Hard love - Love, belonging, differences

by Edit Torma

  - No – Heni was sobbing. It came into her mind just now. Allyssa even could help them by exaggerated make-up beyond recognition and also, she could ask her for don’t tell anybody who she was – I just wanted to come out of this mood that I constantly feel about that night when they shot at you and wanted to kidnap the children, this was why I fled to partying so it would make my problems forget!

  - You still would had to beware. You have to learn that you can’t live that way if you were someone’s wife who isn’t famous. By the way, you shouldn’t party systematically either, while you are a married wife, even if you’re young.

  - But I endures it so hard that they shot at you and you still haven’t recover that I must flee because I love you so much, even if you’re a lot of years older than me!

  - And what did they write about you?

  - They wrote that horrors that I’m happy about you are in hospital because I fed up with I have to live as your wife for the luxury and fame, like I would marry you because of these, like I wouldn’t love you while I’m twenty-three years old and you are fifty-two and I celebrated that you were injured, maybe I did even cheat on you! – Heni said with crying and being indignant at what they wrote – And that I utilized that the house was mine this time and I let strangers in who could take the photos of the house to the net…

  - You let strangers into the house?! People said again that they love me or what?! – Laurence asked, sounded angry.

  - No, I was just so lonely without you and I became friends with Allyssa, who I had a party with once at home, and her friends and their friends also came.

  - This all partying-thing was her idea?

  - Yes, but she just wanted to jolly me because I always think of you, that you lie in the hospital injured…

  - And who allowed her to call people into my house who I don’t know?! Besides, that’s your house too, why didn’t you spot this?! You didn’t even think about the consequences?!

  - I’m sorry, I wanted to flee from that mood and I didn’t think it… - Heni said with regretting.

  - We’ll talk about this later. Now we should react somehow on these horrors. You will call the magazine and tell everything. That would put the lid on it if they have to come to me and saw me being injured after these. If it’s necessary, Allyssa also will tell what happened, It’s more credible that way. But I’ll invent what to do with this girl. And I think you know you’re better to don’t party through long time.

  - OK, but it isn’t Allyssa’s fault. She only wanted me to feel better. She was so kind and she works for us all day and she never leak anything out about our personal life.

  - I’m going to invent what to do. After all, she let strangers into the house and I think she didn’t even try to stop you in partying systematically. As an addition, she was who persuaded you to do it. And you also could have more mind. That puts the lid on it after Montana’s scandal…

  - If it’s necessary, I promise you I’ll never party again, just don’t be angry with me! You know that the reason of I fled to this, was how much I love you! Or you don’t even believe this?

  - I don’t know what to think anymore. We’ll talk to each other later. Bye…

  - Bye..

  14

  Heni didn’t want to believe that Laurence already didn’t trust her. The feeling of loss of that confidence what was in their marriage was over, this feeling of loss followed that she was broke down because they shot at him and he was in hospital. She was looking after Loretta and the little Laurence and taking their older sister to Allie and back dopily by the grief because of this. She didn’t want to call her and her parents there because she didn’t want them to see her terrible state of mind. Also, she was afraid of her parents also have read what they have written about her so they don’t allow their daughter to meet the little Heni anymore, but she hasn’t seen any change on her parents. It came into her mind by this that she had to call the magazine and tell everything. She didn’t even know how to do a thing like this. Was it enough to tell it on phone or she has to meet only Laurence if he telephoned? And what to say at all before setting about it? She was already so undecided in everything, about what she could do and what she couldn’t do, and how to do it, after she made that mistakes in connection with partying.

  It came into her mind that she’d better to send an e-mail because she wouldn’t be so anxious but Laurence said her to call their so she didn’t dare to do it anything else way. She immediately took her phone out and wrote the number, and she was trying to pull herself together to press the call button, but she was only sitting on the cream-colored bed of the bedroom and was considering about how she should begin it, what to say and how to say it. Then it came into her mind that she’d better to take measures as soon as possible so Laurence would don’t find any fault with also that how much time she waited with this, and also, she would be over of this awkward conversation sooner that way. Who she was going to talk to, believed her to be a selfish, vicious, self-seeking cow. She will never be over of this conversation, however soon she’ll call them soon and finish the conversation. She will never absorb it. When she was a teenager, the reminiscences of awkward situations used to haunt her, and this one was going to be simply humiliating. But she couldn’t be slow in doing it. She should do it as soon as possible for Laurence. She had to tell it so he wouldn’t have to be ashamed of at least her wife doing.

  She pushed the call button and she felt the tense in every part of her body. After the other one introduced himself, she began speaking like a little girl who was frightened, how she felt.

  - Good afternoon, I am Henrietta Fishburne… - then her mind went completely blank.

  - I think you’re telephoning because of the today’s article – a young man’s voice was heard.

  - Yes… - she was like a shy little girl. She wasn’t like a party-girl at all.

  - Do you would like to arrange a time to meet? – Heni would like to ask if she could manage it by phone but it came into her mind that it may be more convincing, maybe they will judge her by this too in the magazine. She had to clean herself as surely as possible, for Laurence’s and her own interest. At least she surely owed Laurence to do it that way, although, this awkward conversation may be enough to get it over with her penalty.

  - Yes – she already felt awkward also because she could only blurt one word out. She has never been in a situation like this that they were going to make an interview with her, as an addition, about a so humiliate thing like this.

  After they talked it over when and where they’ll meet and finished the conversation, she was only sitting on the bed with feeling embarrassed again. She was considering about if this shyness how she was speaking could indicate that she was ashamed of they thought she did or that she wasn’t quite capable of doing anything like these.

  Some minutes later she pulled herself together that much to go downstairs to the children. Even if it will get into the news what this phone conversation was, even if it won’t, it also mattered to her what this even one person thought her, even if till the interview.

  When she arrived downstairs, it came into her mind that she hasn’t look after the children through more than an hour. Although, the little Heni was in nursery school so only the little ones were at home then so they maybe didn’t need her.

  - Allyssa, didn’t one of the babies cry? – she asked when she arrived downstairs in the living-room.

  - Only the little girl cried a little bit, I set to the children’s room to calm her down but she already stopped it – Allyssa answered during cleaning the hall.

  - Thought you! – she said gratefully – Now… I hadn’t got too much time to look after them and I completely forgot about them. It wouldn’t be your duty to also look after them, I’m already going to be available for them – she gave excuses for it confusedly.

  - You don’t have to look after them so much. You see that they do well without you too. By the way, what happened to you? You’re so strange and we haven’t e
ven talk to each other today – Heni sat to the sofa, stroked her hair back and sighed – OK, you’d better to stop working during this, then I’ll help you continuing it to id don’t last more than it does – normally Allyssa would wondering because of this because she has never seen Heni doing any housework since she has knew her. She always has been instead of her, it was her duty, they’ve played her well, she wouldn’t have enough time for this with the three little children, anyway. But now it wasn’t that what interested her, but that what happened what concerned her too.

  Allyssa sat to the sofa next to her and Heni told everything: what they’ve written in the magazine about her and what things Laurence said to this.

  - I’m sorry about I involved you into a situation like this… I really only wanted to help you because you were so much broke down.

  - I know and also, I’ve said it to him.

  - I was total stupid when I let those strangers in. I could have enough mind but desire for flight blinded you, to flight from that mood what you were in. And I maybe have drunk too much then so I couldn’t think at least so big trouble like then…

  - And you too…

  - I’m surely going to find another work, at least if it won’t turn out how much irresponsible I was. If it will turn out, I will work those people who aren’t famous or I will have a completely different job but your relationship grew worth with your husband and they’re lying all sorts of horror in that magazine. And who knows where they are doing it too.

  - But I would like you to stay. We became so good friends.

  - I also would like us to stay being friends but even f Laurence will discharge me, he surely isn’t going to be happy about if we stay being friends after these.

  - How do you know him? What do you think, is he going to forgive you it?

  - We’re only simple acquaintances since I’ve worked here. We don’t talk to each other so much and we don’t go to enjoy ourselves with each other. I know him for less time than you.

  - But was there anything before this thing what he didn’t like in connection with you?

  - No, there wasn’t… So I have no idea about what he will do now. Maybe I will get less pay and if it won’t be enough to me, I can go… Or he’ll simply sack me. But I don’t believe I won’t get any punishment – they were sitting on the sofa with reflecting through a minute, then Heni began to speak.

  - Well, OK, let’s continue cleaning the living-room up! – they stood up, Heni called Jenny to come looking after the little ones and going for their older sister to the nursery school, then she took another one mop, and the two girls were suppressing all of their tense to cleaning the living-room up. They were scrubbing everything so much what wasn’t even necessary but at least this diverted their thoughts from Laurence’s anger and from what they’ve written in the magazine.

  15

  On the day of the interview, it immediately came into Heni’s mind when she woke up, what was going to be, and she was even much more anxious since then, than before at school before oral examination. Her feet were trembling when she got out of the taxi and arrived in the place they had to meet. She was wearing a white top what reached to her neck and a long, pale pink skirt. She nor had the cheek take any less restrained clothes on because of the man who was going to make the interview, after they’ve written those things about her. Even if he won’t write it down what she was wearing, and he also could take these clothes if it was true what they’re stating or supposing, to make them believe she didn’t do anything like these because she wasn’t this kind of person and it was appearing on her clothes too. So it maybe was of no too much significance but she felt better with this innocent appearance.

  She had to sit down with a bit tall, brown-haired, about thirty-five-year old man at an open-air glass table of a coffee bar. Heni was waiting with alarmed look to he ask her his humiliating questions. If her allegedly scandalous partying wasn’t be, the man even didn’t believe on the basis of her look that she went to party sometimes and if he didn’t see to who Laurence’s wife was, what it was possible to know her at all, he believed she was an actress because she seemed to be so gentle and unprotected like this, that she was surely pretending this. He was already less thinking it to be probable that those were true they’ve written about her.

  - I think the reason of you contacted us is to refute what we’ve written about your parties during your husband, Laurence Fishburne is in hospital.

  - Yes – she said in a low voice and shyly, but her eyes were revealing the indignation.

  - So did this all thing how happen? Why did you began to party in public in this period?

  - Because of this. I agreed to these relaxations by my very kind friend’s encouragement so these would make me forget that my husband lies in hospital by gunshot wound because… - she became embarrassed because she had to tell her feeling for the world so much like this but it could be important, to clean herself so she continued it – because it always remembered me of that shot when I was visiting him and I still couldn’t absorb what they did to him. I didn’t think about they thought I was happy about this happened to him and also I didn’t get to that I should be in hiding like I would be a celebrity like my husband so I nor had any experience in this. My friend who I’ve talked about, made me up beyond recognition but I made that mistake that I erased some of this so people who have seem me in photos about my husband and me, also recognized me. Although, most of people don’t know me by photo, they know only by repute who I am – then it just came into her mind that Allyssa told it her friend and they trumpeted in the big partying but she didn’t want to offend them by blame them. They were surely going to read what Heni said in connection with this business. Fortunately the man didn’t attach importance to if they knew someone by repute and they recognize her, they knew her look. Expect in this case, when Allyssa’s friends were crying at the party that she was Laurence’s wife. So Heni didn’t have to tell him that they did it. That man thought Heni was worded this way by chance.

  - In this case we’re sorry about we published negative suppositions. And I think this news that you’ve cheated your husband, was also a mistake if you love him so much like this.

  - Yes – Heni said with completely indignant look and voice. The man believed it but anyway, he would pretend what things she was saying by politeness and for the peace’s sake what was necessary to continue the interview, if he didn’t believe it – Because of we’re already here, tell a little bit about what way you met! – Heni felt awkward because she had to share with the world so many things like this but if she didn’t tell it, maybe they thought that it was a marriage of convenience, that this was the reason of she wouldn’t like to detail their relationship’s beginning – I was a teen girl from Hungary who felt unrequited love and who spend some weeks in America by a lottery prize we got from my grandparents. It was already on my mind that I should meet Laurence somehow, I was already completely fallen for him on the basis of I’ve read on the internet and the videos and of course on the basis of his look - she was remembering with being head over heels in love – U used to spend very much time with searching for his house he lived then in New York, Washington Heights, and one day I found it – she laughed – I used to walk in front of his house, maybe he notices how many times I used to do it but I didn’t linger in front f the gate, I used to use the territory in front of the house as a passage while I used to walk because I wanted it to be as suspicious as it was necessary – she was smiling – One day the housekeeper has noticed me, then she remarked that I used to walk in front of the house suspiciously many times. I was completely beside myself with joy but I was so much anxious! – she was laughing – She took pity on me so I succeeded to persuade her to don’t tell it to Laurence till it won’t happen one more time. But I couldn’t stop it. The aim was to meet him and I couldn’t forget this so I continued to walk in front of his house, and when I noticed Him personally, I haven’t be a party to anything like this before that he has seen ma there alr
eady more times but I was so big fan of him like this and he offered me to be friends but when I told him that I’m Hungarian and I was in America only through a few time, I was suspecting that it was not going to come true. Later I went shopping with my family, who still didn’t suspect anything, and he unexpectedly pulled me to an alley not be striking that he was meeting me and told me that he wanted more than friendship. My parents didn’t even know where I was but already anything wasn’t interesting me then – Heni was laughing – We went to a desolate park where he meets his star friends, we began talking during it and we still haven’t stop this there. We fell in love already that day and became a couple – love was very visible on Heni while she was talking about Laurence and their love – We are still in love – she admitted with smiling shyly. She thought it was better that she told everything what was in favor of she didn’t marry Laurence by interest but after she said these, it came into her mind that Laurence maybe didn’t even love her anymore because he was so disappointed in her…

  - And is everything OK in your marriage? – the man noticed that her mood suddenly changed.

  - When I told him what like article was published, he got very angry with me because I partied so many times and because I let strangers in the house. Only these are true in the article and he know it. I also told him that the only reason of I did these, was that I still haven’t absorb what happened to him and I trust after I cleared myself, he will forgive. Now I told the truth to the world and this depends on them if they will believe me. I already can’t do anything more.

  - To tell the truth, I believe you and I hope the other people also will feel like this when they will read this interview because I think what you said were credible and I met a nice, sincere, honest woman – this opinion change of the magazine could be interesting for the readers so he could not leave it out of this but he really thank it like this.