Losing Faith (Surfers Way)

by Jennifer Ryder

  I kiss him softly on the lips and then unhook myself from his warm hold and get into the car.

  Quade stares intently on the road, as we make our way down The Strip. I swear I can feel the tension radiating from his shoulders as he grips the wheel. It looks as if he has a lot on his mind. That makes two of us.

  We pull into the gravel car park near the beach. Stepping out onto the sand, Quade reaches for my hand. His sad eyes wrinkle at the corners as he gives me a tight smile. I try to grin back, but fail. I can’t bite my tongue any longer. I need to know if what Mrs Kelly said was true.

  “Your mum said Nari was back in town and she’s staying with you,” I blurt out. It’s been the only thing on my mind since the incident with Biatch Face. I need to get it out in the open and if it’s true, find out why.

  “She is,” he says with a nod. “Nari rang me first thing. I tried to call you at work this morning, but you didn’t answer.”

  I let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, sorry. It was pretty busy today. I only saw that you rang when I was up at Willow’s.”

  Would I have been better prepared for the run in with Mrs Kelly if I had known Nari was here? Absolutely. It wasn’t just the news of Nari’s arrival coming from his mother’s mouth that hurt, though. It was being called a slut by a woman I used to look up to.

  Quade’s warm grip tightens as we stroll closer to the water. “Nari is staying in my spare room tonight because I refused to let her pay for a hotel.”

  Heat rushes to my face. There must be a reason for her visit. “Okay,” I say, as calm as I can.

  “Nari is a friend, Lace. Nothing more.”

  “I don’t wanna sound like the über-jealous girlfriend, but why is she here?”

  “She won’t so much as admit it, but I’m pretty sure the reason is to check up on me.”

  I hang my head and focus on the tip of my sneaker, toeing at the sand. “Yeah, well your mother has other ideas about her visit.”

  Quade turns and places his hands on my shoulders. I glance up at the conflict swirling in his eyes. I hate seeing him like this. What words were said between him and Mrs Kelly?

  “Don’t let anything my mother said get to you, Lace. She twists and distorts everything for her own agenda. An agenda I no longer want anything to do with.”

  Wow. Looks like he’s finally cut ties with her. “I’m guessing your chat with her earlier didn’t go too well then. I’m sorry she’s making everything so tough for you,” I whisper. “It’s not fair … not right.”

  “I sat down with both of them. Dad wasn’t as stubborn as usual. He seemed to take in some of the things I said, but Mum just won’t get it. I’ve decided to take a step back and focus on my life with the hope that one day things with my family will get better. Maybe one day I’ll be good enough for them.”

  “Quade, you’re every bit of good enough. You’re more. So much more, and one day they’ll realise it. If they don’t, it’s their loss.”

  Quade’s hands glide down my arms. He entwines his fingers together with mine. “Anyway, enough about them,” he says, with a soft smile. “Will you come and have dinner with Nari and I tonight? I want you to meet her, but more importantly I want Nari to meet you. Is that weird?”

  He wants me to meet his ex? Hell yes it’s weird.

  “Yeah, kind of, but for you, I’ll do it.”

  “I want her to meet the woman I’m crazy about. The woman I love. I just hope you love me back even though I’ve screwed up more times than I can count when it comes to us.”

  “I love you, Quade Kelly. Tough luck trying to get rid of me.” As the salty breeze licks at my skin, I kiss him softly on the lips.

  “Love you too,” he whispers against my mouth.

  “Can I just ask one thing?” I hope it’s not too much.

  “Anything.”

  “Before we go back to your place and see Nari, can you talk to me about her? I just wanna know what I’m walking into, you know? You’ve never talked about her before.”

  Without another word from Quade, we settle on a dry patch of sand. I listen to the soothing sounds of the waves curling into shore, waiting for him to say something. He stares out to the ocean as if the water holds all the answers. I squeeze his hand in mine and offer him a soft smile. We need to talk about this stuff, but I don’t want to push.

  “When I left here, I was in bad shape,” he finally says, and looks out to the water. “I’ve battled within myself since that night. In my heart I was with you, and then my baby sister was stripped away from us. Mum and Dad blamed me. I should’ve gone to the property earlier. I was supposed to look out for her. I hadn’t heard from any of you, and I was too busy with my mates. When I looked at the time … I should’ve been there earlier.”

  I swallow down. The lump in my throat re-surfaces, larger this time. “Quade, it wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”

  “I know that now, but it took a very long time for me to realise. The first year or so was pretty dark. Every thought of Faith was suffocating. Every minute of that night would play over and over in my head. I’d torture myself to the point where I wouldn’t leave my room for days.”

  I run my hand down his upper arm. “You should’ve called. I was struggling too.”

  “I know. I should’ve done a lot of things, but my head was a mess. I wasn’t seeing logically, wasn’t functioning as a normal human being. Not until Nari came along.”

  A pang of jealousy hits me. Why wasn’t it me?

  “So she helped you turn things around?” I say with a shrug.

  “She dragged me out of the dark, made me start living life again. I was doing okay in my studies, barely passing if I’m honest, but she made me see that I was, well, living. That I had an opportunity to do things, whereas Faith didn’t. That I had to push on … make something of myself. If not for me, for my sister.”

  “Sounds like advice I could’ve used too. Were you and Nari serious?” As serious as Mrs Kelly makes out?

  “To a point. I don’t think either of us intended for it to be more than friendship, but we shared stuff. We became confidants to each other when we felt we had no one else. We were close.” Another pang. “But we weren’t in love, Lace.”

  “Oh.” Well that’s good to know. I nod, subtly trying to coax him to continue.

  “After we started seeing each other, I met Nari’s mum, who’s a psychologist. For about a year I saw her on a professional basis. When I felt like I’d put myself back together, I finally had the courage to try and patch things up with my parents.”

  “Had they tried to contact you since you left?”

  He scoffs and shakes his head. “Not even once, which made it pretty fucking hard to pick up the phone.”

  Wow.

  “I can’t even imagine. How were they when you got in touch?”

  “Mum was sceptical at first, but when I started talking about Nari it was like something clicked inside her head. Her son was in a relationship with a med student, and the bragging commenced. For a time, I felt like I wasn’t her failed son anymore and that she might accept me again. I’d always fought for their acceptance, always playing second best to Faith. I never resented my sister for that—my parents, sure, but they never supported the fact that I wanted to be a school teacher. It wasn’t big enough of a dream. Not when your parents are high society and your sister was going to study law and make a real difference in the world. Primary school teachers don’t carry that same kind of status or an earning capacity to brag about.”

  “Yeah, well whatever your parents think, what you do is awesome. You’re doing a really important job, Quade. You’re shaping young kids’ lives. Don’t discount that … even for the sake of your parents.”

  He lends me a soft smile, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “I won’t ever change that dream. It’d just be nice to get some kind of recognition, you know?”

  “Yeah.” How lucky I am to have supportive parents. So lucky.

  “So back to Nari. Mum and I sta
rted talking more regularly, but Nari seemed to be all she wanted to chat about. Although it hurt, I was grateful she was at least talking to me. Even though she still wasn’t open to talking about Faith, and I dared not bring her up, the lines of communication were open. My parents came down for a fundraiser one weekend and invited us both and paid for our tickets. It was clear then that Mum was head over heels for Nari. I love my mum, but she has issues. If Nari was a check-out chick or something, I guarantee she wouldn’t have latched onto her the way she did. As far as Mum was concerned, her future daughter-in-law was soon to graduate uni with honours in medicine. That’s when she started talking about plans for our future. Selfish of me as it was, I didn’t entirely shut her down.”

  “So how come you and Nari broke up?”

  “Whilst my mother would have happily organised a big wedding for us, Nari and I both knew the relationship had a time limit on it. She’s a city girl, starting a new job at a hospital in Perth, and I’m the small-town boy with dreams of teaching sport to young kids.”

  I slip my hand into his. He releases a breath and entwines his fingers with mine.

  “Even though Nari and I aren’t together anymore, I know that we’ll always be friends. I wouldn’t be where I am now, without her.”

  “I’m so glad you had someone then.” I take his face in my hands, his stubble prickling against my palms. “I just hope you’ll let me be that someone now.”

  “You’ve always been that someone, Lace. I’m just sorry I shut you out.”

  “Don’t be sorry. Just know that I’m here … always.”

  I press my lips to his, savouring the heat of his mouth and the rumble of appreciation that reverberates in the back of this throat.

  “There’s just one thing, about tonight,” I say against his lips. “Something I’m not entirely happy about.”

  “Tell me. I want you to feel comfortable.”

  A huge grin spreads over my lips. By Quade’s frown, he clearly has no idea what I’m about to say.

  “We’ll have to wait longer for round two of make-up sex.”

  He pulls me into his arms and laughs in my ear. “Lace, if you keep the screaming down, I’m sure we can get away with it in the next room.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Quade squeezes my hand as we walk into his place. A sweet vanilla perfume hits me head-on. Heat prickles at my cheeks. Will she be as sweet to me as she smells?

  In slow steps we reach the lounge room.

  Straight out of the pages of a fashion magazine, she rises to her feet and glides towards us in a flowing peach and maroon summer dress. She is tall, with captivating brown eyes and perfect olive skin. Her long, silken black hair floats behind her with each step. She’s stunning.

  My heart jumps into my throat. I think something resembling the word “hi” slips out.

  “Lacey this is Nari. Nari, this is my girl, Lace,” Quade says, squeezing my hand in his.

  “So you’re the Lacey, huh?” she says and smiles.

  The hairs on the back of my neck stand tall. I swallow hard. “Yup. That’d be me.”

  She offers her hand. “Well, it’s so great to finally meet you. Of course Quade probably won’t admit it, but he’s told me so much about you.”

  I shake her hand and huff out my nose in relief. “All good, I hope.” That’s what people say to something like that, don’t they?

  “I’ll get us something to drink,” Quade says and moves into the kitchen. Could he have left the room any quicker?

  “Come sit down,” she says with a smile. “You’re making me nervous.”

  A nervous laugh bubbles up my throat. I sit on one couch, and Nari sits on the other.

  “Can I say something?” she says and leans in closer, giving me another dose of vanilla. Damn, she smells good.

  “Shoot.”

  “He finally seems happy. I can see that in the way he looks at you.”

  Heat rushes to my face. “Thanks. That’s nice of you to say.” The next thing I want to say is a little harder to voice, but I know that I need to. It’s important. “I know he’s had some hard times, and I wanna thank you for being there for him, Nari.” Even though I’m hell jealous that you were.

  “Of course. He’s a beautiful person and I’d do anything for him. I’m just glad he has someone like you in his life … and your family too. He talks so fondly of them. Family is really important to him. Yours included.”

  “My parents adore him. I swear my mother has a crush on Quade. I just wish his own mother appreciated him more. It’s pretty sad.”

  Glasses rattle in the kitchen. What’s taking him so long?

  “Yeah, it is sad. I know it takes some people time to grieve, but to me, there must be other issues in her life that are stopping her from moving on. How do you get along with her?”

  “Um, I don’t. This afternoon a prime example.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I had a run-in with her and she basically told me that you were back in town to whisk him away from the lowly pizza girl, although that’s putting it kindly compared to what she actually said.”

  Nari shakes her head. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry.”

  “She’s convinced you’re here to get back with Quade.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Quade and I are friends. I’m here to say goodbye in person before I move to Western Australia in the new year. I also wanted to see how he’s getting along. It was a big thing for him, moving back. The pressure he put on himself to come here and make everything right was enormous.”

  Of course, now I’m curious. Maybe as time goes on, Quade will open up to me more about this stuff. “Yeah. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been.”

  “How hard what would have been?” Quade says as he walks in. He hands Nari a bottle of beer and a tall glass of Coke with ice to me.

  “Now, now, girl talk is classified,” Nari warns Quade.

  “No ganging up on me,” he says. “Why don’t you both come out back and keep me company while I cook the steaks?”

  We sit outside on the back porch and talk about med school, legal studies, pizzas, and schoolkids as Quade cooks meat on the barbeque. The more I get to know Nari, the more grateful I am that Quade has her in his life. Craziness aside, I can see why Mrs Kelly latched on to her.

  After dinner, I kick both Quade and Nari’s arse at Uno. Five times in a row.

  A couple of hours later, Nari lets out an almighty yawn and stands up from the table. “I’m going to say good night, you two. I’ll be leaving early in the morning.”

  I stand up from the table. Before I know it, Nari has pulled me into a hug. “Take care of each other,” she says softly in my ear.

  “I promise. Please come visit. Anytime.”

  Nari turns to Quade, and offers him her hand. “You got yourself a good egg there, Quade.”

  Quade chuckles as he shakes her hand. “Sure do. All the best, good doctor.”

  ---

  “Ohmygod, ohmygod, oh, ow, oooh, oh God.” The words spew from my mouth garbled and in between gasping for breath.

  “I know it feels so good,” Quade whispers against my neck, biting on the sensitive flesh of my earlobe.

  I’m in pain. Horrific pain. My foot. Cramping. I’m dying.

  He puts my leg up onto his shoulder and the pain tears down my calf muscle.

  “Ahhhh,” I cry out, trying to focus on the good sensations where our bodies meet.

  “Yeah,” he growls.

  “Owww. No,” I grunt out.

  “No?”

  “My foot … cramps … we need to stop.”

  “Oh,” he says, slowing his hips. “So this scream is a bad scream, then.”

  “Yes!” He moves off me. I jump from the bed and stretch out my leg and foot. Mother effer-

  “For a second there, I thought you were putting on a show for Nari. Making it clear that I’m your man,” he whispers loudly.

  “Don’t be such a caveman.”

  In
reality, if she overhead, I’m okay with that.

  ---

  That afternoon, I’m on Quade’s doorstep when he pulls his truck into the driveway after work. After the debacle with the cramp this morning, the mood was well and truly killed.

  “I’m good to go. No more cramps,” I inform him.

  Quade hauls me into his arms, carries me through the front door, and plonks me on the couch.

  He wastes no time settling between my legs, slamming his lips into mine. His mouth is hungry, as is mine, but I’m not getting enough air.

  I hold his face in my hands and create more space between our lips.

  “Slow,” I tell him. Kiss. “Been thinking about this all day, don’t rush.” Kiss.

  My phone rings. Go to voicemail, I’m busy.

  I have no idea how much time passes, but kissing this man has my body on fire. I want to jump his bones, but this feels so good. We can always come back to this …

  “Making out with you is like the best thing ever,” I mumble against his lips.

  He scoffs. “That doesn’t say much about our sex life.”

  “I happen to think it says everything about the sex. I swear I could have an O on the spot after a good pash-sesh with you.”

  My phone rings again. Goddamn it! Trying to pash with my boyfriend here!

  “Do you need to check that?” Quade says, rolling his hips against mine and letting me feel exactly how hard this little kiss-fest has got him.

  The call goes to voicemail. Then it starts ringing again.

  “Okay, I’ll answer it.” I move out from under him and snatch the phone from my satchel.

  I answer the call from Lily.

  “Hi, Lil. Having a pizza emergency?” I joke. Quade moves one hand to the waistband of my shorts and pinches my nipple through my shirt with the other.

  “Oh thank God, Lacey, I’ve finally got you,” Lily says, catching her breath.

  I sit up straight and swat Quade’s roving hands from my boobs. “Is everything okay?”

  Quade stills.