Alone

by Sean-Paul Thomas

I reached her bedroom chamber's door which of course was closed. I double tapped the small panel. The door slid quietly open and I gently made my way inside. Anna lay on her bed with her back turned towards me. I couldn't tell if she were sleeping or even breathing. I cautiously approached anyway, crouching down right by the edge of her bed.

  'Anna.' I whispered. She remained silent not even flinching at the sound of my voice. 'Anna are you awake?' I asked again this time in a raised whisper. Again she remained silent. 'Anna please...' I said more desperately. I was about to give up with this pestering persistence and leave, when she finally spoke.

  'What do you want?' She said coldly.

  'I just...' I mumbled a little caught off guard that she'd replied. '... I just... came to see you. See how you were? See if you were... okay?'

  'Well I'm not okay. I'm anything but okay.' She replied much sterner and colder than I imagined she would do.

  'I'm sorry.' Was all I could mutter back.

  'You make me sick!' She continued without even turning to face me. 'Just to hear your voice so close sickens my soul. To feel your presence even nearer disgusts me to the very core of my empty, childless stomach. I don't think I will ever be able to look at you in the eyes again... brother.'

  I didn't know what to say. The way she said 'brother' cut through my spine like a rusty old knife. It made me want to vomit. All I could do was lower my head in shame before replying.

  'I didn't know who I was back then Anna. Who you were! I still don't. I told you I'd seen things. Things that were only meant to exist inside my head, but I saw these things right out in front of me like they were so real. But now I realise they were not real.' I paused to catch my breath. There were so many things I wanted to say, but didn't have the slightest incline how to word them. 'I think I'm delusional.' I continued. '...Or maybe it's just a side effect from sleeping so long inside those damn pods. Having Mark here has helped me immensely though, even though I try to keep myself to myself. The visions I used to have, they've also stopped since Mark's arrival.'

  'We are both filthy and impure creatures.' Anna said interrupting with a bitter disgust. 'Filthy and impure and nothing will ever change that.'

  I kept my head and eyes down as Anna continued. I swear I heard a slight whimper from her. Like she were trying her utmost to stop herself from sobbing. '...And now the child I knew nothing about is dead...' She continued. '...And now I wish I were also dead.'

  'Please don't say that Anna.' I replied. 'Please.' I so desperately wanted to reach out, touch her, hold her, comfort her. But I knew better than that. It would only upset and infuriate her further to feel my touch upon her skin again. I couldn't handle any more of her shrieking screams.

  'Go away now, please.' She said. 'Go away and never come near me again.'

  'Anna please, I just want...' I said pleading. She interrupted me, screaming in that raging, shrieking voice of hers that I feared would make an appearance the longer I outstayed my welcome.

  'GOOOOOOO! GET OUT!' She roared. 'GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. GO AND LEAVE ME BE. Just leave me be.'

  'Okay, okay, I'll go! I'll go! But please Anna, please. Can I just ask you one thing. Just one thing? And then I'll never come near you again, ever. I swear.'

  Anna fell silent. I took this for a small sign that she'd perhaps hear my request.

  'Anna please.' I said holding my breath. She remained silent. Finally I just came out with what I wanted to say. 'Do you remember anything about your past, anything at all before the long sleep.'

  Still she remained silent.

  '...Anna please.' I asked again. Silence. Just as I was about to give up any hope of a reply she answered.

  'I remember... I remember that I used to be very happy. Very, very happy...' She continued. 'Now please... just go away.'

  With that I stood slowly back onto my feet and left Anna's room. What had I done to this poor girl.

  Chapter 21

  I sat on the floor at the far end of the control room with my back against the viewing window. I sat deep in thought thinking about everything that had happened to me since I'd woken inside that pod. All of the new memories which had gradually come back to haunt me. All of the new experiences I'd gone through. All that I'd learned about myself. I was a killer, a murderer, an adulterer, a sinner, an incester if you like . I guess when it came down to it I was a bad person. But I didn't feel bad. I mean I felt bad about my actions of course. Both the ones I had control over and the ones I did not. I also felt sad, depressed, guilty and distressed too. But I didn't feel that I was completely evil inside. Just a very weak man.

  Mark still sat over beside the main computer. He slept now, resting his head and arms down upon the desk. The last time I took any interest in one of his tasks he had been scanning through a list of a billion and one co-ordinates still determined to find our location within this dark twinkling abyss, and the whereabouts of our home. Suddenly a beeping noise sounded from the computer and woke him. He let out a dazed snort, distracting me from my thoughts. Mark groaned while yawning. He wiped his eyes from sleep and focussed upon the beeping computer screen in front of him.

  'No location found. What a surprise.' He sighed to no-one in particular. He closed his eyes again and shook his head despairingly. 'We're fucked.' He said grimly. 'We are all fucked.'

  I remained silent. I mean what the hell could I say? If Mark had no hope for us, then as far as I was concerned there was no hope for us. We were all doomed to randomly drift through space until the shuttle's power finally drained, our food and water supplies were all consumed and we starved, or our oxygen ceased to exist and we suffocated to death. Whichever one came first would be the end of us no doubt about it. I felt like I wanted to just die, right here and now, right this very second. Surely instant death would be easier to cope with than this dire and dragged out existence of sitting around waiting for something to happen. Or waiting for another goddamn memory to pop into my head. Or another ghostly apparition of some other crew member I'd murdered, coming back to haunt and taunt me.

  Mark stood to his feet and stared directly at me. There was a long beat as he glared at me with cold, weary, hollow eyes for longer than I felt comfortable.

  'I need to lie down.' He said finally. 'I need some proper sleep. My brain is so tired, dead, I can't even think straight anymore.'

  I remained silent, yet nodded that I'd understood. He turned away and left the control room, disappearing into the corridor. I listened to the sound of his tired footsteps plodding away towards the bedrooms. When Mark slept, which was rare, he always slept in one of the other twin bedrooms and never in the same one with Anna. I thought this was very respectful of her situation since she was his wife after all and he clearly loved her dearly. I thought I'd give him another few moments to get settled before making my way over to the computer that controlled the camera footage so I could spy on him and watch him sleep. Watch both of them sleep. I mean there was really nothing else for me to do here. And secretly, I think I was beginning to enjoy it. I was enjoying being this secret watcher of the shuttle. Someone who had eyes everywhere. It gave me some meaning and worthwhile-ness, if only just a little. It felt ridiculous that the only enjoyment and self amusement I could create for myself was to sit and watch others around me do absolutely nothing. But I didn't care.

  And then it happened. The beginning of the end. The final doomed nail in our drifting coffin tomb. It was unexpected, but then again, perhaps not. The psychology of my fellow prison mates wasn't my greatest strong point since waking up here. I heard Mark cry out in a desperate, painful, anguished cry. Worse than the time before when Anna had lost her baby. It sounded so much more worse than that. It was kind of like a hollow roar at first. A kind of roaring cry from a man who had lost his soul and had nothing left to live for. It chilled me to my very core to listen to Mark crying and screaming like that. So chilling and horrific in fact that I didn't know whether to believe it were real or not . Then he cried and roared out her name with more tragi
c despair than I'd ever believed existed in my small world and entire brief existence.

  'ANNAAAAA.... ANNAAAAAA...! NOOOOOOOO! PLEASE GOD NOOOOOOOOO!' He cried and cried and cried.

  Where to go from here? I couldn't help but think. Slowly I stood to my feet. Trying as much as I possible could to delay the inevitable if you like. With a painfully slow walk I made my way up towards the back end of the shuttle. Up towards the very end corridor where Mark's torrid cries of sadness and despair were bellowing out. I passed the kitchen, the shower room, the pod room and finally Anna's bedroom. His cries weren't coming from any of them. I glanced further down the corridor and found myself staring morbidly at the open doorway to the medical bay. A room I'd only been inside once before with it's pills, potions, bottled liquids, needles, syringes and sharp medical tools. It was here where Mark's harrowing wails were born. And it was here that I gradually made my way into with sheer and utter dread.

  Finally I reached the open doorway and peered inside. Yes, I thought, as I glanced chillingly at the morbid scene laid out in front of me. It truly was the beginning of the end.

  Mark lay on the floor at the back of the medical room. He was crying out sombrely while hugging into the limp and lifeless body of Anna with all his remaining love, strength, heart, soul and humanity. She lay in a deathly trance, sprawled out beside him upon the floor. Bottles of opened pills and half a dozen or so various sizes of empty random syringes lay all around her body. Yes she was a doctor in her past life. Yet still she obviously couldn't remember much from her past occupation. It appeared, at first glance, that she'd tried and tested as many different pills, powders and syringes on her entire body as she could possibly get her hands upon. She had desperately tried to end her emotional and physical pain, suffering and anguish right here in this room.

  And she had succeeded. She had ended her sad and miserable life.

  I felt more dead inside than ever before. I had half a random incline thought too, to just pick up one of the random bottles of pills or syringes and end my own suffering along with hers. But I didn't feel brave enough to do such a desperate act just yet. In my heart, if I had to die, truly had to die here, in this place, then I'd only want to go out with the last drop of fresh air on board this goddamn shuttle. What a coward I truly was. But all I could think about in the moment was that this truly was the beginning of the end for us... Well, for me.

  There was a long, eerie silence as Mark ceased from his hysterical sobbing and held onto Anna from behind. It was like he were almost holding onto her for dear life. Only when the unbearable silence consumed the entire ship did he lean his head right back behind his shoulders. Then in a hideous sense of defeat he horrifically began tearing at his hair. I couldn't believe it at first. A sight of such horrendous madness. He was blatantly tearing chunks and clumps of his own hair right out from his head. Right before my very eyes. It was soul destroying to watch. Terrifying in fact. Especially when streams of blood began pouring down the fresh flesh wounds where the roots of his hair should be. Then, as quickly as he started, he just stopped. Then roared in a sickening grief that echoed all around the entire shuttle. I continued to stand in silence over by the doorway watching this. Watching Mark raging and loosing himself to the haunting insane madness. The same sickening madness which had clamed Anna's soul also. Mark placed her head hard against his chest and stroked her. Gently he caressed every inch of her ghostly pale face before sobbing out uncontrollably again.

  'My Anna... My beautiful, beautiful darling Anna.' He howled and sobbed. 'Why...Why? If I'm dreaming then I want to wake up now. I want to wake up from this NIGHTMARE.' He shrieked. 'WAKE ME UPPPPP!'

  I glanced down and away from him in deep sorrow, pain and regret. Regret that I'd ever woken the two of them up from their comatose sleep and beautiful dreams. A world of dreams where they both lived in utter peace, love and harmony together. Together with their beautiful, beautiful baby child.

  'I'm so sorry.' I whispered, but Mark never heard me. Instead he chuckled unexpectedly before composing himself again as the madness too him even further away.

  'She was my beautiful, angel wife.' He said still touching every inch of Anna's pale and motionless face. Again he gently stroked his hands all the way through her long smooth black hair. 'And now. Now she's my dead wife... and your dead sister.' He continued without even looking at me. Although he knew I was present. I continued watching the scene in front of me in a frozen trance. I began shaking my head, breathing deeper and harder, desperately trying to bring myself out of this trance. Finally I couldn't take this horrifying scene in front of me anymore and the emotion of losing my sister, who meant so little to me only a short while ago, suddenly overwhelmed me. I backed away, leaving the sad and tragic horrors of this room behind. I had to get away from here. Mark never even glanced up as I left.

  Chapter 22

  I sat inside the control room. Seated casually upon the flight deck chairs staring effortlessly and obliviously out into space. What would happen to us now? Or what would become of us? I had no idea. Would Mark ever be in a fit state of mental health to get us out of this mess? Would he even care anymore? All I could do was wait and hope.

  I heard a faint noise from one of the distant corridors, like the sound of a door opening and closing shut. The sounds were only a few seconds apart. Curious at this sudden noise I made my way back out into the corridor. I called Mark's name but there was no answer. I walked along the corridor towards the kitchen, lift and pod room and noticed some flashing lights to the side of the lift door and a lighted arrow flashing down. I walked past the lift for now, walking along the next corridor towards the Medical room. I slowed my approach nearing the doorway. I didn't really want to be noticed by Mark at all. Convinced he'd only begin screaming at me again. Cautiously I peered around the edge of the doorway. I was surprised to see both Mark and Anna's body gone with only the mess of the spilled pills and scattered syringes left as the only evidence that the two of them had ever been there.

  I turned back to the corridor and called out Mark's name again. This time louder, but again there was no reply. I doubled back and made my way to the lift double tapping the red flashing button which began flashing green right after I tapped it. A few moments later the lift doors opened and I stepped inside. I pressed down on the leaver and unlike last time I'd tried to do so, the leaver was fully functional.

  The lift went down and stopped after a few seconds. I exited the lift entering into the dimly lit cargo bay at the base of the shuttle. It was the first time I'd been down here with the lights on since I 'd climbed down the dark laddered hole only to find the skeleton of Ian and a ghostly image of an hysterically screaming Steffi.

  I took a few seconds to glance around at the many different containers and metallic boxes filling the area. My concentration was distracted by the noisy sound of a loud thunderous slamming and sealing hiss. I followed the noise towards the rear of the cargo bay where I came upon a small, sealed room with a large and thick see through glass panel stretching the entire width. A large, thick, air tight sealed door was situated right in the middle of the glass. Looking through I was shocked to see Anna's lifeless body lying on the steel floor inside. Mark was also there, but had his back turned away from me as he typed some commands into a small computer at the far end. With a great sense of fear and dread building up inside I began to pound hard upon the thick glass. For some reason, and no matter how hard I slammed my fists, hardly any sound was made inside. Mark couldn't hear a single damn thing I was doing out here.

  I studied the glass more carefully. Quickly looking for something to help me catch his attention. Finally I noticed a small speaker button to the right of the door and pressed it frantically while talking into it.

  'Mark... Mark! Can you hear me Mark? Mark, please...!' I yelled anxiously into the speaker. Inside the sealed room Mark half turned to face me and the sound of my voice calling into the room. That was the only acknowledgement he gave though as he returned to face the s
mall computer screen, continuing to type away. Anxiously I pressed upon the speaker button once more.

  'Mark? Mark please! What are you doing Mark? Please talk to me, please! What are you doing in there?' Mark continued to ignore me. 'Mark I'm so scared, please! I'm so, so scared. Just tell me what's going on in there please. I beg you.'

  Dozens of red lights began flashing wildly inside then outside the room. Another loud, thunderous noise boomed and echoed out from behind the solid wall at the very back of the sealed room, just in front of Mark. It was quickly followed by another loud ringing alarm. It was so deafening and terrifying. The extreme ringing made me even more scared and nervous that something bad and completely out of my control was about to happen. Mark turned away from the computer screen picking up Anna's body from the floor. He held her with ease in his arms. He glanced over at me calmly as I continued to stare anxiously over at him through the clear solid glass, desperately seeking my answers.

  'Please Mark!' I shouted and pleaded into the speaker. 'What's happening? What are you doing in there?'

  'I'm sorry David.' Mark shouted back at me, raising his voice over the noisy alarms. 'But there's no hope for us here anymore. It's over.'

  'What do you mean it's over?' I yelled back through the speaker. 'We still have oxygen! We still have food and water. Surely we still have a chance to find home? What about getting home?'

  Mark took his eyes off me, glancing down at the pale and fragile figure of Anna in his arms.

  'She was my home David.' He continued with tears filling up his eyes. 'She was my food, my drink, my oxygen. As long as she was alive I had hope. I had a reason to try and get us out of this... This fucking nightmare.' He paused for the briefest of beats. I was stifled. I had no idea what to do or say. 'For Anna and I...' Continued Mark. 'There is only one way out of here.'

  'What do you mean?' I said panicking. 'What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I don't understand any of this, please. I don't understand.'