically, unlacing her pants and letting them fall to the floor. She hiked up the tails of her long shirt and exposed the bandage—and other things.

  Braiden’s gaze immediately focused on her feet, his face reddening. “D-didn’t they give you any sm-small clothes?” His eyes m
oved to her face, avoiding the middle of her body.

  Elena hadn’t even thought about that. It had been so long since she’d been allowed to wear them. Her own blush deepened. She shook her head as sharp tears burned in the back of her eyes.

  “I’m s-sorry, Elena. I’ll make sure we g-get some. Though it might be difficult to f-find a boy as thin as you.”

  Flustered, Elena turned her focus to the bandage and attempted to unwrap it, but the dried blood had adhered it to her wound. Braiden’s awkwardness eased as he concentrated on helping her remove it.

  “I-I’ll get some w-water, and we’ll soak it free. W-we don’t want to r- reopen the wound.”

  “Please hurry, Braiden.” Elena wrinkled her distended nose. She didn’t want to further humiliate herself by having an accident.

  He was soon able to get the bandage loose and help Elena into the garderobe. While he supported her leg, he glanced around. “N-next time, we can move one of the benches closer, and-and use it to support your leg. That would g-give you more privacy.”

  Elena appreciated his consideration but wished there didn’t have to be a next time.

  Afterward, he carried her back to her own room, then left to get a fresh bandage. When he returned, he laid a black pouch on the table. “I’ll keep supplies h-here from now on.” As he started to wrap the wound, he said, “Th-there’s still a great d-deal of blood flow.”

  “I noticed the same this morning. Dalgo said it would be difficult to stitch that area, so the best option was not to move much and hope it heals quickly. The purpose of the bandage is to keep it from bleeding through onto my clothing rather than to aid the healing. There’s also medicine I’m supposed to have my caregivers put on it. It’s over there.”

  “Th-this?” He picked up a small vial from the nightstand.

  She nodded, already bracing herself.

  Braiden gently pulled her leg out to expose the wound. Elena closed her eyes and tried to breathe.

  “Th-this looks like...a-a knife wound.” Braiden sounded concerned and puzzled.