Accidentally Ever After (Accidentally Paranormal Novel Book 11)

by Dakota Cassidy

  And her lips were chapped. Really chapped.

  But whatever this king had to give her, she had to believe Brenda wouldn’t have sent her here if she knew he was going to chop her head off. That wasn’t very happy.

  Right?

  “Toni!” a voice whisper-yelled.

  Her eyes squinted at the tunnel as Jon rushed toward her, his eyes glinting in the torchlight. “Have you lost your senses, milady?”

  “I have not. Did you see me? I was a regular Ariel out there.”

  “Muriel,” he corrected.

  She flapped a hand at him. “Whatever. I got the job done, right? What’s the big to-do?”

  He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his chest. “Doth thou feel that?”

  Toni nodded on a shiver. “Thou doth. Did you run over the drawbridge?”

  “That is the beat of terror. With no warning at all, you hurled yourself from the cliff’s edge. A conversation prior to such an act would be kind on your part.”

  She couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped her throat. “I’m sorry. It just—”

  “Happened,” he said on a weary sigh. “This expression I know all too well with you, my dove. Clearly, you garnered some of Pricilla’s sea worthiness.”

  “Did you see?” she asked from trembling lips as salty water dripped from her hair. “I had a tail. A tail! It was amazing. Do I get to keep all this stuff if I go back to Jersey? I mean, Bree could really use a good fire under her ass, don’t you think?”

  Jon cupped her jaw as she heard the others footsteps coming from the tunnel. “Speaking of fire, you need to be near one as soon as possible.” He took his pelt off and wrapped it around her shivering body, rubbing her arms.

  As Marty and the others came out of the tunnel, Toni asked him, “Now what? Where do we go from here?”

  Jon pulled her aside as everyone began to cluster around them, dragging the hood of his cloak over his head. “This is where I leave you momentarily, Toni. I must tend to Oliver at the stables and settle him for the night. But I shall come find you the moment I have done so.”

  Leave her? She was going to just knock on the king’s door and say, “Howdy, neighbor! Resident realm-jumpers here. Your pal Brenda said to drop in anytime.”

  Toni gripped his arm in panic. “I can go with you and we’ll see the king together.”

  “You must dry off, my beautiful fish. You do not wish to catch a cold and miss your debut with the king, do you?”

  What was all this? “Well, runny nose aside, I kind of don’t want to do it without you with me. I don’t know anything about Shamalot’s formalities and its dignitaries. What if I insult him by using the wrong word—phrase—sentence? Do I curtsy? Bow? I need you with me to help me do this right. What is it with all this ‘Bye, Felicia’?”

  “Who, pray tell, is Felicia?”

  “Not the point. The point is, I’m a little nervous after everything we went through to get here.”

  “You have nothing to fear, milady. The king is a kind ruler. He’ll welcome you and the return of his shoes with open arms. You are safe here at the castle. This I promise. Now, kiss me, wench, for I long to have your lips upon mine.”

  She raised her face to his, even as confused as she was by his words. They’d been all gung-ho, yay castle, and now he was just dropping her off like a baby in a basket at a church? Just leaving her without the secret password?

  Jon kissed her hard, his arms wrapping around her possessively, making her forget everything but his mouth on hers. Pulling away, he pressed the tip of his nose to hers and whispered, “Go right to that door and knock. There will be a guard by the good name of Heinrick. Show him the shoes and tell him Brenda sent you.”

  Still, she clung to his large frame. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

  “Methinks my novice attempts at the bedsport were better than you let on,” he teased with a soft chuckle.

  Toni rolled her eyes on another violent shiver. “Bedsport, schmedsport. All you men, even ones from different realms, need to have your egos stroked, don’t you?”

  Nina parted them by sticking her beautiful face between their heads. “Okay, lovebirds, it’s time to get this shit done. I miss my kid and my man and a good Netflix binge of Longmire. Say your goodbyes and move along little doggies, before you catch some otherworldy plague we have to find the tears of a Dutch maiden to cure, huh?” She gave Jon an affectionate slap on the back for good measure.

  Jon pulled away from Toni, his eyes warm. “Do as Nina says, milady. I’ll see you soon.” He pressed one last lingering kiss to her lips before he was swallowed up by the night, followed by Dannan’s thundering footsteps.

  As the girls pulled her toward the door Jon had directed them toward, Toni wasn’t sure if she was being melodramatic, but his kiss had felt like a kinder version of the Old Yeller of goodbyes.

  Sweet.

  Gentle.

  Final.

  Chapter 13

  “So are ye gonna open yer flytrap sometime soon, lad, or will ye have Toni believe yer tendin’ Oliver till the morrow?”

  Rubbing Oliver down, he gritted his teeth, kicking himself for being the coward he was. “She’ll be well with the women, yes?”

  Dannan wagged a long blue finger at him. “Oh no, lad. Ye are not soothing yerself with that justification. Ye should have gone with her. Not a one of the lasses knows royalty the way ye do. She’s nervous as a stray cat in the square. Her comfort is compromised, and I do not like ye for it.”

  He dropped his hands to his side, consumed with guilt. The king was kind and fair, and he’d never harm her, but leaving Toni on her own in a strange setting was beneath him.

  Jon tucked the hood of the cloak her wore closer, keeping his head down as some of the stable boys passed by. “There is so much at stake. This is not, as you well know, just about me, friend. There are others involved here who would potentially suffer. I’m trying to protect everyone, Dannan. I must have time to investigate the well-being of the others and make the appropriate move for all concerned. I would have never sent Toni into the castle had I feared for her safety. You know this.”

  Dannan nodded, leaning on the edge of the stable doors. “Aye, lad, and I know gettin’ word to the castle was impossible with the weather takin’ the turn it did, and ye cannot stop what will happen now that yer so deeply involved. But you must tell her if ye don’t want to lose her. Ye can only take the honest path, and that path is telling Toni the truth. Let the chips fall where they may, but at least ye can say ye were honest in the end.”

  Where had this all gone so wrong? Why hadn’t he just owned up to his truths earlier instead of putting off the inevitable?

  Because he’d forgotten where this little adventure ended and his true life began. The edges had become blurred, lines crossed.

  “Have ye heard the gossip from the castle about the prince?”

  In aggravation, he threw down the blanket he’d planned to cover Oliver with. “We’ve been here nigh on a mere hour, ogre. What could I have possibly heard?”

  “The king has sent Resplendant away, lad. Brokenhearted and blue are the words I’m hearin’. King Dick has broken the pact with the queen for their marriage and the merger between the two castles and lands. The king claims that bats-in-the-belfry Roz has seen the face of the prince’s beloved in her mirror, and ’twas not Resplendant. They say the prince is brokenhearted, too.”

  Jon’s stomach nosedived, his fists clenching. “Nay. This cannot be true. Why have we not heard this?”

  Dannan rolled his big eyes as he attempted to stretch out a leg. “Because we’ve been deep in the forest, ye fool! If ye couldn’t get word to the castle, how would ye expect we’d hear this information? This news makes for a very angry Angria, I suspect.”

  Jon clenched his jaw. When he got his hands on Angria, she was going to wish the merger with the king were the biggest problem in her life.

  Yet now, everything made sense all at once—and one thing
was for certain, he had to get to Toni immediately. He had to tell her.

  Dannan placed a large hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Ye must get on with it, boy. Ye must stop skulking about the grounds and find yer woman. If ye will not, I shall. I wish no harm to come to the lass. She’s grown a fond place in my heart. Yer little adventure is over now. Ye must make this right for the honor of true love’s kiss.”

  True love’s kiss. He’d thought it all bunk, but not after last night and their lovemaking. After last night, he knew Toni was the woman for him.

  Dannan guffawed. “I see that twinkle in yer eye, boy. Ye are in love.”

  That he was. He was certain of it. The fair Toni wasn’t aware of her true heart right now, but she loved him, too. He knew it as sure as he knew he must fix this.

  Damn, this had all fallen apart so quickly. He’d hoped to handle some of his affairs privately and attempt to make a smooth transition, but not with Toni and her head at stake.

  “Will you tend to Oliver for me?”

  “Aye, lad. Go. Hurry!”

  Just as Jon turned to head for the castle doors, the castle guards, lined up, thwarted him, swords drawn and pointed at his chest. “Halt, Jon Doe!” one yelled “You are under arrest by order of Prince Iver Daring!”

  As the pale, discontent Nina would say, fuck.

  * * * *

  “One more bow in this GD beehive and someone dies. You got that?” Nina groused, flapping away the hands of the very patient handmaiden who’d reconstructed her hairdo, as the bluebirds settled back into the nest of her ebony hair.

  If she only knew how utterly surreal she looked, the soft lemon color of her dress, rather than taking away from her paleness, accentuated it. But she was wearing down, and it was beginning to show, endlessly worrying Toni.

  Marty sighed as another handmaiden fluffed her amazing gown of lavender silk and taffeta. The gorgeous detail of the bodice alone, with its swirls of flowers and leaves, would be the envy of every female ball attendee.

  The puffy sleeves off her creamy shoulders bounced as she sighed. “Ignore her, girls. Please. And if she keeps complaining, give her a clove of garlic. That shuts her right up.”

  Wanda rose from the poofy white lounging chair she’d been quietly sitting on and shook a finger at Nina. “Don’t be so ungrateful. They’re just doing their jobs.”

  Nina whipped around, the skirts of her heavy gown whispering across the floor. “I’m gonna pluck those wings right the hell off your back, Wanda. I know this has been a whole princess party come true for the two of you, but me? Sheer effin’ hell. I want out. I miss my kid, and my man, and my own GD castle.”

  Marty’s blue eyes became watery, her lower lip quivering as she fought tears. “I have to admit, I miss Hollis and Keegan like crazy. I don’t know if time passes the same here as it does back home, but if it does, I hope Keegan remembered to help our girl make cookies for Santa. She loves that more than I think she even loves opening presents.”

  Wanda was the first to reassure her, her eyes filling, too. “You know Archibald and Darnell are on top of things, Marty. All of the children will be taken care of, if that’s the case. Arch isn’t going to let them miss a thing. In fact, if it is Christmas Eve back home, know what they’re doing right now? Sleigh-riding down that big hill behind Mara’s old place. Keegan’s dragging the little ones to the top of the hill while Greg waits at the bottom. Heath is making snowmen with Darnell, and Arch has them dressed like they’re in Siberia, waiting for them to finish so he can tuck them under those awesome heated blankets with a huge carafe of hot chocolate, brimming with the mini-marshmallows they love so much. It’s our Christmas Eve…tradition,” she said, her voice cracking.

  “You think Katie, Shaw, the twins and Teeny are there?” Nina asked, a smile reaching her eyes.

  Wanda smiled brightly. Almost too brightly. “Of course they are. Teeny’s trying to sneak off for a smoke while Grandma Lou, Clay, and Casey chase after her.”

  Marty nodded, her smile growing. “How much you wanna bet Quinn’s trying to hook Arch up with Teeny again?”

  Nina barked a sharp laugh, slapping her thigh. “You remember what Teeny said about him the first time Quinn tried that shit?” She hunched over and scrunched up her beautiful face, mimicking Teeny. “He came at me like he was gettin’ ready to lay one on a damn fish. I don’t want no stuffy old man. I want me a youngin’ with abs o’ titanium and a tight butt!”

  All three of the women laughed. Their combined memories were what had kept them going on this trek to the castle. They were always talking about one incident or another they’d shared together as they’d trudged through the forest, while Toni had stayed in the background and eavesdropped on their happiness. Her heart clenched tight. They were all so close—so intertwined in each other’s lives.

  She rose from the magnificent four-poster bed with inlaid wood, sitting in the middle of the breathtaking room she’d been whisked away to last night, the rustle of her beautiful skirts hindering her stride. She crossed the room and squeezed Nina’s arm, shooting Marty and Wanda an apologetic glance.

  “I’m sorry, Nina—all of you. I know how much you’ve sacrificed to help me. But this will all be over tonight. You heard what the king’s messenger said, right? He said he’d take court with us this evening at the ball. It won’t be long now.”

  Nina squeezed her arm back. “Sorry, kiddo. I’m low on this damned elixir crap and it’s just making me crabbier than usual. This fucking dress doesn’t help. Who the hell thought this contraption up? If I had organs, I’d have fekkin’ yarked them up by now, it’s so damn tight.”

  “I’ll treasure this always,” Toni said with a grin.

  “What?”

  “Your apology.”

  “Shut it or I rip your ankles off.”

  Toni stroked Nina’s cheek with the back of her hand, smiling sweetly. “You will not. Know why? Because you’re my framily,” she teased, straightening one of the bows down the front of Nina’s lemon-colored gown.

  Nina batted her hands away. “Fuck you and fuck your framily. Now when does this damn shindig begin? Because I want the fuck out.”

  Toni ran and grabbed the official scroll the king’s messenger had sent, holding it up for Nina to see. “Nine sharp. It won’t be long now.”

  Turning her back to the group, she bit the inside of her cheek to stem the tears and dropped the scroll on the beautiful dressing table, where her own personal handmaiden had twisted and turned and brushed her hair into the most fabulous up-do Toni had ever seen.

  It swept upward in a riot of auburn curls swirling around her head then fell down the middle of her back in the tiniest of ringlets. She wore a gown of the softest dove-gray silk, the ruched bodice in deep purple with lavender beads dripping along the front, leading to her waist. The heavy crinoline beneath it gave it a bell shape, swaying to and fro and she moved.

  Nina tucked a stray curl that just wouldn’t behave behind her ear, adorned with an earring made of lemon-colored crystals. “So have we figured out where the fuck Flawless is? Because when we find him and all his GD perfection, I’m gonna personally kick his ass from here to Jersey for abandoning the kid like this. No-good son of a bitch. I knew he was too damn good to be true.”

  Yeah. Where was Flawless? After he’d left them at the castle doors last night, she’d tried to tamp down the fear she’d never see him again. All while they’d spoken to the king’s advisors, while they’d been fed and drawn hot baths, and while they’d been settled in connecting rooms, she’d wondered where Jon had gone.

  As she’d stared out the window of her room late last evening, she’d hoped to catch a glimpse of him in the courtyard below, but it was as silent as a church mouse.

  When they’d inquired about him this morning, her personal guard—appointed to her by the king because she still had the damn shoes—as well as most of the castle’s staff claimed they knew nothing of a Jon Doe. Never heard of him, in fact.

  And th
at just made everything worse. It was as though he were some figment of their imaginations—as though that long trek they’d just shared had happened with the Invisible Man.

  This morning, as she’d risen in her incredible bedroom in her equally incredible bed, her chest was tight, her throat sore from crying, her eyes swollen from a restless night. If Jon had meant goodbye last night, surely he could have had the decency to have been honest about it, rather than say all those pretty things only to desert her in the end.

  Okay, so he’d said some things in the heat of the moment that maybe he didn’t really mean. She was a big girl. She could have taken that. But this silence? This deafening no-show? It hurt.

  Jerk.

  Wanda fluttered behind Toni, wrapping her arms around her shoulders from behind as they looked out the stained glass window toward the bustling courtyard, where the staff of the castle was in high gear with Christmas Eve ball preparations.

  She leaned back against Wanda and fought more tears. It was Christmas, for Pete’s sake. These women belonged with their families and their Christmas trees and lights, and Carl deserved a visit with Santa Claus.

  Christmas had come and gone for her these last three years since Cormac had been gone—it was just another day where most everything was closed and she’d have to choose between a Salisbury steak TV dinner or boxed mac and cheese.

  But these women—these women who’d jumped on the get-Toni-to-the-castle bandwagon or bust—had traditions they’d miss if they didn’t get home tonight.

  Nina had told her all about the feast Archibald, Wanda’s manservant, served for their OOPS extended family. At least fifty plates covered a formal table filled with turkeys and roasts and mounds of creamy mashed potatoes and all the trimmings. They toasted their lives together, they laughed, they danced, they had a secret Santa with Darnell playing the starring role.