Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “What’s all this about, anyway? Nobody should be fighting on Thanksgiving. I hope there’s a good reason behind it all.”

  “We can’t talk about it right now, Mom. Derek doesn’t want me to spoil our Thanksgiving lunch.”

  Her mother looked from Derek to Alyssa with narrowed eyes. “Would one of you please tell me what this is all about?”

  Alyssa shrugged and looked away. Her mother would be furious once she got to know her plans, and the last thing she wanted was to spoil one of the few times their family managed to be in the same place at the same time.

  “It’s nothing. Derek and I were just . . . talking.”

  “Yeah, about her plans for the new year,” Derek continued, staring straight into Alyssa’s eyes.

  “I guess by now you’ve heard what happened in court yesterday,” Alyssa said, her voice shaking a little. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Derek take a step back, closer to the exit.

  Her mother’s posture stiffened and she nodded. “Yes, I’ve heard that. I was going to talk to you about it after lunch,” she said, coldly. Alyssa shrugged.

  “Why delay it? Since we’re all here, let’s get it over with.”

  Her mother scowled and Derek shook his head. “Lissy, are you sure you want to talk about it now?”

  Alyssa stared at her brother straight on, narrowing her eyes. “Why? Are you afraid you’ll get caught in the crossfire, Derek?”

  Her mother’s head whipped toward him and he shrugged nonchalantly, as if he didn’t know what she was talking about. He probably didn’t want their mother to know he was afraid World War Three would break out in their living room and he wanted to be nowhere near it. He gave Alyssa a defying stare.

  “So you want me to play the game, then? Fine, let’s play,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest and furrowing his eyebrows. “Mom, did you know Lissy’s leaving New York?”

  Although he was talking to their mother, his eyes never left Alyssa’s, not even when their mother let out a loud gasp.

  Alyssa felt all blood drain from her face down to her toes, and she leaned against the small table behind her. The crystal drops of the lamp sitting on it rattled and she wished the lamp would just drop to the floor so it would create a diversion. She wasn’t as ready to spill the beans as she’d thought, after all.

  “What do you mean, she’s leaving New York? Why would she? And where would she be going?”

  It felt strange to hear her own mother talking about her as if Alyssa wasn’t even there. She hadn’t even looked at Alyssa while asking the questions, but had stared in disbelief at Derek instead.

  For a moment Alyssa wondered if she had died without realizing and she was now a ghost nobody could see.

  “She’s going to find her real self, somewhere in the middle of nowhere.” Derek shrugged and looked at Alyssa with a smirk, making the blood boil in her veins. He was twenty-two but he could still be the impertinent little tot he used to be when he was a child, and she felt like slapping his face right there and then, no matter how old they were now.

  Their mother turned to look at Alyssa then, and her eyes were blazing. Alyssa couldn’t tell whether she was furious because Alyssa would be leaving the city or because she had made a decision without asking her first. Whatever the reason, Alyssa knew that this year they weren’t going to have a quiet Thanksgiving lunch around the dining table. She suddenly feared they weren’t going to have any Thanksgiving lunch at all, judging by the look in her mother’s eyes.

  “Where are you going?” her mother asked, and Alyssa suddenly wished Sean was by her side to give her the courage she needed.

  Sean.

  His deep blue eyes flashed in front of Alyssa’s, and it was all she needed to remind herself why she was going against her mother’s will, and why she would have to stand up for what she really wanted. It was as if, even miles away from her, Sean had managed to give her the strength she needed to confront her mother.

  “Well, yes, I am leaving New York soon. I’m going back to college; I’m going to pursue the career I’ve always wanted to pursue. And I’m not gonna change my mind, so don’t even bother trying.”

  “You didn’t answer my question, Alyssa.”

  The doorbell rang just then, and Derek decided to take this opportunity to flee the battlefield.

  “I’ll get it,” he said, leaving the room in two big strides.

  “Well?” her mother asked as soon as Derek was gone. Impatience was giving her a nervous twitch in her eye.

  “Do we have to talk about this now, Mom? Can’t we just have a quiet lunch and leave this argument for another day?”

  Alyssa felt her skin crawl when she heard an unpleasantly familiar voice in the hall. No, this couldn’t be happening. Surely her mother wouldn’t do something so sneaky and . . .

  “Alyssa! It’s good to see you again; it’s been so long. Judge O’Riordan.” Julian strode into the room with confidence, as if he belonged there, and Alyssa wished she could smack that smug grin off his face. Her mother’s temper vanished in a puff and a coy smile curled her lips as she closed the distance between her and their new guest.

  “Julian, I told you to call me Jane when we’re not in court.”

  Julian took her hand and kissed it, giving her a dazzling smile. Her mother giggled—seriously, she giggled!—and Alyssa felt the urge to vomit on his shiny, black expensive shoes.

  “Thank you for inviting me to lunch, Jane,” he said, just before turning to flash his devious smile at Alyssa. “Alyssa, you look great, absolutely gorgeous.”

  I wish I could say the same, but you make me sick.

  He took a step toward her, and she took one back. She didn’t want him within arm’s reach, thank you very much.

  “Yeah, well, thanks,” she said instead, narrowing her eyes and hoping it would be enough to discourage him from stepping any closer.

  “Derek, why don’t you show Julian to the dining room and offer him a drink? We’ll be right there,” her mother cut in, probably sensing Alyssa was just about to say something nasty.

  Wouldn’t it be lovely to just accuse him of being a stalker, right in front of her dear mother? She wondered what Judge Jane O’Riordan would say to that. Surely her mother would find a way to defend her beloved Julian, and would probably accuse Alyssa of overreacting or something.

  Julian followed Derek out of the room, not before giving Alyssa another creepy stare, which made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She could almost still feel the awful taste of his lips on hers, and swallowed the bile that had crawled up the walls of her stomach at the memory.

  “What is he doing here?” Alyssa asked through gritted teeth as soon as she was alone with her mother again. Her mother gave her a triumphant smile.

  “I thought you might need a little help getting to know him better. You know, after he told me you weren’t answering his calls or accepting his gifts . . .”

  “You’ve been talking about me with him?” Alyssa’s blood started to boil in her veins; she’d hoped Julian would’ve gotten the message after they way she’d behaved but she’d underestimated him. He was a real shark as an attorney—she should’ve known he’d be the same in real life, too.

  “You should give him a chance, Alyssa. He’s a great catch, and he really likes you.”

  “Too bad the feeling’s not mutual,” Alyssa said, turning her back to her mother. “And I would’ve appreciated it if you’d told me you’d invited him over for lunch so I could’ve stayed in bed.”

  “Where are you going?” her mother asked, raising her voice when Alyssa approached the coat rack and took her warm coat off a hook. She wasn’t going to stay a minute longer, not if that man was here.

  “Home,” Alyssa said, putting on her coat. Her mother grabbed her forearm and spun her around.

  “No, you’re not. You’re having lunch with us and using the opportunity to get to know Julian better.”

  “Mom, I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have to take
orders from you, so if I want to go home and sleep through tomorrow I’ll damn well do it and you won’t stop me.”

  Her mother let out a gasp. “When have you started taking that attitude with your mother? Don’t you dare talk like that to me again, Alyssa.”

  “Or what? Will you accuse me of insubordination and give me a fine?”

  “That’s enough,” her mother said, seething. Her face had turned an unusual shade of red and Alyssa could see that she was breathing heavily, as if she’d just run a marathon.

  Why was she so set on Julian? What was so special about him?

  “You take that coat off now, and join everyone else in the dining room. You’re not going to spoil our Thanksgiving.”

  Alyssa rolled her eyes; this felt so much like being ten again. She wished she could just turn back and leave, go to Wind Creek, drag Sean back to the log cabin, and spend the rest of the day snuggled up by the fire in his arms. The last thing she wanted was to listen to that bigheaded jerk talk about his successes.

  “Mom, Lissy, are you coming? We’re waiting for you to start eating.” Derek popped his head out of the dining room and called them.

  Her mother spun elegantly on her heels and walked down the corridor. Alyssa wished she were strong enough to just walk out the door and leave her mother to think of a good excuse to explain her daughter’s behavior to Julian. But the good-mannered girl in her, the one her mother had spent so much effort in raising, thought that pushing it too far would only make Jane O’Riordan angrier, and right now Alyssa didn’t feel strong enough to face her mother’s ire again. She needed a little time to recover from the first round of what she envisioned would be a long, exhausting battle.

  This was the first time in her life she’d ever stood up and actually rebelled; she should take it slow if she didn’t want to mess it up.

  She hung her coat on the hook again and thought about stomping her feet all the way to the dining room just to drive her mother crazy.

  This was going to be by far the worst Thanksgiving of her whole life, she was sure.

  Chapter Forty-five

  As lunch dragged on, with Julian playing the perfect gentleman and charming her mother even more than he already had, Alyssa kept wondering what Thanksgiving at the Maclaines’ would be like. Sean had told her they had a few guests over this weekend, some regulars who came every year to celebrate Thanksgiving away from the city, so she could imagine Mrs. Maclaine would be busy making food for everyone. She wondered if the Maclaines would join their guests or if they’d celebrate in their private kitchen. Sean’s older brother would probably be there with his wife and kids, and she imagined Sean playing with the two toddlers, making them laugh as he carried them around the backyard piggyback-style.

  She smiled as the scene rolled in front of her eyes, and when she saw herself holding on to Sean’s neck while he carried her on his back, she felt a squeeze at her heart. She was so engrossed in the vision that she didn’t realize Julian was talking to her; when Derek gave her a playful kick under the table she flinched, turning around to glare at him.

  “Where were you, Lissy?” he asked with a smirk, and she thought about telling him and everyone in the room where exactly her thoughts had gone just a moment ago. “Julian was talking to you.”

  Alyssa stared at Julian and the smug grin she saw on his face made her stomach quiver. Would the turkey come all the way up now? She might as well puke all over his expensive Ralph Lauren suit, just out of fun. Wouldn’t she love to see her mother’s reaction to that!

  “I’m sorry, I was . . . you were saying?” she asked, when she noticed the impatient look on her mother’s face. If her brows furrowed just a tiny bit more, they’d become one.

  “Your mother once mentioned you love boats, so I thought we could go out on my yacht tomorrow. It’s supposed to be a nice sunny day.” The turkey was slowly crawling up her esophagus and she was sure it wouldn’t be long until she threw up in his face. “We could go all the way to the Hamptons and spend the weekend in my house.”

  Alyssa brought a hand to her mouth and stifled the urge to either vomit or scream. How cheesy and downright rude could the man be? Did he not read the signs at all or was he just thinking she was playing hard to get? Sure, he wasn’t to blame since her mother had no doubt been telling him Alyssa loved boats—although when had she ever heard Alyssa say such thing? She’d enjoyed going out a couple of times on sailboats when she was on holiday, but that was about it. Besides, she wouldn’t be going anywhere with him, not even for a cruise on the Hudson River.

  “That would be wonderful,” her mother replied on her behalf, and Alyssa saw Julian’s face light up. This had to stop. Now.

  “Um, Julian, I think my mother exaggerated a little. I’m not that fond of boats. I used to like going sailing with Dad when we were on holiday, and that was when I was little.”

  Her mother’s complexion turned a shade of gray, as if she were just about to have a fit. Alyssa cheered inwardly, knowing her attempts at pissing her mother off had succeeded.

  Score one for me, Mommy dear.

  “Well, I’m sure going on Julian’s yacht would be a great experience. It’s been ages since we’ve been at the Hamptons; you probably don’t even remember the place. You’d love it there,” Alyssa’s mother said once she’d recovered from the whiplash. She wasn’t playing dumb; Alyssa was sure she was playing dirtier than usual, just because she was pissed at what Alyssa had told her earlier.

  There was no way in hell Alyssa would go on a yacht with that revolting man, let alone spend the weekend with him in his house. Her mother could go ahead and disown her or whatever she wanted to do. Sean was the only man she’d ever want to be with and there was no way she would even think about cheating on him—and with that man, on top of it all.

  “Yeah, you’d love it. My house has a lovely view of the beach from the bedroom; you could spend all day in bed just staring out at the sea.”

  Alyssa choked on the turkey, and frantically patted her chest, gasping for air. Had he really just made a comment in front of her family about her spending all day in his bed?

  Derek chuckled and helped her by patting her back. Her mother frowned and so did her father, although his was worried.

  “Alyssa, sweetheart, are you okay?” he asked, talking for the first time since her mother and Julian had started monopolizing the conversation with this stupid discussion about yachts and beach houses. “Here, have a sip of water.”

  He held out her glass for her and she snatched it from his hand, gulping down half of its content and taking a long breath afterwards. He patted her back gently and for a moment Alyssa felt tears sting her eyes. She hated Julian and she hated the way her mother was trying to force him into her life, but her father . . . he was totally unaware of what was going on, as usual. Her mother had always been great at making him believe whatever she wanted, and he’d always been too busy to argue.

  Alyssa had had enough now, though. Her mother was not going to force her to spend the weekend with Julian, no matter how charming and amazing her mother thought he was. This would be the best time to leave the room; excusing herself to go to the bathroom after almost choking would be a perfect way to escape. Hopefully, by the time she came back, the subject “beach house” would have been dropped and she’d be off the hook.

  She pushed her chair back and excused herself, faking a little cough to pretend she was still not okay. Her father smiled at her while her mother’s frown only intensified. She’d need a bucket-load of anti-wrinkle cream to get rid of that deep crease between her brows.

  She left the dining room and closed the door behind her. She ran down the corridor and made it to the living room in two seconds flat. Just before she stepped through the arched doorway she looked behind her to make sure nobody had followed, and by the time she’d reached the window and sat on the leather armchair looking out on Central Park, she was already calling Sean’s number. She hoped it would be either Sean or Tammy to answer the phone,
because she’d feel stupid if either of his parents would pick it up. What would she say, then? Would she be able to pretend she’d called only to wish them happy Thanksgiving, or would they be able to tell there was more behind that phone call?

  Whatever. She needed to speak to Sean, and if she’d have to tell them the truth, she would—as long as they put her through to him afterwards.

  Her train of thought was interrupted by Tammy’s bright voice on the other end of the line, and Alyssa finally let out the breath she’d been holding.

  “Tammy, hi. It’s Alyssa. Happy Thanksgiving.”

  Tammy was delighted to hear from her, and started talking non-stop in her usual bubbly way. Although Alyssa was happy to talk to her, she really needed to speak to Sean now, before anyone came looking for her and dragged her back to the dining room.

  “But I suppose you want to speak to Sean, right?” Tammy asked, giggling, when Alyssa’s silence probably made her realize the reason why Alyssa had used the landline number instead of waiting for their usual Skype chat. “I’ll get him for you, he’s playing with the twins. They’re monopolizing him, as usual.”

  Alyssa chuckled; she’d guessed right, after all. She heard Tammy padding on the wooden floors, and a moment later she heard screaming kids and Sean’s unmistakable laughter, that deep rumble that made her belly quiver every single time. She wished she were there to see the scene unfold in front of her eyes.

  “Alyssa?” Sean’s voice came on the line and tears filled her eyes. Just the sound of his rich, masculine tone was enough to make her want to hire a private jet and reach him. “Hey, is everything okay? I thought we’d be chatting tonight?”

  Alyssa swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to keep her tone even. “I miss you. I . . . I needed to hear your voice.”

  “Hang on a sec,” he said, then she heard him whisper to Tammy to look after the kids for a minute, and she heard a door close before he came back on the line. “Sorry, I had to get out or the kids wouldn’t leave me alone; I’m all yours now. What happened, baby? You sound sad.”