The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  I laugh at his real name and feel slightly bad for him having to grow up with a name that no doubt got him shit at school. I know if I had someone in my class with that name I would have made his life hell the entire time.

  I see the reply bubble appear again and I brace myself for what he's about to say. I can see that he tries not to respond to my teasing when we’re together, but I usually see the exact moment that I push him too far. That's when I know that things are going to get really interesting, and I think the messages that are about to come through to me will show that I'm close to that moment.

  ‘I said don't call me that!!’

  I don't mean to reply, but it’s just far too tempting.

  ‘Okay, Florence.’

  I shut down my phone after changing Grey’s names in my contacts to Florence, and I realize I need to get back to work. With a sigh, I get up from the table and walk back into my office. Maybe the rest of the day won’t be so stressful.

  I was wrong when I thought it wouldn’t be as stressful. I'm tired and sweaty, and I’m ready to throw the whole fucking computer out of the window. I just keep thinking that no amount of money is worth the headache, but there’s that part of me that can’t give up on a challenge. That's how I’ve managed to get my company to the level it’s at, because I'm a stubborn fuck who refuses to give up. I can do things that others can only dream of achieving in their work. It’s how I made a name for myself in such a populated profession, and the reason a lot of people want me to work with them. As I say … I'm fucking good at what I do.

  Unfortunately tonight I just want to throw the whole fucking thing away. When I get to that point I need to walk away before I delete the entire thing. No matter how frustrated I am, I can’t give in to that urge because I have actually made good headway with it. It’s not at the point I need it to be yet, but it’s getting there.

  I turn off the monitor and close over the two laptops I have on the desk before turning off the light and leaving my office. I walk straight to my bathroom and strip without thought, turning on the shower and stepping in before the water has a chance to heat properly. I grit my teeth against the cold, but relax as the icy water turns warm, then hot, and massages against my skin. I drop my head and let the water rain down on my shoulders, melting away some of my tension.

  I really should have gone for a run tonight, but I got caught up and lost track of time. Now I’ll have to rely on the shower to relax me enough to sleep. I take deep breaths, focusing on the pounding of the water hitting my body until my heart rate is steady and I can no longer feel my pulse vibrating in my temple.

  Only then do I grab my shampoo and wash my hair, making a mental note to go and get a haircut soon. I don't like my hair when it gets too long, especially when it starts to sit on the top of my ears like it’s about to. I need to phone Nic tomorrow and get myself booked in, and maybe hang around afterwards for a bit of relief for another tense muscle.

  At the thought of sinking my dick into somewhere, unsolicited images of Grey rush through my head. I try to fight the need inside me but I can’t, and my cock gets hard without permission. Shit, I need to get myself under control. It’s bad enough when I'm in his company and I can’t keep myself under control, but I should be able to do it when he isn’t anywhere around.

  I turn the water cold, figuring that the frigid temperature will chase my hard on away, but it’s a lost cause. Turning off the water, I angrily grab a towel from the rack and dry my body roughly. I refuse to be the guy who gets a fucking constant boner for someone, especially when I can’t do a thing about it. Trey is right. I can’t do what I want to with Grey because when, not if but when, I leave him, he won’t be out of my life for good. I never go back for seconds unless the sex is spectacular, and even though I suspect that with Grey it would be, there definitely wouldn’t be a second time for us. Grey just isn’t a risk I can take.

  I turn off all the lights and collapse into bed, grabbing my cell off the top of the duvet where I threw it earlier. I power it up and snuggle into my pillow as I wait for it to turn on. I know I shouldn’t turn it off, a client could call at any time of the day, but the temptation to check for Grey’s replies was too much. It was the sort of distraction I didn’t need today.

  As soon as my cell connects to Wi-Fi my messages go crazy, but I don't look at them. Instead I press the contact information for Nic and call her. I know I said I would wait until tomorrow, but the ache in my cock demands attention. It rings for a while before the call connects and a sleepy voice comes over the line.

  “Hello.”

  I look at the time and see that it’s after midnight. Fuck, I didn’t even think about the time and I now feel like shit. “Hey, Nic. I'm so sorry, I didn’t notice the time.”

  She laughs and it puts me at ease. This what I like the most about Nic. She is pretty laid back as long as you give her what she's wanting, and she knows a phone call from me always leads to good things.

  “You working on a project, sexy?”

  And this is another thing I like. She gets me. She knows the way I work and how time usually means nothing to me. “You know me too well. I just wanted to book a time with you, but I suppose I could wait until you’re awake, and possibly dressed.” I let a slight growl work into my words which causes her to moan.

  “What are you looking for, Nathan?”

  “The works.”

  I hear her giggle before she replies and I know that she won’t let me down.

  “Can you get here tomorrow night? I work until eight so it would need to be about ten.”

  “Not a problem, will see you then.” I hang up without another word. I have a haircut and a fuck planned for tomorrow night so there’s nothing else to say. I feel bad sometimes when it comes to Nic, because I know if I gave her the option that she’d want something more with me. There are times that I can see the jealousy when she knows I’ve been with someone else, that moment where she forgets that she isn’t in a relationship with me. It keeps me saying things to remind her that there will never be anything between us, because I don't do relationships. Even the thought of being in one gives me hives.

  I'm about to throw my cell on my nightstand when I notice the reason my phone went crazy when I turned it on. There are messages from Grey so I relax back again and open them up, laughing as I read over them.

  ‘Stop fucking calling me that!’

  ‘Are you listening, Nathan?’

  ‘If you call me that again I will be joining you in the ring the next time you and Trey fight.’

  ‘Stop ignoring me.’

  ‘Nathan, fucking answer me!’

  As much as I need to sleep, I go against my better judgment and press the call button, calling the last person in the world I should be talking to.

  Chapter 7

  I'm lying on the beach while the sexy guy from the hotel rubs oil all over my skin. I already applied some before he strolled past, but when I felt his eyes roaming over my body, I couldn’t say no when he offered to do it.

  Now as his fingers knead the tension out of my shoulders I can feel tension building somewhere else. It’s been so long since I felt a guy’s hands on me and it’s turning me on, even out here in public. I keep my eyes closed and enjoy the pressure of the lounger against my dick, trying hard not to thrust into it to get some relief.

  The guy bends down over my back and his chest brushes over my skin, causing goose bumps to erupt over my warm skin. I feel his breath on my ear as he flicks his tongue out, licking over the edge of it before he speaks.

  “The next time you want your dick sucked, give me a call. I’ll be more than happy to help you out.”

  I feel myself flinch at his words. Those were the words that Nathan spoke to me at the club. I laugh at my imagination, because this is nothing more than the guy just trying to get some action.

  I try to relax, to be a willing partner and let him do what he wants. His hands move lower and he runs a finger under the waistband of my shorts. I tilt
my hips, showing him that I'm more than happy for him to keep going, and I smile when he slips his oiled hand over my butt. He presses a finger in between my cheeks and then he …

  The persistent ringing of my phone pulls me from one of the best dreams I’ve ever had, and I roll over with a painful groan. My cock is hard and when the sheet brushes against it, I feel like I might explode. Whoever is on the other end of this call better be dying. I grab my cell and press the connect button before growling out a hello.

  “Fuck, Florence. Are you trying to make me come because with that voice I just might.”

  No, no, no. This can’t be happening. “Nathan? What time is it?”

  “It’s not that late. I know an old guy like you must go to bed about, what, eight o’clock. Lets just say it’s a little after that.”

  Asshole. I don't even want to open my eyes to look because I have a feeling that if I see what time it is, I will get in a cab, go to his house and beat the shit out of him. I have work tomorrow, so the last thing I need is for my sleep to be interrupted by Captain Loves Himself. “I'm not doing this tonight. I need to go to sleep so can you call and harass me tomorrow? I’ll remember not to answer.”

  His laughter makes me smile in spite of myself and I lie on my back, getting comfortable. I know I should hang up, common sense says that I need to just go back to sleep, but listening to him breathe on the other end of the phone is oddly relaxing. After a few moments of silence I talk, wanting to know what the point of this call is. “Why did you call, Nathan?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I laugh at his answer. I don't believe for a second that he doesn’t have an ulterior motive for calling me.

  “Honestly I don’t. I got your messages a few minutes ago, and I think I called to drive you insane, but now I just can’t. I'm tired, and I think I just want to talk to someone.” His voice softens at the end of his sentence, and I can’t help the butterflies that attack my stomach. I don’t know why they’re there, but when it comes to Nathan, there is a lot I can’t explain.

  “What about Trey?”

  “You know, you're right. I'm sorry I woke you at a shitty time. I’ll go.”

  The panic I feel is a surprise, but not as much of a shock as the words that come out of me. “No, Nathan! It’s fine, I can talk.”

  There’s silence at his end of the call, but he doesn’t hang up and I take that as a good sign that he won’t. I realize that I do actually want to talk to him and get to know the guy behind the asshole. Tonight he sounds different, a little mellower, so that might happen.

  “Just talk to me. What’s up?” I try not to sound desperate but I don’t think I manage it. Thankfully, if he notices it, he doesn’t mention it.

  He signs and I feel the urge to go hold him while he talks. I know it’s a stupid thought, but it’s there anyway.

  “Nothing and everything. God, I sound like a drama queen. I swear I didn’t call you at this time to cry on your shoulder. I honestly called to take the piss out of your messages.”

  I can’t help the laughter that explodes from me. This is something I’ve noticed about Nathan. He might occasionally sound like he has word vomit, but he always tells the truth. “I don't even know how to respond to that. But you’re being almost human so keep talking.” I swear I can hear him smile over the line and it makes me happy. I don't know why he really called, but now that I'm past wanting to kill him for waking me, I'm actually kind of glad he did.

  “I will take that as a compliment you never meant to give. I just have a nightmare client and the job is going to fuck. I can’t get my head around it and it’s driving me insane.”

  I know roughly what he does, it’s something to do with websites and computers, but anything more that and I'm lost. I'm not the most tech savvy person in the world but I can work my iPhone and Facebook like a pro. “So what is your job? I know you own your own business and that there are computers involved, but other than that, you’re a bit like Chandler. I just don't know.” I know he gets my reference when he chuckles before answering me.

  “I write code for the design of custom websites. It’s mainly for businesses, but sometimes I do work for gamers.”

  “Wow, I'm really glad I asked. I think I recognized about four words you said there. So basically, you’re saying you’re smart.” There’s a rustling on his end and I wonder what he's doing. He said he was in bed when he called. I wonder if he's naked?

  The sudden image of Nathan lying naked in bed has my dick standing to attention instantly. It’s been semi hard since he woke me from my dream, but now it’s very much awake and desperate for someone to touch it. I absentmindedly reach down and grab it through the thin sheet. A groan slips out from between my parted lips. Shit. I let go quickly and cover my mouth, hoping with everything in me he hasn’t heard.

  “Yeah I'm smart. Smart enough to know you’re touching yourself, Grey.”

  I knew it was too much to ask for. The funny thing is, when his rough voice reaches my ear, lust throbs through my body and down to my cock. If I thought I was hard before I was wrong. Now I'm hard.

  When he groaned in my ear I knew I had his attention. I'm not sure what I did, but I'm going to use it to my advantage.

  I hadn’t been lying when I said I wanted to talk, I really did. I was tired when I called and arguing with Grey quickly lost its appeal. I just hadn’t wanted to hang up, having him on the other end of the phone was strangely settling after the craptastic day I had.

  I was just getting comfortable when he let the moan out and the silence that followed let me know that I wasn’t meant to hear. But I did, and my now aching cock wants to know what he was doing. I'm not stupid, I know that it was a noise of pleasure, but I want to hear it from his lips. “Don't go shy on me now. I want to know what you’re touching. Tell me how good it feels.”

  He doesn’t say anything but his heavy breathing says more than he’ll ever know. I close my eyes and just listen, imagining what his hand is doing at this second. As much fun as the silence is, if he isn’t going to talk about what’s happening then I will. “Are you really hard, Grey? I bet it fills your entire hand. If I was there I would just sit and watch as you make yourself come. Would you like that?”

  His breathing is more labored now and I groan when I rub my hand over my own aching cock. I can’t believe that listening to him breathe has me to the point of exploding. Actually, what I really can’t believe is that I'm doing this with Grey. Trey will kill me if he finds out.

  I'm pulled from thoughts when Grey gasps and the sound is the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. I want to be able to see him; I want to watch as he brings himself to the edge. I listen closely, determined not to miss anything that he does.

  “That's it, baby. God, you have me so hard, I'm about ready to burst. Do you want that? Do you want me to shoot my load all over my stomach while I think of you coming?” I rub my cock harder, imagining that it’s Grey’s hand that’s holding me tightly.

  “Oh shit. Fuck!” Grey comes with a roar. I don't even have the chance to enjoy listening to him before I explode over my stomach. White lights take over my vision as I rub myself through one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever experienced. I don't know if it’s because I haven’t had sex for a while, or if it’s the thrill of doing something that I shouldn’t, but it feels like I’ve shot one of my balls out onto my stomach.

  When I come back to my senses I grab my cell that I dropped during my orgasm and put it back to my ear. “Grey?” The line is dead. He's hung up on me, and I would be angry but I really don't have the energy. I will be discussing this with my sexy little nurse, it just won’t be tonight.

  When you tell people that you’ve had a bad day, they often tell you that you should always look on the bright side. Those people are stupid. The last twenty-four hours of my life have sucked harder than anyone could even imagine. I swear no one could think up the shit that's gone on.

  Thankfully I'm on my way home now, so at least I can just cl
imb into bed and try to forget everything that's happened since Nathan called last night. I'm blaming this epically fucked up day on him, because he started a shitty chain of events that I haven’t been able to escape. The first mistake I made was listening to Nathan talk. As soon as he asked me what I was touching I should have hung up and cut the conversation short before I made a complete fool of myself. I can’t believe I actually came and not just quietly like I normally do. No, of course I had to yell loud enough that my neighbors probably heard me.

  That's the main reason I hung up on him. I couldn’t bear to hear the gloating in his voice. It was him that threw me off the cliff and into the most explosive orgasm I’ve ever had, and he knew it. There’s no way he would think it was anything else other than his voice and words. My only saving grace is that it had affected him as well, because even over my own choppy breathing I heard him groan his own release.

  I lay awake for hours after thinking of what would happen the next time I saw him. What would he say? Would he tell Trey and Roman? I don’t think he would, but I couldn’t be a hundred percent sure. Those are the thoughts that were racing through my head keeping me awake, and that's the reason I slept through my alarm.

  I woke up an hour after I should have, and by the time I got in to work, it was already fifty minutes into my shift. The worst thing wasn’t being late because I could work through my breaks to make up the time. No, the worst thing is there’s a shift rule that anyone who’s late gets all the jobs that no one else wants. So I spent the rest of the day cleaning up bodily fluids of all sorts, and doing more rectal exams than anyone should do in a year. If that wasn’t bad enough, my third patient was an eight-year-old girl who had a stomach virus. A ten-minute consultation with her led to a fifteen-minute shower as I tried to clean vomit from places it shouldn’t have reached.