Accidentally Ever After (Accidentally Paranormal Novel Book 11)

by Dakota Cassidy

  Sometimes as they walked, she relived the most magical kiss she’d ever shared with a man. Remembered his warm embrace, the ease with which she’d opened up to him. Wondered if Jon felt what she felt—hoped he’d felt what she felt.

  Maybe what she’d told him about how she’d run away from Stas had left her a lot less warrior-ish and much weaker in his eyes. He’d kept to himself since they’d left Ellesandra’s, leading the herd of them like the expert he was, avoiding all contact and conversation, with her specifically.

  Which made no sense, and she planned to call him on his behavior. Because enough was enough. In her land, she’d always been straightforward about her feelings.

  Tonight, Jon was about to get a load of her feelings dumped right over his head after dinner. All that talk of staying in Shamalot then giving her the cold shoulder since the night they’d kissed was crap.

  Carl trotted toward her, his lopsided muzzle tinted with green. She held out her hand and he came to her, nuzzling her palm. “How about another story tonight, Carl? After we finish up dinner? I say we do Little Red Riding Hood? Or The Three Little Pigs? I think both have wolves in ’em.”

  Each night, she sat with Carl by the fire and told him one of her favorite fairytales from her childhood. Nina had said he loved to read, and in her efforts to make up for what she’d put him through, she made sure they never missed what she’d come to consider their special time together.

  She sucked at remembering the stories, according to Nina. Apparently, The Three Little Pigs didn’t have an evil queen or a talking mirror anywhere in their story.

  But whatever. She’d fallen in love with Carl, and when the time came to say goodbye, Toni knew he would be one of the hardest to part with.

  Carl stomped a hoof on the ground, which she took as a sign he approved. She planted a kiss on his head and chuckled fondly, continuing her search. “You got it, buddy.” She moved deeper into the woods to gather more berries for their meal, Marty not far behind her, humming to herself.

  But Carl stomped his hoof again, swishing his hindquarter against her thighs and shoving her back.

  “We have chores to do first, Carl. You know that. I said I’d tell you another story, and I will. Now go help so we can get you fed, buddy.”

  But Carl stomped his hoof harder, his soft eyes wide and fraught with something Toni didn’t understand. A sliver of fear spiked the back of her neck. “What’s wrong, little buddy?” she asked—just as she spied what looked like piles of berries.

  Kneeling down, she took a closer look. “Score!” she muttered to herself, scooping up as many as she could hold in the pocket of the warm pelt Ellesandra had gifted each of them with. The pelts she’d placed a spell on that kept them warm no matter how cold the bitter winds blew.

  When she lifted her head, she spotted a clearing where an adorable cottage sat smack in the middle of the frosty trees. Lanterns gave a cheerful glow from the inside, the eaves dripping with blue-tinted icicles. A hearth burned bright just beyond the big window in the front, warm and inviting.

  Hiding behind a tree, Toni peered closer as Carl began to whinny his discontent. She scratched his ears distractedly, still trying to see if anyone occupied the cottage.

  “Marty!” she whisper-yelled in her excitement. “Look!”

  Carl whimpered once more and there was a hint of panic in it, one she instantly needed to quell so they didn’t get caught, just in case whoever was in the cottage wasn’t on the up and up.

  “Shhhh, Carl! We don’t know who lives here. The way my luck’s gone, it’ll be some half-whacked Rapunzel who’ll try to strangle me with her luscious hair.”

  Carl whinnied one more, bumping into her to try to turn her back in the other direction—and that was when she felt the sharp edge of a knife at her ribs.

  “Looking for something, milady?”

  Her eyes flew open as they adjusted and she saw the outline of cloaked, huddled figures. As they came into focus, she caught sight of Marty, her big blonde hair mashed up against another man’s chest, his gleaming knife at her throat. She was struggling from behind the hand he had clamped over her mouth.

  He began to drag Marty backward, the hood on his coat hiding his face, but his eyes—she caught a glimpse of his eyes, and they glowed an ominous red.

  What the hell? Were they wolves?

  The Three Little Pigs wolf? No. Maybe the Big Bad Wolf wolf? Or more of the queen’s henchmen? Fear struck with a sharp ping in her gut.

  The man at her side gripped her arm, pressing the tip of the knife to her waist. “I’ll gut ye like a pig if ye don’t move yer pretty arse. Now!” he roared gruffly in her ear, making her jump.

  Carl stood caught between the foursome, his sweet eyes helpless. He’d been trying to warn her. Damn. When would she learn to pay better attention?

  “Look at what we have here, Bromley,” the man cackled, rounding on Carl and dragging her along with him. “Supper, eh, mate?” He looked to his partner in crime, who nodded back.

  “Aye! We’ll feast for a week!”

  The hell. Toni sprang into action without thinking. With her free hand, she waved Carl away. “Shoo-shoo, small creature of the forest. Go find your mother now,” she said woodenly, staring hard into his eyes, hoping against hope he’d get the message she was trying to convey. Get help.

  As the henchman began to drag her away, she dug in her heels. “Wait, wait, waaaait!” Toni yelped, yanking at her imprisoned arm. “Before ye gut me pretty arse like a pig, quick question?”

  The man whirled her around, his face confused, but his eyes were the same red as his friend. “Speak!” he demanded, giving her a bone-rattling shake.

  “If you huff and puff, can you blow that house down?”

  As he pondered her question, she shot Carl another urgent signal with her eyes. Carl obviously wasn’t getting the message because he refused to budge.

  The henchman gripped her arm harder, digging his grimy nails into her flesh. “What is this nonsense ye speak, lass?”

  “What about that nonsense don’t you understand?” she asked, as her teeth chattered but her chin lifted in defiance. “Hang on, I’ll go slow. If. You. Huff. And. Puff. Can. You. Blow. That. House. Down? Has working for the evil queen stolen your hearing?”

  The henchman growled at her, jamming his face into hers and flashing his sharp teeth, dripping with saliva. But she refused to back down as she tried once more to shoo Carl with her hand. “Wow, what dirty teeth you have. You should see a toothbrush about that.”

  The henchman snarled again, pressing the knife tighter to her waist. He gave her a hard shove—and that was when Carl gave her opportunity to strike.

  He reared upward on his hind legs and whinnied long and loud, startling the men and giving Toni the chance she needed to break free.

  With a howl, she yanked her arm from the man and barreled toward Marty’s captor, her head down, her feet moving like they were on fire. She ran straight for the man with the hood, only to hear Marty scream, “Run, Toni! Get to the cottage!”

  Toni lifted her head at the odd demand, slowing her roll to stop just twenty feet from where the hooded man stood with her friend.

  Why would she advise her to run to the cottage and not help her escape the clutches of a guy with glowing eyes?

  Oh, wait. I know, I know! that little voice inside her screamed. You, Toni Vitali, have been fucked again! That’s not really Marty, Super Genius, and you shouldn’t go to the cottage.

  Duh, duh, duh! She wanted to scream.

  “I have her now, Stokes!” the man with Marty yelled.

  But she had no time to fret over her foolishness as flaming arrows began arcing the sky. Grabbing the harness on Carl’s back, she began to run for cover, but he was slow and sluggish, his gait hindered by whatever had happened to him in his human form.

  And then she remembered. Again. She could damn well breathe fire.

  Dragging Carl as fast as she could, she did head for the cottage, darting
between flaming arrows as though she were wearing a pair of Air Jordans rather than four-inch heels.

  “Stay behind me, Carl!” she hollered as an arrow landed directly in front of her. “Don’t move!”

  Inhaling deeply, she prayed her reach would go far enough into the woods to fry the bastards.

  The harsh taste of smoke filled her lungs, forcing her to exhale in a long, shuddering cough. Fire erupted in a molten orange-and-blue stream, thick and wide as she swerved her head and just as she heard the men scream, she heard her name.

  “Toni! Over here! Come to me!” Jon bellowed as what sounded like Dannan’s footsteps pounded through the forest.

  “Toniiiiiii! We’re coming!” Nina roared.

  Yeah. Right. That wasn’t Nina. She wasn’t falling for that again. Instead, she exhaled harder, moving her head from side to side until stream after stream of fire flew from her lips.

  “Knock it the fuck off!” Nina yelled again as footsteps neared.

  Toni hiccupped, stopping the flow of fire as she peered into the night.

  As the smoke cleared, Nina stomped forward waving away the smoke, half of her hair and a portion of her gown totally obliterated, the bluebirds, though quiet now, still circling her head, their feathers singed and puffs of smoke spewing from their tiny beaks.

  “You got the bad guys. Now cut it the fuck out and listen to me, Fire Starter! It’s me, nitwit!”

  Oh no. No, no, no. Toni backed away, pushing Carl with her. They rounded the corner of the back of the cottage, plowing their way through deep snow to stop on a small patio area with a back door. As footsteps grew closer, so did Toni’s panic.

  Obviously, these particular bad guys weren’t going to give up so easily, and she had to protect Carl or they’d be making reindeer soup out of him—or Nina’d make Toni soup out of her if he ended up hurt. But he was too slow to make a break for it.

  Think, Toni. Think. What’s the one thing they’d never suspect you to do?

  Trap herself inside the cottage.

  Holding her finger to her lips, she looked at Carl to signal him to be quiet, yanking on his harness and dragging him toward the tiny red door.

  With a slow turn of the handle, she found it swiveled all the way. Thank God.

  Leaning down, she whispered in Carl’s ear, “On three, buddy,” and pointed to the cottage door. Holding up her fist, she threw up her fingers one at a time and on three, burst through the cottage door, yanking Carl in with her and slamming it shut.

  She whirled around, her eyes searching for a lock or a bolt to secure their safety as she heard the rumble of footsteps coming from the other end of the tiny cottage. “Front door’s open, dingbat.”

  Her heart began to pound as Carl pulled away from her, running toward the front of the cottage. “No, Carl!” she hissed. “That’s not Nina!”

  “Get in here, nutball! Now!”

  Okay, maybe that was Nina. How could she be sure?

  And then there were gasps.

  Then the maybe-not-so-fake-after-all Nina said, “For the love of dolphins. Is there anybody in your fucked-up kingdom who doesn’t have more issues than Playboy, Flawless?”

  Toni snuck to the quaint kitchen’s entryway and poked her head around the corner to see everyone was gathered about a big claw-foot tub.

  But was it really everyone, or were they just shifters pretending to be everyone?

  How was she supposed to know? They needed a safe word or something.

  “I smell you, Fire Starter,” Nina said. “Get the hell in here, and do it now, or I swear on these stupid wings flapping around behind me, I’m going to rip your feet off and take them to the damn castle myself!”

  Toni stepped out from the entryway and into the light of the sitting room as the group parted to fully reveal the claw-foot tub.

  Toni’s mouth fell open, but only after she, too, gasped.

  Note to Realm,

  Look, I’ve been introduced to many a wonder here in your magical kingdom. Good times I’ll remember for always. A gift, really. But this? Well, you’ve outdone yourself. Kudos.

  She lifted a finger and pointed toward the tub. “Is that a…?”

  “Mermaid, honey. I’m a mermaid. You want me to sound it out for you?”

  * * * *

  Squirrels and rabbits and all manner of small forest creatures hovered in a corner by the fireplace, shivering as Nina began scooping them up, stroking their heads while she ordered the bluebirds to explain that they weren’t there to harm them.

  Seven small men in pointy red-and-white-striped knit caps with festive suspenders attached to their breeches stood to the right inside the cozy cottage, arms crossed over their chests, stout, short legs wide apart, stoic faces in place.

  One sneezed, and without thinking, Toni said, “Gesundheit.” She approached him with slow steps, taking care not to frighten him. “I’m Toni. You’re Sneezy, right?”

  “Who?” he barked up at her, his face scrunching, making his bulbous red nose almost disappear into his face.

  “Sorry. I meant, what’s your name?”

  “Charming’s my name,” he growled at her, his face screwing up into a scowl. “We’re the Seven Wharfs. And I warn ye, harm one hair on her head, I’ll make yer liver my supper!”

  “Okay, little man, chill on the death threats,” Nina said, patting him on the head with a grin. “We ain’t gonna hurt anybody. Sit yourself down over there with your little friends and mind your manners.”

  Then she turned to Toni, dropping two fuzzy rabbits into her arms. “Make nice. They’re freaked-out.”

  Jon sat beside the tub on his haunches as he listened to Muriel explain to him how she’d ended up in a cottage in the middle of nowhere after a battle with some sea witch named Pricilla, while the real Marty and Wanda rifled around in the kitchen, scavenging for food.

  Muriel was simply stunning, her red hair spilling from the bathtub and falling to the floor in pools of color. The sapphire-blue of her clamshell bikini top shimmered, reflecting against the four or five inches of water left in the tub.

  But her tail? Her tail was magnificent, regal in its ever-changing color, iridescent against the firelight.

  And it was a tail.

  She was a real mermaid.

  O. M. G.

  “What happened?” Jon asked, his gorgeous face full of concern.

  Yeah, what happened, Perfect Ten?

  Muriel’s eyes burned with anger, her creamy cheeks flushing red. “It was Pricilla the Sea Bitch! I angered her when I clubbed one of her smarmy pet eels to death after he made a pass at me. She hurled me from the sea and I landed here.”

  “How long have you been here?” Jon asked, looking around the cozy cottage with its homemade quilts and tiny chairs made out of rough wood.

  “Too long,” she drawled, fanning her fin, her eyes sad.

  “How have you survived like this, Muriel?” Jon asked, leaning into the beautiful woman…er, fish.

  She lifted a long, slender finger and pointed to the small, very angry-looking Wharf men with a gentle smile. “These little darlings fill the bathtub to keep my fin alive. But they can’t carry me to the ocean and they simply cannot do this forever. I so long for home,” she wailed, a tear escaping her emerald-green eye. “Damn that thorn in my side Pricilla! When I get my hands on her, I’m going to dine on her eels for supper!”

  “You know each other?” Toni asked, her eyebrow raised. Why it bothered her that Jon knew this luscious creature was a sure sign she needed to take a step back. She had no claims to him. He’d kissed her, and he hadn’t been back for more.

  Jerk.

  Jon nodded affably, his smile fond, his white teeth flashing as he allowed a squirrel to cuddle against his ear, scratching its chin. “Aye, she often swam near my boat with her sisters when I was a child. We’ve known each other many moons, have we not, Muriel?”

  She fairly purred her consent. “Indeed we have, I—um, Jon. Some of my most precious memories are from t
he days we spent together, when the sun was high and the water warm as a freshly heated bath.”

  Yeah, yeah. Good times.

  “So why don’t we just take her to the ocean?” Toni asked. “I heard it as we searched for berries, didn’t I? It can’t be that far.”

  “’Tis dangerous, Toni,” Jon said, as though she were some kind of dolt. “You have no idea the kind of power Pricilla the Sea Bitch has—she can steal your very voice.”

  Toni rolled her eyes at him. “Is that all? I can think of a few voices I’d survive without. Don’t be such a sissy. We just need to get her to the water’s edge, right? Dump her in…I mean, gently place her in the ocean, and we out. What’s the big deal?”

  “You know nothing of the sea, Toni,” he spat, his blue eyes angry, his expression tense.

  Was he willing to let Muriel suffer because he was scared of some crabby witch? Clearly, he wasn’t so flawless after all.

  The long day, her frustration, her aching, pinched-to-within-an-inch-of-their-lives feet, and her stupid, confining dress made her lash out. “No, you know nothing, Jon Doe!” she yelled at him, stomping toward the back door, her arms full of shivering bunnies.

  She opened the door and stepped outside, sucking in the bitterly cold air.

  “Touchy, touchy, Red. Your green’s showing,” Nina crooned in her ear.

  Toni whipped around to face the vampire. “Oh just hush. I’m not jealous. What’s to be jealous of? Her gorgeous hair, her perky breasts? Her emerald-green eyes? You’d think being in the water all the time would shrivel her creamy skin to a prune. But no. She’s this close to perfection. But am I jealous? Don’t be silly. I’m just tired and annoyed. She needs help, Nina. Are we just going to leave her here? She can’t live in a bathtub forever.”

  “You damn well are jealous, and I’m all in favor of throwing her back. But Flawless says this bitch Pricilla is badass.”

  “And we’re not?” she asked as she stroked the bunnies’ heads.

  “Look, kiddo, you’re way ahead of yourself. We’re weaker here than we are at home. You can breathe fucking fire. Sure, that’s pretty damn useful, but not so much in the water. Use your lady brains, would you?”