by Sara Hess
His hand reached out for mine. “Like I said it wasn’t really a question, Carrie, just admiration for what you’ve achieved.”
I twisted my head back to him. He had a tender, concerned smile on his face. It made me want to be strong like he thought I was.
“When I moved back with my mother I knew right away that she didn’t want me there. I remember when Dr. Mathew’s dropped me off. I had already been informed that we weren’t going back to my old house and I was happy about that; I never wanted to go back there again. I think subconsciously I thought my mother had moved because she knew I wouldn’t want to be there, but that wasn’t why she moved. She had to move because she couldn’t afford it anymore, and she moved out of town because she couldn’t deal with all the gossiping. But that was okay, I didn’t want to deal with it either.” My gaze had drifted to look out the window again but a squeeze to my hand brought my focus back to Nic who watched me anxiously. I gave him a small smile.
“My mom showed me to my new room which had the bare essentials; bed, blankets, pillow, and a dresser.” I gave a hollow laugh. “It was a lot different from my old room but not all that different from the room at the hospital. As soon as my mom showed me my room she left without a word. After I unpacked I went to find her and found her sitting on the couch in the living room watching television.” Remembering that made my stomach twist all over again. “I sat down in the chair next to her. We sat there for hours and she never acknowledged me. The entire time I could feel that she didn’t want me there. I could feel the hostility radiating off of her. I didn’t know what to do…” I could hear the confusion and misery in my tone as I voiced what I had been feeling that day; what I still was feeling. Nic stroked his thumb over my palm.
“Eventually, I got hungry and got up enough courage to ask about dinner. My mother turned to me and with the most…” I frowned in unconscious distress still remembering the look of malevolence in her eyes. “...she said that if I was hungry than go get something to eat, that she wasn’t going to be waiting on me hand and foot.”
A growl from Nic had my gaze swinging his way. His expression was dark and furious. “Carrie, you don’t have to…”
I stopped him with a squeeze from my hand this time. “I want to share this with you, not so you can get angry about it or feel sorry for me, but so that you can know me.”
His furious expression softened but I could still see his underlying anger. He brought my hand to his lips to kiss my fingers. “Thank you.”
Taking my own deep breath I continued. “Well, that established our relationship for the next three years; she only spoke to me when it was absolutely necessary. My mother wanted nothing to do with me. I’m not even sure why she took me back, but when she kicked me out she said she’d done her duty and that she wanted nothing else to do with me.”
“Bitch!” Nic ground out under his breath.
I started at his expletive, not sure how I felt about him calling her that. She was still my mother.
“I’m not sorry for calling her that, especially after hitting you.” Nic said angrily having noticed my jolt.
“I guess I’m not sure how I feel about her. I remember how she was before and she was a good mother. I spent a lot of sessions with Dr. Mathew’s talking about how everyone would be affected by what had happened, and I can’t stop trying to see things through her perspective. It doesn’t stop me from being hurt at how she’s treated me, but I tell myself that she’s gone through a lot too. I don’t want to turn bitter, like she has.” I whispered softly. There were no tears left for my mother because I’d had years to deal with her feelings toward me.
Nic stared at me with a look of amazement. “Shit, you kill me with how good you are.” He said huskily.
I gave a negative shake of my head at his words because I really wasn’t. “Anyway, I went with the long version of the story. I never made any friends at the new school I went to. I became a bit of a hermit spending a lot of time at the aquarium, the library, or in my room. That’s how I got my scholarship.”
“Why didn’t you make any friends?” Nic asked softly.
I looked out the window not wanting to see his expression. “Because I’m not as strong as you seem to think. I was afraid. No one in my family wanted anything to do with me. I didn’t want to risk anyone else finding out and rejecting me as well.” I kept the times people had found out and treated me like a leper to myself, as well as how people from my old school made a wide berth around me when they saw me.
Nic was silent as I gazed tensely out at the landscape not really seeing it. Eventually, a hefty sigh rumbled out of him. “Damn, I really want to beat the shit out of someone. Carrie, I don’t know your family and I’ve only talked to your mother once over the phone, but there is something truly messed up with all of them. What happened to you was no fault of yours. They were all adults and you the child; they should have been surrounding you with love and support. Instead, they wallowed in their own misery and selfishness. Anyone would be lucky to have you for a friend, and a real friend would stick by you no matter what they heard. And you are as strong as I think you are.”
He once again brought my hand up to his lips in a soft caress. I swallowed at the gesture bringing my gaze back to him. Green eyes left the road trapping me with their intensity and the absolute belief in them lightened what had been a dark moment.
“So the aquarium was your special spot, huh?” Nic asked.
Even though sharing had been important for us I was glad for the topic change. “Yes, it was my favorite place. I actually got to volunteer there during my junior and senior year in high school. That’s what made me decide to go into marine biology. I haven’t been able to get there as much lately though.”
“I’ve only been there once for a field trip back in middle school.” He tossed me a grin. “We’ll have to go together and maybe you can get us a behind the scenes tour.”
I tossed him a grin of my own. That was something I’d been thinking about a lot lately. Because it was such a special place for me I wanted to share it with him. “I might be able to swing that.”
We were nearing the college and it was just in time because my shift started in ten minutes. Nic pulled right up to the door for me, but before I could hop out he tugged my hand drawing me half over the console. He didn’t just pull me closer physically; his intense green eyes drew me emotionally.
“I’m going to pick up that mattress for you and drop it off at your dorm. Do you trust me with your key card to do that for you?”
I nodded and slipped it out of my pocket to hand to him.
Instead of just taking it he clasped out hands together with the card in between. “I’ll pick you up at eight, okay.”
Our faces were about an inch apart and his warm fruit smoothie breath washed over me. “Okay,” I agreed automatically, wanting those fruity flavored lips on mine. Instead, he gave me a quick peck on the nose. I couldn’t help my involuntary frown of dissatisfaction.
I hurried from the truck. Heading into the store a constriction took hold of my chest making it hard to breath. Nic had been kissing me on the lips every time he picked me up or dropped me off, but he hadn’t done it this time and I couldn’t help feeling like he was viewing me differently. And if he was viewing me differently than it might not be long before he slowly started distancing himself.
Chapter Twenty-six
NIC
I was sporting yet another hard-on as I watched Carrie jog away. It was a chronic condition that I was actually becoming accustomed to having around her. Unfortunately, it only aggravated my furious state of mind. I’d been able to mask most of it for Carrie’s benefit, but I was in an exceedingly murderous mood. Pulling away from the Sports store I grabbed my phone and called Noah.
“What’s up?” He answered.
“Is Amanda with you?”
“Uh, yeah.” He said sounding confused since I wasn’t in the habit of asking after her.
“Can I talk to her?”
“You called me to talk to my girlfriend? Don’t you have one of your own now?” He chuckled, but I heard the phone being transferred as he informed Amanda that I wanted to talk to her.
“Hey, what’s up, Nic?” She called over the phone.
“I need you to do me a favor. I told Carrie that you had an extra mattress in storage left over from an old roommate. She’s going to end up thanking you for it and I need you to go along with the story. Can you do that?”
Amanda was silent for a minute. “Can I ask why you told her this?”
Any of the guys would have been ‘sure, whatever’, but being a girl Amanda needed to know the details. “Carrie moved into her dorm today and realized that the school doesn’t supply mattresses. She can’t afford a new one and I can’t even think of her sleeping on a used one, so I made this story up so she wouldn’t feel bad when I buy her a new one.”
A laugh burst from the phone. “I should bust your balls for lying to her, but the whole things just too sweet. It will be hard holding in the truth, but, yeah, I’ll cover for you.” She snickered again.
“Tell Noah to keep his trap shut or there could be a surprise in his jockstrap when he least expects it.” I warned.
“Don’t worry, I’ll also warn him of all the future headaches I could incur if he doesn’t.” I heard Noah’s exclamation of confusion and dismay in the background at hearing Amanda’s words.
“You still fine with taking Carrie with you tomorrow?” I confirmed.
“Totally, she’s a gem.”
“Thanks Amanda.” I hung up and dialed Seth’s number.
“What’s up?” He answered. It was the standard guy reply.
“You got plans today?”
“Eat, study, TV.” He replied shortly.
Lofty plans. “I need help with something.”
“No problem. Now?”
“Yep.”
“Kay.”
“Be there shortly.” I hung up. Short and to the point, had to love it.
Pulling up to the house five minutes later I honked the horn and Seth strolled out a minute later. After he climbed in I headed for the nearest department store; there were a few other items I wanted to get besides the mattress.
“You look like you want to take that steering wheel and take someone’s head off with it you’re gripping it so hard.” Seth remarked conversationally after several silent minutes.
“You have no idea.” I growled.
“Well, try to hold it in till tomorrow and then you can do all the head busting you want.” He gave me a considering look. “You know you can get whatever you need off your chest right now. It won’t go any further than me, and nothing you say will make me think any different of Carrie.”
Seth was never one to pry. He always gave the impression that he could care less, but I could sense his desire to know what had happened this afternoon. Moreover, I needed someone to vent myself on since no one was around to beat the shit out of. At least, no one that needed the shit beat out of them.
“Oh, it will make you think different about her; it will tear your heart out.” I said, and then gave vent to everything I’d learned this afternoon.
Seth remained quiet the entire time, but I could tell by the dark expression on his face that he was affected by what I was telling him. When I finally ended my tirade we’d arrived at the department store.
“That is some messed up shit. Fuck!...her own father.” Seth’s head was turned away looking out the passenger window.
I snorted. “As I got to know Carrie it wasn’t difficult to see that something bad had happened to her, even you saw it. She was reserved and skittish, and she’s always trying to hide herself. The first thing that crossed my mind was that she’d been assaulted, but her episodes were random, not really having anything to do with sexual situations.”
Seth’s head twisted my way swiftly and there was fierce frown on his face. “What do you mean ‘sexual situations’.”
I understood where his protective attitude came from, but having it directed at me only ramped up my anger. He was acting like he needed to protect her from me and I didn’t appreciate it. Taking a deep breath I told myself that he was just reacting to everything he’d heard.
“The very first episode she had was when I mentioned her dad, the second occurred when I punched out Curt, and the third was at the house last night when I pressed her up against the counter. She said it made her claustrophobic. When Nikki spilled that story I came to the conclusion that she’d only experienced a traumatic accident that involved her father and that she blamed herself for.” I jabbed my hands in my hair and scrubbed at my head. “Hell, when I found out what really happened I wanted to puke, and then I wanted to kick my ass for what I’d done this morning.”
“What’d you do?”
Again, Seth’s deep tone held a hint of antagonism that completely rubbed me the wrong way. I gave him a lethal look. I probably shouldn’t have said anything about this morning, but the guilt was hanging over me. “Damn, Seth, you’re acting like I set out to hurt her. It may be hard for all you guys to believe but it would kill me if I hurt Carrie. I love her.” I surprised myself and Seth saying that out loud. He looked at me flabbergasted.
“Nic, you’ve only known the girl for a few weeks. Can you really say that you love her?”
My head feel back against the head rest. “I’ve never felt like this before. You name an emotion and I have it in regards to her; obsessive, possessive, admiration, desire, extreme anger at anyone’s whose hurt her. When I’m not with her I want to be, and shit, I worry about her constantly when she’s out of my sight. I’ve never been in love, but this sure as shit feels like it because it’s all-consuming.”
Silence reigned in the cab for a moment, and we both stared out the window lost in our own introspections.
“So what happened this morning?” Seth asked abruptly breaking the quiet.
I blew out a sigh. “I’ve been taking it slow with her but this morning we went a little further in our…petting than we’d gone before, and then when I heard what really happened to her I felt like shit.”
The frown Seth sported remained but it was less antagonistic, he looked out the window in contemplation. “She handled the…petting this morning okay; no episodes?”
“Yeah.” I said. No need to go into her embarrassment, which was just a girl thing.
Seth sighed and looked at me, his expression pensive. “You said she wasn’t raped and that she’s mostly traumatized at killing her father, if she’s not having episodes over your sexual activities I wouldn’t bother kicking yourself over it. That girl has gone through hell and her life has been lacking anything truly good, the last thing she needs is to be treated differently. If you start analyzing everything you do around her she will notice. We’ve already established that the girl isn’t stupid, and it will only make her feel uncomfortable if you treat her like a fragile piece of glass. It sounds like she’s made up of something a lot stronger.”
When Seth got long winded he generally spouted something deep and noteworthy and it was no different now. He was right; Carrie deserved to be treated like a normal young woman. She’d missed out on her entire teenage years; no friends or parties, no boyfriends―although, that actually pleased me and I was an absolute ass that it did. If I started acting different around her it would only make her assume that what I’d heard had altered my view of her, and in the end that just might cause her more damage.
I expelled a drawn out sigh, getting all that off my chest made me feel less like hitting someone…not altogether, but at least I wasn’t feeling homicidal any longer. “Thanks.” I expressed gruffly.
“Sure, now let’s get this shopping shit done. I have a feeling you have more on your list than a mattress. She’s going to be pissed.” He gave a snort.
Yeah, I did, and yeah, she would.
∞ ∞ ∞
At eight o’clock I was standing by my truck watching as Carrie made her way over. Ther
e was an uncertainty in her steps as well as tension radiating off her frame as I helped her in. I stood in the open door as she buckled up noticing that she was avoiding direct eye contact.
Shit! What had happened? I thought we’d parted this afternoon on a great note. If Nikki or someone else had bothered her again I wasn’t sure what I would do, but heads were in definite danger of rolling.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
Her gaze came my way but flickered down quickly as she fumbled needlessly with her backpack. “Yeah, everything’s fine.” She replied in a guarded tone.
Oh no it wasn’t. I wasn’t sure if it had something to do with cold feet at me learning her past or if someone had bothered her, but she was no longer alone and I was going to make her share. There was no way I was going to allow her to pull away from me.
“Carrie, I can sense that something is wrong, please tell me what happened?” I almost begged her, but was able to keep my tone matter-of-fact.
“Really, everything’s okay. Let’s just go.” She repeated in the same guarded voice still not meeting my gaze.
Clueless on what to do to get her to talk I did the first thing that came into my head. Reaching over and unbuckling her seatbelt I spun her around so she faced me. Her expression was a display of shocked confusion as I swooped down and captured her lips.
Carrie’s mouth was open slightly in her surprise and I took immediate advantage. Slipping my tongue in I tangled it with hers forcing it to meet mine. She hesitated for only a brief second before pressing forward eagerly and then we were sucking and nipping at each other hungrily. Desire that I’d been trying to contain because of her past and inexperience poured out of me as I devoured her wildly. Just as I had this morning.
Carrie held nothing back either as she stabbed her fingers in my hair holding me close as her teeth gripped my bottom lip and then suckled it ardently. My control completely shot I grabbed her hips and jerked her forward until my cock pressed against the heat of her sex.
