Accidentally Ever After (Accidentally Paranormal Novel Book 11)

by Dakota Cassidy

  Point. “Okay, that’s fair. But I can’t just leave her. I won’t. What if you guys had left me?”

  “We didn’t get a choice, remember?”

  Toni’s face flushed. “While that’s true, would you have left me given the choice? If Brenda hadn’t threatened you, would you have just washed your hands of me? And don’t lie to me because I’ll know. Remember, I don’t just breathe fire.”

  Nina scratched a fuzzy brown squirrel under the chin and smiled at him. “Fair enough.”

  “Did you just agree with me?”

  “Yep.”

  Toni looked to the sky with a cringe. “And there was no thunder? No lightning?”

  “Did you just push my last goddamn button?”

  “Sorry.”

  “Now let’s address the girly feelings because I know that shit’s comin’.” She looked at the bunny nestled in her arms. “Cover your ears, fluffy dude, here comes the whine.”

  “I’m not jealous.”

  “Yeah? Coulda swore I saw your eyeballs roll to the back of your head when the fish-chick was talking about moons and warm water. But maybe I read that shit wrong.”

  “You absolutely did.”

  “Liar.”

  “Am not.”

  “Are damn well so. You two have been avoiding each other like the plague since we left Fairy-ville.”

  She clenched her teeth so hard, she was sure they’d break. “Everything is fine.”

  Nina held up the bunny and rubbed him against her cheek, her voice raising an octave when she said, “Hear that, little guy—shit’s all good.”

  “Shit’s peachy,” she said, dropping another bunny into Nina’s arms.

  “Listen, I’m just gonna say this once and then I’ll let it go. The adrenaline in cases like these runs super high. So all those lady feelings get distorted and amped-up a notch or ten in your lady brain. You get all excited over shit that would normally roll off your back. Everything turns into a drama. Flawless is a good guy. He likes you. I can tell. You like him, too. That’s nice. So stinkin’ nice. But keep some shit in mind, here. You live in another realm, Toni. It’s not like you can catch the redeye here from Jersey to visit, yanno? So don’t fuck with the dude. I don’t know what the castle and all this happiness stuff means, but maybe it has to do with finding your brother, and that would mean going back to Jersey.”

  Her chest became tight. “You heard about my brother?”

  “Because—”

  “Vampire,” Toni interrupted on a sigh.

  “Right. Also, something else I want you to think about. This Stas is a lowdown fuck. If I ever run into him, his head staying on his shoulders is gonna to be the least of his GD worries, cuz I’ll eat his intestines for my midnight snack while I make that puke Andre watch. He’s a bag o’ dicks to be sure. But you didn’t do this to your brother, kiddo. You didn’t launder money. You didn’t hack off someone’s finger. You didn’t kill anybody. Stas did. You didn’t do anything but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You tried to make shit right, and no one would help you. That’s not cowardly. Clear?”

  Toni remained silent, but Nina nudged her shoulder, her eyes intense as she looked down at her. “Clear?”

  Tugging one of Nina’s sopping-wet curls, she nodded. “You’re all right, vampire,” she said, her voice cracking.

  “Yeah? Well, you suck as bad as this godforsaken dress,” she said with a grin.

  Toni laughed, forcing her eyes to her feet to keep Nina from seeing her tears, and then she sucked it up. “Here.” She handed Nina the remaining bunnies. “I’m going to convince a stubborn pain in the ass to help me get Muriel to the sea.”

  “Grrrr,” Nina said on a laugh as she set a bunny free to scamper off into the snow. “You get ’em, Red.”

  Chapter 10

  “Milady,” Jon said, keeping his eyes focused on tending Oliver when she tapped him on the shoulder.

  She’d thought long and hard about what Nina had said and tried to look at it from Jon’s point of view. What if her happiness was finding her brother and she had to leave here forever?

  Was he protecting himself from that possible fate? While it made her feel giddy and girly, she’d been pretty one-sided about this. But that still didn’t excuse him choosing to leave Muriel to suffer.

  “I have a bone to pick with you.”

  “I’m quite sure you do.”

  “First of all, how can you claim to be Muriel’s friend if you’re willing to just leave her here? What kind of friend are you, anyway?”

  “The kind who thinks of the greater good,” he said, the profile of his jaw rigid.

  Toni grabbed his arm and forced him to stop brushing Oliver. “Explain.”

  “I have a choice to make. One I do not make lightly, for Muriel is my friend. Nina must get to the castle so she can return to your land or she will die. We’ve already extend our journey by half a day’s walk. Would you have her die in order to bring Muriel to the sea, when I can do such on the way back? She is safe here with the short men. For now, that is good enough.”

  Suddenly, she felt like a total jackass. He was being a good leader and she was challenging his vast knowledge of his world. She’d snapped at him for no reason. She should have known honorable, chivalrous Jon had a plan, but she was so busy trying to make up for not saving her brother, she was mucking up everything else around her.

  Letting her eyes fall to the snow, she whispered, “You’re right. I jumped the gun, and it was wrong.”

  “’Twas indeed,” he replied tersely, his spine rigid.

  Which made her bristle. “I said I was wrong, now you’re supposed to accept my apology and the fact that I’m a total twit and we move on.”

  “Apology accepted,” he said stiffly, returning to his chore.

  But Toni couldn’t stand the tension anymore. One more long day without him so much as looking at her, and she’d just scream.

  She gripped his arm and forced him to look at her again. This time, her words were softer. “I said I’m sorry.”

  But damn he was good at holding a grudge. His glare was like the icicles hanging from the cottage. “And I said you were heard, milady. Now good night.”

  When he turned away, all fiery and brooding, it incensed her despite the fact that, even angry, he was hot. She wiggled her way between him and Oliver and waved a finger under his nose.

  “Don’t you dismiss me, pal! What’s up your ass, anyway?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted just a little. “My ass, milady? One cannot fit anything in a space so snug. Why ever would you assume something was lodged there?”

  Now she was angry. Angry that they had this language deficit, angry that she’d been a little jealous of Muriel. Okay, a lot. Angry that she’d gotten so angry.

  Toni made a face at him. “It’s a figure of speech, Smarty Pants. It means something’s bugging you. Now out with it so we can finish this journey to Castle Beckett like adults.”

  “I was not aware we were not behaving as adults. Your journey has been for the most part successful, has it not? Your heart still beats, yes?”

  Toni crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t you gaslight me, buddy. You know what I mean.”

  Jon’s jaw clenched. “I know nothing of this gaslighting or phones or intor-nets or cars! I only know you infuriate me, intoxicate me—”

  “Intoxicate you?” She fought a thrilled smile as their chests pressed together and he leaned in close, the wind lifting his raven hair to blow it across his perfect face.

  His eyes narrowed. “Aye!” It was fair to say he spat the word, as though he were irritated by his admission. “You with your talk of Jersey and the sway of your hips in your tattered dress…your long legs as they crunch along the snow in small strides. Your hair brushing your waist in enticing flashes of auburn. Your brave, selfless heart when you’re willing to risk yourself for another like small Carl and the maiden Marty. You intoxicate me, and I do not like such. It muddies my thoughts—”<
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  She threw her arms around his neck and laid one on him, stopping all talk when she clamped her lips to his and molded herself to his hard frame.

  Jon moaned into her mouth, dragging her hard against him, dropping Oliver’s brush and wrapping his arms around her waist.

  The rigid line of his shaft pressed at the apex of her thighs and her nipples tightened when he drew her tongue into his mouth. His knuckles brushed the underside of her breast as his hands roamed over her arms before threading through her hair, making her groan in response.

  Butterflies fluttered their delicate wings in the pit of her belly as the heat at her core grew. Her leg wound its way around his hip, his hand lifted her skirts, driving under her pantaloons and caressing the bare flesh of her thigh.

  And it was heaven. His calloused palms smoothed her skin, making her press herself deeper against him, wanting to absorb the heat of his broad chest, roam her hands over his wide back.

  “Ahem. Excuse the interruption, lovebirds,” someone said, tapping Jon on the shoulder.

  They broke free of one another in guilt, Toni falling back against Oliver’s side and Jon jamming his hands behind his back and clearing his throat.

  Marty sighed a dreamy sigh. “Aren’t you two the cutest ever-ever? We were just discussing the merits of holding you both down and forcing you to kiss and make up, but I see love conquers all. I love love. It makes me happy. Now, make yourselves presentable for public consumption because we got trouble, right here in Fairytale Central.”

  “Have the henchmen returned, milady?” Jon asked, his hand instantly going to the sword at his side.

  “Nope. Not that kind of trouble. This kind of trouble involves a dry well and a crack in that tub in the cottage. So finish making up and get to the cottage pronto. Oh, and,” she brushed her hand down Toni’s skirt, yanking it from her pantaloons, “lemme get that for you,” she said on a light chuckle before turning and skipping back toward the cottage.

  “Milady, my—”

  “Don’t you apologize. It ruins the moment,” she teased, looking up into his beautiful eyes.

  He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to plant another kiss on her lips. “This conversation isn’t over. We shall continue this later,” he murmured, taking his leave as he adjusted the front of his breeches.

  Toni took a moment to catch her breath, breathing in as much of the freezing air as her lungs would allow before she followed him inside to see what was happening now.

  But not before she secretly smiled again.

  Wow, he could suck face.

  * * * *

  “We have no choice but to take her to the ocean, Flawless. This shit can’t wait. If I let Ariel die on my watch, my kid would kill me,” Nina said, glaring at Jon.

  “Muriel, darling. It’s Mure-ee-ull. Sound it out,” the mermaid croaked, her face growing paler by the second.

  Nina frowned down at Muriel. “Can it, fish. Let the adults work this out.”

  The well to the Wharf’s cottage had finally run dry, and worse, the heavy weight of Muriel’s tail had cracked the chipped porcelain—no amount of heated snow would stay in the bathtub now, and as a result, the beautiful mermaid was suffering, gasping for air.

  “If we do this,” Jon warned, his face tight, “we must be prepared to face Pricilla the Sea Bitch and we’ll need all of our resources to battle her, but we must also prepare for the possibility of a delay in our effort to get to the castle—and that puts you in harms way, Nina. I will leave the choice up to you, but as you know, I am reluctant to risk your health.”

  Nina shrugged as Wanda and Marty squeezed each of her hands. “There’s no choice, dude. She’s suffocating. Can’t happen on my watch.”

  Jon began unwinding a long piece of rope, holding it up to show them. “A blizzard is brewing; we must stay together at all costs. Tether yourselves to this and hang on tight. We’ll walk single file until we make it to the shoreline.”

  Tears stung Toni’s eyes as she rolled up her puffy sleeves in order to help. God, Nina had more courage in her pinky finger than she’d have in a lifetime. “So tell me what we have to do. I’m in.”

  Jon pointed to Dannan, who peeked in the window. “Will you carry her?”

  “Aye, lad,” he said, giving them a big blue thumbs up.

  “Good deal,” Nina said as she picked the tub up and carried Muriel out the front door with the Wharfs hot on her heels, murmuring their goodbyes.

  Toni had to fight to keep her jaw from unhinging. Nina’s strength was something that took getting used to—even if she claimed it was weakened by the realm, but she was right behind her anyway.

  Gripping her arm as Dannan carefully lifted Muriel, she asked, “Are you sure about this, Nina? We need to get you home and the faster we get to the castle, the faster you get the blood you need.”

  Nina turned to her, pulling the hood of Toni’s pelt over her head and tucking her hair into it as more snow began to fall. Then she tightened the tether on her waist. “Don’t you worry about me, kiddo. I got this. But make sure you hang on to the rope tied to my waist, okay? If we lose somebody in this snow we got brewing, can’t promise even me, with all the vampire shit I have, will be able to find you. You’d freeze to death out here if you stopped moving. The cold doesn’t affect me. Got it?”

  Toni gulped. “Okay,” she whispered before she looped her fingers around Nina’s and squeezed.

  The vampire squeezed back before scooting around the tub and yanking Toni along with her.

  As they set out into the night, a line of road-weary travelers with Dannan in the lead, she fought the ominous shiver creeping along her spine. And when the snow began to blow and the wind began to howl, she sent up another silent prayer to the realm to keep them all safe.

  * * * *

  The wet wind stung her cheeks and made her eyes water, raging in gusts of bitter air as they stood on the sandy beach, preparing to set Muriel free.

  Waves crashed against the rocks in frothy splashes of saltwater, lapping at the shoreline in angry slaps to tear at the sand.

  The women all huddled together, covering Carl, who shivered violently. The bluebirds tucked themselves into Nina’s pelt, their tiny wings quivering.

  Muriel managed to lift her head, her smile grateful as she wiggled her fingers. “Thank you, my friends,” she whispered, her voice carrying on the wind. “If you ever need me, call my name!”

  Dannan prepared to walk into the water, Muriel in his arms, her head flopping weakly. He looked to Jon. “She’s so weak, lad!” he yelled over the wind. “Can she survive this?”

  “Aye!” Jon yelled back. “The water is her cure. Hurry, friend, before we find ourselves in peril!”

  No sooner had Dannan gotten knee-deep and set Muriel in the water than a whirlpool of black water swirled, heaving and lifting upward. Dannan splashed his way back toward them, ducking when a wall of a wave soaked his whole body, knocking him forward.

  Jon raced to their sides, herding them all behind him. “’Tis Pricilla, you must run!” He yanked out his sword, the glint of steel under the almost full moon not terribly comforting when a gigantic half human, half octopus torpedoed from the depths of the ocean.

  Pricilla shot from the water, bouncing upward, her tentacles swirling like the swing ride at the fair, whizzing, buzzing, cutting the water. Her silver hair, slicked back on her high forehead, shone under the buttery moon, her thick arms lifted high in the air as she waved her red-tipped fingers.

  But her tentacles were quicker than Toni, who slipped on some seaweed and fell with a yelp of pain. Jon ran for her, his strong thighs pumping, and stretched out his arm. “Give me your hand, Toni! Reach for me!”

  She tried to scramble upward as she reached for Jon’s hand, but she couldn’t get her footing; the sand was like ice, slick and evaporating beneath her at an alarming rate.

  “Jon!” she screamed over the wind, just before something slimy and cold wrapped around her ankle and dragged
her toward the water.

  A bubble of laughter sounded, deep and malicious, filling her ears. “Look what I’ve found, pets!” Pricilla gloated, rolling her tentacle toward her body until Toni resembled a hot dog in a slimy bun.

  Toni gasped for breath as the water pummeling her finally gave way to the image staring her down.

  Okay, so yeah. This was probably as scary as it got, bar none. Dragons? Not so bad. Kinda pretty actually. Wings, colorful scales and so on. The teeth were a little off-putting, but whatever. The Truth Fairy? Hardly scary. Just misguided and in need of a gold intervention.

  But this Pricilla? What nightmares were made of.

  And now Toni planned to get right with Jesus, because there was likely no getting out of this. Fire-breathing and falsehood detector aside, she didn’t have anything to fight off this fairytale villain.

  Pricilla’s bulging eyes peered right into Toni’s soul, her thick ruby-red lips smacking. “Aren’t you tasty?” she husked, her voice as deep as if she’d smoked a thousand cigarettes.

  “Unhand her, Pricilla, or feel the wrath of my sword!” Jon yelled from below.

  Toni almost rolled her eyes, but that was an effort because they were bulging. Jon was big on the sword wrath, but so far, it was kind of a dud threat.

  “Tsk-tsk, my little prince,” she cooed down at Jon. “You know better than to tussle with meee!” she screamed.

  Toni didn’t have time to reflect on Pricilla’s words, instead, she was too busy praying her organs would stay on the inside as the sea witch squeezed her so tight, she almost retched.

  “Toni! Listen carefully. Close your eyes—keep them shut tight!”

  Not a problem, she thought. Who wanted this beast to haunt their dreams for all eternity? She did as Jon bade, scrunching her eyes shut as Pricilla’s tentacles sucked at her flesh, pulling, squeezing until she was almost out of breath. But then she remembered why she had to keep her eyes closed—Pricilla’s squid ink would blind her.

  That would really suck if she couldn’t see Jon anymore. He was so great to look at. So she closed her eyes tighter.

  But then her feet began to tingle and twitch in that now-familiar way, and it was like coming home. Strength coursed through her body in tremors, waiting, pulsing.