Accidentally Ever After (Accidentally Paranormal Novel Book 11)

by Dakota Cassidy

  Nina and Marty splashed below and screamed orders to one another to grab a tentacle, while Wanda and Dannan did the same.

  But Toni almost didn’t notice for the zing of pressure in her feet, and again, her brain spoke to her. So look, here’s the thing. Your feet aren’t going to be a lot of help when you can’t move, yanno? Just keep your eyes closed and roll with this to the end. No pun intended.

  But her body had different ideas. Go limp, don’t stiffen up. That’s it. Relax. Keep your eyes closed and chill. The second she eases up on her grip because your pals are down there yanking her crank, use it to your advantage and bend at the waist then head-butt a bitch.

  But I can’t even do a whole sit up! I’m out of shape. My soft, white underbelly really is soft! her brain revolted.

  Find your core, Sunshine, and trust I know what I’m saying, her body insisted.

  So she focused, and the moment Pricilla reacted to the girls grabbing her tentacles by easing her grip, was the moment she bolted upward, her body flying full-steam ahead, her target aligned.

  Toni thwacked Pricilla right between her bulging eyes, the impact unbelievably making her fall backward. She crashed into the ocean like a rock, the sting of it making her cry out in agony. Icy waves pummeled her as Pricilla howled her rage and Toni fought her way to the surface, her feet mysteriously light under the water.

  And then hands, several pairs, were lifting her, pushing her, driving her upward, shooting her out of the water, where she landed on Pricilla’s head and latched onto her thatch of silver hair. She gasped for air, spitting the freezing water from her face and gripping tight.

  From below above, she saw Nina, Marty, Wanda and Dannan, their hands wrapping around Pricilla’s inky tentacles, but her mission made her forget everything around her.

  Kill the bitch for almost freezing her tits right off—because heavy dress, plus water that was at best twenty below, equaled frostbite.

  Pricilla began to roar her fury, shaking her head with wild abandon, spinning in circles like some mad whirling dervish, growing in size while the girls hung on to her.

  Toni held on tight, too, keeping her eyes clenched shut, opening her mouth wide and spraying fire at Pricilla’s silver head.

  Her screams were raw, furious, but Toni’s body wouldn’t allow her to let go.

  And as Pricilla grew to monstrous proportions, her head filling the night sky, Toni clung to her flesh, her mind racing to find a solution.

  Then the slice of a sword in the wind, the sharp steel against flesh rang out. She finally looked down to find Jon using all that wrath he kept talking about as he took a whack at one of the sea witch’s tentacles and severed it cleanly. It flew upward in the air, landing in the water with a muted thwack.

  But black ink spewed from Pricilla’s wound, forcing Jon to turn his face and lose his footing. He fell, swallowed up by the freezing water, and that’s when panic really began to set in for Toni.

  “Get Jon!” she screamed to Marty and Wanda, who clung to a tentacle in their effort to drag Pricilla from the water.

  Jon appeared unconscious, his body buoying upward only to sink again. Fear like the ice-cold water raced through Toni’s veins when she could no longer see his head.

  But from the depths below her, through the snow mixed with rain and the roar of the ocean, Muriel’s red head popped upward, her arm rising high when she hurled a shiny item upward to Toni. “I’ll get Jon! You chop the bitch’s head off!” she bellowed.

  The moment she realized Jon was safe with Muriel, Toni’s feet sprang into action without aid of her brain as she strained for the sword, managing to catch it just as it arced over her head.

  The metal was heavy in her hands when she wrapped her fingers around the base and attempted to lift it as she dragged herself upward until she was on the top of Pricilla’s enormous head where she managed to sink her heels into the sea witch’s thick hair.

  Toni grunted as the wind pushed her back to the edge of Pricilla’s skull and she wobbled.

  She couldn’t even lift the damn sword, how was she going to cut this woman’s head off from behind, no less? And by the way, ewwww on the head chopping, but she couldn’t hack her head off from this vantage point. She needed more leverage. If she could just get to her shoulder…

  Instead, an icy wave crashed into her, pushing her off Pricilla’s skull and back into the water.

  It was then the shoes began to heat her feet, and luckily, she landed on one of Pricilla’s tentacles like she’d just starred in The Matrix and performed her own stunts.

  Wrapping her legs around the thick length, she dragged the sword with her, inching her way upward, fighting the pounding waves crashing all around her.

  “Get the fuck down, Toni!” Nina hollered just before a wave toppled her, pulling her under the water.

  “Lass, no!” Dannan roared above the crash of the surf, but her feet weren’t having it.

  She fought her way along the tentacle as Marty attempted to shift into her werewolf form with a snarl, her eyes glowing in the turbulent black night.

  Toni refused to give in to the sheer terror of seeing hair sprout on Marty’s face and long claws grow from her fingertips—this was a woman who’d looked out for her and just because she was a hundred times scarier than anything she’d seen on TV, was no reason to chicken out now.

  As Marty launched herself at Pricilla’s side as though her feet had springs, her teeth bared, Pricilla caught her midair, snatching her up and rolling her tentacle around the werewolf.

  And still, Toni climbed upward along a swerving, rocking Pricilla, ignoring the frantic screams from everyone below, gritting her teeth as she inched forward, the sword heavy and slowing down her progress.

  You have a job to do. Cut the bitch’s head off, her body said. Do it!

  You know, I’m washing my hands of you. We’re done. If you want to commit fairytale-a-cide, you go, girl. I’ll wait, her brain said.

  “Toni! Wait for me, milady!”

  Jon?

  She turned and looked back to find Jon, hot on her tail, using his strong legs as he, too, worked his way up Pricilla’s body hand over hand, fighting the torrential downpour and the hard sleet that had begun to form. Relief swelled in her chest as he came closer, her heart pumping with joy.

  When he caught up with her, he planted a hand on her butt and pushed her upward, sliding her along until she reached the large swell of Pricilla’s hip.

  That was when all hell broke loose. Pricilla flailed, her whole form shivering so violently, they were thrown into the air. Jon managed to grab her around the waist just as the witch launched them forward like tennis balls being shot from a machine. Toni clung to the sword with all her might against the brutal force of the wind.

  They landed atop a rock, overlooking the ocean, the rough surface scraping against her skin as they skidded to a halt.

  Jon was the first to rise, and in that moment, soaking wet, his wide chest heaving, his hair plastered to his face, Toni’s heart did something so unexpected, she almost doubled over.

  It pounded, throbbed, crashed at the mere thought of losing Jon.

  “Give him back or I’ll make ye my meal!” Dannan screeched from below, forcing Toni to her feet as she dragged the sword with her and looked down at the shoreline.

  Pricilla had Carl.

  No. No. No! Her pulse slammed in her ears, fear coursed icy-hot through her veins, her limbs shook, but the hell she was going to let this lunatic hurt Carl.

  And poor Carl, helpless, his eyes wide, his reindeer form frozen in terror, pissed her off. Fuck panic and fear.

  Dragging the sword to her side, her arm on fire from the ache, she gasped for breath and yelled into the wind, “Come and get me, you stupid bitch!”

  Pricilla’s head swerved, her eyes locking on Toni and Jon, her intent obvious.

  Killing them.

  As she raced across the water, her face demonic, her tentacles smashing everything in their wake, Jon rushed u
p behind Toni, placing his hand on hers. “Stay close!” he whispered, his lips cold at the shell of her ear.

  Pricilla howled her rage, torpedoing toward them at a speed Toni knew would knock them to the moon if she made impact.

  Jon’s hand tightened on her waist momentarily, and just as the screams to run from below them rose, so did his sword.

  He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and helped her to lift it high, twisting them at the waist like baseball players waiting to hit a homerun, and as Pricilla steamrolled forward, they swung the sword—together.

  The point of impact was precise as they let out a warrior cry in unison. With a mighty thwack, the blade sliced through Pricilla’s neck like butter.

  The sea witch’s head toppled off her body, her mouth open in a macabre, silent scream as it splashed to the water, bouncing on the waves, her silver hair floating in the froth.

  Her bulky body crumpled seconds afterward like a deflated balloon as Jon and Toni fell to their knees, chests heaving.

  But as Pricilla’s tentacles flailed out of control, their instinct to survive strong, one stray rose up from the shadowy depths just as Jon was helping Toni to her feet.

  The slimy limb drove into the side of her head, knocking her from the top of the tall rock to the beach below.

  The last thing she remembered was seeing Jon’s face as he yelled her name, and she fell to the sandy shore.

  Chapter 11

  She woke to a warm fire at her feet, restrictive shoes still firmly in place, a headache the size of Yankee Stadium complete with cheers from the roaring crowd in her head.

  Toni fought to sit up, but the heavy weight of furry blankets stopped her—or she was just too weak to move, she couldn’t decide.

  “Lay still, milady. Let me tend to you,” Jon said, his voice warm as he slipped his hand under her head and offered her a tin cup of liquid.

  She took a grateful sip, letting the rich, savory broth warm her belly. “What happened?” she asked on a groan, her right arm protesting when she tried to sit up on her elbow.

  “You slayed a sea bitch like a boss, so sayeth Nina.” Jon brushed her hair from her face, his eyes tender, his smile affectionate. “You also scared the soul from my very body when you fell to the shore. Never do that again. I beg of you.”

  Toni chuckled, warmth spreading throughout her limbs as his words. At Jon’s insistence, she leaned back against pillows.

  Wait. Pillows?

  She popped upright then groaned. “Where are we?” she asked as she looked around the room. Softly lit with a roaring fire, it was a crude bedroom, but she was in a bed, a soft bed with warm blankets, and a window where snow fell in a curtain of white. A small Christmas tree sat in the corner, strands of fragile tinsel draped across its thin branches.

  Her dress hung by the fire, the remains of it sewn with patches of various materials to mend the holes.

  “We are the guests of a very kind fisherman named Aegon and his wife Flauta. They saw you kill Pricilla from the cliffs and wanted to thank you by harboring us for the night. She has ruined a great many fishing expeditions for him with her tax on the ocean’s depths.”

  She forgot about Pricilla for a moment and grabbed his hand, her heart racing. “Carl? The others? Is everyone all right?”

  He pressed her to the pillows with an easy smile as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Everyone is fine, milady. This I promise. They’re all resting quite comfortably. Fed, warm clothes, warm beds. All is well this night.”

  Closing her eyes, she leaned forward against him in relief, realizing she was naked beneath the blankets, but her limbs were too sore and tired to care about her modesty. “Muriel? Is she okay, too? She saved you from drowning.”

  “Aye. She’s well, and quite happy in her native waters. No more talk. Now you must rest.” He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and rose to leave, but she gripped his hand and pulled him back down.

  She needed to know where they were in relation to their destination. How many more days she had before she needed to figure out her life and what waited for her at the castle.

  “The castle, are we close?”

  “If all goes well, we arrive at nightfall tomorrow. Just one day before the Christmas Eve ball. Somehow, when we tangled with Pricilla it brought us closer to our destination.”

  And then she’d find out what this gift of happiness was about. What this journey meant. Whether she could stay here in Shamalot because there was nothing to return to back in Jersey. How she would survive here in a land that, while beautiful and far away from Stas, was also riddled with its own dangers, like a price on her head for something she knew nothing about.

  “I’m afraid,” she admitted on a whisper.

  Jon scooted onto the bed beside her. “There is nothing to fear here. We’re safe for the night, Toni.”

  She snuggled down against him, burrowing in his warmth, cherishing this moment. “No. I mean finding out what waits for me at the castle scares me.”

  “The castle is a wondrous place, Toni. Beautiful and serene. Whatever waits there for you, I know it will bring you only great joy.”

  She closed her eyes to steady the panic building. “You’ve been?”

  Jon nodded his head. “A time or two. It’s fit for someone as beautiful as you.”

  Her cheeks flushed as she focused on the buttons of his vest. “What if my happiness is finding my brother after all this time?”

  He tilted her chin upward and looked into her eyes. “That would be a gift. A true gift.”

  “I’d…I’d have to go back to Jersey,” she said, though the idea pained her, hurt her deep in her marrow. The thought of leaving Jon brought tears to her eyes even as the thought of her brother, alive and well, brought joy. As silly as it sounded after knowing him for such a short time, she wanted to get to know Jon more deeply.

  “And I would not begrudge you the chance. Family is important. I see these women, who behave like family. These women who protect and honor their friendships or fall on the sword…I admire them. They are strong, smart warriors not only in the physical sense, but of the heart. They speak of their husbands and children and friends with pride I can almost taste on the tip of my tongue. They make me reconsider my anger with my own family.”

  Toni looked up at him, curious. “Why are you angry with them?”

  His eyes drifted away from hers and to the window where he gazed at the snow. “They wish for me to do something I do not wish to do. A family obligation, shall we say. Yet, I long for them much the way you long for your brother.”

  “What do they want you to do? Marry some hot maiden in exchange for a barrel of fish and a herd of bison?”

  He barked a laugh, stroking her arm. “Again with the funny words. What are bison?”

  She splayed her aching arms outward. “Big, big cows.”

  “Ah, I assure you. No bison are involved.”

  Obviously, he didn’t want to talk about whatever the obligation was, and if this was potentially their last night together, she wouldn’t press. “What about this Queen Angria? Does she get some prison time for sending in every nut she could get her hands on to capture me?”

  “The king will see to her punishment, of that I promise. The king is a fair, kind man at heart. He’s a brilliant ruler for the most part,” Jon said with an admiration she hadn’t expected.

  Somehow, she’d expected the king would be a douchenozzle like all the other fairytale kings she’d read about. Angry, greedy, hand happy with beheadings and doling out high taxes so he could dine on fine crops his villagers slaved day and night raising.

  “That’s good to know. I can’t wait until he takes these shoes off. Have we figured out where these things came from and why the king has them?”

  Jon shook his head. “I still know not. I admit ’tis an odd item for the king to have. Though, I don’t doubt they’re part of the reason you can now breathe fire and parse truths from lies.”

  “How crazy. All of this has be
en just crazy,” she murmured.

  “It has been an adventure, to say the least.”

  “Will you be happy to go back to your quiet life?” She was fishing. She knew she was fishing rather than straight-up ask him how he felt about her, and she didn’t know why.

  It wasn’t in her nature to skirt big issues and she wondered if it wasn’t because this was so important to her, she was too afraid to dig.

  “I like your noise,” he offered without commitment. “I like you. I like your friends. I would wish our worlds were more easily traveled to and from.”

  She smiled up at him, her heart fluttering wildly in her chest. “Really? And what would you do if you could travel back and forth?”

  He appeared to give that some thought before he said, “I’d date you. I’d talk on this phone with you. I’d play this game Nina speaks of on the computer called Minecraft. I’d watch TV with you. I’d take you away from your horrible boss Bree and take care of you so you never had to fold another thong again,” he whispered against her ear.

  Tears welled in her eyes. He’d date her. She realized now, she wanted that more than she even wanted a cup of coffee and a pastrami and swiss on rye with stone-ground mustard. He’d really been listening to their road-trip chatter, absorbing their lingo, and that touched her heart.

  Cupping his jaw, she ran her thumb over the stubble on his chin and whispered, “You would?”

  Jon brushed his lips over her fingertips. “I would,” he answered, just before he pressed his lips to hers, slipping his tongue into her mouth with that familiar rasp of silk.

  She sighed, pushing her arms upward until she wrapped them around his neck, arching against him as he pulled her tight to him, his hands splaying across her spine.

  He devoured her lips, licking, teasing, tasting, running his hands over her arms, the contact of his calloused palms on her hot flesh making her tingle.

  Toni pulled him to her, gripping each side of his shirt, her nipples delighting in the delicious friction against the fabric and his hard chest beneath.