An Old-Fashioned Education

by Fiona Wilde

  “Hey, Sleepyhead,” she said, giving the little girl’s blonde curls a playful rub. “It’s a little early for you to be up.”

  “I saw a light,” Kerry said. “I was afraid you were leaving.”

  “I’m not leaving,” Polly said gently.

  “Not ever?” The little girl’s eyes were full of hopeful expectation.

  “Not now,” Polly said. “Not while there’s snow on the ground.”

  “I’m going to pray for snow,” Kerry said earnestly. “I’m going to pray it covers Pepper’s Hollow for five hundred days a year.”

  “That would be quite a feat considering that there are only 365 days in a year,” Polly said with a smile.

  “Good, then that would be extra snow,” Kerry said, and Polly noticed that the stubborn set of her jaw was reminiscent of the child’s father. But what about the mother? Polly studied the cherubic face, the pale skin, the large light blue eyes. Kerry was the spitting image of her mother. Polly tried not to let her mind wander to Walt’s relationship with his AWOL wife. Pepper’s Hollow families seemed so close; the couples seem so committed to the same ideas and values. What had happened to drive Melissa Springer away? It must have been horrible for the children, and for Walt who obviously was obviously the disciplinarian in the family and not the nurturer. From what she’d seen he just expected his children to pick themselves up and carry onto accept their mother’s departure as just one of the hard knocks life could deliver. But she knew the children did not work like that. Without someone to help them work through their loss, they’d remain emotionally damaged by their mother’s leaving for the rest of their life.

  She fixed Kerry some oatmeal, changing the subject as she cooked to talk about the snowflake patterns they would make that day from tissue paper and scissors. They had worked on the project in school, and Kerry had been a bit forlorn that her snowflakes were not as elaborate as some fashioned by the older kids. Polly had promised that they would work on it together. Aidan, listening to the conversation, had called his sister a whiny baby.

  Polly wanted to find a way to help Aidan, too. She worried that he was taking his father’s lead—forming a tough shell and stuffing down his feelings. But she worried even more that he was subconsciously taking out his hostility on Kerry, who being a female was now a person that Aidan decided could not be trusted. He would get openly angry when the little girl mentioned that she missed their mother.

  “I don’t know why,” he said. “She doesn’t miss us.” But Polly noticed that Aidan never said these things within earshot of his father for fear of getting in trouble over upsetting Kerry. Polly had taken it upon herself to shoot Aidan such withering glances that he backed off of his sister to a large degree, but she wondered what would happen when she was no longer there. She could only see Aidan getting worse, and with Walt too preoccupied with the commune’s business to notice, Kerry would quickly grow to feel alone in her own house.

  That was no childhood for a little girl, and Polly was determined that by the time she left she would make sure that if she could not convince Walt to step up and admit that both he and his kids were hurting, then she’d have to go to someone else in the community. Perhaps the next teacher to take her chance with the community could help. She would have to be sure. She could not walk away from the kids as long as their lives were so full of uncertainty.

  Walt seemed almost embarrassed to find her already awake and having breakfast with his daughter.

  “I must have overslept,” he said awkwardly.

  “No, I just got up early,” Polly replied. “And Kerry here was kind enough to join me for breakfast.”

  He nodded and went to the window. As he looked out, Walt Springer sighed. “Looks like more snow,” he said.

  “Goody!” Kerry was giggling and clapping her hands.

  Her father turned to her. “You told me when it started getting cold that you hated snow,” he said.

  “Yeah, but Polly, I mean Ms. Perkins, said she can’t leave if there’s snow on the ground.”

  “Yeah, she could.” Aidan had walked in and walked over to stand beside his father. “It just has to melt down enough to get the snowcat out. Once it does she can go back. She doesn’t like it here, do you Ms. Perkins?

  “You just hate her because she likes me better!” Kerry screamed the words and fled to her room. Polly was left momentarily speechless and she was surprised to see that even Walt was taken aback. Only Aidan showed no emotion.

  “She’s a baby,” Aidan said.

  “And you’re being a bully,” Polly said quietly. “Has it ever occurred to you, Aidan, that your sister is hurting just as much as you are but isn’t tough enough to hide it?”

  “My kids aren’t hurting,” Walt said.

  “That’s the second lie you’ve told me this week.” Polly crossed her arms stubbornly as she fixed Walt with a steady gaze.

  “Go cut some firewood, Aidan.” Walt nudged his son with his elbow.

  “I haven’t had breakfast!” The antagonistic image of Walt in miniature melted way, leaving a pouting little boy in its wake. “And it’s cold!”

  “Do as your told. Maybe it’ll make you think about making your sister cry.”

  “But she was...”

  “Go!” Walt barked the command so loudly that both his son and Polly jumped. Aidan’s face flamed beet red as he pulled on his outerwear and hat. Only Polly noticed the hurt and resentment in his eyes—emotions that seemed aimed at her, at Walt, at the whole world.

  Once the child was outside, his father walked over to her.

  “Why did you make that comment?” he asked.

  “Which comment?”

  “About how I was lying. Didn’t I tell you not to undermine me to my children? Didn’t I?”

  Her heart was racing but she held her ground. “Yes,” she said. “But you also told me you were raising them with values. Or is that just something for other people?”

  “Look,” he said. “I was wrong to lie, but I’m going to come clean before you leave. But first the community–”

  “The community.” Polly threw up her hands. “Don’t you see that that’s the problem, Walt? The community comes first. It comes before your principles and even, I’m afraid, before your children.”

  “You don’t know–”

  “I do know!” she said hotly. “I can see it with my own eyes! Your kids are hurting.”

  “My kids are tough!”

  “Your kids are no tougher than any other kids!” she said. “Kerry is quiet. She doesn’t talk to you because she’s afraid to. And Aidan is angry and is taking it out on Kerry and me because he’s afraid, too! Walt, there are other men in this community that could take the helm, but you have responsibilities here, with your family! Why not just back off from your leadership duties and take care of matters under your own roof? Didn’t you tell me in the interview that strong families were what Pepper’s Hollow was all about? How can you lead a community when your own family is crumbling?”

  “You’re overstepping!” Walt said

  “You’re in denial!” she retorted.

  “I don’t need this,” he countered. “I don’t need you to come in here sounding like her!”

  “Sounding like who? Melissa?”

  Walt took a step back. Kerry had entered the room and Polly’s heart fell at the sight of the little girl clutching her old stuffed dog under her arm as her eyes moved worriedly from Walt to her teacher and back again.

  “I’m going to go help Aidan bring in the wood.” Walt turned, snatched his jacket off the nearby coatrack and stalked out of the house. His little girl began to cry.

  “Hey, hey, hey...” Polly rushed over and knelt down to hold her.

  “You’re going to run away now, just like Mommy!”

  “Kerry...” Polly wanted to reassure her that she would never leave, that she would always be there. But she could not. It would be a lie; even if she wanted to stay, Walt would not want her to after she’d challenged h
im. She was detecting a pattern here—Walt Springer had obviously gotten the same message from his wife, but had chosen to ignore her. She’d left, although how she could walk away from her children Polly did not understand. But she vowed not to judge her predecessor. Teaching at Pepper’s Hollow was not a lucrative job, and if she did not have means then she may have felt the kids would be more secure with their father.

  “Hey, honey,” she said. “I don’t want you to worry. I know it’s hard to believe but everything will be all right. You and your papa and your brother have had a very big adjustment with your mommy leaving and all, but I’m sure that things will get better.”

  “They only will if you stay!” Kerry said, and her eyes were desperate. “You can’t leave. You just can’t!” She burst into tears.

  Damn it. Kerry had never felt more helpless in her life. And she’d never been as angry as she was at Walt Springer.

  “Kerry,” she said, standing. “I’m going to make things better. But you have to stay here, okay? I mean it!”

  Kerry nodded emphatically. Polly leaned down and kissed the little girl on the top of her head. “I’ll be back soon.”

  She pulled on her jacket, gloves and boots and walked outside. The air was so cold it stung. Polly felt like she was breathing in little shards of glass. The sky was gray again, too. She wasn’t sure she could handle more snow but pushed all thoughts of weather from her mind.

  She walked around back, to where Aidan and his father were stacking wood.

  “We need to talk,” she said.

  “Not now, Polly,” Walt said. “I’m stacking wood.”

  “No. We need to talk now. Let Aidan go in and have some cocoa. There’s enough wood to make it through the day already.”

  Walt’s response was to split another log. “No,” he said. “We’ll talk later. When I say so.”

  “Fine,” she said. “If you won’t talk to me I’ll start talking to the residents of Pepper’s Hollow.”

  That got his attention. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Only that I’m about to go from door to door telling them all that you lied to them, and telling them how offended I am that you would sacrifice my reputation in a cowardly bid to salvage your own.”

  Walt raised the ax and sunk it into the chopping block. “Go inside,” he said to his son without looking. Aidan hesitated for a moment but then did as his father said. Walt and Polly were alone.

  “There’s going to be some changes around here,” she said. “If there aren’t, I’m going to make good on my threat, and what’s more you’ll be without a teacher and I’ll tell everyone here it’s because you won’t listen to me any more than you listened to the last teacher you drove away.”

  He closed the distance between them in a flash, grabbing her arm. His gaze was angry, his blue eyes hard in his handsome face. But Polly did not flinch.

  “Don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong,” she said. “And I know you think I’m judging you, but I’m not. I’m not judging Melissa, either. Sometimes we take people for granted, but sometimes when we do it too much they snap. I think Melissa snapped, Walt. It’s cold up here, and lonely–”

  “She had the community!”

  “Yes, a community made up mostly of couples,” she said. “Couples in love building a life. That’s what she wanted, but it seems that you pushed that priority aside. You took a mistress.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” He stepped back, livid.

  “I’m not talking about a literal one. I’m talking about the community itself. It got the love and the attention and the support that Melissa needed. You made her feel like the outsider, and she left.” She paused. “Am I right?”

  Walt turned away. His hands were on his hips and he was looking up at the graying sky. She wasn’t sure he was going to speak, and when he did his voice was shaky.

  “I tried to get her to stay,” he said finally. “When she left anyway, I was so angry. I suppose I still am, but it’s easier for me to be angry with her than it is to be angry with myself.” He turned back to her. “I’m the leader here. These people depend on me. Despite what you may think, not everyone here started out as homesteaders. They’ve come to Pepper’s Hollow from suburban and even urban areas. Everyone has skills useful to the community—a community that I started, a community that was my idea.

  “I told Melissa it would be hard, and I told her that she’d have to be generous with me. I knew what demands I’d face. But I don’t think she was prepared to share me with everyone, especially not after Kerry came along.”

  “I’m sure getting spanked didn’t help matters,” Polly said.

  He laughed bitterly. “That’s where you’re wrong. We built our relationship on the principles of domestic discipline. Melissa wanted a strong leader as her husband, a man she could submit to. She was a smart, beautiful, brave. Her submission to me was an incredible gift. But I threw it back in her face. She was hungry for guidance, for direction, for the comfort that the limits I imposed had always given her. And there I was, giving them to everyone else in the community. I moderated disputes and the community let me be judge and jury. I counseled other men who lived the way we lived, but Melissa told me when they came to her for guidance she felt like she couldn’t give it because we were—as she put it—living a lie. She said we were frauds.”

  “Because everyone else was living the life you were supposed to be living by example?” Polly asked.

  He nodded. “Yeah, exactly. And me … well, rather than admit I was failing with my own wife I scolded her for being selfish. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever done in my life. She all but pleaded with me to make things right, to do what you suggested and hand over control of the community. But I wouldn’t do it.”

  “Why not?”

  He sighed. “It’s not an easy thing for me, Polly.”

  “You mean handing over control?”

  He nodded.

  “But if you lose control of something that matters in the process, like your relationship or your kids, then is it worth it?”

  “I have responsibilities,” he said.

  “Yeah.” Polly looked around. “You do, Walt. But you seem determined to ignore the ones that matter most, even now.”

  He looked up at her. “Polly...”

  “No,” she said. “You have a choice. You can let the adults here handle some of the responsibility and take time to help your kids, or you can place more value on your reputation as a leader. You seem to think that the former is what is more important, and as a teacher who loves children, I will not stay another second in your house and watch you ignore Aidan and Kerry.”

  “So you’re just going to leave them?”

  Now she took an aggressive step forward. “No. I’m doing what Melissa did. I’m leaving you. Until you figure out what matters, I cannot respect you. You say you moved me in to protect me, but now I suspect you wanted someone in the house to fill a void in your kids life you were too busy to bother with.”

  “Don’t say that,” he said, closing the small distance between them. He was opening and closing his hand.

  “Or what? You’ll spank me?” She shook her head. “That’s something else Melissa and I would agree on. How can a man discipline his woman if he’s not man enough to care for his kids? You’d better believe that if you ever put me over your knee again, I’ll die before I’ll take a spanking from the likes of you. Before, when you spanked me over the radio, I deserved it. But I also thought you were a different man.”

  “Polly!” he called after her, but she had turned away.

  “Have my stuff brought back to my cabin,” she said, looking back as she walked. “If anyone asks, I’ll just tell them that I thought this was a better move for me.” She paused. “For now. But if I hear that you’ve lied about me, I will tell the truth about you.”

  And with that, Polly walked away leaving the head of Pepper’s Hollow feeling more lost than he’d felt since his wife had departed from his lif
e.

  Chapter Nine

  The hardest thing about leaving Walt’s cabin was saying goodbye to Kerry. The little girl was distraught, and being told that her teacher’s little stuffed dog was now hers did nothing to assuage the child’s distress.

  Polly told her that her father would explain everything. She did not elaborate, or try to explain herself. It was time that Walt Springer stopped avoiding his kids’ needs. It was time for him to face up to the most important task of his life.

  It was snowing again when she reached the new cabin. It felt quiet and lonely after her time at the Springers. Even with a couple of her older male students on hand to help her move and to build a fire, Polly had never felt colder or more alone in her life.

  Threatening Walt Springer had put in the catbird seat. It was powerful leverage, her threat to go to the community with the truth of what had actually happened. If it was revealed that their leader had lied to the town’s teacher by stating they were the ones who wanted her to move in with him when the opposite was true, he may be overthrown. Would she have done it, if he’d not let her leave? The idea of throwing Pepper’s Hollow into turmoil during the height of the hardest winter in fifty years was not something she relished. She was glad that she’d not had to make that choice.