Love Again, Love for Them: A Novel

by R. A. Lee

  Back in the city, he had breathing room. Being with Jenny was exciting and uncomplicated. Even though she didn’t let Jake know what she wanted from their relationship, nothing had changed. That had always been the status of their relationship.

  At the house, it was different. Jake was husband and father and son and it was a lot of responsibility. Jenny was sexy and exciting. Brooke always had a lot on her mind and challenged Jake to figure out his life. Jenny didn’t have those expectations.

  Meeting her for lunch, Jake sat next to Jenny for the first time since before the breakup. With her warm, fragrant, familiar body pressed up against his own, Jake felt the familiar passion, but he hadn’t given into it yet.

  Caressing his arm, Jenny placed her beautiful, gorgeous head on his shoulder and he sighed.

  “I’m going to Paris for a while,” she said.

  Jake was not surprised. This was part of their relationship. It was familiar.

  “When will you be back?” he asked.

  “A month or two,” she shrugged like a cat languidly rubbing up against his arm.

  “I’ll miss you,” he said, leaning his head against her soft, glowing hair.

  “I’ll miss you too,” she said and looked up at him.

  “I’m sure the, whoever you’re married to, will be happy,” he said, not remembering the old guy’s title.

  Sitting up and beaming, Jenny’s eyes glowed as she told him why she was going away.

  “You know that artist?” she asked rhetorically. Jake had no idea to which one she was referring. She had many artist friends.

  “The one that said I was beautiful and ran out,” she said, nudging him.

  Jake went cold as prickles crawled up his arms.

  “Go on,” he said, not mentioning that indeed he knew the artist well enough. Not enough to know she was an up and coming star in the art world, but well enough.

  “There’s going to be a tour in Paris,” she explained. “I recommended her and I’m going to be her guide. It’s going to be fabulous!”

  Jake nodded. Brooke had not mentioned this detail.

  “Sounds like fun,” he said. His mistress and his wife in Paris hanging out together at fabulous parties. Sounded like fun.

  Had Brooke really agreed to go to Paris knowing Jenny would be her representative?

  At that moment, Jake wanted to find out from Brooke. They hadn’t spoken in a while. Jake had left right after he got her up and out of her grieving and mourning.

  “How did she take it?” he asked casually. “When she found out you’d be representing her in a Paris art tour? Being a new artist and all.” It was not his most eloquent moment.

  “I spoke through her agent, but he said she was excited,” Jenny said.

  They finished their meal, and as they were leaving Jenny kissed him.

  “I’ll see you when I get back,” she beamed and left him with a seductive glance as she got in a cab and departed.

  Uncomplicated. That was Jenny.

  Beyond complicated. That was Brooke.

  Instead of heading back to work, Jake wanted to know what Brooke was thinking. Did she really not know she would be hanging out with Jenny in Paris? Or did she know, and was fully aware of what she was doing?

  Driving to the house, Jake knew it was the latter. There was never a moment when Brooke wasn’t thinking. There was one in particular, but even then Brooke knew what she was doing.

  Why was he so upset? So what if his mistress hung out with his wife. They both knew the situation.

  Except you didn’t tell Jenny that the artist she was gushing over was your wife.

  That might be awkward cocktail conversation.

  Pulling up to the house, Jake parked in front. There were suitcases in the driveway.

  Jogging up to the open kitchen door, Jake entered carefully. Sitting patiently at his desk drawing, MJ was happy to see Jake.

  “Bonjour!” he said, getting up to greet Jake. Running up and grabbing him by the legs, MJ almost knocked Jake down. Catching his breath, Jake patted MJ’s head. Standing back, MJ looked at him confused.

  “What’s the matter?” Jake asked concerned.

  “I’m only supposed to be speaking French,” he whispered.

  Jake laughed.

  “I speak French,” Jake said in French and MJ smiled. As MJ was jabbering away in French, Jake caught the essence of the conversation.

  They were heading to Paris.

  “You speak well,” Jake congratulated MJ in French and MJ applauded. They both turned when Brooke entered the room distracted by the bags in her hand. Dropping them on the island, she glared at Jake.

  “Go play in your room,” she commanded MJ in French, and MJ hugged Jake good-bye and went to his room as ordered.

  “Hello, Jake,” she said annoyed. “We’re driving to the airport in a few minutes.”

  “I was talking to Jenny,” he said and Brooke shook her head.

  “Good for you,” she said sarcastically, checking to make sure she had everything for the trip.

  “She mentioned she was going to be your guide during the tour,” he said. Brooke stopped what she was doing.

  “What do you want me to say, Jake?” she asked irritated. “What did you want me to do?”

  Jake didn’t respond. There was no reason he had any right to tell her what to do.

  “I never told her you were the woman I had married,” he said sheepishly.

  “Of course you didn’t, Jake,” she said sarcastically and continued with checking her bags. “That would have been the mature thing to do. We both know you’re not capable of that.”

  Cringing, Jake lowered his head.

  Closing her eyes, Brooke stopped checking her bags and when she opened them again she spoke softly.

  “I have no intention of ruining your relationship with Jenny,” Brooke said. Jake lifted his head and looked at her sincere eyes. “I am getting the opportunity of a lifetime, Jake. Your relationship with Jenny has nothing to do with this. In my wildest fantasies I never thought this would happen. I’m going to show my work in Paris, Jake. I still can’t believe it. It’s a once in a lifetime dream come true. Do you congratulate me? Do you share in my joy? No,” she said, shaking her head. Holding her breath, Brooke suppressed the tears and anger.

  “No, Jake,” she said. “You’re worried I’m going to confront your girlfriend. Like I’m some angry wife who feels betrayed. Do I care that you’re seeing her? Yes. Does it bother me that you can’t commit to one relationship? Yes, Jake. My son loves you like you’re his father. Every day I worry how I’m going to break it to him that you’re just a placeholder in our lives. Until then, until you make a decision, I’m going out there like it’s normal. I’m going to go after my happiness,” she said through gritted teeth and pointing angrily at her chest.

  “I’m ready,” his mother said as she entered the kitchen. “Jake!” she exclaimed and hugged Jake. Stunned by Brooke’s confession, he hugged his mother back.

  “They’re off to Paris!” she exclaimed. “Aren’t you proud of her?”

  Jake nodded his head.

  “It’s time to go,” Brooke declared.

  “I’ll help you load,” Jake said quietly and Brooke just nodded.

  With everything and every body in the car, the good-byes said and a cold glare from Brooke, Jake waved as his mother pulled out of the driveway.

  Jake was left standing alone in his driveway.

  Lowering his head, he went back to the house and closed the kitchen door.

  His house was quiet again.

  The first day his mother handed him the keys after his father died and they officially changed title, Jake stood on the exact same spot.

  His first thought back then was that he was alone. It was a peaceful thought. His mother had been nagging him about settling down. Before his father passed, he had urged Jake to find someone with whom to build a life.

  Standing in the house that day, he was alone. It didn’t bother him
.

  Standing in the same spot almost a decade later, Jake did not feel peaceful. He was alone but it was not peaceful. Silence blared at him, reminded him that he was alone.

  When Brooke first arrived with her son, Jake had sought the solace of his room. It was the only part of the house in which he felt comfortable. Life played out like a drama all around him. A family occupied his house and he only had to play a part in it if he wanted.

  A stranger in his own house, Jake’s plan to stop his mother’s nagging had backfired. He didn’t control his life. His plan took on a life of its own.

  With Brooke and MJ gone, Jake realized they had taken the life out of his house. They had transformed the house into a home, and now it was just a house again. His house.

  Jake had never expected he would miss it, the family that greeted him and expected from him what he could only give on a part-time basis. It didn’t matter to them. It was consistent. It had become their normal.

  It wasn’t his though. Jake could always seek refuge in the city. He could sit back alone in his condo and take a break from all the responsibilities.

  There was no stepping back for Brooke. She was moving forward. This might just be a rest stop on her journey.

  It would be hard for her to move on, but Jake knew she would. Then it would just be him again alone in his own house.

  How hard could this decision be? Jake demanded to know from himself.

  It was either Jenny or Brooke or neither. He had three choices.

  Jake had an epiphany.

  It wasn’t his choice to make.

  He was waiting for Jenny to make her decision. Everything depended on her decision. If that took too long, Brooke would be gone.

  But he didn’t want to be with Brooke just because Jenny couldn’t, or wouldn’t, make up her mind.

  Jake sat at the kitchen island surrounded by their memory.

  Lowering his head, he picked up one of Brooke’s socks left behind in the race out the door.

  When she first arrived, Brooke barely got out of her robe. Now she was off to Paris, an inspiration to his girlfriend.

  He hadn’t congratulated her. Never said he was proud. Never took the time to know that she was interested in showing her work.

  When she first showed him the studio, he thought it was nice that she would have a hobby. Jake thought she needed something to keep her busy while he was in the city. The job teaching art was a start. Painting at home in her studio seemed like a perfect complement to keep her content.

  Jake was the one who wanted to try making an actual marriage work. Brooke had gone with his new proposal knowing it was a start.

  It was a magnanimous gesture on his part, but she was experienced and knew Jake had no idea what he was offering. Brooke knew it was only time until Jake reverted back to the comfort of Jenny, who was uncomplicated.

  Jake thought he was helping Brooke in the beginning. Their relationship was uncomplicated on paper. Although he admired her strength, he thought she needed him and would do what he expected of her.

  That did not happen. Brooke took control and soon she was growing as his equal. Still pulled down by the pain of her loss, Jake always thought she would be dependent on him.

  That didn’t last for very long.

  After learning that his pre-conceived notions about her sexual prowess were incorrect, she amazed him over and over again and he was intrigued. Not intrigued enough to forget about Jenny, but enough to consider a commitment beyond what they had on paper.

  Brooke didn’t care about the agreement. Commitment was what she sought from Jake. He was either in the marriage or not. It was his choice.

  There were terms to their verbal agreement. Jake was not allowed to base his choice out of obligation or responsibility. Brooke would accept a payoff.

  Unfortunately, Jake felt obligated by some form of guilt if he left the family he joined together. He was pulled between the two. He wanted Jenny, he wanted their relationship to work and that they would live happily ever after. Jake wanted what Brooke had with Matthew.

  On the other side of the issue, Jake had become attracted to Brooke. She continued to amaze him, but it was appreciation that didn’t cross over to love. He loved Jenny.

  At some point, though, he was either going to make a decision or it was going to be made for him.

  With Brooke finding both personal success and financial success, it was only time before she didn’t need him anymore.

  Looking around the kitchen that she had transformed from an old outdated room, Jake knew it would be more than a parting of ways, more significant than a termination of their agreement.

  Jake knew he would miss Brooke. He wasn’t sure in what way, but he knew it would leave a big silent gaping hole in his life.

  Dropping her soft cotton sock, Jake took one last look at the kitchen and closed the door leaving the room just how they left it.

  Driving back to the city, shame still hung over Jake.

  Both his girlfriend and wife would be hanging out in Paris.

  If only one returned, which one would he be excited to see?

  Which would be excited to see him?

  Chapter 30

  In Paris, Brooke settled into the cottage Jenny had provided through the foundation that was putting the art tour together. The foundation had gathered the most inspiring and aspiring artists from the States to introduce to France.

  Meeting with the nanny who would stay with MJ, she reminded him and the nanny that there would be no English while they were in France.

  It was supposed to be summer vacation for MJ, but this was an opportunity that would come once in a lifetime. The nanny would show him the culture and he could still go to the park and play with French kids his own age.

  When he saw the park and ran to the kids, Brooke sighed in relief. He would be fine.

  Kissing him good-bye, Brooke took a cab to the welcome mixer where she would meet the other artists and gallery owners who would be hosting the exhibits. Recognizing Jenny immediately, her hair a glorious sunset around eyes as bright as the sea, Brooke grabbed a glass of champagne and waited for Jenny to introduce herself.

  There was some comfort in knowing that Jake was horrified at the thought of Brooke hanging out with his girlfriend.

  Their entire relationship was a result of his relationship with the beautiful, elegant and sophisticated woman. Brooke could understand how she held Jake under her spell.

  Was there more than that? she wondered, watching Jenny laugh and mingle so naturally, captivating the crowd of men around her.

  What did Jake see in Jenny besides the obvious?

  Brooke had stopped comparing herself to the beautiful woman. She understood there was no comparison to another person if love were involved.

  There were moments when Brooke was frozen when she saw traces of Matthew’s characteristics in Jake.

  Jake would say something or look at her a certain way or grow his stubble just so, and Brooke had the air ripped from her lungs.

  There was no comparison. If Brooke saw a sexy man, she realized it was because he reminded her of Matthew.

  Neither tall nor super handsome, Matthew was her love. Every man was held to a new standard of attractiveness based on mannerisms she found attractive in Matthew.

  This elegant, beautiful woman was Jake’s standard. If he found Brooke attractive it was because she had a characteristic that reminded him of Jenny. Since Brooke was neither elegant nor sophisticated, there must be more to his love than just a beautiful physique.

  Brooke would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit she was a little jealous of the woman.

  In the aftermath of her loss, Brooke knew she would never love another man again the way she loved Matthew. She didn’t realize that she could find another level of love with another man.

  If Jake thought he was confused, Brooke had him beat. Attracted to Jake, enjoying the pleasure when they were in bed together, Brooke wondered if it was because of gratitude and ac
cess and not a real connection to the man she had married.

  In the beginning it had been her intention to hide behind the veil of their marriage to buffer her from the harsh aftermath of dealing with life after her loss.

  With her son and mother cared for and financially protected, Brooke thought her problems would be solved and she could dwell in self-pity without guilt.

  It was irresponsible of her to drag her family into such a relationship. Jake had grown to be a father figure for her son. To leave now would be beyond cruelty and it would be all her fault.

  Pain and anger and numbness had blinded her to see only one way out. She hadn’t considered the ramifications of her decision. It had seemed like such a perfect solution at the time. A home for her son and care for her mother.

  When Jake said he wanted to try their marriage for real, Brooke was terrified. Betrayal. She was betraying Matthew. She had just gotten over the guilt of having sex with another man. The only resolution was to make sure she really couldn’t see her lover. As long as it was dark, she could imagine she was still making love to Matthew.

  Unfortunately, she had started caring for Jake. She had achieved a level of caring for the man that hovered below everlasting love, and that terrified her as well. She didn’t think it was possible, but it was there.

  Worrying about MJ losing another father couldn’t be her concern anymore. Lying to herself had only made matters worse.

  Brooke had to consider this was a detour in her journey and prayed fervently her son would understand. Until that day came, she would give everything of herself to make the right choices not only for her son, but herself.

  Neither one would be happy if the other sacrificed of themselves totally for the other. Both her and her mother had played that game and they had both lost. There had to be a balance.

  It was Brooke’s resolution to find that balance. With or without Jake.

  Finishing her champagne, Brooke took a deep breath and stepped into the crowd. Beaming, Jenny invited Brooke into her circle and introduced her to all the artists and gallery owners.

  Life was a blur from there. Everything she had never imagined was now her reality, and the flashing fantasies she ignored made her time in Paris like a dream. Brooke had always admired art, studied art and dabbled at painting.