Memoirs of a Wild Child

by P Lewis, Cassandra

  I closed my eyes, thinking about my dad, about how disappointed he would be if he knew the truth about my life. He genuinely believed that I was saving myself for marriage, he would be devastated if he knew what a tramp I really was.

  I squeezed my eyes tightly, trying to prevent the tears that were forming from finding their escape. It had been a conscious decision, my lifestyle, as had protecting my parents from it. They would never know the mistakes I had made, and what they didn’t know, could never hurt them.

  “Hello,” A smooth deep voice, with a hint of an Italian accent shook me from my thoughts, and I turned to look up in the direction it came from. Holy shit… and I mean ‘holy’. Hot guys should not be allowed to be priests, it makes you think all kinds of bad things about all the stuff they’re not allowed to do, and this guy, fuck me… no, really!

  “Hello,” I replied, not blinking as his brown eyes smiled before his mouth caught up.

  “You’re new here?” He questioned still looming over me,

  “Just visiting,” I turned my body towards him to take the strain off my twisted neck, “It’s a lovely church.” I smiled, as sweetly as I could muster; he may have been a total hottie, but he was still a priest.

  “Thank you,” He answered smiling as he brought his hands to his hips. His tanned, muscular forearms twisted and flexed as he looked around the church proudly. “It is lovely; we’re very proud of it. Are you a Catholic?” he asked, and I swallowed hard, tearing my eyes from him to the crucifix hanging above the altar.

  “I, erm, no, well, my dad is.” I stammered, feeling guilty for checking him out, and feeling a little like I was trespassing. “I guess I just needed a quiet place to think about…” I paused, things.”

  “Well, you know priests are fantastic listeners don’t you? We even have a special room so that you don’t have to look us in the eye when you talk.” I looked up at him, unsure if he was being patronising or sarcastic, and then he smiled a wide smile that made me laugh. “I’m Father Angelo, you are welcome here anytime, and if you need to talk, I will listen.” He held out a hand to me, and I took it,

  “I’m Pip… Philippa. Thank you.”

  He left me for a while and headed to the confessional. ‘Screw it’ I thought, what have I got to lose? I made my way across the church, feeling slightly self-conscious as I let myself in. I looked around the church again; we were the only ones there, it was after all, the early hours of the morning.

  I sat down; I could hear his breathing through the grated screen separating us.

  “So I’m new at this,” I said nervously, “But I’ve done a lot of shi, I mean, stuff.” I shook my head, what the fuck was I doing?

  “Okay, so you have sins to confess?” he asked, trying to prompt me, I let out a laugh

  “Oh yes, and a lot of them.” I looked down at my hands in my lap, waiting for him to speak again, but he didn’t, so I did. “I’ve been promiscuous, very, very promiscuous. I mean, I’ve had a lot of fun,” I smiled and then remembered where I was, “but I feel like I’ve let my parents down.” I took a breath.

  “And that’s upsetting to you?” He questioned.

  “Yes, very. They don’t know how I live my life, they think I’m a virgin, but I’m far from it, and I know they would be so disappointed in me.”

  “Well,” he paused briefly, “you are a very beautiful young woman, nobody can blame you for being flattered by the affections of men. But it’s never too late to repent, to change your ways.”

  He thinks I’m beautiful; I thought with a smile. “But,” I continued, “what if I don’t really want to change, Father? I mean, I love sex.” I heard him shuffle in the booth next to me.

  “You do?” He asked, his voice a little shaky. ‘oh my goodness’ I thought, ‘is this priest cracking on to me?’ I decided to play the game, if I were wrong, I could turn it all around and beg for forgiveness, he’d have to give that, right?

  “I love men, Father. I love the feel of a man, the smell of a man.” I took a deep breath, “I love being filled by a man.” I said, stifling my excitement as he cleared his throat.

  “Go on,” he said, huskily and my mouth fell open. Did this priest really want me to dirty talk to him?

  “Well,” I edged forward on my seat so that my mouth was closer to the screen, I inhaled and let out a purposely, shaky breath. “Father, I love to feel a man’s hands on my body. Rough, calloused hands on my smooth, bare, naked skin.” Holy shit I was getting hot. “And soft, full lips on my throat, my breasts, my stomach,” I breathed heavily again, “my thighs.”

  “Yes…” He pushed; he did want more, the dirty animal.

  “I need to feel a man in my hands, hard and proud, and in my mouth, Father, and then filling me completely. It’s what I live for, Father, you know?” I questioned playfully, while heat rushed across my skin, up my throat and into my cheeks, at the thought of the hot piece of holy ass a couple of feet away from me, loosening his dog collar while he rubbed his cock through his trousers.

  “Father,” I said, in a low, slow, seductive tone.

  “Yes,” he said, almost a whisper.

  “I need to feel it now.” I gasped as I spoke and reached for the handle of the door.

  I looked around as I stepped outside, we were still alone; the door to his side of the confessional clicked open, but he didn’t step out, so I stepped in.

  “I shouldn’t,” he protested slowly, his eyes hooded and hungry,

  “Shhh,” I soothed as I lowered to my knees, and not another word was spoken. I reached for the zipper on his black trousers and reached inside, pulling out a smooth, hard and delicious looking cock and grinning hungrily, as I lowered my head. This was probably going to be the only blow job this beautiful man would ever get, and my god was it going to be fucking amazing.

  Determined to do my best work, I licked my lips, gripped his thighs and got to it.

  I felt dirty as I made my way back to the hotel, but the good kind. I knew what I had done was wrong, but what he had done was worse, surely? I hadn’t taken a vow of chastity. I stopped to get some Chinese food on my walk back and then once inside my room, kicked off my boots, and sat on the floor, eating, while I scribbled what had happened into Pedro, my journal at the time.

  The following morning, after booking a flight home, I headed to the airport, ignoring the onslaught of calls texts and emails from Dax, Phil and the others. I boarded my plane, got myself comfy, and went home.

  I heard from Phil once I was home, and I explained why I had left. He was going to sue me for breach of contract, but I talked him off that ledge when I threatened to delete every photo I had taken. I sent what I had, and they tore up the paperwork.

  I only heard from Phil again once, about a year later, just before Christmas, and before I started seeing Ben. Dax was dead; he had gotten out of rehab and overdosed the same night; it was all over the news the next day, and I was sad but mostly angry. It could have been prevented, if only they had listened.

  I didn’t go to his funeral; I sent a donation to the charity that he had supported during his brief recovery, and I got on with my life. Clean, sober, and determined to be happy.

  New Leaf

  I’ve been thinking a lot about Thailand recently. Ben keeps mentioning that he’d like to go, I blame Rosie’s husband, Jackson, entirely. He’s convinced Rafe and Matthew to go, with him and Rosie, they’re getting a private villa and taking all the kids. Rafe and Matthew are going to be trying for another baby soon and so want to relax before the stress of that sets in. We’ve been invited, of course, but I’m not sure if Cooper’s too young to make that journey, and to take the heat.

  I am considering it though, Ben and the kids are the only ones from our group who haven’t been, and I know Ben would love it. Steve and Annie, Jackson’s friends, live there, and they have a baby too so maybe Coops would be fine.

  Last time I was in Thailand, was just two months before Ben and I got together, and my life changed. I had an ab
solute blast there; it’s an amazing place with such amazing people, and I learned some things about myself while I was there. I realised that I did, in fact, like the idea of having children, and just how maternal I could be, and I also learned that it was time to change my life. I had been lucky in that even though I’d been promiscuous; nobody had taken that as permission to take what they wanted from me. I may not have always had their respect, but they always had my consent. In Thailand though, something occurred that made me realise I was pushing my luck. There would always be people out there ready to take advantage, and me putting it out there on a plate, was not helping. But, besides all that serious stuff, I had a bloody good time.

  “Let’s do it.” Ben leans over my shoulder and breaks me from my daydream. The photo on the screen of my laptop is of Rosie and me jumping from a boat into the crystal turquoise sea; Rafe took the picture, moments before he and Matthew joined us in the water. Ben kisses my temple. “Cooper will be fine, Holly will love having the others to play with, and I’ll be in paradise with you. Let’s go, baby.”

  I smile at the screen and then turn to look at my husband, who looks into my eyes, desperate for me to agree.

  “Okay.” I nod, “Call Jackson, we’ll go.”

  Ben kisses me again before picking up Cooper and his bag and ushering Holly out of the door, after sending her to give me a kiss of course. He’s taking her to school and Cooper to the child-minder, and I know he can’t wait to get on the phone to Jackson and confirm our travel plans.

  I click through some more of the photos, feeling quite excited at the prospect of going back there and then come to a photo of me, dancing on the beach at night, next to a fire and surrounded by people having a good time. Rosie had taken it, not realising at the time that two of the people in that picture would be the last one night stand I ever had… yeah, I said two.

  I close the laptop, pick up Vinnie and sit in the window seat.

  “We were supposed to meet twenty minutes ago,” Rosie sighed and rolled her eyes as I walked up to her, standing outside the travel shop.

  “Rosie, I know, and I’m sorry, but they called to me,” I responded, holding up my shopping bags. I couldn’t help myself, I love to shop.

  We had decided to go on holiday together because Rosie was suffering from writer’s block after Michael jilted her on their wedding day. She had been given a deadline by her publishers that she just couldn’t afford to miss. We hadn’t yet decided where we were going to go but fuck it, I loved to travel.

  We chatted to the pleasant girl in the shop and soon found ourselves booked to go to Thailand, I had never been and was super excited to go there with my best friend. All of my travelling of late had been for work; I couldn’t wait to just let my hair down for three weeks.

  When we arrived in Krabi, we were like kids at Christmas, well, I was. Rosie wanted to try and get writing straight away, but I convinced her to just relax for a couple of days and not force it. She didn’t know it at the time, but she had already met her future husband, Jackson, on the plane. Honestly, at the time I thought it would be me taking him to bed, but they are so perfect together… now at least, back then, and for a while, it was turbulent at best.

  We spent some time going to bars, temples, getting to know the place; and shopping, of course, and then we were invited to a barbecue on the beach one night.

  “Come and dance.” The blonde piece of gorgeousness said, smiling at me. Rosie had gone to get us some drinks and was now talking to Jackson, so I thought, fuck it.

  “What’s your name?” I asked as we danced near the fire.

  “Sebastian, and this,” I felt hand hands on my hips and turned my head to see another hottie dancing behind me, “is Sven, his English isn’t good though.” Sebastian smiled. ‘Who needs words?’ I thought as Sven ground his cock into my arse cheek.

  Me and the sexy Swedes danced for hours while Rosie got to know Jackson a little better. I probably should have made sure she was okay, thinking back, but hey, it all worked out for the best… she may have disappeared with a virtual stranger that night on the beach, but they’re now married with three children, two homes and a dog.

  Jackson had put Rosie in a tuk tuk back to the hotel while I was enjoying some serious heavy petting on the sand with Sven. Nothing really happened except for kissing and groping, and a bit of grinding. Honestly, I was quite drunk and just wanted to go to bed… alone. I went back to the hotel, happy that we had had yet another fantastic night in Thailand.

  I felt so free in Ao Nang. I had no work obligations and only had to pick up my camera if and when I wanted to. I was with my best girl, and she was finally loosening up after her heartbreak. The only downside to this tropical paradise was the mosquitos.

  “Shit,” I said, leaning down to look at my thigh. “I’ve been bitten.” I was pouting.

  “Are you fucking serious, Carvalho?” Rosie asked over the top of her laptop as we sat by the pool, “Dude, look at my legs.”

  I did, and yeah okay, she had a lot more bites than me, but it itched like crazy.

  I laughed, “You should draw a line between them all and see if they make a picture.” I laughed harder as I dodged the bottle of suntan lotion that she threw at me.

  “Piss of, cow bag. Go and get some cream, and get me some Pringles while you’re there.”

  I stood, still laughing and pulled on my sundress, stepped into my flip-flops and picked up my bag. Seven-Eleven was just a couple of minutes walk from the hotel, so I decided to head there to get supplies.

  “Pippa,” I heard from behind me and turned to see the beautiful blue eyes of my new favourite blondes.

  “Boys,” I said cheerfully, “how are you?”

  Sven was eyeing me like he wanted to devour me, and it made me totally horny. We stood and talked for a few minutes and when they asked if Rosie and I would like to meet them that night for some food and a few drinks, of course, I accepted on Rosie’s behalf and made the arrangements.

  When I got back to the hotel, Rosie had vacated the loungers, and I guessed she’d gone back up to the room to write. I burst in, hoping to catch her masturbating, just so I could take the piss, but no, she was just writing.

  “Rosetta Alvez, I would be delighted if you would accompany me on a double date this evening,” I said, in a particularly formal tone. “I bumped into Sven and Sebastian, the shexy Shvedes from last night. They want to take us out, dinner then party, and then who the hell knows what.” I shimmied and bit my lip, excited at the prospect of ticking Sweden off my world map of conquests.

  “Pip, babe, I’m kind of on a roll. You go. I’m sure you can handle the both of them, but take your phone.” Rosie responded, and I tried to pretend I was disappointed, but in all honesty, I didn’t want to share.

  “Ahh, Rosie.” I shrugged my shoulders “Well, if you’re sure.”

  “Pippa, you’re alone,” Sebastian said, smiling slightly, as I walked up to them outside the bar we had arranged to meet at.

  “I am, Rosie was busy, we can still have fun though, right?” I questioned playfully, tipping my head to the side.

  “Definitely,” he answered as Sven opened the door and stood aside to let me in.

  Pad Thai, a few Singha beers and some tequila shots later, it was time to make my move; I had a country to conquer.

  “Why don’t we move this party back to your hotel?” I asked as I leant into Sebastian. He looked at Sven, a little guiltily, like he was moving in, on his friend’s girl. I chuckled. “Both of you.”

  Sebastian looked me in the eyes; his mouth parted a little in surprise, and then he looked at Sven, who was happily oblivious, on the other side of me. They spoke in Swedish, which in my mind went something like this.

  “Dude, this chick is filth, she wants us both.”

  “Fuck yeah, let’s do this, she’s hot.”

  “I know right.”

  “No crossing swords though okay, buddy?”

  “Yeah, man, no worries.”

&n
bsp; Also in my head, they high-fived, but sadly, in real life, they did not.

  Sven put his hand on my thigh under the table, and I turned to look at him. He leant in and kissed me on that sweet spot just under my ear, and I closed my eyes while Sebastian went to the bar and paid the bill.

  We called a tuk tuk over, and Sebastian gave the address of their hotel. Sven went in for the kill, kissing me the second we sat down.

  I pushed him back, “Slow down, sunshine, there’s no rush.” I smiled as Sebastian translated, and Sven laughed, a little embarrassed at his eagerness.

  Their hotel was nothing special; a simple room with a double and a single bed, a wardrobe and a TV. There was no air conditioning, so it was hot, as Sven flicked the switch to start the blades of the ceiling fan turning. This was going to be sweaty, I thought, a little excited at the prospect.

  Sebastian plugged some speakers into his iPod and music started to play as Sven handed us all beers from the mini fridge. We were all a little tipsy anyway, and I was feeling confident from the way they were both looking at me.

  I took a couple of swigs of my beer, and then stepped close to Sebastian; I took his beer out of his hands placing it down on the dressing table.

  I smiled as I leant in and pressed my lips to his. His hands came to my hips as my tongue parted his lips, and he pulled me close to his body. I felt Sven’s hands on my ribs as he stepped closer and started to place kisses on the top of my shoulder.

  Goosebumps sprang up across my body and Sven let out a satisfied, low laugh before I felt his hands move to the zip on my dress and start to undo it. I broke my kiss with Sebastian and turned my back to him; letting him continue the task of undressing me. As I reached out for the bottom of Sven’s shirt and started to lift, he raised his arms, and I pulled the shirt up and off.

  His body was nice, athletic but not overly muscular; his broad shoulders made me wonder if he was a swimmer. I looked down his long, lean body to that oh so special V, as Sebastian pushed my dress off my shoulders and let it drop to the floor.