Love or Lust

by Rachael Brownell

“I think he has a thing for Teegan already,” Bella notes, tossing back the last of her wine and holding out her glass for Natasha to refill it.

  “Really?” Teegan asks, her eyes widening in surprise as a smirk begins to form.

  “He was checking you out last night,” I add.

  “Hmmm,” she says more to herself than to anyone else. She obviously likes the idea.

  “I think Jace is hot,” Bella giggles to herself.

  “Jace is hot. They’re all hot,” Courtney notes as she pops a grape in her mouth, chewing with it open as she continues. “They wouldn’t be here if they weren’t. Same as we wouldn’t if we were plain-looking, overweight chicks.”

  She has a point. No matter what your idea of beauty is, the people behind the camera are not willing to put a homely or average looking person on TV. Their ratings come from the shirtless men with washboard abs and the girls with boobs that threaten to pop out of their tops. It’s not a secret. Doesn’t make it right, but still.

  We were instructed what to bring with us. How to dress while we’re here. When we were required to do our hair and makeup. The contract I signed was detailed right down to the color of polish on my toes. Red or pink. If we wanted to be a part of this show, a chance to win the prize money, we had to follow their rules, and they thought them out thoroughly.

  Because, again, sex sells. Which is why I was wearing an evening gown when I arrived with heels that I could have easily toppled over in. Why the bathing suits I brought with me have less coverage than I’m normally comfortable with. And why I invested in not only a new blow dryer but also a new curling iron, straight iron, and makeup before I left.

  Crazy? A little.

  Especially since I didn’t even want to do this, but at the same time, since I’d already signed the contract, I wasn’t going to get eliminated on a technicality. If I’m here, I’m here to win.

  As the conversation continues to flow, flip flopping from guy to guy, I realize I’m listening intently to each of their assessments.

  The nice one? Lennon.

  The one who’s probably packing the most? Callen.

  The sexiest? Jace.

  The one who will turn out to be an asshole? Gage.

  The funny one? Also Gage.

  The one who will try and sleep around and fail? Drake or Milo.

  They can’t decide because half of them think Drake’s penis is shriveled up, and the other half is sure he isn’t on steroids.

  When it comes down to who they think will last until the end, who’s going to play the game the best? I couldn’t agree more with them.

  Jace. All the way. He’s a smooth talker. Appears genuine. They all wanna jump in his bed, willingly. Myself included if I’m being honest. What I don’t agree with is why.

  They’re certain he’s going to sleep with all of them to get their vote. A vote they would trade for sex.

  He may be a lot of things, but I’m fairly certain he’s not a player. Not from what I know of him so far. Then again, at the end of the day, what do I really know about any of them? We’re all putting on a front right now. Even the girls as they glance at each other with malice in their eyes.

  Silently threatening to take one another down.

  To win the game at all costs.

  We’re not friends, not even close. Any one of them would throw me in front of a bus if it meant a chance for them to survive another week.

  Which is fine. They can play dirty if they want, but I don’t plan to. Because I’m not here to find love, I’m here to have fun and win money. The way to do that is to show the guys the real me. Even the ugly parts. Something I’m certain the others would never even consider doing.

  I’m going to make friends with them.

  Courtney and I walk back to the villas with Kyra right behind us. We’re planning a trip to the fitness center in the morning. It’s been a few days since I’ve been on the treadmill, and I feel off balance. I need that time to decompress and think. To plan my day, not that I have much say in anything that happens.

  It’ll be nice to have someone to work out with, even if we aren’t talking. I’m used to being in a gym with people surrounding me, TVs overhead and music in my ears. I’m in my own world when I run, everything else around me disappearing. I miss it.

  “So are you staying in for the rest of the day?” Kyra asks as Courtney waves, heading into the villa across from me.

  “I’m not sure. What did you have in mind?”

  “I was going to go swimming, but I was hoping you might want to join me in case anyone else is up there. You know, for moral support.” Nervous energy radiates off her body. It’s mixed with the fear I see in her eyes of running into one of the guys without backup.

  “That sounds kind of nice. Let me change and I’ll meet you there in twenty, sound good?”

  Kyra nods and walks toward her villa as I step up to my own. There’s a bunch of freshly picked flowers resting against the door. When I pick them up, a note falls to the ground.

  Hope you’re having a good day.

  It’s not signed, but I have a feeling I know who left them. I didn’t meet up with Jace last night, so I can only imagine this is his way of making sure I’m still thinking about him. That I haven’t forgotten the way he was looking at me across the table.

  Nope. Haven’t forgotten. Kind of hard to forget when you can feel someone’s eyes boring into you. Mentally undressing you while you pick at the food on your plate nervously, pretending not to notice. Then, when I finally did look up, assessing what was going on around me, I found a second set of eyes watching me.

  Not that I want to be watched. Or mentally undressed. But if I confess that out loud, game over. And I’m here to play, so bring it on.

  Kyra and I are floating around the pool on rafts, enjoying the late afternoon sun, when voices approach. Deep, grumbling voices.

  “She’s fucking hot,” is the last thing I hear before an uneasy silence descends upon us.

  Kicking my raft off the side of the pool, it spins around, facing the entrance. Three sets of hungry eyes fall on me. Kyra’s floating next to me, shaking like a leaf, and I’m smiling wickedly in their direction, thankful my sunglasses allow me to admire them without being obvious.

  Game on.

  Jace, Lennon, and Callen drop their things on the closest lounge chairs, the ones next to where Kyra and I placed our stuff, and dive in the water one by one. I silently watch as they swim over to where we are at the far end of the pool, greeting us with smiles as water drips down their faces.

  “Having fun, ladies?” Jace asks, treading water to my left. Callen and Lennon are next to him, casually resting against the side of the pool.

  Looking to Kyra, I realize she’s not going to answer. Not yet. “We are. What have you guys been up to today?” I ask, paddling water and turning my raft so I can face all three of them, effectively shielding Kyra in the process.

  Callen gives me the rundown of their afternoon. Drinks in the game room. A pool tournament that Lennon won. Beer pong that went poorly for all three of them but not as bad as it went for a few of the others who are sleeping it off back at their villas.

  “Did you ladies enjoy your picnic in the garden?” Lennon asks, popping out of the pool and sitting on the edge.

  Holy fuck, he’s hot. Dripping with water, his bronzed skin looks delicious enough to lick. Something I’m starting to think I’d like to do. Taste him. Find out if he’s as delicious as he appears to be.

  Because if anything, Lennon is sweet.

  “How did you know we were in the garden?” Kyra ask as her raft floats up next to mine.

  “We may have been spying on you for a minute or two,” Jace confesses.

  Shit. I wonder what minutes they were. There’s a big difference between them hearing us talk about ourselves and them hearing us evaluate them based on their looks.

  “That’s not very nice of you,” I tease, facing Jace, but my eyes still locked on Lennon’s glistening torso. “
What exactly did you hear?”

  “I’m the nice one,” Lennon says, confirming my suspicions.

  The question becomes, do I tell the other girls or keep this information to myself? For now, I think I’ll keep my lips sealed. This could come in handy later on.

  Chapter Four

  Day 4

  Hiking.

  Not exactly my favorite thing. Yes, I love running . . . indoors. What I don’t enjoy is heat radiating off my back as I climb a steep cliff. Sweat dripping off my body. Perspiration stains beneath my arm pits that keep rubbing against my skin, chaffing it.

  A cold shower is the only thing that’s kept me going all day. The dream of the ice-cold spray washing away the sweat and dirt.

  Not having to wear these heavy boots and thick socks.

  Lying in my bed and resting my aching back.

  I thought today would be fun. A great bonding experience. I couldn’t have been more wrong if I tried.

  Everyone’s true personalities started to come out today, and it’s clear how opposite so many of us are.

  Natasha, Teegan, and Courtney bitched the entire time. If one of them wasn’t complaining about the heat, or the bugs, or asking if it was almost over yet, the other was holding us up, having to take a break because her feet hurt.

  Hence my boots and thick socks. Because they sent us a list of what to bring and I knew everything on there was on there for a reason. Tennis shoes with ankle socks, or in Teegan’s case, no socks, wasn’t a smart idea. I guarantee they’re all going to have blisters.

  Bella, Kyra, and I led the way most of the trip, with Jace and Drake behind us. Lennon and Callen were behind them and Milo and Gage were bringing up the rear, making sure the three bitching beauties didn’t veer off the trail and get lost.

  You would think we were in the wilderness. Miles from the nearest city. When the truth was we were at a large nature preserve. We were perfectly safe. Nothing was going to attack us. The point of the exercise was to bond as a group and maybe to weed out the weak.

  Well, the last part I added because that’s what this was doing. Showing us who is the weakest of the group. The leader. The one who is a little too macho for his own good.

  The only person I really didn’t see a change in during the hike was Lennon. He was calm and stoic as ever. Offering help but not pressuring anyone to take his hand unless we wanted to. Which I did once, when I attempted to climb on top of a rock that was slippery and covered in moss.

  He was a gentleman, allowing me to lean on him. He didn’t push me up on the rock but rather let me climb and struggle a little, making sure I wasn’t going to fall.

  The scene we caused as we laughed when I almost slipped the first time seemed to bother Jace. He fell to the back of the line for the walk back and remained quiet the rest of the hike. It wasn’t until we were back in the parking lot, chugging water and waiting for the van to pick us up that we realized Milo and Natasha were missing.

  Let the search mission begin.

  Not that the cameramen were any help. They stayed behind. Checking their footage for any sign of where they may have veered off.

  So did Courtney and Teegan, complaining about their feet. Callen and Gage offered to wait with them to “take care of them,” which sounded noble but was a line of bullshit if I ever heard one.

  Kyra, Bella, and Callen saw everyone else staying seated and just shrugged.

  Which left me with Lennon and Jace. Alone. Back on the trail.

  I didn’t want to go back and look for them. My feet ached too. But until they were found, back with the rest of the party, my shower was going to have to wait. The sooner we laid eyes on them, the sooner I could stand under the cold spray and relax for the rest of the night.

  So, I led the way, Jace and Lennon right behind me. Both with irritated expressions on their faces, mirroring my own.

  Five minutes later, I hear Natasha’s shrill laughter and when we round the second bend in the trail, I see her swat Milo’s chest.

  “What the actual fuck?” I holler, unable to hold in my anger any longer.

  “Hey, there you guys are. Where’d you go?” Milo asks, attempting to act suave as his eyes dart between Jace and Lennon’s. When they don’t answer, he continues, “Didn’t you hear me say, ‘hold up. Natasha has to pee’?”

  “Yeah,” she agrees, a sinister smile on her face. “I couldn’t hold it any longer.”

  She’s in an awfully chipper mood for someone who spent the last two hours bitching about her feet and everything else that’s wrong with nature.

  In fact, she sounds a lot like someone who just got laid, and the twinkle in her eyes tells me my assessment is spot on. Not to mention the leaves stuck to Milo’s jeans or the grass in his hair.

  They ditched us. To fool around. And not just us but the cameras somehow. Whatever happened, they’re going to get away with it. It’ll be their little secret.

  And mine.

  Ammo I can pull out later on if need be because I guarantee someone will not be happy with these events.

  “Whatever,” I retort. “Let’s go. The van is waiting.”

  Milo and Natasha lead the way, confirming my suspicions even more. Her entire back is caked with leaves. When I chance a glance in Jace’s direction, he’s shaking his head and laughing to himself. On the other side of me, Lennon is more reserved, his mouth flat, but the look in his eyes tells me he’s beyond irritated at the situation now. He’s pissed we wasted time looking for them when they weren’t actually lost.

  They chose to disappear.

  It’s all in the name of the game, I want to remind him, but I don’t. It’s not my place. He’s here for the same reason I am. He signed the same contract. He has to know what’s going on around him even if he doesn’t agree with it. Because Lennon, of all the guys, is the one I assume is here looking for more than a quick roll in the sheets. He’s looking for love.

  By the time the van pulls up in front of the main house, I’m beyond exhausted. It takes all my energy to strip off my clothes and get in the shower. Placing my hand against the cool tiles, I hold myself up beneath the heavenly spray of cold water and let the events of the day wash away along with the dirt, sweat, and grime.

  I felt bad for Jace and Lennon. I sat between them on the ride back, and I was certain I could smell myself. Not exactly a turn on for guys. Women are supposed to smell like flowers, vanilla, or peaches.

  The smell emanating from my clothes was anything but sweet.

  Clean and refreshed, I’m browsing the books on the shelves when there’s a knock on my door. We all have the night off to do as we please. It doesn’t mean we all won’t end up at the same place, together, but I was enjoying my alone time.

  Glancing out the window, I’m surprised to see Natasha patiently waiting for me to answer, towel draped over her arm, sunglasses holding back her long jet-black hair. Her bikini leaves little to the imagination. I thought Courtney’s was revealing until Natasha and Teegan showed up at the pool. There may have been enough for two bathing suits between the three of them.

  “Hey,” I say greeting her with a warm smile even though I’m still angry with her for wasting my time today.

  “We’re headed to the pool to soak our feet. Just wanted to see if you wanted to come along.”

  Looking down the sidewalk, I notice Teegan and Courtney standing a few villas down, waving at me.

  “I think I’m going to stay in for a little while, but thanks,” I say, stepping back to close the door.

  “About today,” she starts before I can get away.

  “What about it?”

  “You looked kind of mad, so I wanted to make sure we were okay. You know, considering . . .”

  Considering what?

  You purposely bailed on the group and had wild sex in the woods. Or is she referring to the time we wasted only to realize they purposely “got lost”?

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “That you’ll keep my little secret,”
she spits back quickly.

  “Not my story to tell,” I retort, giving her as much attitude as she’s giving me.

  “You’re right and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t share what you saw with anyone else. Some people don’t like gossip,” she states, turning to walk away.

  “Yeah, the people who are at the center of it,” I mumble as I close the door but not before I see her glare at me over her shoulder.

  Well, I’ve made at least one enemy, I’m guessing. Not that it matters. I want nothing to do with Milo. She can have him. And, if she’s a bitch to me, she’ll have to deal with the fallout of her actions, and she knows it. I highly doubt we’ll hang out together unless necessary, but I also don’t see her outright being rude to me for the fear of how she’ll look when I open my mouth and spill the beans.

  That’s another win for me.

  Could this game get any easier? All I have to do is be myself.

  Or whore myself out. There’s that option. Not that I think Natasha is a whore. Not yet anyway. If she starts sleeping with the rest of the guys, I may have to rethink my decision.

  Still, day four . . . really?

  How can you know someone well enough after only a few days that you’re okay sleeping with them? In the woods. With the potential of a camera being around you somewhere. Or getting caught by one of ten other people.

  The answer is you can’t.

  She has no idea who Milo is. Not really.

  She knows he’s attractive. He seems to be a nice guy. It’s not enough to jump in bed with someone, or in the leaves. Not in my opinion.

  Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I expect too much.

  I’m here for the lust, not the love, I remind myself, snuggling into the couch only to be disturbed again by knocking on my door.

  What the hell is this? Why is everyone bothering me? Can’t a girl get a moment alone?

  “What?” I ask, jerking the door open with more force than necessary to find a startled Lennon on the other side.

  “Um, okay.”

  “Sorry. I’m not mad at you I just . . . What’s up?”