The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  “Uh huh. Friends.”

  There he goes again with that tone of voice, the one that says he doesn’t believe me for a second. I choose to ignore him this time, but I do plan to tell him exactly what I think of his tone later on. “Fine, if you really want to know. He infuriates me. I just want to punch him in the face, except when I want to kiss him. Since he kissed me at Christmas I can’t stop remembering how good his lips feel.”

  My mind drifts back to the feel of his lips. They were soft and warm, his tongue minty from just brushing his teeth. The only problem was, because I wasn’t expecting it, the shock made me pause and it was over before I had a chance to realize it was happening. Just as my brain caught up enough to kiss him back, he was gone.

  “Hold up just a minute. Lets go back just a little bit. You kissed Nathan?”

  Shit. “Oh, did I forget to mention that?” I know I had, because I knew I would get the third degree about what happened and I had no answers to give him. I still don’t. But apparently my mouth has a mind of its own tonight and wants to tell its story. I hadn’t meant to tell him, but maybe it will be a good thing in the long run.

  “I think I would have remembered the fact you kissed Nathan. Shit, Grey, tell me everything.” He sits forward, obviously scared that he's going to miss some gossip. I hate that the tables have turned. It used to be that I was so sure of myself, everything in life exactly the way I wanted it to be, but now I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up while Roman has it all worked out.

  “It was the day after Christmas. When you and Trey left on Christmas night we carried on drinking and chatting. He was too drunk to get home safely so he spent the night. We had a slight disagreement in the morning and he kissed me. It was quick and abrupt … but so freaking hot.”

  “That’s it, just one kiss?”

  I nod and then laugh at his obvious disappointment. I know he was maybe looking for more but there isn’t anything else to tell him. “I'm afraid so. Since then we can barely be in the same room without me wanting to beat him to a bloody pulp.”

  “How does he feel about it?”

  That’s the million-dollar question. How does he feel about it? “I would love to say that I know, but he sends so many mixed signals. One minute I think he’s a heartbeat away from killing me, and the next he's whispering sexual promises in my ear. And after what happened at the nightclub, I could go my whole life without being left alone with Nathan again.”

  “What happened at the club?”

  Shit, when will I learn to keep my mouth closed? I spend the next ten minutes telling Roman my misadventures from the previous week. As I repeat the story, I can see the anger in his face, which perfectly matches the look I got from Nathan.

  “I can’t believe you put yourself in that situation. Why the hell did you let that happen?”

  I roll my eyes at his question. He might have a boyfriend now but he hasn’t always. He might not like to remember it, but I know for a fact there was a few times the urge got the better of him and he found himself in that very alcove.

  “Don’t act like the martyr with me. I know you’ve had a few hookups there yourself, so please don’t act like I did something insane. I was horny and thinking with my dick, I just happened to pick the wrong guy.”

  At least he has the decency to blush over the fact that he's full of shit. He may be my best friend but I won’t hesitate to call him out, and he would do the same to me.

  “Fine, but I’m pissed that this is the first I've heard about it. You left on your own that night. What if the guy had been waiting for you outside? You could’ve been hurt. I might be with Trey now but you are still more important to me than everyone else. You are my family, Grey. I need to make sure you're safe.”

  Reaching out I take Roman’s hand and pull him to me before hugging him. No matter how little we see each other now, he’s still my brother, the one person I can count on. “I know, and I'm sorry. I met Nathan outside and we shared a cab. I told you that. I'm always safe, I wouldn’t have left if I thought there was any sort of danger.” I kiss the side of his head as I hear voices filtering in through the door. Our hug is cut short when we are joined a moment later by Trey and Nathan.

  “Are we interrupting something?” Trey’s voice is full of humor as he sits on the couch behind Roman, pulling him until he leaves my arms. I watch as Trey snuggles into Roman’s neck and kisses him gently until Roman’s head falls back. There is a pang in my heart as I feel a loss of not having that special someone. That one person who will hold you through everything, the man who loves you more than his own life. The strange thing is that I didn’t know I was missing that. I never felt this emptiness before, but living on my own is proving lonelier than I ever imagined. I need to hurry up and get a roommate.

  “Well it looks like it’s time for me to get going. As much as I would love to sit and watch you two getting it on, I have too much work that I should be getting on with.” Nathan stands and runs his hands down his jeans to get rid of any creases. I can’t help it when my eyes follow their path, wanting to feel the muscles under his palms.

  Trey gets up, leaving Roman looking at him with dreamy eyes, and I know that it’s time for me to go as well. I just need to call a cab but I can wait downstairs for it.

  “I'm going to go too. I’m on nights tomorrow so I have some stuff I need to get done before then.” I pull Roman up from the couch and hug him, hanging on for longer than I should but I need the comfort.

  “How are you getting home?” He asks the question as he moves out of my hold, watching my face carefully so he can tell if I'm lying. He knows that I hate to be an inconvenience and would leave before I overstayed my welcome, even without a way home.

  “I'm gonna call a cab. I’ll wait downstairs for it to arrive, but don’t worry I will wait inside until it does.” I smile at him, knowing that was the next thing he would say.

  “I can give you a lift home.”

  I look over to Nathan as he speaks and my heart begins to race in my chest again. I can’t be stuck in a car with him, not after everything he said earlier. I give Roman a pleading look, hoping that he will see that I need saving. He sees it, I know he does, but instead of being the friend I need and bailing me out, he gets a wicked smile on his face.

  “Oh, that’s so nice of you, Nathan. I’ll go get his jacket for him.”

  Fucker. I will kill him when I see him next. He is the person that’s meant to save me from awkwardness like this, not throw me into its path. “I don’t mind taking a cab, Nathan. I don’t want you to go out of your way.” This is the second time I’ve mentioned him going out of his way, but when I think about it, I have absolutely no idea where he lives. I just imagine it’s around here somewhere, and with me living closer to the hospital it would be a journey that he wouldn’t want to take.

  “No, it’s fine, Grey. I don’t live that far from you, and it will save you hanging around for a cab to turn up.”

  I want to say no and walk away, but with both Trey and Roman watching me I can’t be rude.

  “Well thank you, if you're sure that it won’t be too much trouble for you.”

  “No, it will be my pleasure.”

  Chapter 6

  I’ve decided I’m going insane. That’s the only explanation for the way I spoke to Grey in the kitchen earlier. I hadn’t meant to lead our conversation in that direction, but the way he looks at me, like he wants to devour me bit by bit, makes my brain go stupid.

  Just like when I went to say goodnight, but ended up offering him a lift home. Stupid. I hadn’t meant to ask him, but I wasn’t happy with the thought of him hanging around for a cab. I had this need to make sure he got home okay.

  I know Trey thought I was insane as well. The look on his face wasn’t hard to interpret, and I know he’ll rip me a new one for this tomorrow. We’d barely finished our conversation about me staying away from Grey when I went and opened my mouth and offered him a lift. We had discussed my situation while we were in h
is office, and we both agreed that if I only spent time with Grey around other people, that it would probably make things a lot easier on me.

  Now I'm sitting next to him in my Porsche with barely an inch between us. The silence is almost deafening and is only serving to heighten the sexual tension that I can feel practically sparking between us. I didn’t think about this part of taking him home, the part where I needed to be able to drive while every ounce of blood in my body is making a journey to my dick. I’ve already stalled the car once and taken two wrong turns.

  “You can just let me out at the end of my block, I don’t mind walking the rest of the way home.”

  “It’s fine. I’ll take you to your door.” If I let him out here I’d still follow him, so this way will make me look less creepy.

  “I know you have a lot of work to do, so just let me out and you can get home to it.”

  I glance over at him and give him my best ‘I don’t think so’ look, and I think he gets it when he just glares back. “Not going to happen so drop it.”

  He huffs next to me before sitting back in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. I want to laugh at him, since he looks like a pouting teenager, but I doubt it would go down well, so I just stay silent. When I turn onto his block he sits up, clearly getting ready to bolt from the car. I purposely slow down, making the journey take longer than it should. I don’t look in his direction but I can feel his glare.

  I know that I push him, determined to get a reaction from him at every opportunity, but I wasn’t lying earlier when I said that I loved his fight. There’s just something about a pissed off Grey that makes my dick jump to attention.

  I finally pull up outside his apartment building and he reaches for the handle before I’ve even managed to put the car in park. He pushes the door open but stops. “Thank you for the lift, Nathan. It was very kind.” He doesn’t look at me or wait for a response before he slips out of the car.

  I watch him until he enters the building and closes the front door behind himself. As soon as I know he’s safe I drive away, speeding along the streets because I need to get home to work. I'm already later than planned because of giving Grey a lift home, but I don't regret it for a second.

  I drop my head onto my desk and bang it a few times for effect. It’s official; this job is going to give me an ulcer. I managed to start Mr. Donaldson’s job four days ago and now I wish I’d said no. The specs he’s requested just aren’t possible, and no matter how many alternatives I give him, he just isn’t willing to change his vision. So now I want to cry a little as I spend the fifteenth hour trying to make his plans work.

  I'm saved from giving myself a concussion when there’s a knock at the door. Thank god. I grab my wallet from the bookshelf in my living room on my way to the door, praying that it’s my lunch order being delivered. I open the door and Daniel, the pizza deliveryman that I'm sadly getting to know on a first name basis, hands me the box and bag he's holding.

  “Thanks, Daniel. What’s the damage today?” I pay the bill with a smile and give him a big tip. I take my lunch into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I used to eat at the computer and work through my lunch, but once the hours got longer I decided that I needed to take time away from the screen. So now I always eat in the kitchen whilst I listen to some music or reading a book, anything to take my mind off the job at hand.

  I sit at the table and grab my kindle, bringing up the book I'm half way through reading. I mainly read horror, but there have been a few romance books that have caught my attention, and I'm not ashamed to admit that they are damn good. I say I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I haven’t actually told anyone that I read them, it’s not exactly a very manly thing to do. What I will say is that some of those books have given me ideas in the bedroom that I never would have thought of. Some of my best sex has been inspired by one of these stories, and I would love to meet the men and women who write them.

  An hour later I’ve eaten three slices of pizza, finished the salad I ordered with it, and read four chapters of the book on my Kindle. I groan with how full I feel and at the fact I’m going to have to spend a few hours in the gym later to work off all the take out I've been eating. I don’t see that as a hardship though. I love putting my earphones on, turning the music up loud, and tearing up the running machine.

  I tidy the napkins and empty boxes into a pile, and just as I'm about to get up from the table I hear the message tone ring out from my cell. I grab it and see that it’s from Roman so I don’t open it straight away. It’s a group message and I inwardly groan. I hate these things. They are constantly making your phone beep and it kills your battery. I take the boxes to the trash before I open the text, fully intending to read it and leave the group, but I see that it’s about Trey’s birthday next month. This is something I've come to know about Roman, even in the short time he's been with Trey, he likes to have things organized, and usually weeks before anything needs to be really done. Trey says he's like that at work and has cases ready before they are even needed.

  He wants organize a night at Crave for Trey that includes a special dance that he's been practicing. While I'm reading, a reply a number I don’t recognize comes in saying that they would need to check their schedule to see if they can make it. I take a second to wonder who the number belongs to, but dismiss it as probably being someone in the office. I laugh to myself as I wonder if it’s Quincy.

  I go to close the screen when Roman messages back, my finger hovering over the button as I read his words.

  ‘Thanks, Grey. Hope you can be there.’

  The possibilities that go through my head with the knowledge that I now possess Grey’s cell number are limitless. I could have contact with him at any time, and that thought makes me smile to myself. This fact has just made my entire day, and I open up a new message and attach his number.

  I sit for a few moments thinking about what to write. I want him to know it’s me without telling him, so there’s only one way to do that.

  ‘How is work today Dr?’

  I haven’t really talked about what he does, but I know he works at the hospital so I'm assuming he's a doctor. It takes a few minutes for a reply to come through, and I'm just about to give up waiting and go back to work when it does.

  ‘I’m not a doctor, I'm a nurse. And who is this?’

  I find it funny that he only asks who it is after he's corrected me. I have to admit that I'm a little shocked that he's a nurse. It’s not like I don’t know that a lot of men are nurses, I just can’t picture Grey in the uniform. I open up my search engine on my phone and search for male nurses uniforms, you know, just so I know what to picture in the future. After getting past the first few outfits that I highly doubt he would wear on the job, I come across some images that have me picturing some very naughty scenarios in my head. Shit, that uniform is hot.

  ‘A nurse? I bet you look damn sexy in your uniform.’

  I lean back in my chair and put my feet up on one opposite, getting comfortable for what I hope is going to be another fun encounter with Grey.

  ‘Yes, a nurse. You know, not a doctor but I can still save your life. Well that’s if I really wanted to, Nathan.’

  I laugh when I read my name. I knew he’d figure out it’s me, even if it was a case of just recognizing my number from the group text. I'm feeling confident though, because even though he knows it’s me, he’s still replying.

  ‘You wouldn’t let the next love of your life die would you?’

  I honestly have no idea why I write that or why I keep pushing him. It’s like I want him to make a move on me, because if he does and it doesn’t work out then I can blame it all on him.

  ‘I will let you know when I meet him. What do you want, Nathan?’

  What do I want? Why am I messaging him when I should be getting back to work? That’s probably what this is, just a distraction to save me going back to the disaster that awaits me.

  ‘I don’t know Nurse … actually what
is your last name?’

  There are a lot of things I don’t know about Grey, and I would like to find out everything. You know, so we can be friendly to each other for the happy couples sake.

  ‘Green.’

  The one word answer throws me until I remember that I asked him his last name.

  ‘So, Nurse Green, do you look sexy in your uniform?’

  While I'm waiting on his sarcastic reply, because I know that’s what I’ll get, I start to save his number into my phone. As I type in his name I burst out laughing and quickly open up the message again so I can bust his balls.

  ‘Your name is Grey Green? Are you fucking with me? Grey Green!’

  He doesn’t reply straight away, so I just carry on sending messages, knowing that if I blow up his phone enough he’ll reply. Well that or he’ll turn it off, but I'm hoping he won’t go in that direction.

  ‘Topaz, are you ignoring me?’

  ‘Turquoise, I’m going to take it personally if you don’t reply.’

  ‘Are you at work? Are you taking care of all those sick people, Florence?’

  The bubble appears as soon as I send the last message showing that he's replying, so I sit back patiently waiting on his response.

  ‘Fuck off, Nathan. Yes my name is really Greyson Green, but my friends call me Grey … so you can call me Greyson! Don't call me Florence!!’

  And just like that my little friend has earned himself the perfect nickname.

  ‘I’m sorry, Florence. I didn’t catch that … these old eyes! But I’ll let you go, wouldn’t want to hog you all day when you have people to look after. I will catch up with you later.’

  I continue to sit at the table even though I said I would let him go. If I know him as well as I think I'm getting to, then I know he won’t let this go. There’s no way in hell that Grey will just let me get away with calling him Florence, not after him specifically asking me not to, and ignoring him is a sure fire way to get him to respond.